I have so many habits I wish I didn't have, I don't really know where to begin. Many of them are innocuous or minor, but they probably account for the idiosyncrosies of character by which people excuse themselves from any kind of relationship with me beyond what they must have. I know one woman I met about four years ago who intimated how glad she was that she was forced, through work, to get to know me because she otherwise would never have chosen to do so otherwise.
That being said, the habit I wish most that I didn't have is that my natural facial expression when I am not thinking is a scowl. Frequently, I am distracted, either thinking about or concentrating on something, but I come across as daur, stern, and unapproachable in the estimation of some. I rarely laugh audibly, and if you get me to crack even a feint of a smile, consider yourself accomplished. When I need a laugh, I go to www.criggo.com but other than that, I frequently look upset and unhappy whereas I am usually neither.
No matter how much I point out that one's interpretation of a situation at face value isn't necessarily true or the whole story, I know how my face comes across. My face value leads people to frequently believe I am cross with them or with someone else, and so they frequently give me wide berth. Most people do find me to be quite convivial when they get to know me, but when I'm not with people I know well or doing something that classifies as 'fun', I am usually thinking about something I should do, need to do, have done, or of which I am in the middle. Sometimes, I'm brooding, but usually that fades within an hour or so of the event, and I return to business as usual.
Why would I like to break this habit? It makes me less approachable and it leads people to believe that I'm neither happy nor fun as company. While I could give you a handful of recommendations to the contrary, when you haven't seen me in my element you might not believe them, and most of the things that regular folks do are not things in which I feel to be in my element. Take a class with me, run or hike with me, attend church with me, or travel with me, and you will see me where I open up naturally and am myself.
For a while, I used to combat this by holding a pencil between my teeth. That became a problem for several reasons. It makes it hard to talk, it looks really strange, and sometimes (like when I'm in lab) it's not safe. But the pencil did make my muscles act like they would when I smiled when I was concentrating on something else. My master plan was to work out those muscles enough that they flexed on their own. So far, it hasn't worked as I hoped. I'll apply other solutions and let you know how they work.
That being said, the habit I wish most that I didn't have is that my natural facial expression when I am not thinking is a scowl. Frequently, I am distracted, either thinking about or concentrating on something, but I come across as daur, stern, and unapproachable in the estimation of some. I rarely laugh audibly, and if you get me to crack even a feint of a smile, consider yourself accomplished. When I need a laugh, I go to www.criggo.com but other than that, I frequently look upset and unhappy whereas I am usually neither.
No matter how much I point out that one's interpretation of a situation at face value isn't necessarily true or the whole story, I know how my face comes across. My face value leads people to frequently believe I am cross with them or with someone else, and so they frequently give me wide berth. Most people do find me to be quite convivial when they get to know me, but when I'm not with people I know well or doing something that classifies as 'fun', I am usually thinking about something I should do, need to do, have done, or of which I am in the middle. Sometimes, I'm brooding, but usually that fades within an hour or so of the event, and I return to business as usual.
Why would I like to break this habit? It makes me less approachable and it leads people to believe that I'm neither happy nor fun as company. While I could give you a handful of recommendations to the contrary, when you haven't seen me in my element you might not believe them, and most of the things that regular folks do are not things in which I feel to be in my element. Take a class with me, run or hike with me, attend church with me, or travel with me, and you will see me where I open up naturally and am myself.
For a while, I used to combat this by holding a pencil between my teeth. That became a problem for several reasons. It makes it hard to talk, it looks really strange, and sometimes (like when I'm in lab) it's not safe. But the pencil did make my muscles act like they would when I smiled when I was concentrating on something else. My master plan was to work out those muscles enough that they flexed on their own. So far, it hasn't worked as I hoped. I'll apply other solutions and let you know how they work.
2 comments:
I tend to do the same thing - -when I'm not engaged in something that is making me smile, I tend to scowl. I am working on that as well -- as I think it's nicer for people to see a smile than a snarl.
But I have never thought of you as unapproachable, that's for sure.
That's very kind of you to say. Of course, the circumstances under which we met, in the Institute of Religion I believe, are a little different than when I meet people at work or on the street. It's also nice to hear I'm not alone!
If you ask my students, or even the ones I encounter in the hallway at random intervals, I think most of them would see me as sympathetic, albeit officious. I recognize they are lost (either literally or figuratively) and offer my help, and many of them are subsequently friendly even though we have no real deep interactions. I'm here to help.
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