Cops, the Homeless, and One Way Riders

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Shortly after I began teaching, I joined the One Way Riders, which is a Christian motorcycle club in Vegas with a ministry throughout the valley. I joined the group through invitation by a student who belonged and thought I was cool enough to be part of their cadre. Among other things that we did, we fed the homeless each Friday around 5PM at the corner of Owens and Las Vegas Blvd, just north of the museum district but out of sight of the court house and most of the famous casinos. At that corner, you find a vacant lot which appears from the debris present to be a previous mobile home park, and it lies just north of a cemetery. For almost two years, we did this without incident or problem until one day about four years back, the owner of the property decided to call the cops on us to evict us from the site. On Christmas day last year, I went down to the area that morning to hand out brown bags to the homeless and found, to my shock and awe, that the corner is worse than before, and it angered me. The owner lied. It wasn't about development or the homeless or whatever. It seems to be all about driving us away.

We were removed by force. The police arrived, marched towards ME with their hands near their pistols, and then explained that we were no longer welcome on the property. Apparently, it was the One Way Riders who were not welcome. The homeless were not menaced, now that I recall, but the North Las Vegas Police remained until we packed our victuals, loaded in our vehicles, and vanished from sight. I realize that it is the right of a property owner to remove anyone. It was not what he did but the manner in which he acted that bothers me.

The owner never acted. I haven't been by the site since then until last Christmas, so I was understandably surprised to see just how little has changed at that intersection. However, there are now MORE homeless people there than I ever saw before. Their residence is no longer as tepid as before, the tent cities being in organized lines, so much that it tells me that the owner never actually started building anything on the site. Maybe he couldn't get permission or funding or changed his mind, but he went to the trouble to call the POLICE on us only to never actually follow through on his plan. Misappropriation of funds?

The homeless not only remained but expanded. I don't think I ever saw so many in one place in this town as there were Christmas Day. They were up and down every street, on every corner, in every bush, and then in organized and seemingly new tents on the vacant lot where we once not only fed their bellies but also attempted to nourish them spiritually. What once served as a trailer park is now a homeless encampment populated perhaps with more people than before, people who probably pay no rent whatsoever. I find this highly odd because most property owners want to make money, especially after the owner implied that he intended on a business venture to monetize the lot. I just don't understand why there are more of them and no other apparent changes.

From the evidence, it seems to me that the only people permanently evicted from the property were the Christian missionaries attempting to do good for the lost, the lonely, and the longing. The owner never apparently acted on his expressed claim to develop the land. The homeless were apparently not the problem since they are not only there but in greater numbers than ever before. The police viewed US as the pest, and I wonder if it was over religious differences rather than fiduciary, logistic, or legal ones. I am at a loss, and I am perturbed. As for the homeless, I am glad they have a place still to live. As for the police, they have always been there when they needed me. As for the owner, a plague of both his houses, and if this was bigoted, then may God have mercy on his soil.

Deserved Criticism

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My students tell me interesting and illuminating things. Sometimes I am glad to know, and sometimes I wish they wouldn't. In the midst of some praise after class, one of them told me that I had a scathing review from last semester that didn't make sense to her, because it sounded like some completely different professor, but no, it is for me, because nobody else here has my name. Mostly, I try to be the very best I can all the time. However, I am also mortal, and no matter how much I find it odd that we let students, who never have been professors, critique our work, it was a poor job, a poor showing. The criticisms usually describe differences in learning styles, personalities, and preferences, and in this case, this review essentially reflects the same thing- I didn't teach the way they preferred, I definitely deserve criticism. I taught the class for the wrong reason, and because I wasn't really excited about it, it showed in the quality and veracity of my work in the classroom, and I knew it. I was constantly aware, albeit subconsciously that something was wrong, but nobody seemed willing to tell me then or to my face; they're all too passive-aggressive for that.

I took that class last term for the worst reason possible- for the money. When I started teaching six years ago, I told myself that it was because it was something I desired to do. Most people do it because they must, because it's their job, because they don't know what else to do for a living, and I frequently appeared to most students to be actively engaged. Each time I took this class, microbiology, I did so with my own reservations. It's not really my strong suit, and although I turned down invitations to teach anatomy, I should have turned down this course too. My first time, I taught it on Saturday, to show I was a team player, to score points, and to hopefully secure myself a permanent post, but that failed. The second time, I took it because I was available, and because the bar was very low since the professor abandoned his load mid term to take a job elsewhere. By the fourth time, I was in a groove, doing it out of habit and for the money, and not because I truly wanted to, but this semester I decided to stop teaching classes I don't really enjoy. It will be better for everyone.

Whoever wrote it, I deserved the criticism. Although I don't agree with it carte blanc, the student was correct that it wasn't easy or probably worth while. What disturbs me was the manner of how the criticism came. I know that it came BEFORE the term ended, meaning that whoever this was sat there and smiled, having already roasted me on the internet. They said different things to my face than they said to the internet. I know that it's anonymous, which means that it was done because this student figured they would never actually have to man up and substantiate their claims. Most of the GOBNet who helped me get established is moved on, and so this mark will remain on my permanent internet record, unchallengeable, forever a critique of my merit while others gain favors due to connections. It didn't help anyone, because it came to my attention too late to be of any use. I can no longer reform my teaching and improve what they get, and they cannot benefit from it. So, you vented, but since it cannot any longer lead to any effort on my part to repair the breach, it essentially amounts to a libelous estimation. At best, someone else will teach the course, and maybe that person will do a better job, but none of these students will benefit, and I will bear the shame in perpetuity, hanging for a moment. I am human, and I make mistakes. Like you, I have good days and bad, good semesters and bad, but I cannot overwrite a bad course with a good one as they can because my work isn't represented by transcripts but by whether or not they hire me back, which they may not. If they have someone better, they should hire that person; what this person stole from me is the opportunity to BE better and affect their life directly.

Without the right motivation, my heart just wasn't in it, and I did a half-baked job. I love chemistry, and I love introductory classes. Sure, the first time I teach anything, there are complications and mistakes, but when I really enjoy what I'm doing, they can tell, and I think they learn better and more than if we're both just going through the motions as it were. There for the money, there to fill a slot rather than just doing my regular job, I didn't give 100% every night, and maybe I never gave 100%. I have a reputation, and I'm usually cool, but I don't like the book, the material, or the microbiology course here, so I know better than to get involved. It's why I steered clear of organic chemistry- I didn't want to do all that extra work for the same pay, and I'm not excited about it, and so I didn't do it. When you really care, you find a way, and when you don't, you find an excuse. I got paid, they got grades, and everyone "won" so to speak, but they were cheated out of the best things I have and the best ways I teach because it wasn't where I really belong. I took this class because someone else, someone inferior in my opinion, got the chemistry classes I desired, because of connections, and I wanted "my piece of the action" and took this as a consolation course. They could probably tell. Then again, so could I.

There is good news. I no longer intend to teach that class. I also no longer intend to teach classes just for the money. I've already been asked to teach a summer course, and I'm going to turn down the offer. I also recognize that I earned that review more than this student earned whatever grade they received. I am back teaching courses (mostly) this term where I already know I do a better job- to where I belong. The exception is a course I have never taught, and I think I'll do just fine the second time since I'm just a bit rusty explaining chemistry to non-majors. I forget what people don't already know sometimes. I learned I was correct to not teach pathophysiology, physics, or anatomy and physiology, not because I couldn't but because I'm not really interested in those (or I would know more about them) and because I shouldn't as long as someone who actually desires to teach those courses out of passion can be found to teach them. I don't want to rob them. I like my job, and I know that sometimes in our job we do things we don't really enjoy and for which we're not truly qualified, but having the option, I will not teach classes I don't really want to, regardless of the promised price. The price the students pay is far more than money, and sometimes the money I receive doesn't truly remunerate me for what their libel costs me.

By Their Fruits Ye Shall Grow Them

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It is said that every action has a consequence, that we reap what we sow. They sometimes talk too little about how to sow, what to sow, and why that sometimes results in a different harvest than we expect. As I planted seeds yesterday for my spring garden, I realized that I bought the wrong variety of something again, meaning that instead of green beans, I will have string beans if I plant these, which is not what I want. When you look at the packages of seeds, you trust that what they contain is accurate. However, some plants out back right now are going to seed because they aren't actually the type of radishes I expected. Rather than eat them, since I didn't expect them, I left them, unsure what to do. Then, there's the surprises in what appeared to be a bounteous harvest because I neglected the proper care and nurture of the garden. I have hundreds of beets. They are unfortunately all the size of a pea because they didn't get sufficiently thinned when young.

Sometimes, we are tricked into planting things we didn't actually want. I tell my students every term that each decision I would change is because the information on which I based my choice was either incomplete or inaccurate. When I went into science as a career, they told us we could earn $30,000 to $80,000/annum. What they didn't tell us is that those are average numbers, that most people earn near the bottom, and that the highest wages are not for science but for management. When I went to college, they told us that Biochemistry was the hot career, but when I graduated, the market was flush with unemployed biochemists from companies bought up for their patents and not for their personnel, and now most colleges don't even offer Biochemistry degrees. You make a choice, and you hope that the contents of the package actually match the packaging, but sometimes even if it's not maliciously minded, someone pulls a bait and switch, and instead of radishes you end up with horseradish. That's great if that's what you expected, but it's not what I expected, so it doesn't lead anywhere I planned to go. Even worse, sometimes in the middle of the night, some fiend breaches our field and sows tares among the wheat if we're lucky or burns down the garden completely while you sleep.

Each of us has a requisite responsibility to actualize the outcomes we hope. I detest those who believe in Jedi Mind Tricks, the Secret, the Power of Positive Thinking, as if all we need to do is think happy thoughts and whatever we wish will appear before us. As much as I love the garden, I know there is much to do to prune and dung and dig about the yard. I didn't thin the beets enough, so my beets have amazingly luscious greens but very tiny bulbs. The tomatoes drown out some of my herbs. The string beans nearly choked out other plants. I go out every day during the summer to water everything and make sure it's not only alive but thriving, but some things didn't get the attention they deserve. Too many people are "waiting on the world to change" and too many others are changing it in ways that won't lead to the world they claim they desire. I watched four people right in front of me buy groceries with food stamps, all of whom were smartly dressed, and although their lives are probably peachy, it's not creating the right kind of world.

During Sunday School today, I reminded my class that people find a way to achieve what they truly desire. If you want to harvest pumpkins, you must plant pumpkins. I don't care how much "positive thinking" you do, you can't will a pumpkin seed to bear watermelon as its fruit. If you want something, you find a way; if not, you find an excuse. You must be sure that what you plant leads to the end that you desire. Cauliflower is not steak; cows do not give pork; your garden watermelon will not look like those in the store. God plants good seeds in us, but because of sin, He mostly seems to harvest lemons. On top of that, we're very pessimistic about it, unjustly ascribing things to Him while we ignore that there are things exigent to our control. Other people are free to plant what they like, work on their gardens as they like, and grow things we happen to dislike. They have agency too, but all too often we blame God for not forcing them to grow things that validate us. If we don't remove the weeds from our garden, they may choke out our crops, and if our neighbors don't remove their weeds, they may seed into our lives and choke out our substance as well.

My garden provides both sustenance for my life as well as lessons about life. I never thought as a college student that I'd think and talk so much about the pastoral, but as a plant scientist, I realized that everything begins in the Garden. God planted us there, tried to teach us, and then when we learned how to do things God knew put His garden at risk, He cast us out until we learned enough to return to His presence without wrecking it. Our lives teach us the necessity of work, the prescience of planning, the relationships between cause and effect, and the sweetness of the harvest. We reap what we sow. We sow what we truly desire, we nurture what we want to bear fruit, and we learn to recognize the weeds or foreign seeds from the ones we actually want to keep. I am learning in my garden what God needs me to know in order to be of use in His garden. I am sure there will be more lessons, but for today, this is an early spring.

Small and Simple Things

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If you come here frequently, you probably noticed that I seemed to stop writing for about a month. The articles I started during that period but never finished will appear soon, because I actually ended up having pneumonia for the last several weeks but didn't know it. I've been exhausted, congested, shivering from cold when it's nice in the house, itchy all over, feverish, vomited, and sore all over all the time. It was bad enough that I spent all day last Saturday at home and barely make it home each day to collapse in my bed at night. At least I sleep well, but I think it's because I pass out from exhaustion. Sometimes we don't take things seriously enough, and so I'm slugging through each day barely making it because my body just can't keep fighting while I do everything else. However, they do matter, either because in quantity they add up to something weighty or because they are weighty in their own right. Finally, some small things we take for granted, but when we lose them it creates other and sometimes bigger problems.

Simple habits can keep dangerous risks small. I've never had pneumonia before, but I'm not really surprised I got it. You see, I spend a lot more time than most people in places where I'm likely to catch disease. When I'm minding my own business, I'm out walking every morning and evening, regardless of weather, and I'm more likely to catch something during those times because my body is weak against exposure. I also spend a lot more time than most people talking to, standing near, and working with the indigent. When we go feed them, since I didn't actually prepare any food, I usually end up going down the line either handing out socks or talking to them about religious topics, meaning I get a lot more face time than those who serve the food. They're no better about covering their mouths than children, and so I bet money I caught it from some homeless dude. No good deed goes unpunished, right?

It's always the little things that matter. The bacteria that cause pneumonia are 1 millionth of a meter in length, so small that even if you could see them your brain would ignore them, and yet they brought me low to my bed for weeks. Seemingly unimportant decisions, innocent deviations, and any time we are off by a few degrees, things end up far from where we hoped. Yet, I know that I honestly do my best, and if I had to be perfect for it to work, then there was no point trying. Today, it is just the little things, but when you put enough little things together, their total sum is enough to bring down something far mightier. What began with maybe 100 bacilli blossomed into a million within days and probably ended up killing millions of my own cells before it ends. A few torn fibers, a few innocent flirts, a few items purloined perniciously, and pretty soon we're paying for our choices in ways we don't realize because we don't realize how many things added up to earn us our plight. For this reason, I try not to deviate from my rules. I keep them because they keep me. Lots of small bacteria combined made a huge impact on my life, and small habits could have prevented their entrance methinks if I'd taken them more seriously.

Ever since teaching in grad school, I've distrusted doctors, so I only went to see one because I had another reason that was less urgent. Sometimes we belittle things that we ought not. It seems a little thing to admit you need help, to get a regular checkup, and although I'm not going to probably change all that much, I am now on a regimen to get better, especially since I lost my voice several days ago, right about when I went to the doctor. So, I slug on, point at things, sigh a lot, and probably make people think I'm a jerk when I don't answer, but I really can't. We rely so much on speech, on affectation, and I can only communicate so well with typed words. You really only appreciate what you have when it's taken from you. I became so used to my habits, my routine, and the use of my limbs and faculties that it was tough some days to just lie there and do nothing, realizing that the work of the day was to get well, get rest, and get repaired. If I had insisted on hiking or running or leaving my house, at the very least I prolong my own suffering and possibly risk introducing it to others.

At the end of the day, it's always the little things. People remember the little things. When people ignore the little things, they often blow out of proportion. What seems little to you adds up to a big deal. Small lies evince lack of integrity eventually. Small fines deplete your account eventually. Small gestures endear you to others eventually. Simple habits create great change, for good or ill. For now, I feel small. I know that I am dumb for I cannot speak. It's amazing how much small and simple things change your world.