Unto Such Shall Ye Continue to Minister

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In my role as a member of the ward bishopric, I take the occassion to visit as many families as I can. I have NOT visited EVERYONE, but last week I managed to finally make it into a home of some members who were reticent to let ANYONE from the ward into their house. While there, they spilled the beans about their feelings and misgivings and experiences, and it opened my eyes. In particular, one issue was mentioned that prompted this post. The wife reported that, when reporting on her ministering visits, the Relief Society President asked if a particular woman should be added to the list of "never coming back to church". She was disturbed. I was enraged. I mentioned it to the Bishop last Sunday, but he dismissed my concerns and experiences. After all, this family won't let HIM in their house. I found it contrary to experience, to doctrine and to the happiness of both the minister and the person to be visited.

First off, this attitude runs contrary to experience. We have members of our congregation who were absent for protracted periods of time who are now stalwart, faithful and RESPECT ME, and I didn't even have anything to do with their return. An elderly couple returned to the temple this last year after 40 years of not having recommends. An older gentleman was inactive after joining the Navy until his daughter was born, and he has been active and valiant for the 26 years since then. A husband walked away for a time, and his wife thought they were going to be apart forever, but he decided to read the scriptures and, after reading everything in a year, returned unexpectedly to church one week. Even his wife didn't know. We have no idea who will return to the fold. We have no idea what the Lord is doing to reach out and influence people. If we assume they are never coming back, we will not be available to help them return, and even if they do we rob ourselves of the blessings that come from helping people change their lives for the better.

Secondly, this attitude runs contrary to doctrine. In the Book of Mormon, we read Christ teaching his disciples in the Americas: 

 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them. -3NE 18:32

We have been commanded to continue not only to continue to minister but to allow and encourage them to come and worship with us. Christ himself taught us to continue to reach out, as He does, to everyone. We have no idea who will return and repent. We cannot see the heart of a person, and we cannot predict whom Christ will elect to heal. Many Christians assume they know the final disposition of a soul, but with rare exception anyone can be helped and rescued and redeemed. One of the youth reported seeing a sticker that read "Christ loves those you hate". He died and rose again for them too.

Finally, creating a list of people who will "never return" is contrary to happiness and denies the Christ. We are not the final arbiter, and the disposition of a man in this world is not the final state of a man. No man can see the future. Many that die deserve life; many who live deserve death. Many who are happy deserve suffering; many who suffer deserve ease. Sometimes the path to heaven is not that straight and narrow, not because the criteria vary but because the route we walk and the experiences we endure lead us to wander far from where we intended. As a boy, my dad liked to draw mazes to entertain us at church, and I quickly learned that My Father liked to draw a circuitous route from start to finish. Likewise, our Father God does the same in order to make sure we get the experiences and opportunities and have a chance to influence the lives He sends us to touch and participate as much as we can in His work so we can share the blessings. Even Jesus wandered in the wilderness alone for a time; even Jesus felt like His father abandoned him in Gethsemane. At baptism we promise to be with those in need of help, to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort. At no point are we told to eschew, reject or bar the "wicked" from our midst, because we are all wicked too. CS Lewis wrote that, as far as temptations go, "Murder is no better than cards if cards will do the trick" leading a man away from God.

Anyone can return to Christ. I had a friend in High School who, up until my Freshman year, was a drug dealer. Initially members of my ward worried about me hanging out with "Richard" because they saw only his past. Christ saw his future. THere was no reason to expect Richard to ever come back to church, but he did, and he served a mission, and I hope he is well, because we lost contact when I moved away. He would discuss the scriptures with me at school, acknowledge I exist, and give me a ride when my father was not available, and I bet members put him on the "never coming back to church" list in their hearts. I don't see men change often, but I saw Richard change, and I know what goes through MY heart, and so if God can find me acceptable and inspire me, then surely He can and will work through whomever He deems worthy, and I am not there to judge. I left my visit last Thursday promising them that I was not there to judge them. I was there to love them, and SO ARE WE ALL. We have only two commandments to live: love God, and love your neighbor. I shall continue to minister, because although nobody from church visits me, Christ ministers to me and is patient with me and forgives me. How can I do anything but?

One of My Proudest Moments

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There’s a lot of temptation in the world today to do things to advance yourself. There’s a lot of temptation in academia to do whatever it takes to succeed. I told my class last night about cheating, about how students have cheated and about how they have cheated each other, as I warned them about allowing cheaters to get away with it. And then I told them a story about one of my proudest moments about cheating. You see today, it seems that morality and virtue and ethics and propriety are to be discarded at any time if you can justify it to advance yourself. One day, years ago, a student tried the trope on me.

Back in 2015, I was teaching all the same lecture and lab classes. I had all the same students which was good for continuity and familiarity. Unfortunately, familiarity brings its own risks. One night during lab, after I’d given a particularly tough exam earlier that week, one of my female students approached me. She told me that she would do “anything” to get an A in my class. I said, “Anything eh?” as I rubbed my beard. “Anything” she responded, seductively. “Then why don’t you do the homework I assign?” You see, by this point, she had failed to submit any work for three homework assignments, totalling 75 points of the total score, bringing her down nearly an entire letter grade. She said anything, but not that.

We all know what she wanted. Even her lab partner, a female herself, laughed as this student stared at me in stunned silence. She had no idea what had just happened because the conversation didn’t go as she foresaw it in her head. The partner told me later that this student had been sleeping her way through college and that I was probably the first instructor on whom she’d tried this where it didn’t work. I knew this young lady didn’t want me, and truth is I didn’t really want her either, so what she was clandestinely and suggestively offering didn’t interest me one bit.

The other girl let me mention her name when I self reported the event. Of course the student claimed that I made HER the offer to give her an A if she performed some acts. The investigation ended quietly and I was cleared, but I think back on that girl who was shocked when a man she viewed as beneath her rejected her ovations. It is not the first time, and it will sadly probably not be the last.

I have plenty of weaknesses and weak moments. Ask my summer class this term and they’ll tell you I make at least one mistake in class each time we meet. Sometimes I’m very lonely, and given my state of mind at the time, I would have been about as vulnerable to this then as I ever have been. For some reason, I made the right call, and I made it in a way that made everyone except her laugh. I get some smug satisfaction out of knowing that a below average guy turned down an above average girl. In truth though I knew she wasn’t really interested in me, and if you’re not interested in me it won’t be enjoyable for either of us.

People sell themselves short sometimes. You are worth more than you think you are. It’s not your education or your wealth or your looks or your “confidence”. It’s your identity as a child of God, and I wasn’t about to go back before the judgement bar of the great Jehovah and have to recall that I took advantage of a young lady once in return for lying about her score. Sounds like two sins to me. It’s hard sometimes to resist, but when you realize that people are not tempting you because they care about YOU it gets easier, and I’m old enough to know when someone is really interested or just pulling my chain. Of course, I hope one day a young lady who is pretty WILL take interest in me. Until then, I can proudly preen about how, once I find her, I respected her and myself and that student by not falling prey to sophistry.

Pavlov's Doug

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The Dean came by my office yesterday just because he was making the rounds, but when I answered the door, I asked him what he wanted. I have become so accustomed to people only talking to me when they need something, that I treated him like all the others- just another person talking to me when he needed something. Our conversation evolved into something pleasant, and I enjoyed his visit, especially since he didn't come with an ulterior motive, even if the visit was brief. It's nice sometimes to have someone share some time with you without having an ulterior motive. Unfortunately, my experience is all too often quite the opposite.

How it started
Back in High School, I was shocked when cheerleaders acknowledged my existence and talked to me. It didn't take long to register that they were coming to me for help with their school work. I attended two different high schools in two different states, so I got used to being the new kid. Being a nerdy/dorky guy didn't help much either. No matter how I tried, I ended up with the outcasts until the outcasts decided to cast me out too. Eventually, I retreated into my shell and just did what I wanted. My junior year of high school, there were 27 young men about my age in high school from the same congregation. They always invited me to service projects and church things, but they never invited me when they were having fun. I showed up one day at one of their houses to find 25 of them having a fun activity without me (and the other kid Nathan who was ostracized). I just grew used to people not having any interest unless they needed something.

How I noticed
One Sunday at University the phone rang. I grew accustomed to the notion that if the phone rang on Sunday morning it was because they needed something at church. I usually went for walks down town and fed the homeless just to not be available to backstop their last minute emergencies. People did NOT call to invite me to fun things or just to talk. When I asked "What can I do for you?" my father said, "I'm your dad. I'm just calling to see how you are." I became so engrained to expect a particular ulterior motive that I responded automatically no matter who spoke.

How it's going
For the past year or so, people I know have insisted that I "just need to put myself out there more" or "trust in people and let them in". Over the past three months, I've started a dialogue now with at least five young ladies who ostensibly were interested in me romantically. I was standoffish at first, but then I decided to give them a chance and got my hopes up only to discover that they were also only talking to me for ulterior motives. One of them was a "working girl" who was willing to hang out with me only if I sent her money up front. One of them wanted to get me involved in a pyramid scheme. One of them was just talking to me for attention because she was lonely and bored.

I feel like I'm just one of Pavlov's Dougs. I have become conditioned so much to expect people to only contact me when they need something that I don't know that I enjoy the company of other people. Most people only extend themselves when they need something from me. When I am finally released from the bishopric of my congregation, I won't be floating around checking on people because they don't bother to check in on and with me. I invite others. They don't invite me. I visit others. They don't visit me. I do things for others. They don't even offer to do things for me. I don't live my life entirely on a quid pro quo basis, but it would be nice to be visited, included and appreciated. Most people only talk to me only when there is work to be done and not when there is something to enjoy. I'm conditioned, and I hate it. How about you?