Beagles Saved My Life

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At my house there is a beagle whom I love with all of my heart as a member of my own family. In fact, I recently dated a woman who was allergic to dogs, and I told her that I would accommodate her by not replacing him but that I would not disown him. He is still there while she is not, so I guess I made the right choice. I have known him basically all of his life, and today I realized that he has quite literally saved mine. I was talking with some professors in physical sciences about dogs, and it dawned on me that he's one of the reasons that I am still alive.

In truth, he probably figures he owes me a blood debt. When he was a puppy, I found him one morning wedged between the dog house and the fence upside down. He was cold and whimpering, and while he resisted my first attempts to free him, once he was free, he would not leave my side or stop licking my face. He no longer licks my face much, but I know he loves me as his actions since then would attest. When I was divorced, my ex wife threatened to have him put to sleep unless I paid her $1000 and came to get him which I did because I cared. She just wanted the money.

Several times since then, he has saved my life literally and obviously. While out walking in the desert one day with a second beagle, we came upon a pack of coyotes near their den. The two beagles looked at each other and then took off after the coyotes who finally scattered after my faithful pack mates had slain two of their own. My beagle was nine months old at the time and still has battle scars from the encounter today. Shortly thereafter, I was walking with him and a german shepherd my ex wife owned behind our garage when a rattlesnake went to strike me. The shepherd ran between us and took the hit, and my beagle decided that he should do that too. The two of them then would go hunting and leave me rattlesnake carcasses on the front porch as gifts. I was not always pleased with their work, but I was pleased that they were pleased with themselves.

I do not know how I would have survived life since moving to Vegas without him. He is there every night almost (except when I leave him with my parents), and he is almost always excited to see me even if I step on his foot or kick him in the side because he's underfoot. I have learned so much from him about forgiveness and unconditional love. Somehow, although he cannot speak and doesn't make noise, he knows when I'm having a bad day or when I'm having a good one. He loves to just be in the room with me while I work even if I am not paying attention to him at the time, and he greets me in the morning when I leave the house to exercise with bright eyes and a swishing tail. Sometimes he even curls up in a chair next to the couch while I do my thing and just hangs out with me. It is nice to have someone or at least something there when I come "home" after a long day. The house is creepy and empty without him.

My beagle knows that I am alpha, but what he may never understand is that he's my omega. My days end with him; my life would be empty and, at this point at least, ended without him. In both literal as well as figurative ways, he has saved my life, and he keeps saving it, day after day, week after week, month after month. Even though I have dated various women since moving to Vegas six years ago, his picture is the picture on my desktop computer background, because his love has been constant and reliable. There are some days when I really need that.

Glass Completely Empty

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My students roll their eyes at most of my jokes. A few weeks ago, when asked if I was a glass half empty or half full kind of person, I told them that it was always completely full, just not of what you would like. I realized today that sometimes I act as if the glass were completely empty. I also realized that's not necessarily a bad thing.

You see, when I finish a glass of milk, that's not a bad thing. I got to have the milk. If that's what I wanted, I got what I wanted, and it was satisfying while I drank it. Just because the glass is empty now doesn't mean that it wasn't once full or that I didn't enjoy its contents.

Each of us probably knows this feeling. We return from a vacation to the doldrums of daily duty and betimes forget that we just came back from something amazing. I enjoy my life. I have been able to do and see things that other people can only dream, including things that I only dreamed originally. I never planned to have either the time or the money to afford this because I expected to have the responsibilities of a wife and children. Just because we are not doing what we want in this moment doesn't mean we can't enjoy that with which our glass is currently filled.

Maybe this is why people throw the cliches at us about enjoying what we have. "Don't regret that it's over," they say, "but celebrate that it happened." I have seen some spectacular things and experienced wonderful events. I have shared things when I could, but I have availed myself of the opportunity to go and do while others sit and stew. Honestly sometimes I wish I had more milk; I did enjoy the glass I had, and the emptiness of the glass does not diminish how much I enjoyed what was once in it.

There is one instance in which an empty glass is a tragedy. Even if someone else drank it, it's possible that it was enjoyed. There is tragedy in spilt milk. It was lost, not enjoyed by anyone. In a few rare cases, someone else will purposely throw it away so that you can't enjoy it, but if you did enjoy it and it was what you wanted, what's wrong with an empty glass? Moreover, now there's opportunity to fill it with something else you think you might enjoy.

Ok, I'll confess I'm talking to myself and thinking aloud in a stream of consciousness. I'm trying to tell myself that it's ok that things I once enjoyed seem to be finished. I'm trying to find a greater meaning in the memories and experiences of the past few years. I'm trying to make them matter. I'm trying to find passion and purpose and in so doing give you a reason for hope and purpose in your own life. I've been very disappointed, but the truth was that there have been good times, and the other truth is that I did the best I can. Even if someone else spilt my glass, at least I filled it with something worth enjoying.

Just Over the Rise

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Last week, I spent a few days hiking in the Tetons. My parents bravely went 10 miles into the back country up and down the ridges to see some of the most beautiful lakes I have ever seen. Along the way, we saw wild turkeys and pheasants and didn’t see a single bear. While all the other tourists lined up to see the shrinking Jackson Lake near the lodge, we looked from our vantage point astride a beautiful lake over the ridges to where everyone else saw a much drier view.

If they only realized how close they were to what we saw, they might feel foolish. The road through the park to Yellowstone runs parallel to the ridge that obscures Ema Matilda Lake from view except for those who will get out of their cars and into the back country. Add to that the fact that the trailhead is poorly marked and badly maintained, and you can understand why we saw only eight people all day, all of whom we encountered within two miles of the start of our day. For five hours, my family had the untouched wilderness all to ourselves.

So much of beauty and value in this world is like that lake in the Tetons. People pass by it all the time, unaware that it is there. Those who do know about it elect not to take the hike or give up because they can’t find the trailhead or are scared by the puddle-ridden saddleboard road that leads to it. As a consequence, they never even try to see this gem of a vista because they don’t get out of their cars. Sometimes, they may look at it as too difficult to ascend, when it wouldn’t take much for the National Park Service to cut a trail from the lodge across the meadow and up the rise so that more people could see the treasure that’s just over the adjacent rise.

Far too often in our lives we do not know what we’re missing or how close we are to wonderful things. We quit because it seems hard or do not even know what might be there. Fear overcomes our faith and fortitude, and we stick with what’s known, with what’s comfortable, rather than risking the blisters and tolerating the smell of sweat to go and see what apparently few ever get to experience. I heard once that many failures have no idea how close they were to success when they quit. It amazes me that I have been to the Tetons so many times and never knew how close I was to one of the prettiest sites I have ever seen. Pictures do not do it justice.

Our fears and our inadequacies and our ignorance hold us back from so much of value in life. We miss out on things we do not know and elect to pass on things we do not think we can achieve. Fear and uncertainty get the best of us, and so we stick to the comfort of the familiar. Even people who love us warn us about the “bears” in life, and so we stick to where there are many people and see the same old thing while never knowing just how close we were to something even better. No matter how good a thing may be, whatever stops us from a chance at better or best has something other than our well-being in mind. Most of these naysayers or concerned folks are selfish, holding us back from discovery for fear of what dangers might be.

My mother wasn’t sure she could make it, but I think if you ask her that she is glad she went. It is something you cannot take from her. She has seen something that very few visitors to the park even know they can see because she was willing to go where other people dare not. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it a lot of work? Yes. Was there reason to fear or worry? Sure. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I shall have to revisit the area again and attempt the longer loop including visiting the shore of this amazingly beautiful lake. I am willing to tell you because life is richer when you share it. When you go where others won’t tomorrow you’ll be able to do what others can’t. It was worth the effort.

Pictures coming when I get home from class.

 View from Lodge towards Emma Matilda Lake Ridge

 View of Emma Matilda Lake from Ridge Crest

 View of Emma Matilda with Tetons in Background

View of Tetons from Emma Matilda Ridge Crest

These images are proprietary.  I spent a lot of time hiking to get them, so I'll be after you like weevils on wheat if you steal them from me to use elsewhere.

Second-Guessing Myself

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Over the weekend, we talked a lot with my kid sister about her vocational decision and prospects. I must admit that I spent a little time in self-pity, because I actually envy her, not only what she has decided to do, but that she is young enough to qualify and because it just enhances the synergy she has with my parents. By the time I was driving back home with my parents both asleep, I realized I was just second-guessing myself and using current information to analyze historic turning points. I cannot honestly evaluate past decisions with present data, and those decisions made sense at the time.

Although with the information I have now I might have decided differently, when I made decisions in the past they made sense at the time. I made educational, vocational, and locational decisions based on what made sense then. I chose a college major that I liked and in which I was told there were more opportunities than turned out to be the case. I chose my current vocation because it made more sense than the alternatives of which I was aware. I bought the house in which I live because at the time it was close to where I worked. Who was I to know that what I should have studied was Biomedical Engineering, that I should have pursued a wider range of vocational options when job hunting, or that six months after moving into my house I would be transferred for work. None of those things make sense now, but when I decided to do them, they made perfect sense in that context. People seem surprised that I live where I do, work where I work, and do what I do when it is clear that I’m not idyllically happy. I am happy. Everything I control is under control. I know I could be happier.

I second-guess myself all the time. After spending a significant amount of time deliberating the details, seeking counsel from friends and family, and making it a matter of prayer, I move forward. I have no idea what I’m doing really, because everything that made sense then makes very little now. There are many things I cannot predict, and there are many things I cannot control, and when those combine frequently people ask me why I live where I do and work where I do and do what I do. It made sense when the decision was made. Even marriage fits into that category. I chose my ex wife after deliberation and inspiration, and the women I have pursued since then were likewise considered. I have to remind myself that I acted in concert with what I actually knew and that I am not the only actor on the stage of my life.

While wrestling with this one night, I received inspiration that warned me against guessing about things I don’t actually know. As I have written this month, there are things I just don’t know, and sometimes I am glad things didn’t work out when I discover something I didn’t know when those actors were on stage with me in the play of my life. Hindsight is clearer than our vision in media res, but I cannot honestly judge myself or anyone else based on what I know now. If I don’t improve, then shame on me.

Currently, I have a new conundrum. Some recently received revelation conflicts with information that I have. I do not know what to do about this precisely, because it seems silly and stupid to persist in impressions when all the data decries the desired outcome. Then again, it also wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark, and even if I don’t need it, I would rather be ready and not need it than need it and not be ready. We spent several days in bear country last week, and although I never needed either the bear repellent or bowie knife, I am glad I didn’t have to wish I had brought them. You lose 100% of the contests you don’t enter, so I prepare for what might be, knowing that only those ready to act will be able to win. Hopefully the inspiration will bear the fruit for which I hope and give me understanding of why things happen and reason to rejoice in what I reap.

At the end of the day, my life isn’t how I expected it to go. I imagine that’s typical for most people. If I knew then what I know now, I might have decided differently, but if I decided differently, I would be a different person. That’s the paradox of time travel. If you go change the past, the events that created you going to the past would never come to pass, and you would never go back in time. When an opportunity arises, I consider the options, make a choice, and take it to my Maker for His stamp of approval. Thusly armed, I move forward. Sometimes things don’t seem to matter, but I have the consolation to be able to say as Lincoln did that “the cause approved of our judgment, and adored of our Hearts — in disaster, in chains, in torture, in death — WE NEVER FALTERED”. When I received the approval to move forward, I did, and I did what was in my power to bring into the realm of reality that possible future that I desired and sought. Sometimes it’s not much to say that you did your best, because the reward of virtue is that you have that virtue, but I don’t have any regrets about what I did for my part. I only miss what might have been if others had done theirs.

All those people who could have been bigger parts of my life, I do hope your lives turn out well. They only will when you own them. Rather than second guessing yourself, evaluate your decisions and change your actions. If you have regrets, change something. If you made a mistake, fix it. Otherwise, move forward and know that I thank you for the memories. You mean something to me, even if we only spent 15 minutes in conversation across the street from Paul Revere’s house. Thanks for the memories. I will never second-guess the cherished moments of our passing. They are precious to me as you were when once we walked the path of life together.

Brown-Noser or Man of Integrity?

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Most of my life, I have heard the adage that it's more who you know than what you know. While that has not necessarily been my experience, I can certainly say that I see plenty of people who advance more on their connections than on their merit. This means that I work very hard and struggle just to stay competitive with these people, and they are rewarded for doing their job whilst I am expected to go above and beyond just to keep the status quo. Far too much of our world in my opinion operates on principles of quid pro quo, which is to say that favors beget other favors. That's not what I was taught, and it's not how I live, so I expect to struggle for most of my life.

I have several students this term who think I am pretty amazing. Even if that is true, I know that there are better people and better professors than I am. Sometimes, when they sing my praises, mostly because I know my own shortcomings, I warn them about brown on their noses. I will be humble, for I know my weaknesses. I know some people earnestly and honestly mean the praise, and I appreciate it. I want others to know that I don't have a GOBNet or a set of MyFaves who get special privileges. In my class, you advance on merit.

One concern I have with any kind of appeal to authority is that once you start, it's almost impossible to stop. When Thomas Jefferson became President, he was appalled to find out that we were paying the Barbary Pirates millions annually in tribute. Even in our own time, the descendants of these pirates still ply their trade on American ships, as recently as before Obama was first elected. As far as appeasement goes, this is a Kobiashi Maru. Most people who want you to appease them and compromise are bullies, and once you once you start, it's almost impossible to stop because they know they bent you once. During the Korean conflict, many people called for the USA to capitulate to the demands of the Chinese just as many today want Obama to bend to Syria/Russia to avoid war. Douglas MacArthur would tell them as he told the people in 1950: "Appeasement almost always leads to more and bloodier war."

Sometimes the GOBNet will throw you a bone that you can use as a chip in the big game, as leverage against them to your own ends. Rather than elevate people based on virtue, they threaten to expose people for their weaknesses, even if those weaknesses are only human or single events. Give me all the cards you like, because I don't dance. I am unashamed of my past and unafraid for my future. I know I'm human, and I own it. You can play all the games you like because that's what you do. Leave me to do what I do.  Beware the temptation to judge me for an inability to live a moral code you are unwilling even to attempt.

I got my jobs and keep them on merit. Granted, the appointments have always come when the employer was in desperate need, but I was hired even to teach based on my resume. My interview was a formality just to make sure they knew who I was before they threw me into the classroom. When I went to work for UPS, I was hired during peak season, and I was given extra opportunities to be a relief deliverer based on my merits once I got going. At Walmart, I was hired because they needed people to open a new warehouse, and since we always operated at below full staffing while there, I was often offered overtime whenever I liked because I was worth time and a half. My primary job in Nevada came because the woman I replaced was having triplets and resigning, and they needed someone to fill the position. After the first two people rejected the pay, they recalcitrantly hired me, and I'm still here, and I'm one of the best they have. Frequently, I keep my job because they can't find anyone to do it for the pay at the level I do it.

GOBNets work on one of two theories- either fear or favors. Incompetent management always fears being outshown; competent management welcomes it. Incompetent management wants people beholden to them; competent management advances the people. Eventually, management retires, and if we don't train our replacements, then we ultimately do the organization a disservice. Like I tell my students, I don't get excited proving I am smarter than they are; I expect them to be better than my generation, because the only way we advance as a society is if the next generation is better than the previous one. Unfortunately in GOBNets, all too frequently, management makes sure people owe them, and they make sure we know that we are beholden to them. Unfortunately in GOBNets, management likes to hold back the next crop so that they justify their position as our leaders. I'm sorry, but you are not God, and it is to Him that I am indebted for all that I have and am. In fact, I have advanced despite the efforts of some of my employers to damage my career precisely because God is greater than management and because He has my back.

Nobody goes to their grave with suitcases full of trophies, money, or any other kind of transitory possession. In the end, we are who we are- either sycophants or crusaders. Some people sell their souls for the fabled mess of pottage, trading their integrity for a pension, a position or a promotion. Our integrity sells sometimes for very little, but it's all we really have that is ours. When they told me at work that I could either fall out or fall in line, I told them I'd rather die. Ok, what I actually said was, "You need me more than I need you." (Yes, I have actually said that.)

In the end, you can have your integrity and have the satisfaction of soul knowing that you honestly and earnestly did the best you could to do the best you could. There is peace in that on dark and cold nights when I am alone to know that the Cause approved and that I never faltered in defending even if I was ultimately unsuccessful when measured by man's metrics. Maybe I'm single or at the bottom of the stack or limited in earning potential, but I do have friends and my students appreciate what I am able to do for them. I think they know I would fall on my sword to do what's best for them. When I am presented by a Kobiashi Maru, I do my duty and do what is just and true and trust that even if I have nothing to show for it, I will die with my integrity. It isn't much, but in that inch we are all free. No man will be my master. Blow wind. Come rack. At least we'll die with the harness off our back.

Passions are Fun

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One of the strangest perks we get as members of academia includes free access to the Oxford English dictionary. Although I have since procured a 1913 edition of the same in ten volumes, it is not as complete as the full version online. From time to time, I will actually look up words to find their origins and variegated meanings, and several times I have used it to defend words I use as words that can be used and used the way I use them. I think it's fun, but then again I'm weird.

I spend time every term usually talking about deviations from the "normal". It's actually very rare that you find someone who falls ON the line of normalcy. In fact, the data bear up that it's actually normal to be abnormal, that those who fall on the regression line are probably the weird ones. You see, everyone has passions. They are what make our lives fun. They give us something to which we look forward at the end of a hard week, a difficult trial, a period of diligent work, and in the next life. Some of them are quirky; some of them are not ones in which I would be interested, but they are your passions, because you consider them enjoyable.

Last night, some of my students were trying to convince me that there are more people like me than I think. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and let them try to prove it, and one mentioned that her husband liked Star Trek and referred to him as a "Trekkie". "Does he have a uniform?" I asked. She responded that he did not. "Then he's not a Trekkie." I happen to have one, because I thought it would be fun. I like it, but most people I actually know in real life think it's an unnecessary expense. It's something I enjoyed as a child, and something to which I looked forward sharing with someone who now no longer talks to me.

Most of my passions are small things, things that I collect. I spend hundreds of dollars on books every year, and I buy and display small things that mean something to me. In the end, however, my greatest passion is probably collecting fond memories. The one I find it easiest to ploy is politics, as you may have noticed from reading this blog. I am fascinated by the Founders and the Framers. I enjoy history, philosophy, and science. I read and learn about the things that drove them and that kind of drive us today, because I think that if I understood where they were coming from I'll have a better idea of where I want to go with what they gave us. I find it fun. I found it fun to visit their homes, to walk in their footsteps, and to learn about what made them the people they were.

When that is done, my final passion is my faith. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and the object of my intent is that I may persuade men to come to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and be saved. I am not a perfect man. I have hope in this, a passion about this, and a penchant for helping people make sense of what their faith means to them. I hope that even though I am a lesser light people will be able to see my Master through my feeble efforts and find their way to a Land of Promise for them. If I can be the activation energy for that, at least that feels good, which is the same reason why we do anything else that's fun.

Moments Celestial

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We like to look specifically at certain things when we examine our lives and the things that happen to us. Most people cast themselves in the best light possible and cast their enemies or opponents in the worst light possible. In truth, all of those things are snapshots of our lives and tell us about what we might expect from two dimensional things in a three dimensional plane. Fortunately for most people, it's a lot more complicated than that. I was talking with another professor Monday night who reminded me that heroes are not always heroes. They are people who, in a given set of circumstances, stepped forward. If they don't step forward next time, it does not mean they were not heroic in the prior moment. It simply means they are less heroic in this one.

The more I read about great men, the more I realize that we lack the right reference to accurately understand the universe. Like an ant walking a chemical trail, we are really pretty ignorant of intelligences and organization and civilizations greater than our own. Just as ants don't usually notice us, there are likely civilizations superior to us who can easily obfuscate their existence, and from their better perspective all of our relativity seems pretty silly because our relationship to things isn't exactly true. We don't even use true north when we orient maps; we use a magnetic one.

Some men recognize wisely that they are not the source of all or even ultimate truth. Men are divided I think into three main groups based on the degree to which they are open to truth and light. Paul described these groups in his first letter to Corinth (1 Corinthians 15:20-42):

There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another. There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory. So also is the resurrection of the dead.

Over the last few months, I have been trying to understand what these groups actually mean. In conjunction with my thoughts on the Lesser Light, I believe these refer to the ability of these groups to reflect the light of truth back. Their ability is related to their choices.

People fall into these major categories based on their attitude to their Creator. The lowest group, Bodies Telestial, are largely people who do not want there to be a Savior. They are those who say, "eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die" or as I have written elsewhere "you only live once, so live it up". The second group, Bodies Terrestrial, are those who do not think they need the Savior. They are those who say they need to earn their way into heaven or that they will turn to the Messiah after they have already made things right. What need have they for a Savior? Finally, the Bodies Celestial are those who embrace the Son, stand in His light, and say "Help thou mine unbelief". Even then it's not that simple. Very few people are the same way all the time. Some people are so good that they can actually be different people in different circles or groups of friends and associates. So, what happens is that we have Telestial Moments, Terrestrial Moments, and Celestial Moments. Perhaps for you it comes easy to pray every day or to give the tithes and offerings mentioned in Malachi. For you, those are Celestial Moments. Maybe it's hard for you to deal with grief, loss, boredom, or rejection and you turn to self-medicating habits such as drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes to avoid facing your troubles and offend the Holy Spirit. Those for you are Telestial Moments. Far too many people have Terrestrial Moments, where we insist on doing something and force God to say, "Be quiet fool whilst I untie the knot". Even in my own Faith far too many of the members insist that works make men better, forgetting that works lead to boasting, and if we could earn it, what need would we have for a Savior?

Unlike Christ, we do not hang for a moment. Men make mistakes. Men can also make choices. When we let our mistakes make us by allowing actions to become habits and habits to become our character, that seals our ultimate fate in "the resurrection of the dead" according to the glory of these three groups. You can however have great moments. Even the best of God's sons had Telestial moments. That's why we have the scriptures, so we can see Lehi complain that the bows broke in the wilderness or Jonah run away from Ninevah or Balaam saddle his ass and go to curse Israel contrary to God's word. We can see other men living in Terrestrial Moments like Peter who thrice denied knowing Christ, Job's friends insisting that he needed to appease God's anger, and Laman thinking Nephi couldn't build a ship. We can watch the Celestial Moments in which Abraham willingly offers to sacrifice his son, in which Paul stands before Agrippa, and when Abinadi is burned at the stake for his testimony. We can also see men move between them as Saul repents and becomes Paul, as Jonah goes to Ninevah, as Joseph refuses to punish his brothers for selling him into slavery, and as Alma the Younger turns from evil and preaches to those who followed him how much they need to repent. The gospel of Christ is about hope that we do not have to hang for a moment because Christ already hung for us.

Each of us can have Celestial Moments. It's not a matter of having more of those than Telestial Moments, because resurrection isn't a scale. It's really about turning to Christ, about changing our direction and converting Telestial Moments into Moments Celestial. Christ makes bad men good and good men better. Judgement is not about a snapshot or a single choice or a moment, because that ignores the direction in which a man is headed. Just as a man who lives wickedly all his life cannot be justified and sanctified by a grandiose act immediately prior to his death, a man who lived as well as possible all his life does not destroy that life by one gross mistake just prior to his death. Moments make a difference. As we open ourselves to truth and light and as we open ourselves to The Truth and The Light, more of our moments will be moments Celestial. How many of your moments are Moments Celestial indicate where your true desires and your ultimate destination will be.

Envy the Sinner; Emulate the Savior

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While rereading some old books this weekend, I came across a phrase that struck a tender note with me. The author, Neal Maxwell, warns people against the tendency to "envy the sinner". I realized that I do that quite frequently, not because I envy them their lives per se, but because I envy what they get. It's a double edged sword that encourages us to violate one commandment because we ignore the principle that undergirds the Law of the Harvest.

I cannot count how many times I have seen evil men appear to prosper. In fact, most people I know look at my life and use that as evidence that proves that attempting to be virtuous is no better a way than to do whatever they please. You see it too. People speed and make the stoplights, and you get stuck at each one. People cheat and win awards, and you get a participation certificate for an honest effort. Coworkers brown nose and get special privileges and promotions, whereas you are passed over for the same and assigned more work. All around you, people enjoy pleasures you seek, at least in semblance, while you go home to an empty house and eat chicken alone while hovering over the sink.

However, it's a ruse. Sure, they have their cake now, but that cannot be sustained. You see, what they are doing is seeking happiness in doing iniquity, which is not a sustainable or substantive method. Most people are very good to put on a good face and appear to be happy, and because we see only the parts they play, we are easily swayed that their lives are better. Meanwhile, they struggle to pay bills, to fight disease, to have meaningful interpersonal relationships, to keep jobs, to feed their families, and ultimately reap misery. The sinner is not enviable.

Most of envy comes from either a momentary glimpse or half truths. We see a moment of time and wish that we could experience it too. We see what they want us to see and desire the same result. In truth, the price that is paid or the risk is usually not worth the effort. I remember as a teenager a youth leader telling us about how, on a vacation to Vegas, he decided to teach his kids a lesson. He found some money on the floor or something in a casino and put it into a slot machine, intending to show them that most people lost. Unfortunately for him, he won some significant sum, which defeated the object lesson, and he was forced to continue to put the money he just won back in until he lost it all. I don't think it taught what he wanted it to teach. It is the exception rather than the rule that people win the lottery or a jackpot or succeed despite being foolish. Mr. Deeds is the tale of a buffoon who by happenstance of birth becomes a millionaire. So is Jane Eyre come to think of it. They don't all earn it, and they certainly don't enjoy it as it was intended.

The overarching rule is that you cannot reap what you do not sow and that if you harvest, it will be what you sowed. Sometimes, other men come along and sow weeds and competing seeds in an effort to disrupt the harvest, but in truth, if you plant pumpkins you are not going to harvest apples or olives or garlic. Pumpkin seeds produce pumpkins if they produce anything at all, and so you will get what you sow. Sometimes men appear to reap things they didn't sow, but it isn't because they planted it. Coincidence is not causality. Their momentary bounty may have everything to do with timing and luck and nothing to do at all with their choices or their work. More often than not, even people who are not religious, believe that people get their commupence. It's a basic law of the universe that for every action there is an equal and compensatory reaction.

We envy the sinner because he gets what we seek without having to pay the price. We forget that he does not receive those things BECAUSE of what he does but rather DESPITE his actions. They seek happiness in doing iniquity, which does not work. You cannot make a tasty pie from rotten ingredients or a magnificently beautiful building from rubble alone. Quality life comes from quality materials. Just because they appear to prosper or be happy or have what you seek doesn't mean they're actually getting what you think they are or that it's at its highest level. Not all bananas are tasty, even if they are ripe, because as you probably know not every banana that looks good outside looks as good inside.

At times like this I try to remind myself of something I learned from reading Shakespeare. Ultimately, I realized that most of what I see is a play. Everyone wants to be someone else, someone happier, someone more prosperous, even if that someone is just a different form of themself. People constantly tell me to act happy and I will be, which is sort of a logical fallacy as if playing a doctor on TV will qualify me to be one. Just because I can doesn't follow that I will or that I must. Eventually, I was reminded as I read this morning, we get what we actually desire. God does not give a man a serpent who asks for bread, and if by our actions we tell Him we want serpents, He will not give us bread. Time and patience only work for us when our desires are honest. You may say you want to be happy, but if you pursue things that don't lead to it, you will never be happy. People tend to arrive where they actually set their sight. So, that's why it's dangerous to envy the sinner. We might end up becoming like them!

Rather than emulate the sinner, we should emulate the hero. Ultimately, that's the reason why Christ spent time on earth so that we could emulate Him, set our sights on Him, and ultimately, although not necessarily during this life, end up like Him. He gave us something to which we could aspire that was worthy of veneration. He left us scripture to teach us that good men do reap good things and that, through His merciful and magnificent atonement, even the prodigal could have better than he earned, provided he embraced Christ and strove His works to do.

Lesson in Leadership

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I am not one to arrogantly presume I am the best. As a matter of fact, I admit to my students that there are better teachers and smarter people, but I am the best they can find willing to do what they ask for the pay they offer. It's been a long time since I acted in any leadership capacity, and my current boss has virtually made sure that I will not add much leadership to my resume whilst she is in office. That's fine. She's not really hurting me. She's showing that she's a bad leader, but this post is not about her. It's about a story I heard and what that means to me and to the world at large.

The story is told of a university president who assumed control from another man. As his predecessor left office, the man gave the incoming president three envelopes and told him that when he ran into crisis in his tenure to open the envelopes in order for advice to weather the storm. More than a year passed before the new president faced a huge problem, and he opened the envelope to find a single piece of paper on which was written the advice, "Blame the prior administration". He acted on the counsel, weathered the storm, and saved face as well as the institution. A few years later, another crisis arose, and he turned to the second envelope, which contained a single piece of paper on which was written the advice, "Reorganize your administration". He did so, and the people were placated, things started to run more smoothly, and he prospered personally and professionally. Many years passed before the new president needed the third envelope, and when the time came, he eagerly tore it open for the final useful message from his predecessor. Inside, he once again found a single sheet of paper that instructed him thusly, "Prepare three envelopes..."

When it is time for new leadership, true leaders acknowledge that they are not fit for the job. We have far too many people in positions of authority who continue to use the first bit of advice and unjustly ascribe blame to other people. America has a president who even today is blaming Syria on Bush, even though when we went into Iraq he insisted that Bush was wrong to do exactly what he now proposes as prescient. When it is time to move on, it is time to admit that and act accordingly.

Sometimes, we associate icons with their leaders. I fear for Apple with the loss of Steve Jobs, because as much as I dislike the cult culture of his company Jobs was actually a visionary. However, sometimes it is folly to continue forward without changing the lead horse, as much as you might like it, because the lead horse holds back the entire team.

In other parts of our lives, we do see people realize they might be the problem and withdraw. As much as I dislike the notion that "it's not you; it's me" if that's true, then we are doing everyone a favor by admitting our shortcomings and allowing someone else to take the reigns of leadership. Some people are not interested in real solutions as much as they are in being important, visible, powerful, ad infinitum, and so they sometimes stir up trouble so that they can ride in and save the day. Eventually, the time may come for you to prepare envelopes. I don't think the first two are necessarily true, although they might be, but those who act on the third one are at least true to themselves. Only a fool presses forward and assumes that other people are always the problem. It takes at least two.

Stand in the Lightning

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Feeling a bit morose and overcome with the doldrums, my friend and I went up to Red Rock NCA Monday afternoon to welcome the thunderstorm. We really didn't feel like doing much, but we both knew we needed to get out and do something to keep our minds occupied. When there is no closure to loss, your mind goes to many places, some of them dark, and we have always wanted to be up in the mountains for a big storm.

Hoping to see a flash flood, we headed for an area with evidence of recent high water. Sure as shooting, the storm moved in quickly, sheets of rain pounding us in the face and chest, and pretty soon we were soaked. To get a better view, we headed up to the natural crest and arrived just in time for the lightning storm. We were the tallest things at the crest, and we kind of felt like it might have been a mistake, but I removed my hat and looked up at the sky and told God that I was ready if it was my day.

After that, we saw the most amazing lightning storm I have ever witnessed. The bolts crossed the sky, jumped from cloud to cloud, booming and branching rapidly as the rain would crest and wane. Some of them hit the ground around us, but despite being sad, apparently we were not negative enough to attract the wrath of the cloud. It shook and rolled and then passed on, and we stood there soaking wet and awed. I realized we had just done something that many people will never attempt.

It takes a lot of stupidity actually to stand in the lightning. However, if we'd played it safe, it would have been less worthy of the drive. By being ready to stand amidst the lightning, we were able to see what few others will. Now, often the risk is great that the lightning will hit you, hurt you, and even destroy you, but my mother taught me to feel as safe on any battlefield as in my own bed. You see, my days are known, and they will not be numbered less, and although it's not my implication to tempt fate, I knew that if it was my day there was no escaping. By the same token, if it was not my day, then nothing could hasten my end.

Most people won't stand in the lightning. They hunker down in their homes or scurry to their cars to save themselves. This means they remain alive longer, but they may not ever really live. You hear all the time that "you can't fight city hall", but you know what- I have, and I have also won. I have won against the police department, the department of homeland security, the equal opportunity employment commission, the judicial system, and every other form of GOBNet on the planet. I haven't beaten them all, but they are really nothing more than thunderstorms. They sound loud and they can hurt, but ultimately they pass away and we can't tell that the people in them ever lived. The water falls, the lightning strikes, and the thunder rolls, but it doesn't kill or hit or even hurt everything it touches, and in fact some of that is essential to life.

As a plant scientist, I know about the roll of thunderstorms in western communities. The water gives life to a myriad of organisms that sit in waterways waiting for water to arrive. They quickly grow, spawn, and die, their offspring awaiting the next storm even if it's years away. Even the lightning, as much as we hate the fires it produces, gives life. Ponderosa pines and Sequoia trees depend on fire to open their cones and let new saplings start. It's really kind of a matter of perspective.

Standing in the lightning may not be fun or wise all the time. Some people, myself included, are lightning rod kind of people. We pick fights sometimes when we should probably flee, but in doing so we get to see things other people do not. How many people do you know well who have been in courtrooms or filed a congressional inquiry? How many people do you know who have been exonerated? How many people have successfully defended themselves against a system stacked to overprotect the guilty to avoid punishing the innocent? How many times have you stood up in the rain against the lightning? It's scary, and it's dangerous, but if it is the right thing to do, you are not alone out there. Those that be with us, Elisha reminded his servant, be more than those that be with them.

It was an experience I shall not soon forget and that I shall not regret. Of course, some people close to me might have preferred I not "risk my life unnecessarily", but it's my life to use as I see fit. I have no obligations to anyone. If I'm going to be damned anyway, I'm going to be damned for who I really am and stand in the lightning, knowing that even if I get burned, the show will be spectacular.

Would You Go With Me?

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I don't post a lot of pictures on the internet, and when I do it's to share something with you. I don't do it to boast, and I don't do it to brag. Mostly, I actually travel and do strange things because I'm bored and because I'm desperately trying to give my life meaning and purpose. I reached the age of 30 having done everything I wanted to do with my life besides be a dad, and since that's not just up to me, I decided I needed to find other things to do with which to fill my life. The trouble was finding people to go with me.

When I first moved to Vegas, I spent a great deal of time, effort, and energy involving others in my activities. I put together Facebook groups, organized activities, and I paid the costs of time, treasure, and effort getting people there and back again. We took trips for which I paid (they weren't like my trip to AK, but they did cost me money), and I sucked it up when I ended up chaperoning couples on dates because I thought my efforts were providing me friends. After I moved, I found to my disappointment that I was wrong. Out of sight, out of mind, and out of area, I soon found myself alone and once more on my own, and all of my efforts seemed wasted.

There are a lot of things I would like to experience or experience again in the right company. I liked Alaska well enough, but it was so remote that I won't probably return unless it's with my family. I am eager to share my life with people, even if it's not romantic, and so I appreciate those who do ask me to do things I am inclined and likely to do. Inviting me to a pool party? Yeah, that's not going to work, because I'm not going to have guys who look better shirtless competing with me for your attention. There are so many cool things that I have seen or done or desire to see or do about which nobody knows. I take thousands of pictures, and I see amazing things, and for the most part they are shared by random strangers who happen to be there for only a few minutes concurrently.

A few years ago, a friend of mine, with whom I also sadly no longer communicate (her choice) shared with me a song. I'm not normally a country person, but I also love this guy's voice, so I share it with you.

Will you go with me? It seems like such a simple question, but it's really what I'm asking in these posts, with my life, and when we interact in any way. Come with me. Ok, so maybe I don't intend for it to be romantic, and if I have an ulterior motive, I'll tell you, but when I talk to people, I'm inviting them to share my life and enjoy some of the things that have enriched my life. Life is after all richer when you share it.

Over the labor day weekend, I saw a thunderstorm every day. I sat under the clouds as the rain and thunder fell around me. At one point Monday, someone asked me if I was afraid; I told him that if it was my day, it was my day, and truth be told I was ready to go if that's what God wanted. The smell of the desert, the clap of the thunder, and the cool of the rain are not things I can accurately share with words; you would have had to be there with me to really understand and appreciate it. That's what I ask- someone who will go with me and share in those things with me. For now, I'm not doing what I do to brag or boast or lord over you with it; I'm doing it to fill the time and because I'm bored. My house is not a home. It's a place where I store my quesquilia.

If I ask, come with me. Even those who no longer talk to me will probably admit it was worth it to go and see things they otherwise might never have chosen to experience. I have chosen them because I can, and those that remain unfinished remain unfinished because I'm looking to share. Go with me.