Morality's Tail Wags the Dog

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Just before classes started this term, the Dean told me to remove a sign from my door advertising that "Let's Get Beer Tacos And Quesadilas" because someone from the HDTV+ community might be offended. Our world is bombarded with "a multitude of loud, persistent, appealing voices. Murmuring voices that conjure up perceived injustices, pointing voices of that abhor challenge and work, seductive voices offering sensual enticements, flattering voices that puff us up with pride, commercial voices that tempt us to spend money for that which is of no worth and our labor for that which cannot satisfy" (James E Faust). There are not enough voices or at least not enough voices teaching us correct principles, and so we do not govern ourselves correctly, particularly if we do not know how. With the advent of home internet and smartphones, we no longer take charge of what comes into our homes. With the obsession of social media, we no longer know what truly normal looks like and have skewed versions of what normal or real life resembles. With a change in campaign finance laws that ensure that the best funded candidate wins rather than the one of most upstanding character, there is no way Mr. Smith will ever get to Washington. What is the solution to that? The solution when the tail wags the dog is with the dog to decide who is the dog and who is the tail.

I grew up in the 1990s, and there were some arguably deviant things during that time. I didn't notice some of the things because I was not an adult, but there was a greater effort to shield children from adult themes that you don't see now. For instance, some of the more suggestive shows and offerings were offered at times on television when children could not watch them. Then came TiVo and then Netflix, and now anyone can watch anything anytime if they know the password to the account. When I was in high school, they were still asking parental permission for certain things, and when I was shown "Glory" in high school, which is Rated R, without my parental consent and I complained, the teacher was removed from the classroom. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was considered inappropriate for 13 YO children without parental permission, but apparently it's totally ok to talk with 8YO children about sexuality without parental consent or even knowledge.

In a world with plenty to offer in terms of entertainment and choice, it strikes me as particularly odd that we are obsessed so much with outlier attitudes, beliefs and norms. Even more repugnantly, we let a loud, violent minority of persons dictate the drift of moral sentiments. Somehow these groups amassed lots of money or have learned to leverage their particular privilege cards in order to tempt lawyers into profitable litigious arrangements. Stop making stupid people famous. We all used to mock people who played video games but now people earn millions of dollars while streaming gaming and other people WATCH THEM PLAY. So, now people are held ransom to the will of aberrant and abhorrent attitudes on the auspice that resistance results in a diminution of their fiduciary power. If we stand up to silliness, we'll be silenced, fired, or cancelled. I removed the sign for LGBTAQ from my door because I wasn't willing to die on that hill over a funny sign, because that is the ultimate solution for which these morally marginal groups will campaing- the loss of your ultimate livelihood.

Sometime between 2012 and 2016 a switch flipped in America and things that once belonged in the shadows emerged into the limelight. I do not think it is good for the nation, for the world, for civil society, or for people of morality. Society says that promiscuity is wrong; promiscuous people fight to change it. Society accepts that eating meat is fine; vegans fight to change it. Society says that gender is from birth; people who don't like their gender fight to change it. Society accepts legal immigration; illegal aliens fight to change that. Society claims it needs cheap, available access to energy; "climate advocates" fight to endorse less efficient and more expensive energy sources over fossil fuels. The majority of people say they want something; government assists a minority in changing it to the opposite. It's repugnant. We elect people to serve our interests and enact our voice and then a small intellectual elite sides with a small but vocal minority and somehow they get reelected? How?

Our constitution was made for a moral and religious people, James Madison said, and it is wholly inadequate for the government of any other. What we really need in this nation is more morality, except that that's probably not going to happen, at least not without a lot of work, work that I cannot do alone. I teach correct principles in Sunday School, but that's a whopping 90 minutes a month, and the voluminous contradictory opinions of pop culture, worldliness and even their own families countermand most of my feeble efforts. What really needs to change is at home. Parents need to control what comes into our homes. Parents need to teach children about outliers and normality. Parents need to be fighting for and voting for people who espouse and vote for the moral outcome, even if it's not the one that enriches us. We need to act. YOU need to act. I am only one man, and none of my children are probably ever going to make a difference, particularly as long as I continue to remain childless. If you don't like the tail waging the dog, then you need to tell it when to wag. You need to be the dog. And you need to be a good boy (or girl). Who will be a good boy? WIll you?

My Missing Teeth- the Rest of the Story

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March 2022, I had oral surgery to remove two teeth #8 and #9, from my upper jaw. Enough time has passed that I forgot about the initial visit until the first week of July when I was going through copies of the xrays I requested from the surgeon. 

Losing two teeth has been rough. I developed a whistle when I speak. I felt self conscious about the way I looked. It cost a lot of money out of pocket ($7000) to replace them with implants. It took about nine months for the infection to heal, and it was painful. However, it also saved my life.

On my last visit to the oral surgeon, when he gave me access to my cadre of xrays and images, he told me the truth about his initial thoughts. I remember looking at the gaping hole in my skull and him commenting on how my particular case was one of the most challenging and extensive cases he ever tackled the first time we met. However, he told me on that last visit that he knew I had about six months from the date of my consultation before the infection in my skull punched through and started eating my brain.

For a long time I opined the situation, the money, the pain, the disruption, and the stream of unfortunate decisions that led me to this place. Then I realized that going in now, and the circumstances that put me into this place, constitute a sign of God's love for me. He sent a blessing disguised as a trial to save my life.

People often opine the notion that bad things happen to good people and say that a loving God could not possibly allow bad things to happen to His children. While the rationale to explain this is voluminous, in this particular case, God allowed something bad to happen to me because otherwise I would not know I was dying until it was too late.  When I took action, He was able to use a skilled surgeon to restore me and make me whole once more.

I have been dead before, but the damage to my brain in those instances was neither infection related nor the concomitant necrosis that would accompany that. This particular circumstance would not be one from which I could recover. Clearly death is not ready for me yet and God still has a work for me to do.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that we don't understand and feel that we don't deserve. I do not know why these things must be, but this experience is another reminder that God would not allow them to happen if they were not somehow for our best eternal good. And sometimes they are for our immediate good too.

I don't know how many more years God gave me with this "blessing disguised as a trial". I am resolved to try to live worthy of the blessing I received.  We know from the scriptures that everything Christ touches is made whole again.  I was made whole by this too in more ways than simply a restitution of my oral cavity.

I challenge you to look at your trials as opportunities for God to bless you. Whether we talk about Job or Abraham, about Daniel or Elijah, the scriptures are replete with examples of the faithful who went through long and deep troughs. It is in troubled times much more than in good times that we are able to become what He intends us to be. I promise you that if you look for His blessings, you will see them, you will realize them, you will thank God for them, and you will invite other blessings, some of which will be blessings without disguise.

Responsibility Without Authority

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Middle management and leadership are tricky situations and vague descriptions. Just because you have a position of authority does not mean you have any actual authority. You can ask the Dean where I work or the bishop of my ward, and they will tell you that they get vetoed all the time. Yet, middle management is often blamed for failure of an organization to meet a goal set by the highest echelons. The reason for this is that all too often people are given responsibility to execute a goal and achieve an outcome without the authority to actually see it done or without actually assuming the authority necessary to succeed. Whether at church, at work or in relationships, someone has to be a leader and allowed to act as such.

In 2016, my parents convened our first family reunion. During that reunion, my niece attempted to assert her will over me when my brother and his wife were elsewhere in the house by physically assaulting me. To stop her violence, I grabbed her arms and held her tight so that she could not strike or scratch me. When my sister in law saw this, she immediately went to the defense of her child and chastised me for disciplining her daughter without her express prior written consent. I told her that if she could not make me responsible for her children without giving me authority to countermand their bad decisions and refused to watch the young girl for the rest of the week. My parents agreed that her expectations were illegitimate.

In 2021, I was put into the bishopric of my congregation at church. Earlier this year, I was sitting in a meeting where upper muckety mucks from a higher echelon of church leadership were “teaching” the youth of my ward. When the male presenter decided to openly bully and belittle three of the youth in front of their peers, parents and other youth leaders, I was the only one who protested, despite the fact that the bishop and stake president were also in attendance. After that meeting, the stake president decided to chastise ME for “making a scene”. I told him, “You cannot expect me to prepare these kids to grow up, get married, serve missions and lead the church while simultaneously allowing other leaders to bully them in front of their peers. Either give me authority to defend them or replace me in the bishopric with someone you will sustain.” I expect to be replaced any day now. The man who bullied the youth was never chastised to my knowledge for bullying teenagers in public, but I’m the villain.

When I was married, my wife would put things on my credit card without my express prior written consent. Since they were my credit cards, I was obligated to pay the bills, but I had no authority to tell her not to spend money. We had joint accounts, so she could just go out to the bank and pull money out of the atm had I removed her from the cards. Our relationship became unsustainable because I was held accountable by my wife, her family, the government and even my Faith, to pay for her upkeep and largess, but I had no authority to put a stop to her fiscal irresponsibility. She spent money faster than I could earn it and complained that I needed to earn more.

The problem with this situation is that it’s a form of slavery at worst and indentured servitude at best. One person is required to deliver, and they have zero veto authority to override misbehavior by other parties. In any interpersonal relationship, someone must be the leader. If too many people compete to be the leader, it can be tough to come to a resolution or achieve any goal. And if the person made the leader is merely a figurehead, the organization will either fail or the “leader” in name only will have nothing to do with the outcome achieved. If you are given responsibility without authority you are not actually a leader. You are a servant. Leaders by definition make decisions. Servants, or slaves if you will, must execute the directives of others. So, if you are commanded to make bricks without straw, even if you oversee a group tromping in the mud, you are not a leader. You are still a subject.