20 December 2023

Men: Their Own Worst Enemy

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We live in a world where men are under attack for existing. It started long ago. By 1985, Madeline Kahn spoke this line in the movie "Clue": "Men should be like tissues- soft, strong and DISPOSABLE" (emphasis added). Men are competing with and fighting each other, and not for any victory. We have become like crabs in a bucket pulling down the whole group to avoid any of the others from escaping the trap. It's no longer acceptable to be a man or you are referred to as "toxic". It's no longer enough to just be a good person, because men are throwing attention and money at women in order to stand out from the wallpaper. Worst of all, men are corrupting each other, competing with each other, and misleading each other to get access to the women they find worthy of pursuing.

For the past 20 years, the world has gradually escalated its war on men. Gen Z is full of emasculated men who eschew manly behavior. In order to placate the complaints of men about "toxic masculinity" and the shaming language concerning the "sins of the patriarchy", many men in the rising generation are avoiding work and dating because they feel like they are not appreciated as anything other than an ATM. Some of them see it as out of reach given inflation both economically as well as ecumenically. Women consider men only if they are 6 feet tall (15% of the male population), earn more than $100K/year (15% of the American population) and also are willing to work all day and then clean and cook and take care of the woman, who often does nothing during the day but shop and post to tiktok. Many men have decided that it's not worth the effort to stand out from the background. It's not worth it to just break even.

Other men complicate the issue by lathering women with undeserved attention and money. Many men, regardless of generation, simp for women. Women are given money so men can watch them talk or react to videos or play video games. Twenty years ago Gary Larson mocked this in The Far Side, but now there are women who show up and are showered with compliments and cash. This inflates the egos of the women who get paid who believe that because they are showered with attention and money that they are high value or valued by men. Simps lead women to believe that they are above average, and now they are not looking for a quiet, simple life. "What makes Christina Christina is instagram". But most of what we see on social media is fake, and so is the perceived value of the women who post to it.

Worst of all, men engage in behaviors that corrupt each other. Pick up artists encourage men to just use women for bedroom fun. Some men discourage others from dating or give them bad advice so that they are not competitive. Right now there is a "black pill" ideology that preaches enmity between men and women. Men are out there corrupting men, encouraging them to engage in behaviors that are regarded as universally repugnant, teaching men to commit the crimes for which women now punish them. Men used to mentor each other, but now they are encouraging men to engage at things in times or to degrees that make them unfit for long term relationships, especially healthy ones. There is nothing healthy about an obsession with your career or the gym, but men are encouraged to "get on their purpose" and that this will somehow lead women to be interested in them or to treat women like they don't care and that this will bring women into their lives who make healthy partners. It's amazing how men are now eating each other for access to the women that remain appealing to men as wives and mothers.

Only the top shelf men will benefit from this. They will continue to get the great share of attention, wealth, and respect, not because they deserve it, but because the rest of men are showing to all the world that none of them are worthy. Whether we defraud each other or shame each other into doing things contrary to our nature, whether we undermine other men by helping their women cheat with us or by pumping up their ego by giving them money and attention for free, men are losing no matter where they turn. In the information age where we are bombarded by information which is shared based on popularity rather than virtue, the most prominent channels and advice actually come from sources that undermine men. Men are making decisions that will make them single. And children will suffer most.

08 December 2023

Sidewalk Food Trucks

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On the way to work, I pass at least three separate places where you can buy tamales. In each case, the tamales are being sold out of a cooler in the back of a truck. Some of them are in vacant lots. All of them are on private property. Why can these people sell food without a food card, a business license, and on someone else's private property, but if I want to open a business, I need a license, a food handler permit, and an actual establishment?

Until a few months ago, there were two food places on the sidewalk alongside a church building I drive past on the way to work. One of these was also a tamale truck, sold out of a cooler in a van under the shade of trees in the church parking lot. The other was a fruit and drink stand on the other side of the church, in the shade of the trees on the sidewalk. Apparently, someone from the congregation finally confronted them, but why do these people think they can use other people's property to purvey their wares? I would have to get a building. Sometimes I get hit up to buy tamales in the grocery store parking lot or walmart, again out of the back of a truck and out of a cooler. Doesn't seem like these businesses should be allowed to use that property, or does this set a precedence for ME to start a business (car wash, oil change, food stand, etc.) in the Walmart parking lot and let them pay to clean the pavement, light the lot and secure it?

Some of the mobile food trucks probably have licenses, because they at least have license plates. Many of the people who own them park them on private property when they are not working, but at least those people have established a legitimate business. Who gave them permission to sell anything? I get hit up by people trying to clean my windows, refresh my headlights, sell me (knockoff probably) licensed merchandise from Disney or the NFL, or food constantly. I doubt very much that these people have an actual business license. This also means they are not PAYING TAXES on their business. Even legitimate business owners I know admit to preferring cash jobs so they don't have to report it as a sale or a job. When I do things for people, I always tell them that I'm not a licensed contractor and that, especially since I typically do the work for free, they got what they paid for.

Safety is my primary concern as a scientist. Last December I bought a burrito at a food truck in Barcelona and got food poisoning. Who is vouchsafing the tamales for safety? I don't know how they were cooked, I don't know how long they have been there, and I don't know about the health habits of those purveying the food. There is a reason they require a food handler's card for places like McDonalds. You will be giving food to PAYING CUSTOMERS. So what's your recourse if you get sick? Probably none. What if you catch Trypanosoma gondii? Too bad. Tape worms? Too bad.

I'm not usually a fan of government, but I am also not a fan of anarchy. I recently watched "A Knight's Tale" again and noticed them selling cat meat and hot wine at the joust and thought that was disturbing. There are tons of parasites out there. There are tons of diseases out there. THere are tons of criminals out there. I don't see how we're doing people a favour by turning a blind eye to some because it's "too much trouble" while requiring others to comply. The IRS is requiring some companies to report if you earn $600 in income; I earned $611 on ebay this year, so I'll get to pay taxes. Maybe I should be selling tamales out of my garage instead, because I could probably make more money and have zero consequences. But that's not how I roll.

14 November 2023

Social Media and the Spirit of Jezebel

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Years ago in Austria, I met my first Jezebel woman. We volunteered to do service to assist in collecting, sorting and packing clothes for refugees in Tibet. At the time I didn’t even know where Tibet was, but we were happy to be of service, at least until we discovered the truth of the grift. The woman behind the project was bringing the clothing to Tibet, coming down out of the sky in an airplane, distributing the clothing, and then CLAIMING IT WAS FROM HER. She ascribed no credit to the Austrians who donated clothing; she did this to set herself up as a God to the people of Tibet who worshipped her as a god who came down from the heavens and gave them food, clothing, water, and other sundries. Upon discovering this, we refused from that time forth to assist in idol worship. Imagine how much more expansive her work might be today with the help of social media scams!

We know the story of Jezebel from the bible, usually because of the contest between Elijah and the prophets of Baal who ate at Jezebel’s table. At its heart, the story of Jezebel is a story of idol worship. She even managed to manipulate King Ahab into doing her will and joining her. She was manipulative, and that’s what idols almost always create- a circumstance wherein people are manipulated into obedience and malfeasance. Today, we don’t see many people worship Baal, but we do see a lot of idol worship, and it is spread, by the spirit of Jezebel, through the influence of influencers and social media. We have false Gods, and now we carry around their portals in our hands and call them forth by logging in and checking our feed. Whether it’s false fame, false esteem, or false validation, all of these are false gods who can never save us, but will quickly drag us down to hell in the end. Social media is the cathedral of our modern idol worship in which people come together to fashion their own golden calf or to be fashioned a god themselves.

Social media has propped up false fame.
Most social media ranks users based on their interaction with the community. People get likes or subscriptions or comments, and the algorithms use these measurements of appeal to decide what it shows to users. People will do nearly anything for their “15 minutes” and some of them have done so for a lot longer. Whether we’re talking about Logan Paul, who filmed an incredibly inappropriate and irreverent clip in the Japanese forest where people kill themselves or SSSniperwolf who stole another user’s identity AND content and monetized it, these people have become popular because people watch them. It has nothing to do with the quality of the content but with instead its popularity and how much money the algorithm can generate by showing advertisements to users who try to keep up with the trends. The successful content creators change content to keep up with trends and keep making money, and so people have a bloviated sense of importance based on how many people like their posts, pictures, and content and now how many people send them money to make it. It’s now no longer based on the algorithm. You can pay your tithes directly to these false prophets of fame. 

Social media has established a false currency of value and esteem.
In order to get any money on social media, you have to meet certain thresholds. My content, for example, despite the fact that advertisements are shown when you watch my channel, earns me nothing at all because I don’t have subscribers or views sufficient for youtube to share profits with me. Instead, it feeds profits to its own prophets, whose content engages and includes sufficient people who like, comment and subscribe. Some people will delete content that is not monetarily valuable and then create content, not because they believe in it, but because they can make money talking about it. There are many charlatans of content, who make videos on topics, not because they care, but because they know YOU do. RomaArmy for example is a “men’s rights advocate” who donates no money to champion men’s rights but who does include links in her comments and videos to her “spicy content” where people can pay her tithes directly to don skimpy outfits (or so I assume; I have not subscribed). Popular channels are the channels that pay the social media company the highest return, and so people who enrich the false prophets of information receive more time at the bully pulpit and are considered more valuable. The community esteems them and roasts, downvotes, and even reports content creators who claim the counterpoint. Some channels, despite having few followers and subscribers (like mine) get hate mail and censorship despite the fact that we have no reach. Silenced, we earn no money. Some like BetterBachelor leave for other platforms where they can make money; others simply disappear and post no more and remain unknown to new generations of users who do not esteem or value them because they never see their shadowbanned content and because nothing new appears in the feed to challenge the prevailing prophecy the idols espouse.

Social media has enriched many who conclude that because they are popular they must be correct.
Since the algorithm suggests creators and channels based on engagement and not on the veracity of the content, people who publish falsehoods must conclude they are correct. Several of my videos have been taken down by youtube because I am “not a verified subject matter expert on the matter”. Yet, Greta Thunberg, who is a high school dropout from Sweden, is permitted to preach whatever she likes because she is POPULAR. Her videos and posts persist (unless she deletes them herself) despite a lack of demand that she prove her credentials. Even Jordan Peterson, a credentialed psychologist from Canada, is being censored because his views counter the narrative favored by those who prefer validation over information, because Peterson does not preach in conjunction with “the message”. People are paid for content, whether they believe it or not, whether it’s reliable or not, whether it’s true or not, and as they find financial success, they continue to do so and may even begin to believe in the false doctrine they spread from their own pulpits.  The platforms do not value a post's value or worry about verification; they care only how much the post can enrich whatever platform hosts it.  Popularity equals profit.

What is the allure of idols? Idols please people, because people face no consequences from worshipping a false deity. A fake God will not punish the people. He may not reward them, but there is no cost either, particularly if you stop sacrificing or if you glean of the sacrifice of others to slake your own lusts. Idol worship typically includes ideas that are pleasing to the carnal mind, that teach “eat, drink and be merry, for God will save all people”. And idol worship more importantly often comes with financial rewards for the false priests of possibility and promise. Through all time, people have turned to “wizards that peep and mutter” to tell their fortunes and promise them their hopes, and because people like to hear what pleases them, they continue to enrich the sayers of sooth and the salesmen of salaciousness. We all know that people prefer comforting lies to discomfiting truths, and people like to be told there is hope and joy. Truly God promises that too, but not in exchange for specie or numismata. He asks for a broken spirit, a contrite heart, and selfless service to the unfortunate, particularly those who do not yet know Him. A widow’s mite suffices as tribute if your heart is true to a God who is also.

You see, God does not rely on social media to spread His message. He relies on people to minister to each other one on one, in our homes and in our synagogues, one of a family and two of a city, wherever there are those who are willing to take up their cross and help others lift theirs. God’s message is usually unpopular. It is not monetized. Christ chose mostly men of little means to follow Him because the wealthy usually worship their possessions and refuse to be parted from them to draw closer to God. If an organization’s leaders are enriched and made wealthy by the donations of the practitioners, those practitioners, however zealous their belief, are actually worshipping or enabling their leaders to worship idols. Jesus was born in a stable. He does not require opulent surrounds in order to enlighten and uplift the soul. Those who do worship false Gods in the spirit of Jezebel and are trying to manipulate you. Beware when politicians, pundits, and even priests talk in sweeping terms about righteousness and virtue. They often do so, not because they subscribe to those notions, but because they know you do. True followers will sacrifice for Christ and give to others as Christ gave to us, and that is true religion.  To be carnally minded is death, which is what the spirit of Jezebel promises.    Spiritually minded work is life eternal, and that is usually done by those without purse or scrip who only care to get enough money so that they can render to Caesar while they devote their time, talents and everything with which God blessed them to build His kingdom rather than their own.

09 November 2023

Why You Should Train Your Dragon (Dictate)

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Back in 2015, I had this student who was completely deaf. As part of the university's accommodations, he came up after the first lecture with his dragon dictate so that I could train it to recognize my voice. I had to read excerpts from a fairy tale so it would recognize consonants and pronunciation. From then on, as I would lecture into a microphone, the dragon dictate would transcribe lectures for him (with a slight delay) so that he would know what went on as well as have written notes with which to study.

At first I was afraid. I was petrified to find out what strange, silly, and perhaps inappropriate things I might say. To the credit of this student, if I ever did, he never reported me for it or complained to anyone. I had never before had anyone come away from lecture with a verbatim transcript of everything I said. I was not sure how to feel about it, and at length I started to regret training his dragon.

Then, redemption arrived. One day, a student contended that I had promised them extra time for an assignment, which I did not recall ever saying. I suddenly realized I had a dragon in the corner and went over and said, "Let's check the transcripts" as I scrolled back using this gentleman's dragon dictate to what I had actually said at the beginning of the hour. I then reread what the dragon dictate recorded me saying, which countermanded the young lady's contention and quieted her contestation of the terms and said, "Don't try to put words in my mouth. I have a court ordered reporter." The dragon's transcript vindicated me and refuted the young lady's claim.

At this time, the student had caught up with what happened in class as the dragon dictate, which continued to transcribe the entire conversation, including the young lady although with some errors since it was not trained to recognize HER voice, and he laughed hysterically. It was entertaining and enlightening.

Why do I mention this? Very few people are important enough or say things important enough that anyone bothers to write them down. I try to be a diligent shepherd of things I hear and report them as verbatim as I am able. Sometimes the person speaks so quickly I can't keep up, so I give the "gist" as it were. For most people, this is a good thing. We don't know everything you say, everything you think or everything you do. In the social media age, however, with every young person (and some elderly ones) recording every asinine thing they do and posting it to instagram or tiktok, people are finding out that what they say or do comes back to haunt them.

It supports the scriptural argument that our words and deeds and even our thoughts will be used against us at the final judgment. Matthew 12:37 reads "For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned". Elsewhere in Alma 12:14 we can read "For our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence." What we say, and what we plan to say, can and will be used against us. It already is online. Why would we expect otherwise from an omniscient God?

So, train your dragon. I got a new phone Monday night this week, and it's already learning what I'm likely to type. Train up whatever records what you say and think and do to record the things you want people to know you say and think and do by only saying and thinking and doing things that you are ok having other people record. Samuel Adams didn't write things down, and so most of what we know about him is anecdotal, but you no longer have that luxury in our modern world. What we do (and say) will define us. Either say things worth hearing or write things worth reading. And then when your words are dictated back to you by worldly judges or an Eternal One, they will have no choice but to give you what you deserve.

**This post is not sponsored by Dragon Dictate. It was an actual product used by an actual student in an actual chemistry class, and I like the pun of "training your dragon" based on the movie franchise of similar nomenclature.**

25 October 2023

Good Memory; Bad Memory; Random Access Memory

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People who know me and speak with me sometimes tell me that they wish they had my memory. I can recall conversations, movies, scents, languages, musical scores that I then play on instruments, facts, figures, scriptures, studies, articles, etc. They wish they had the ability to recall at whim whatever they needed as I seem able to. What they don’t know is that I don’t just recall the things I wish to recall. My mind remembers everything. There is usually another side to the coin with something we envy in other people, and the dark side of this one is that I can recollect things I wish to forget just as easily and often without wishing it so to be.

I was not ever thus, and I do not remember all of my life. At the age of six, I was involved in a serious vehicular collision in the UK and was resuscitated on the scene. I remember absolutely nothing from before that time, but if you ask my mother, she will tell you that I would ask probing questions evincing a change of mind after I returned from the dead. In her words, talking to me was like talking to a little old man. After that day, my brain soaked up everything. My mother dropped me at the library, and I would scroll through the stacks and the card catalogue looking for information, answers, and knowledge. Unfortunately, unchaperoned as I was, I also encountered things I wish I had not. It took years for the knowledge to matter, because eight year old kids are not involved in adult conversations and activities, but I knew without any practical knowledge things that no eight year old kid should know. And I remember those things too.

For most of my academic endeavors, the memory served me well. I attended class, took notes, did homework, studied for tests, and in some cases I could recall not only the questions on exams but also the other answers and the order in which they were on the page. I could describe a page in a book and where the answer was found on the page in that book. I can recite scripture and context, Shakespeare and Chaucer, play instruments, switch between multiple languages on the metro platform beneath Notre Dame, and tell you where I was and what I was doing on certain randomly chosen days of my life. I remember names of students from 12 years ago, of homeless men I met when I was at university, of the friends I had in high school, and of people I taught as a missionary in the European Alps. When I am in town, I remember exactly where my grandparents are buried because I was at their funerals, and I know which exits and roads to use because I remember landmarks and turns and other features of the cemetaries. I know it’s macabre, but maybe I remember them because they mattered to me. I had to study like everyone else to get here. Things don’t just spring into my head; I have to go read about them. I am not really as smart as people think I am; I just have an exceptionally good memory. And it’s random. I annoy people I’m sure by blurting out things that are relevant but not solicited when my brain randomly accesses something related and is glad of a chance to blurt it out. I mean, I like to stump people by asking if they know Donald Duck’s middle name. Do you know where I saw it? In a rerun of a WWII cartoon where Donald gets drafted and it’s printed on his draft notice. It flicked by on the screen in seconds and is now indelibly scribbled in the folds of my brain.

I also have an exceptionally bad memory. I don’t mean that I forget. I mean that my memory also recalls the bad as well in the same living colour, lurid detail, and vibrant resonance as the good parts. I remember the first time a bee stung me, the second time I died, the last words my grandparents said to me, the promises my ex wife made and broke, the empty rejection form letter that Homeland Security sent me when I applied to work there, and the rejection of women who spurned my affections. If you ask me any dark time, if I had it, whether I wish to or not, I can recollect those things too, often verbatim. And when I am lonely, sad, or bored, as I said in a previous post, those things return unbidden and unwanted.

Professionals are aware of this potential. While I don’t have total recall in a sense of being able to recite word for word, hour for hour, person by person, I can give you the Reader’s digest version of anything and the verbatim rehearsal of things that matter to me. Psychologists like Dr. Andrew Huberman know that intelligent people often have a greater ability to recollect and that this also makes them more miserable, both in life as well as possibly when you must deal with us. Back in 2015 after an incident at work, I had a brain MRI, and the neurologist noted that my brain activity is peculiar. Parts that are active in other people are inactive in my brain; parts that are usually inactive are active in mine. When people ask me how I’m “so smart” and “know so much” I now simply tell them “Brain Damage.” I have after all been dead before, and death damages your brain.

Maybe this is one reason I can’t just simply “let the past go”. I awake almost every morning around 4:45 and lie in bed while my brain catches up with where I am. Every day, my brain replays my life in order to figure out where I am since it circumscribes the past into one great whole. I have trouble telling how far it has been since things happened without doing the math, because everything, for better or worse, feels like I learned it, felt it, experienced it yesterday or maybe the day before that. Every day, my brain reminds me of the past. Sometimes it just glosses over it; it’s not like I relive every titular detail, but I do remind myself of everything that ever happened to me since I was six. It’s quite a strange way to start every day. I explain to people it’s kind of like in “Fifty First Dates” where she awakes every morning and watches a video of her life to catch her up since she lost her memory except that I have all of mine and just don’t know which yesterday was actually… well… yesterday. The past isn’t that long ago for me. It really does seem like only yesterday I fell in love for the first time, bought the house I’ve been in for almost 13 years, moved to Vegas, or had my fuel line rupture and spill all my gas enroute to work (that was actually this past Monday). Since it has now happened, my mind will remember it in perpetuity.

I know people mean well when they tell me to “forget about it” or “let the past die”. I can’t “kill it if I have to”. There is truth in the past. Those things actually happened. Most people tend to remember the past incorrectly or forget it with time, and most people don’t have all the details to explain the past, but I remember it. Last month, the Dean was in my office on a Friday morning and called me some, shall we say, more colourful metaphors. I brought it up with him last week; he doesn’t remember doing it. So, aside from mentioning it, I’m letting it go. Obviously he doesn’t really feel that way or he’d still feel that way about me today. That leads us to the present. In the present there is also truth. The things we are experiencing now are real, or at least they could be. The trouble is that, like Samuel Adams, I “Know no way of judging the future but by the past” and although your future is not their past, since I’ve experienced these things before, I use experience as a lamp unto my feet and a guide unto my path. I heard those dulcet tones before only to be disappointed. Your future is not their past, but it could be, and I’ve learned to be pessimistic about people.

There is a dark cloud to every silver lining. I once told my friend whom I visited this May in France that I wished I had his physique. He told me that the men in his line with that physique also have early onset dementia and that, but the age of 70, he would probably forget who I was. He’s 60 now. You can’t just look at a person and take, as if they were a buffet, only the rosy parts of them to yourself. Yes, I have a great memory, but I also have a great and TERRIBLE memory. And if you lie to me, hurt me, or betray me, I will remember that just as vividly as the last words my grandparents said to me before they died. Maybe it’s a blessing that your memory is not as good as mine, because it’s also not as bad.

20 October 2023

The Douglas Effect on Self Esteem

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People criticize me constantly. One of the more common criticisms is how much I allow what other people think of me to affect me. The fact of the matter is that, since we live in a world with other people, their thoughts about you DO affect you. What these people really mean is that they wish I let those opinions and attitudes affect me less than I do. Can I do more to change how much I am affected? Absolutely. The problem is that many of these people, however well-meaning they may be, talk and act as if I have total power to ablate any effect had on me by other people. There are limits to my response, because I still live in the world and encounter its denizens at random (or seemingly so), and you never know who you will meet, what they will say/do, or what you will say/do in retort. I can make an effort to minimize their affects to the tray; I can never ablate their power to add or detract completely. Plus, all too often, the same people with good intentions eventually join the throngs of those finding fault with me. At the end of the day, the world and people in it will affect you to one degree or another. Let me explain why.

Others Affect You
Unless you live alone on your own planet, other people’s decisions, actions, and attitudes affect you. You were raised by parents. You were taught by teachers. Now you have to put up with coworkers. My boss’s opinion of me determines, at least to some degree, whether he authorizes overtime, promotions or vacation when I warrant them. My bishop at church is required to judge me. If I had a spouse, her decisions would affect me: what we eat, how much we spend, where we live, how many pets we have, etc. The driver in front of me who doesn’t chance a gap holds me back from forward progress at a traffic light. If there are only four of an item and I’m fifth in line, I might not get one. People affect you all the time, because you are surrounded by them. Some of them affect you more than others, and most people come into your life for only a small season, but the notion that you should not allow others to affect you is naïve and childish.

Not everyone must or should affect you or at least not as much as they do. One of the biggest criticisms I hear is about how much my ex wife affected me. She burned me pretty badly, and here we are pushing 20 years since she left and people can still sense and hear how much it hurt, and I didn’t even really like her that much. But, for a long time I felt like I had to describe myself as divorced, particularly to the IRS, and the fact of the matter is that I have been married before. This means that I’m no virgin. This means I have had a bad experience that made me gun shy. This means that I got taken to the cleaners by a judge for alimony. However, those things are LONG gone, so the only way they must affect me is in the fact that they really did happen. Since they are no longer happening, I determine how much I let them bother me today. I’m working on it, but it was one of the worst betrayals of my life, and if I don’t get over it when you think I ought to does not mean that even when I am over it I will never think about her again or what happened between us. The problem with the past is that, unlike the future wherein our hopes and dreams are couched, the past has ALREADY HAPPENED, meaning there is more truth in the past than in the future. In the present, Kim only affects me when I let her or when some government paperwork (or even a genealogical record) insists that I indicate that I once had a wife.  

Asymptotes of Effect
In mathematically relevant behaviors, sometimes asymptotes exist that prevent a series from exceeding a certain limit. When it comes to personal opinions and attitudes, I believe two asymptotes exist. First, there is an asymptote that determines the maximum effect the opinions of others can (or maybe ought) exert on your life. Simply put, a single opinion has a maximum ability to affect your life, because other people do not share that person’s experiences with you. Your opinion of yourself can counterbalance how you feel, and the feelings of other people who disagree can help modulate the effect and put a ceiling on its effect. Its magnitude is determined in part by how many people share that opinion of or reaction to you counterweighted by how much you care about those people. People who are emotionally relevant tend to affect your esteem more than abject strangers unless the number of strangers reaches above a certain threshold. The more common and second type of asymptote is the minimal effector. No matter how much I think about myself, I know I’m not perfect or even that great sometimes, and there are always people who think I suck for one reason or another. So, I can push it down to a minimum, but I can never push their influence on me to zero. Even most of my fan club begin at a place where they see no wrong and then realize that I’m human and how much that bothers them. I remember the first time my sister heard me swear. The look on her face was as if she had just learned there is no Santa. My fans are probably just upset that they think better of me than they think I do and that I’m more critical of myself than they feel is warranted. The problem is that you don’t spend most of your day with people who adore you, or at least I don’t. I spend most of my time at work.

There is one codicil to the asymptote effect, and that involves people who are Indian givers when it comes to affirmation. People come into your life, buoy you up, and then either disappear or retract their praise and affirmation. I don’t give much of a first impression, and people will eventually warm up to me and give me praise. However, they also discover as they get to know me that I have opinions, attitudes, and habits with which they disagree. Often, women will come along, sing my praises, discover something and then revert back to their first impression. Growing up, it might not surprise you to discover that not only was I a nerd/dork, but I was also the new kid most of the time, so people either chose not to invest in me at all or withdrew once they discovered I would be moving in a year or two. If someone meets you, lifts you up, and then returns you back where they found you when they find out you are not “Mr. Perfect” it reinforces your original asymptotes. I set up my asymptotes to protect me. Maybe people meant what they said at the time, and maybe they deserved it at the time, but eventually they have shown me by their decisions that the opposite is true. Then I revert back to the original asymptotes and conclude based on how others treat me that I must not be that great.

Optimum Range
You have some power to affect the range of effect between the two asymptotes aforementioned. The more satisfied and comfortable you are with yourself, the lower the upper effect asymptote can rise. The more vulnerable your life is to the decisions of others (high school, in a marriage, in a competitive job) the higher the lower effect asymptote will rise. Between those two then lies the wiggle room wherein I can actually satiate those who complain to me and minimize the impact. I am acutely aware of my own shortcomings, which people in the honeymoon stage of acquaintance do not actually know, and some people never discover. Most of the time, my self esteem level is as low as the gasoline level in an empty tank. I also think it odd when people praise me for doing what I believe is expected, like coming to work promptly each day. Yet, people are commended for the asinine as well as the astronomical. I was taught to embrace compliments but never inhale them, but mostly I brush them aside because they make me feel awkward. I know what I am, and I’m not always comfortable seeing the good in me. You may insist I ought to, and you may be right to do so. Trouble is that self esteem is also self determined.

What some people forget consequently is how much effort this takes. I am most likely to be beset by painful memories of the past when I am sad, lonely, tired or bored. I am tired and bored A LOT. Then, these memories come unbidden, unsanctioned, and unwelcome usually to corrupt my reason and trouble my comfort. Most of the people with whom I spend time and most of my time is not spent with members of my fan club. Mostly I spend time with strangers. Perhaps if I was able to bask in the glow of positive affirmation from my fans more often I might actually begin to believe their moral sentiments more. Contrariwise, I spend most of my day with scientists, who are not prone to effusive praise, students who are prone to effusive entitlement, and to a boss who is always tired because he’s putting out some fire. This is hardly a fertile environment for self esteem to grow. All too often it seems people begin to water my esteem with praise and comfort only to change their tunes or abandon me just before I otherwise might flower and bloom. Some of them trample me. That often resets my ranges and undoes what they tried to accomplish.



I still work, I still have to interact with other people, so I don’t have the luxury of ignoring everyone carte blanch or only harkening to those who sing my praises. The only people who have the luxury of not caring what other people think of them are the exceptionally wealthy, however you define wealth. Those people can afford to isolate themselves from others who could otherwise affect them and surround themselves with the very best of everything, in particular the best attitudes and friends. If you are already at the top, people can’t hold you down, they can only drag you down, but if you ignore them, what power do they have to drag you down? On the same side of that coin, those who are wealthy in things of eternal nature may find themselves possessed of the same power, a quiet confidence that their calling and election before God has been made sure because of their peaceable walk with Him. Besides that, it’s probably not healthy to only surround yourself with sycophants. If they are liars, then you might swallow the tripe and double down on abhorrent behaviors and attitudes. I am not rich in any way. I am pretty average when it comes to material possessions and to the service of the Master. I don’t really do anything special, or at least I don’t think anything I do for Him is anything more than what He deserves in response for that grace which so fully He proffers me.

My self esteem is not based on the intentions of others. It is based on how they show me that they value me. I actually think I’m pretty damn spectacular. I have many facets that are of good report and praiseworthy. Spending your life believing that you are a catch while women constantly reject you is foolish. My self-assessment is irrelevant; I'm only as appealing as others find me.  If it were true that I was such a catch, you’d think that I’d have more or at least better friends, that people would respect me and defer to me. IN experience, the contrapositive is true, and so when I don’t think much of myself, that’s because I have learned how the world values me and started acting accordingly. It’s not that I only see the bad in me. It’s that I know based on how people treat me what they actually think. If you want to come and beautify my life, stop by. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be glad you stopped by.

03 October 2023

Not Everyone Who Worships With You Shares Your Faith

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In our modern world, it has become more evident than ever before that people pretend to be things they are not. Men pretend to be women, politicians pretend to care about their constituents, and now some people even insist not only that they are border collies but demand that we acknowledge them as such. There have always been wolves in sheep’s clothing, but now the wolves just come and demand to be referred to as sheep. This is particularly troublesome in religion, because every denomination is tainted by those who profess the Faith but who do not keep it, who “teach for doctrines the commandments of men having a form of godliness but who deny the power thereof” (JSH 1:19). Not everyone who worships with you shares your faith. Here is why.

Worship halls do not have litmus tests, admission examinations or metal detectors to reaffirm other congregants of your spiritual mettle. In fact, everyone is welcome to come and join, which is as it should be. Perhaps you have visited a congregation of another faith to share the experience as I have whether it be mass at Mont St. Michel or a sweat lodge on the Walker Indian Reservation in Schurz NV. Just because I attend doesn’t mean I share their beliefs or have any intention of supporting them. Some people are not there as I was in France as a tourist. Some of them are ravenous wolves among the flock. If you do not have a good shepherd in your flock, or at least a good sheep dog (or Sheep Doug in my case) to nip at their heels and keep them in line, it is easy to have your flock infiltrated. Villains no longer clothe themselves all in black, twirl their mustaches and cackle with an evil chuckle like Barnaby in “Babes in Toyland”. Today they “Clothe their naked villainy in odd old ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem saints when most they play the devil” (Richard III).

What do we do? We are admonished against throwing them out. “unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them” (3 NE 18:32). We welcome them still just as Jesus did. He always let the Pharisees and Sadducees be present, and the Romans sometimes came too as we know, because he knew it was possible that anyone might repent at any time. However, you must learn to discern.

Last weekend at the conference we were given some direction by Elder Gary Stevenson that applies to this. We were told to stand in holy places, stand with holy people, testify of holy truths and listen to the holy spirit. All of these help us to discern God’s will, protect us from harm and guide us towards blessings, but some of them are specific to the notion that there are always wolves among us and some of them clothe themselves as sheep. Evil people won’t go to or at least abide in holy places. If you go there often or go there and stay, those people will voluntarily leave. Evil people don’t listen to the spirit or abide holy truths, so they will either argue with you or leave if you follow promptings or testify of gospel truths. Of course, the final advice, which is crucial but difficult, is to stand with holy people. How do you tell and why does it matter?

CS Lewis admonished in Reflections on Psalms against spending time with vile, virulent people. He wrote:
I am inclined to think a Christian would be wise to avoid, where he decently can, any meeting with people who are bullies, lascivious, cruel, dishonest, spiteful and so forth. Not because we are “too good” for them. In a sense because we are not good enough. We are not good enough to cope with all the temptations, nor clever enough to cope with all the problems, which an evening spent in such society produces. The temptation is to condone, to connive at; by our words, looks and laughter, to “consent”…
We have to find out who these people are so that we do not end up joining in with them mocking that which is righteous or judging that which is evil to be of God or at least “not that bad”. Bad situations can wear down good people. You all know someone who justified a little sin and then over time ended up joining in and condoning and then supporting licentiousness. Mr Miyagi advised us somewhat more brevitously that “Best way avoid fight? Not be there.” We need to avoid those places and people so that we can spend less time fighting satan’s servants and more time acting like God’s. Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly, if you often dwell in holy places, read holy writ, and attempt to hearken to the Holy Spirit, it means you are inclined towards Jesus. That’s a good place to be!

How then do we screen for those people who are holy people? We follow Elder Stevenson’s admonition. We place Christ first. We spend time willingly in holy places, talk openly and often of holy things and live so we can commune effectively and frequently with the Holy Spirit. The devil’s disciples won’t do those things, and they will discourage us from doing them. You can tell who your true friends are by what of your private faith practices they don’t oppose and your false friends by the things you do that they protest. When I went to France, I convinced my friend to attend mass at Mont St Michel. If he were averse to Christ or to me, he would have ignored my request, and so will the truly ungodly, no matter how much they portend to be believers. Those who do not truly invite Christ into their lives will not truly feel at home in places of worship. Since their attachment to Christ never goes beyond grammatical levels, the words spoken at worship service will weigh heavily on their ears. They will not appear to be glad for any reason during services until the time arrives to board transportation home.

When it comes to faith and the Faith, people cannot long halt between two opinions. What they do not do in their personal life they will not do in public worship. Those who do not sing praises at home will not sing hymns at church. Those who do not pray in private will not pray in the group and may often arrive late to miss the prayers or refuse to close their eyes during the prayer. Those who do not read God’s word will not attend Sunday School for fear of being forced to hear it there. Those who do not build the kingdom with their sweat or specie will feel ill at ease in edifices built by those who do. Those who do not live the Articles of Faith will resent, mock and ostracize those who do. Those who do not act diligently in their office, who are not shepherds of the Lord’s flock will resent anyone who attempts to be one, even if they are more sheepdog than shepherd. Although the unbeliever may rise in office they will not rise to the challenge, rise to the occasion, nor rise to do the work or put their shoulder to the wheel or volunteer to serve and sacrifice if it requires them to actually work, all the while demanding that you do. They will sit upon their thrones in a thoughtless stupor, basking in the glory, peacocking in their position, and boastful in their calling. Those who do not help advance God’s work progress will receive neither joy nor glory when the sheaves are gathered.

If you have friends you think may not be true believers in Christ, talk with them about the gospel. Pray with them. Read scripture with them. Those who are not open to the redeeming blood of the Savior will not long wish to hear His name nor any of His teachings, and those who are openly opposed to your belief will not welcome such conversation in their midst. If you want to know if a person you like will follow Christ, take him/her to holy places, speak to him/her of holy things, and read with him/her from holy writ. Perhaps, as my ex wife was, she/he is a charlatan, but if they are secretly or openly opposed to the Master, they will not be able to abide that forever if at all. I used to have a friend who would come over to my house and discuss the doctrine in the dark in my living room, and both of my close male friends, despite being Catholic or Quaker respectively, both frequently entertain conversations about faith and my Faith. Both of them have even attended services with me, and now I have reciprocated with both of them.

Our lives are a crucible in which the fires of affliction create reactions that change us from what we are into what we truly desire to become. With enough time and effort, you can discern people who share your principles, values and vision. With enough trial and tribulation, you can discern whether you truly believe the things you espouse. If you wish to be of the world, you can establish conditions that will cause you to react into something the world values. If you wish to be out of the world, there are conditions that will tend in that direction too, but you make the choice of how you react. Ultimately, there is an empirical formula to this turning point. You either come closer to Christ, or you move further from Him. The wolves will always drive you away from the flock. Sometimes, the sheepdogs (or sheep Dougs as it were) may seem to do so as well, but if you follow Elder Stevenson’s advice, it will be easier to tell the chaff from the wheat, the wheat from the tares, the good from the evil. Everything that is good and comes from God encourages you to do good and only good, to draw toward Christ and to draw others towards Him too, and values character over the metrics measured and magnified by men. And when you find those who worship what you worship, invite them to join you.

Visitors are always welcome.

Come join us for worship. For help finding a meetinghouse, go to https://maps.churchofjesuschrist.org/ and enter your location to find a congregation (and time) near you. And if you end up in mine, come say hello. There is always an empty seat beside me. I try to always save room for Jesus.

26 September 2023

Morality's Tail Wags the Dog

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Just before classes started this term, the Dean told me to remove a sign from my door advertising that "Let's Get Beer Tacos And Quesadilas" because someone from the HDTV+ community might be offended. Our world is bombarded with "a multitude of loud, persistent, appealing voices. Murmuring voices that conjure up perceived injustices, pointing voices of that abhor challenge and work, seductive voices offering sensual enticements, flattering voices that puff us up with pride, commercial voices that tempt us to spend money for that which is of no worth and our labor for that which cannot satisfy" (James E Faust). There are not enough voices or at least not enough voices teaching us correct principles, and so we do not govern ourselves correctly, particularly if we do not know how. With the advent of home internet and smartphones, we no longer take charge of what comes into our homes. With the obsession of social media, we no longer know what truly normal looks like and have skewed versions of what normal or real life resembles. With a change in campaign finance laws that ensure that the best funded candidate wins rather than the one of most upstanding character, there is no way Mr. Smith will ever get to Washington. What is the solution to that? The solution when the tail wags the dog is with the dog to decide who is the dog and who is the tail.

I grew up in the 1990s, and there were some arguably deviant things during that time. I didn't notice some of the things because I was not an adult, but there was a greater effort to shield children from adult themes that you don't see now. For instance, some of the more suggestive shows and offerings were offered at times on television when children could not watch them. Then came TiVo and then Netflix, and now anyone can watch anything anytime if they know the password to the account. When I was in high school, they were still asking parental permission for certain things, and when I was shown "Glory" in high school, which is Rated R, without my parental consent and I complained, the teacher was removed from the classroom. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was considered inappropriate for 13 YO children without parental permission, but apparently it's totally ok to talk with 8YO children about sexuality without parental consent or even knowledge.

In a world with plenty to offer in terms of entertainment and choice, it strikes me as particularly odd that we are obsessed so much with outlier attitudes, beliefs and norms. Even more repugnantly, we let a loud, violent minority of persons dictate the drift of moral sentiments. Somehow these groups amassed lots of money or have learned to leverage their particular privilege cards in order to tempt lawyers into profitable litigious arrangements. Stop making stupid people famous. We all used to mock people who played video games but now people earn millions of dollars while streaming gaming and other people WATCH THEM PLAY. So, now people are held ransom to the will of aberrant and abhorrent attitudes on the auspice that resistance results in a diminution of their fiduciary power. If we stand up to silliness, we'll be silenced, fired, or cancelled. I removed the sign for LGBTAQ from my door because I wasn't willing to die on that hill over a funny sign, because that is the ultimate solution for which these morally marginal groups will campaing- the loss of your ultimate livelihood.

Sometime between 2012 and 2016 a switch flipped in America and things that once belonged in the shadows emerged into the limelight. I do not think it is good for the nation, for the world, for civil society, or for people of morality. Society says that promiscuity is wrong; promiscuous people fight to change it. Society accepts that eating meat is fine; vegans fight to change it. Society says that gender is from birth; people who don't like their gender fight to change it. Society accepts legal immigration; illegal aliens fight to change that. Society claims it needs cheap, available access to energy; "climate advocates" fight to endorse less efficient and more expensive energy sources over fossil fuels. The majority of people say they want something; government assists a minority in changing it to the opposite. It's repugnant. We elect people to serve our interests and enact our voice and then a small intellectual elite sides with a small but vocal minority and somehow they get reelected? How?

Our constitution was made for a moral and religious people, James Madison said, and it is wholly inadequate for the government of any other. What we really need in this nation is more morality, except that that's probably not going to happen, at least not without a lot of work, work that I cannot do alone. I teach correct principles in Sunday School, but that's a whopping 90 minutes a month, and the voluminous contradictory opinions of pop culture, worldliness and even their own families countermand most of my feeble efforts. What really needs to change is at home. Parents need to control what comes into our homes. Parents need to teach children about outliers and normality. Parents need to be fighting for and voting for people who espouse and vote for the moral outcome, even if it's not the one that enriches us. We need to act. YOU need to act. I am only one man, and none of my children are probably ever going to make a difference, particularly as long as I continue to remain childless. If you don't like the tail waging the dog, then you need to tell it when to wag. You need to be the dog. And you need to be a good boy (or girl). Who will be a good boy? WIll you?

21 September 2023

My Missing Teeth- the Rest of the Story

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March 2022, I had oral surgery to remove two teeth #8 and #9, from my upper jaw. Enough time has passed that I forgot about the initial visit until the first week of July when I was going through copies of the xrays I requested from the surgeon. 

Losing two teeth has been rough. I developed a whistle when I speak. I felt self conscious about the way I looked. It cost a lot of money out of pocket ($7000) to replace them with implants. It took about nine months for the infection to heal, and it was painful. However, it also saved my life.

On my last visit to the oral surgeon, when he gave me access to my cadre of xrays and images, he told me the truth about his initial thoughts. I remember looking at the gaping hole in my skull and him commenting on how my particular case was one of the most challenging and extensive cases he ever tackled the first time we met. However, he told me on that last visit that he knew I had about six months from the date of my consultation before the infection in my skull punched through and started eating my brain.

For a long time I opined the situation, the money, the pain, the disruption, and the stream of unfortunate decisions that led me to this place. Then I realized that going in now, and the circumstances that put me into this place, constitute a sign of God's love for me. He sent a blessing disguised as a trial to save my life.

People often opine the notion that bad things happen to good people and say that a loving God could not possibly allow bad things to happen to His children. While the rationale to explain this is voluminous, in this particular case, God allowed something bad to happen to me because otherwise I would not know I was dying until it was too late.  When I took action, He was able to use a skilled surgeon to restore me and make me whole once more.

I have been dead before, but the damage to my brain in those instances was neither infection related nor the concomitant necrosis that would accompany that. This particular circumstance would not be one from which I could recover. Clearly death is not ready for me yet and God still has a work for me to do.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that we don't understand and feel that we don't deserve. I do not know why these things must be, but this experience is another reminder that God would not allow them to happen if they were not somehow for our best eternal good. And sometimes they are for our immediate good too.

I don't know how many more years God gave me with this "blessing disguised as a trial". I am resolved to try to live worthy of the blessing I received.  We know from the scriptures that everything Christ touches is made whole again.  I was made whole by this too in more ways than simply a restitution of my oral cavity.

I challenge you to look at your trials as opportunities for God to bless you. Whether we talk about Job or Abraham, about Daniel or Elijah, the scriptures are replete with examples of the faithful who went through long and deep troughs. It is in troubled times much more than in good times that we are able to become what He intends us to be. I promise you that if you look for His blessings, you will see them, you will realize them, you will thank God for them, and you will invite other blessings, some of which will be blessings without disguise.

14 September 2023

Responsibility Without Authority

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Middle management and leadership are tricky situations and vague descriptions. Just because you have a position of authority does not mean you have any actual authority. You can ask the Dean where I work or the bishop of my ward, and they will tell you that they get vetoed all the time. Yet, middle management is often blamed for failure of an organization to meet a goal set by the highest echelons. The reason for this is that all too often people are given responsibility to execute a goal and achieve an outcome without the authority to actually see it done or without actually assuming the authority necessary to succeed. Whether at church, at work or in relationships, someone has to be a leader and allowed to act as such.

In 2016, my parents convened our first family reunion. During that reunion, my niece attempted to assert her will over me when my brother and his wife were elsewhere in the house by physically assaulting me. To stop her violence, I grabbed her arms and held her tight so that she could not strike or scratch me. When my sister in law saw this, she immediately went to the defense of her child and chastised me for disciplining her daughter without her express prior written consent. I told her that if she could not make me responsible for her children without giving me authority to countermand their bad decisions and refused to watch the young girl for the rest of the week. My parents agreed that her expectations were illegitimate.

In 2021, I was put into the bishopric of my congregation at church. Earlier this year, I was sitting in a meeting where upper muckety mucks from a higher echelon of church leadership were “teaching” the youth of my ward. When the male presenter decided to openly bully and belittle three of the youth in front of their peers, parents and other youth leaders, I was the only one who protested, despite the fact that the bishop and stake president were also in attendance. After that meeting, the stake president decided to chastise ME for “making a scene”. I told him, “You cannot expect me to prepare these kids to grow up, get married, serve missions and lead the church while simultaneously allowing other leaders to bully them in front of their peers. Either give me authority to defend them or replace me in the bishopric with someone you will sustain.” I expect to be replaced any day now. The man who bullied the youth was never chastised to my knowledge for bullying teenagers in public, but I’m the villain.

When I was married, my wife would put things on my credit card without my express prior written consent. Since they were my credit cards, I was obligated to pay the bills, but I had no authority to tell her not to spend money. We had joint accounts, so she could just go out to the bank and pull money out of the atm had I removed her from the cards. Our relationship became unsustainable because I was held accountable by my wife, her family, the government and even my Faith, to pay for her upkeep and largess, but I had no authority to put a stop to her fiscal irresponsibility. She spent money faster than I could earn it and complained that I needed to earn more.

The problem with this situation is that it’s a form of slavery at worst and indentured servitude at best. One person is required to deliver, and they have zero veto authority to override misbehavior by other parties. In any interpersonal relationship, someone must be the leader. If too many people compete to be the leader, it can be tough to come to a resolution or achieve any goal. And if the person made the leader is merely a figurehead, the organization will either fail or the “leader” in name only will have nothing to do with the outcome achieved. If you are given responsibility without authority you are not actually a leader. You are a servant. Leaders by definition make decisions. Servants, or slaves if you will, must execute the directives of others. So, if you are commanded to make bricks without straw, even if you oversee a group tromping in the mud, you are not a leader. You are still a subject.

08 August 2023

Oregon Trail and Romance

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Growing up, one of the most popular video games was Oregon Trail. I think in part we enjoyed it so much because “computer class” allowed us to play games rather than do work. It features a strategy, turn-based interface with randomized challenges and planned events to overcome as you move through a simulation of the trek from Independence MO to the Willamette Valley. It dawned on me this past week that the Oregon Trail game is a microcosm for modern romance, and I will explain why.

Party selection
The game offers you three options for crossing the plains. You can be a banker, a carpenter or a farmer. Each of these comes with strengths and weaknesses. Bankers are richer and can start off with better equipment, but the carpenter can repair the wagon for less despite his lower starting wealth. In the game as in life, there are pros and cons to the potential mates a woman can choose, and the option you pick may predict your ultimate prospects for success. In the game as in life, the banker had the greatest likelihood of success because of his wealth, because you could buy more goods, pay for portage, bribe the natives, and treat your own diseases or wounds. However, you got more points at the end if you could get to Oregon as a farmer, since the whole point of the valley was to farm it.

Obstacles
The route to Oregon is beset with difficulties, natural and random. Depending on when you go, you face weather conditions. The game builds random challenges into your game like damage to your wagon, sickness in your party, injuries to your family, and roadblocks to your progress. Sometimes you can spend time or money to overcome them. Depending on whom you chose to be, you have different prospects for success over these challenges. It is possible to lose members of your party along the way to disease or war parties or injury. I died many times trying to cross the plains as a farmer. The final stretch puts you on the river where you have to navigate the rapids, and it is possible to get this far and have everything go right up to that point and then lose by crashing along the river. The most difficult challenge comes right before the end.

Prospects for success
Upon arriving in Oregon, each of the players faces different prospects for success. New settlements need bankers less than the other professions, and you don’t get extra points from the game for not spending money. Carpenters bring skills and farmers bring the ability to survive and thrive, but they are less appealing vocations in the modern world. However useful those other options may be, many players pick the banker, because there is a stigma against being a lowly farmer. You get more points if you can make it there as a farmer, because it’s harder to cross but more valuable in Oregon if you come as a farmer.

Unfortunately the world scores our trek to Oregon differently. Very few women like blue collar workers or farmers as their mates. Since we don’t live in a world where people are scraping by like they would be in the old west, very few women find men valuable unless they are rich like the banker.

Over the past several years, many of the elderly members of my congregation and neighborhood tried to set me up, unsuccessfully, with daughters, granddaughters and friends. Most of these women were attractive. None of them were interested in me. I’m essentially a glorified teacher as a chemistry professor. These women know that I would be a good son in law or grandson in law. They know where I am headed. I’m headed to Oregon, a place of potential prosperity and peace, and they know it’s a good place where they would like their female descendants to be. The younger women however see the journey and have no interest in crossing the prairie with me. They don’t want to face the risk of smallpox, dysentery, injury, Indian attack, floods, storms, bear attack, or wreckage on a river crossing. They don’t want to help me get to Oregon. They don’t want to have to do the work. They want to fly to Oregon and then pick from the winners who manage to arrive, especially those who “make bank”. They are not interested in struggling with me but wish to benefit from my successes after the struggle.

I understand the appeal of the banker. It’s nice to be where I am where I can buy just about anything I want, spend two weeks in Europe each year, and put gas in my tank whenever I like. However, aside from money the banker offers little of value, which is reflected in the scoring of the game. Everyone knows that it’s appealing, and too many women would rather arrive without having to do work than struggle and grow together with a mate. The women who try to introduce me to their female friends and family recognize the utility and logic and strengths I offer as a Carpenter/Farmer, and they know that “very successful” is appropriately vague. Unfortunately the young women are not looking for a relationship. They seem to be looking for a reward.

We are all on our way to Oregon. We are trying to get to a place that offers possibility, prosperity and peace. No matter how you define that and what route you take, you will have to cross a wilderness and face trials and opposition. When you face them, you can either break down or break through. Women dispose of perfectly acceptable men all the time, because they care more about validation than about having their needs met along life’s path. Women want a man built by trials who is successful without having to put anything into it. IF we lived back in the day of wagon trains, they would have no ability to pursue that option. The only way to get to Oregon back then was to walk there yourself. There were no planes or trains or automobiles. Although we have those things today, the truly successful man is one who can get there without those advantages.

If you meet a man who is making the trek to Oregon, take a risk on him. Flying to Oregon and picking a winner is not the way to build a rich life. You might have riches, but they don’t necessarily enrich you. Even if you don’t make it to Oregon, you might find something along the way. Adventure. To live is a great adventure and an enriching one.

13 July 2023

"Studies Prove" is Propaganda

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Ever since that thing in 2020 we're not allowed to mention by name on the internet, we have been bombarded with claims by "science" and scientists. Now that it's over you will still hear them, but they will be about different topics. Today's rant is inspired by a woman I saw on Youtube claiming that "studies prove that unmarried women are happier". I can't find a study that deals with that. I found an article from the UK that references a website called Mintel ( a market research firm) and a book from a guy named Paul Dolan that has been fact checked into oblivion, but I couldn't find a single scientific study. There aren't any. This is not scientific, at least not in the classic sense. You can't study this with physics or chemistry or biology. This is a matter of "social science" which is not "science" as most people understand it. To be scientific it must pass certain criteria, as I teach my students every semester.

Science must be measurable. I'm not talking about talking to people and collating responses in a market survey. I mean you must collect data with instruments in metric values that can provide mathematical value for trendlines and ANOVA. How many liters are there in a unit of happiness? How many grams of mass does happiness have? Happiness is not an item that science can measure. It's SUBJECTIVE. Anyone who claims otherwise is selling something. There are no machines or metric units that can measure happiness. Science cannot measure preference, belief, sophistry, or opinions. It doesn't measure religion. There is a good reason some things are not validated by the FDA. There is no way to do so.

Science is repeatable. Theoretically, if something is causal, it is always causal. This means that every woman would have to be happier if she never married. This means that marriage must lower the happiness value of every woman who married and do so every time she married by the same amount. Since you can't actually test on the same woman multiple times without having residual effects from previous experience, there will be artifacts that skew the future data. We also don't usually experiment on PEOPLE in science. It must be testable by everyone, repeatable by everyone, and applicable to everyone, or at least with a 95% confidence level.

Science must be falsifiable. This does not mean that we make up fake data. This means that you must leave room for the possibility that you might find results that counteract your presuppositions. In fact a well designed scientific experiment doesn't prove anything. You write a hypothesis and a null hypothesis. The hypothesis would be that "unmarried women are happier" the null hypothesis would be "marriage has no effect on happiness". Assuming you could test this, you would design an experiment to disprove the null hypothesis, collect data, and see if marital state affects happiness. With sufficient data you could then reject the notion that marriage has no effect, but that does not prove your hypothesis. It merely means you can reject the null hypothesis. You repeat until you test every other null hypothesis and then can claim, if and only if you reject every possible null hypothesis, that by default your hypothesis cannot be disproven.

I tell my students every semester the same thing. "Science never proves anything. It removes all other possibilities until only the truth remains". That is a direct quote from me to them. So any time anyone claims that science has proven something, I know they are paid liars. They can't possibly have tested everything on everyone and found that is is always true for every specimen. They can't possibly have tested every null hypothesis. In the end, I will accept when someone says, "evidence suggests" because that is more carefully couched in measurements and data, and it doesn't claim that there is no room that they might be wrong. You don't test your hypothesis. But most scientists are sponsored by someone and have an incentive to prove their sponsor's investment was wisely spent. As Arthur Conan Doyle warned in A Study in Scarlet "It is useless to theorize before you have facts otherwise you start bending facts to fit theories" which is exactly what most "scientists" do. Everyone wants to be relevant, but most "science" is anything but. Most of it is marketing.

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12 July 2023

Adversary's Methods

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Last Sunday after worship service ended, I went around, as it was my month to conduct, and I thanked those who helped make our meeting possible and successful. The chorister, a kindly older woman of 82 years, praised my work and said, "Now we just need to find you a wife so you can be our next bishop". I know she means well, but people have been threatening me essentially with the prospect of making me the next bishop when our current one's term of office concludes, and the only thing keeping me from that threat coming true is that I remain single. I have noticed since quarantine that all of the people who seem to think I need a wife all seem to imply that I need one, not to be of benefit to me, but so that I can be of benefit to them. They don't see it as a way to enhance my life but as a way to rectify some flaw that keeps me from enhancing the lives of other people. I can enhance your life without a wife, thank you very much, despite what the cliches claim. Yes, there is a woman behind this successful man. She is my mother.

It's a threat because it places a burden on me. Becoming a bishop is a grotesque amount of work and responsibility. Sometimes I complain about the workload I have, but I know there are things that the bishop has to do that I can pass off on him because the handbook requires it. I have to burn two days of personal time off to attend boys camp this summer, but the bishop had to go along to girls' camp and spend personal vacation for that too. He has to meet with people and handle issues and keep them secret. Ultimately, he is responsible for everything that happens in the congregation. Sure, he can delegate, but if it doesn't happen, ultimately he's responsible. And he must do all this, keep working at his job, raise his kids, keep his household and tend his wife. There is a very good reason that Timothy explains the following requirements for being a bishop:
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
You need to be faithful, loyal, tending, hospitable, intelligent, restrained, temperate, and successful so that you are not tempted to abuse the church or its members and so that you can act in Christ's place with the best approximation of what He would do that you are capable. It might be a good work as Timothy suggests, but to do it with honor is hard work.

It's a threat because it places a surprise burden on my new wife. Assuming I met someone today, I could theoretically be married next summer. The current bishop's term comes up in 2026. This means that my new wife could end up being the bishop's wife after having been married to me for only two years. What if we have children? She could have a toddler. Not to mention, there are myriad new stresses that arise in the beginning of a marriage that could create strife and discord, and how many wives are honestly ok if their husband is required to keep secrets and spend long hours in a locked office that is not his paid job? This is what a bishop has to do. He must meet with people and keep confidences. He must do extra work after hours without additional pay, meaning he's not around to help out with the kids or the house or the chores. What are the odds that a brand new wife will deal with this additional burden of responsibility with patience, grace and trust? How is that fair to her?

It's a threat because it's not about me. It's about what I can do for other people, many of whom don't like or respect me. People don't want me to become a bishop because they love me. They love what I might do as bishop for them. I don't aspire to rank or status or title. I have turned down highly compensated jobs and titular heads. I am quite happy being a teacher. In "A Man For All Seasons" Thomas More tells Richard Rich to aspire to teach, and I took it to heart. I don't want the extra meetings, and I don't like the things I have learned about church leadership and church members. I like being able to focus on talking about Christ rather than talking about problems. I like being able to read scriptures for a lesson rather than reading the handbook to attend a meeting. None of these people want me to get a wife so that I will be better or so that my life will be better. They want me to get married so that I can become a bishop. In fact, there is no better leverage to dissuade me from marriage than the continued barrage of insistence that I marry so that I can become a bishop, because as long as I remain single, I remain ineligible, which is how I like it. In fact, I'm disinclined to even date, because I might like someone enough to put me into that position, and I don't want it.

I know people may mean well. I think they mean it as praise. However, I don't see it as praise for me or of benefit to me personally. I'm not really all that patient, and I don't like to entertain. Without a wife, I think I'd make a horrible bishop, and I might not make even an average one unless I married someone spectacular, but I don't want to burden some woman with that outcome because she happens to marry the wrong man and ends up the bishop's wife. In the end backhanded compliments or threats of any sort undermine an organization. Thomas More took the Chancellor's spot in England because Henry VIII threatened his life. Ultimatums are rarely, if ever, given out of love. In this case, especially since all my well-wishers don't wish a wife for me so that I will benefit somehow but so that I can "become the next bishop" I don't think their hopes are out of love either, at least not for me. To the great credit of my parents, they do not push, and I think they are put off by the protracted campaign to find me a wife, not to be of benefit to ME, but so that I can be of benefit to the church by being the next bishop. This treatise alone should serve to show that I am anything but qualified for that position. I'm not humble or patient enough, and I feel a little rebellious. All I have to do to stay away from the bishopric is to remain single. Easy. Beware those who try to threaten me. You cannot tempt to virtue like Satan does to vice. There is no virtue in using the Adversary's methods to achieve the Father's Plan.

02 July 2023

Why Good Men Should Seek Suffering

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Nobody likes to suffer. Suffering is painful. However suffering is sometimes preferable to the alternative. And sometimes suffering is the only way for things to be better. Consider the person for example whose appendix has burst. His stomach must be cut open and his insides cleaned or else, in short order, his entire body will become septic and his life force completely ebb. A little painful surgery prevents death, and in a similar fashion oftentimes a little suffering in life prevent the death of the soul. Years ago a religion teacher once spoke that the worst trial one could endure was a life of no trials. Consider Job, whose life at the onset of his story seems to be one of nonstop merriment. His friends, so attuned to his success, conclude when God allows the devil to cause Job to suffer that Job must have deserved it. The real interesting thing about Job’s story is that God allowed Job to suffer so that He could make Job greater in the end than he was in the beginning. We ought not then pity any man who suffers, particularly a great man who endures trials. Obviously the universe considers some men worth building or it would not try to break them down.

Naturally, the presumption for a man who is suffering is that there is something wrong with him. When I recount stories from my life, people sometimes recoil, assuming that to draw near to me might mean that the lightning bolts of trial might strike them too by association. However, suffering might not mean there is anything wrong at all. Pests are not attracted to things that are already spoiled. Consider “Mr Smith Goes to Washington” which depicts an honest, forthright, and humble man thrust into the public sphere of Congress who does absolutely nothing to earn the spite and ire of his compatriots but who attracts their constant campaign of character assassination, not because he is evil, but precisely because he is so virtuous. Yes, trials often follow the wicked. It is often by the wicked that the wicked are punished, but the virtuous also make themselves a target by living righteousy. Sir Thomas More wrote to his daughter Margaret that sometimes we must stand fast in our virtue at the risk of being heroes. Shortly thereafter King Henry VIII cut off More’s head because More refused to accede to his edict and permit a divorce so that Henry could marry Anne.

In order to build something up, sometimes you must break it down. Likewise, the human body takes in materials and breaks them down in order to build itself up. We don’t need celery or cereal or crab legs, but our bodies break down our food into constituents and then reassembles the contents to build things it needs. If you want to strengthen your muscles, you must tear them lifting weights in order to convince your body to build your body for future lifting requirements. Seeds either must be submerged beneath soil or pass through a digestive track and be buried in manure in order to grow. In 2014 at Sequoia Kings Canyon National Park, a ranger told me that they realized that putting out fires was reducing the sequoia groves.  In order for the new trees to seed and have fertile soil wildfires must rage and pave the way for a new generation of saplings.  None of these are particularly pleasant pictures, but the prospect of growth only occurs under those conditions. Something must be broken before something better can be built.

Why do good men suffer? Why does God allow it? It’s actually a very simple but profound situation. There are many wonderful and decent people in the world. All of them are relevant. Without the average individual, there is not enough for the renowned to flourish, but many people, however relevant, are redundant. The failures are remembered because they tried, the victors are remembered because of their achievements, but the vast majority of people are forgotten amongst the throngs of average. When someone capable of rising above the background noise is born, the world, the universe or the Master elect to offer them a chance to rise up and rise above. Many of these people come from inauspicious circumstances. Joan of Arc was a teenage farm girl. Bailien of Ibelin was a blacksmith in English France. Simon Peter was a fisherman. Abraham Lincoln was so poor he had to borrow books to read at home because his parents could afford none. Yet, we know these names because these people did something with their lives. We also know Henry Tudor (Henry VIII) and Adolf Hitler and Ghenghis Khan and Marcus Brutus and Hernando Cortez because they also did something, something terrible.

The process seems simple. Difficult circumstances arise that invite a man to choose. Often the choices are simple. Sometimes they cut right to the character of the person. In that moment of choice, the man commits to a life path that irrevocably leads to a rendezvous with destiny. They were available and capable, and so the universe affords them a time for choosing. The process tests the commitment of their mettle, the steel of their convictions, the disposition of their specie, the application of their chiasmata. With each choice, the man commits deeper and deeper to his actual eternal disposition and a character is born. When the character’s casting call comes he struts and frets his hour on stage, and sometimes performs spectacularly in a way that dazzles the audience of mankind and reverberates through history. If the man is inclined to diligently apply himself, ultimately all of history knows his name and holds it for better or worse for the rest of human history.

Some are ultimately broken by the process. We should not pity them. Most men are not chosen. Most men are forgotten. Those chosen to be built who break against the weight of their trials are still often men we remember. King Saul was chosen. He broke against the commandments of God when, rather than slaughter everything, he retained some of the kine for sacrifice instead of obeying. King David was chosen. He broke against the commandments of God when he lusted after Uriah’s wife, had Uriah slain and lay with her against the prophet’s will. King Solomon was chosen. He broke against the commandments of God when he boasted of his riches to the queen of Egypt, thus precipitating a war in which Egypt lusted after Israel’s riches. Yet, we remember these men. We remember them being broken, but we also remember them being built, being chosen, being brave, being good, being loved of God, and because they were chosen by the universe we all know their names. We do not remember the rest of the kings of Israel or Judah for the most part. They occupied space in the line between men who mattered.

Those who survive the process are refined in the furnaces of affliction. It takes time to make a man great: time and patience and practice. IN a world that does not reward virtue, it also requires unwavering commitment and more than a lion’s share of moral fiber. The great man must prove every minute of every hour of every day that he is true and loves the truth and cannot be shaken or bought or swayed from his true purpose. It’s not about money. He cannot be bought or bribed. And, because it must be honest and from within, God must take away His hand and allow the creature to do from the will alone an endeavor which quickly loses all relish. When Elijah fled Ahab into the wilderness, he was fed by the ravens, but eventually the ravens failed and God sent him to Zarapath. There, he invited a widow woman to feed him and, to his great dismay, watched the son die anyway despite his promise. Although he raised the boy from the dead, by the time he reached the mountain where he challenged the priests of Baal he still wasn’t sure he was doing God’s will. Having seen the fire come down and consume his sacrifice and the soldiers subsequently slaughter Ahab’s priests at Elijah’s command Elijah still didn’t think he had achieved a rassafrassin thing. He still felt abandoned. So God sent an earthquake, a whirlwind, and then finally a still small voice, but it wasn’t until Elisha came that Elijah’s soul seems finally satisfied.

It is hard to stay the course when you are not sure you’re on course. People will conclude that, because things are awful, that you must be doing something wrong. Job’s friends ridiculed him and invited him to repent because clearly all that suffering was a punishment. Even Peter in Acts heals a man whom everyone assumed was infirm because of some sin because sometimes the infirmity is so that Peter can show he is Christ’s apostle. God does not put halos on His servants and the universe does not bedeck its favourites with plumage. All too often it is EVIL that rewards its disciples with gold, silver, silks and titles. Yesteryear, wicked men twirled their mustaches and wore dark overcoats.  Now they clothe their naked villainy in odd old ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem saints when most they play the devil.  Evil has become fashionable.  The Chosen must continue forward anyway without that reassurance, because it makes their faith more noble to press on without any assurance that they are in the right. Because when it comes from within, that’s the only time it’s truly real. You can bribe a man or threaten him, but only if he decides to do it no matter what is the cause of Evil actually threatened. Wrote CS Lewis:
“Our cause is never more in danger my dear Wormwood than when a human no longer desiring but still intending to do the Enemy’s will looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, asks why he has been forsaken and still obeys.” [Screwtape Letters Letter #9]
And that, my friends, is why Henry VIII had no choice but to execute More, because he stood by his convictions and refused to bow his head to the will of a fallen man.  

The devil will also rage against the man and bring suffering. Sometimes the man beset with trials is doing everything imaginable correctly and the devil cannot abide it. He will throw whatever he can at the man to dissuade, distract and discourage. He has no body, so he tries to wear down and break ours. He has no conviction or faith, so he tries to sow doubts in ours. He has no virtue, and so he will try to convince men that we are suffering because we earned it. He teaches of Karma so that men may presume that we are reaping what we sow even if it is not so. Notice that karma is nearly always thought of as a negative with those we do not like. Sometimes people discard and disregard us because they are more interested in fantasy than in reality. Sometimes men suffer because they are doing what is right and because the pests find the fresh fruit the most appealing.

So if you see a man suffering, particularly a man you perceived as good, maybe the universe is refining him rather than scolding him. Perhaps the universe has chosen him rather than forgotten him. Perhaps he should be reminded that some of God’s favorites go through longer and deeper troughs because it is in trial periods much more than in prosperous periods that men grow into what God would like them to become. Wrote the poet “Good timber does not grow in ease; the harsher the gale the stronger the trees.” Up on Charleston Peak outside Las Vegas there stands a Bristlecone pine that is around 4000 years old. Fires, the great Flood, drought, logging, insect infestations, etc., have failed to hurt this tree, and it even withstands men carving their initials into it. It has grown in a way to withstand the winds. The trials it endured killed other trees. For Raintree (as it’s known by the natives) those trials made it strong. So next time God sends you blessings disguised as trials, try not to despair. Like Job, God might be paving the way for your to be better and have more than in the beginning. Clearly God thinks that you might grow into something spectacular.