More Than Just a Man

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They say that you cannot judge a book by its cover while they do everything but look beyond the cover. I am continually ignored by women in favor of men who are sexier or “richer”. We like life to be simple, and so we form complete opinions about complex people and subjects based on limited access and information, incorrectly extrapolating snapshots into the entire picture. Every time we do that, we run the risk of missing out on something great. CS Lewis wrote that there is no such thing as a mere mortal, that it is immortals with whom we hobnob, that we exploit, whom we mock, and who we cheat. In reality, we’re cheating ourselves. I don’t have any friends who would have chosen to become my friends based on first contact, and that truly is their loss. The beard is not the man; the Saturn I drive is not the man; the lab coat is not the man. Even then, I am not The Man.

Several years ago, renowned concert violinist Joshua Bell spent 45 minutes in a New York Subway Station playing. Over 1000 people passed by without registering his presence. A statistically insignificant number gave him money, and even fewer stopped to listen to him play. You see, without the orchestra, the ornate seats, and all the trappings, they didn’t realize they were in the presence of greatness.

As they hurried on their way, they had the chance to hear for free the working talents of a man blessed with a musical acumen to which most can only aspire. In their haste to get to their destination, they missed a chance to observe something spectacular by the way. Most of them probably assumed he was a peddler playing for pocket change. Few of them probably like the pieces he played let alone recognized them. All of them had a chance to get something completely free that normally comes at great cost. Most people ignored this man, and they missed something special.

Over the last few months, I decided to use my breaks to boost my metabolism, get in shape, and lose weight. This means that I walk all over the campus with a loaded backpack trying to sweat off some fat. In the course of these travels, I encounter lots of pretty young ladies, but none of them seem to be interested in looking at me again. Like the girls at Zion back in February, there is something about me that they just don’t find all that attractive. I will confess that I’m probably a six on a scale of 1-10 in terms of attractiveness, and I look like a 2 on the same scale in terms of wealth. Judging me by the cover would indicate that you should keep walking.

This semester, however, I have found a lot of people interested in commending me to others. An old friend from a previous congregation, a neighbor of my parents, and even one of my current students have decided that I’m on their short list of good people of quality to introduce to their friends. So far, nothing has come of any of these introductions. When I used to have an online dating profile, I think I attracted little interest because I was honest. I learned that if I was going to be damned anyway, I was going to be damned for who I really was. After we cover the chemistry commensurate with the curriculum, I discuss politics, philosophy, history, grammar, and a host of other subjects with my students. They ask why I don’t teach those things, but I can’t because I lack credentials so to do. As Sir Walter Scott once said, “every man who ever amounted to anything had the chief hand in his own education”. I have made myself into what I am, and you can’t tell what exactly I am unless you get to know me. I might be a “C” when it comes to looks, but I make up for that in character, conversation, and company. Most people ignore me, and they miss something special.

For all of my life, I have made it a matter of regular attention to think about, talk about, learn about, and emulate Christ. Over the last year, most of my posts eventually end up here, whereas previously they revolved a little more around politics and things of a mortal persuasion. One of my former students last fall commented on how rare it was to find someone possessed of such faith as myself, and she hoped her young daughters would be able to find someone with as powerful a connection to God as myself. You see, as a Christian, everything for which I hope revolves around the suffering and resurrection. If Christ did take upon Himself our sins and rise from the dead, we can be resurrected and then return to God’s presence.

Particularly in this city, however, the interest seems to lie around pernicious and licentious behavior. People don’t seem to care too much how they obtain what they obtain, only in what they obtain. I just saw at lunch today a woman on the freeway in an expensive car with an attractive male driving, and she looked incredibly unhappy. She has everything that the world thinks should make people happy, and she looks chronically cranky. If you do not choose Christ, I think it matters very little what you do choose. Vegans like to indulge in every lust of the flesh imaginable and still consider themselves in the peerage of the vigilant and the virtuous because they patronize good causes with their ill-gotten gains. They do not need a Savior, they do not want a Savior, and they do not turn to the Savior, even though He continues to give us His protection and prosperity while they waste away the days of their mortal probation. Most people ignore the Savior, and they miss everything.

As we hurry along in our lives, busy to get things done, we miss the chance to draw near to a man possessed of everything worthy of possession. In our haste to achieve our goals, we miss the chance to appreciate the small by the way and to achieve and experience something better. Most of us usually assume that Christ is a lunatic or that His promises cannot or will not ever come. Few of us recognize His majesty, His might, His hand or even really love Him as evinced by the fact that we continually ignore His suggestions and violate His commandments. All of us have the chance to obtain something completely free that comes at so great a cost that we cannot hope to afford it ourselves.

Christ was more than just a man. He was someone special. He did not leave it open to us to believe He was a great moralist, a great teacher, a regular rabbi, or a philosopher. He did not intend to. He was the son of God, and He made sure that everyone who claims to believe His words must also accept that or dismiss Him as a lunatic. Each of us who decides not to follow Him, to learn more about Him and draw nearer to Him miss more than my friendship or a great concert. We miss all that the Father hath. Behold, The Man:

Rains of Revelation

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Since last Monday it has rained heavily in Vegas thrice, and both times despite the lightning I went out into the storm. You see, I feel like God is in the rain, and the show it put on was an opportunity for me to consider how great He is while enjoying a free shower and fireworks display. The last two times I was out, I watched lightning strike quite near me, and so I did a lot of praying and thinking and thanking, particularly in light of modern circumstances and last Sunday’s lesson.

As the world insists on setting its own terms, rain continues to precipitate from the heavens. In fact, it falls generally only one direction- earthward. Eventually rain becomes so heavy compared to the clouds that the nucleated drops of liquid no longer remain compatible with the cloud and leave. Due to their greater density, they fall downward, sometimes with a resounding plop, on our heads. We however seem to think that commandments and revelation flow upwards. We think that our trials are because God needs to know things about us. He already knows what we will do. We are the ones who do not yet know. We think that our prayers are opportunities to tell God what to get us, as if He’s some sort of Santa Claus who fulfills wish lists. He already knows what He’ll give us. It’s about something greater than our immediate satisfaction.

Far too many people, including Christians, misapprehend their role in the universe. We boss God around the universe and then get upset when He neglects to follow our commandments while we flagrantly violate the ones He gave us. While I like many things about the current Pope, I do not think he’s always speaking for God. I find it disingenuous to solemnize relationships of people living in sin and a few other stances Francis took of late, because it will embolden those in our society who think licentious and lawless behavior ought be licensed. Joseph Fielding Smith taught that “It is not our prerogative to decide that some principles no longer apply to our social and cultural circumstances”. God sets the terms. Making something legal does not make it right; giving you permission does not give you virtue. What these people essentially want to do is change the natural law without changing the natural consequences. At the same time they worship science, they ignore that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

I have seen many people leave their own Faith, including members of mine, because God asked something hard of them. That is what wicked people do. The wicked man changes the rules to comport to his conduct; the righteous change their conduct to comport with God’s commandments. A woman I know who was slightly interested in investigating my Faith pulled out two very obscure things for discussion because they allowed her to flagrantly reject it because she just “couldn’t get behind those things”. Yet, I know people who do this while they wear t-shirts on which the phrase is emblazoned “God says it, I believe it, that settles it.” Well, if they choose not to believe it, that settles it too, according to them. The thing is that God does sometimes ask strange things. Walking out into the Sinai desert can’t have been easy. Killing everyone in Canaan, sacrificing Isaac, building an ark, calling down fire on a sacrifice, attacking Midian with 300 men and many other things can’t have been easy or made much sense. I myself have betimes asked God, “Are you sure that’s what you want?”, but in the end, I go and do, and I have seen myself brought to a land of promise.

The promise of faith is that God communicates with man. You can and ought gain a testimony of what He asks for yourself. While God always has chosen men to speak on His behalf to the great majority of us, He has not left us to take their word for it. He invites us to pray always. When we do, we may “hear a voice behind you that says- this is the way. Walk ye in it (James E Faust)” that clears up difficulties and helps us comply with the commandments God gives us.

While out in the rain this past Friday night, I decided to combine my jogging with the storm. It seemed to be off near the mountain to the east, so I thought I’d be fine. As I reached a corner ½ mile from my house, I felt impressed to turn there and keep a tighter circle to my domicile. About ¾ mile before I finished, it started to rain. Then it started to lightning. Then it started to flood. I only had to spend ½ mile in the storm, but if I had taken the other path on which I originally determined, I would have been soaked to the bone, perhaps struck by lightning, or wisked away in the waters. It seems like a small thing, but in the moment to me it seemed great.

Too often we are like the desert when it comes to the rains of revelation. We become so hard and so dry that there is no place for the rain of revelation to soak our souls and help the seeds of faith grow. The water runs away from us, runs off into the distance like water off a duck’s back, and we do not benefit from the rains even though we thirst for living waters. When we do not give place because it seems hard or because it does not corroborate what we already believe or hope God will tell us, we cannot benefit from its soothing and life-giving power. We are hard. Our ruts go deep. We know we are right. We are solid. We are also vain and stolid and stalwart against God’s attempts to bless us. He wants us to blossom as a rose, but we resist like the desert and part of our possibility erodes away and is lost to us. God knows us, and He watches over us, but He does not mess with free will. We can resist the rain and revelations to our own peril.

Sometimes things don’t make sense or lead us where we think they ought, but that doesn’t mean they are not the right things. I’ve hiked enough mountains to know that sometimes the best way to the top requires us to meander far out of the way, up steep switchbacks, and across difficult terrain. Sure, there might be a shorter way, but if it was better, it would be common and cut and curated so that people could arrive alive and quickly. It never has been easy to leave Egypt, but it has always been the only way for us to obtain the Promised Land. In the Sinai desert, there is little rain of revelation, and the longer we march the more we may fear we made a mistake and that it would be better to remain bondage in Egypt. We have to learn to trust and press forward knowing that God will light the path before us another few steps and help us make our way to a better place. When the rains come, embrace them, for while the house on the sand washed away, the house built on the Rock stood firm.

Unwelcome Guests

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I decided last week that it was time for me to change something in my life. I have lived at my current address for almost four years, during which time I have had very few visitors to my domicile. Partly, this is my choice not really being one to entertain or disposed to clean for company. Partly this is due to the fact that other people live far from me or that we gather at common places rather than a residence for fun, frolic and frivolity. However, the most disappointing relationship since moving to this location has been with the congregation of my Faith, which seems to treat me more like an unwelcome guest than the invitation on the outside of our building implies, and I’m a member!

A week or so ago, my Faith randomly chose me to answer a questionnaire. Among the questions, they asked me if I felt welcome in varied degrees by the congregation to which I am geographically assigned. I replied with scathing commentary and pointed out that the Jehovah’s Witnesses visit me every quarter while to my knowledge members of my own Faith have only been to my house twice in four years. When I go to church, few of them talk to me beyond the vacuous exchanges Americans consider to be valid greetings, and when we’re out running errands, it doesn’t seem like any of them acknowledge me or even want to. In November 2013, I went to visit my Bishop for something he alone can provide, and he promised to get back to me. I haven’t heard from him since. In response to the questions, I intimated that I would rather not be visited by members of my congregation for any reason. At this point, I feel that they are as unwelcome in my house as they made me feel in God’s.

Accordingly, I exercised my right his week to change congregations. Normally, this is only accomplished either because you change your address or because they change the boundaries. I know of at least three families who relocated just to get out of this congregation. When people I knew expressed an interest in learning about my Faith, I attended church with them in a congregation near their house rather than mine because I would be embarrassed that members of my congregation basically ignore me and pretend I’m a bother of which they would rather be rid. I doubt very much that I will be missed. I am not sure I will be welcomed in the new congregation, but as I told my parents at dinner tonight, it can’t really be much worse. The other members are on a first name basis, but everyone calls me “Brother Surname”, establishing a wall of separation between myself and those with whom they are familiar. I do not feel like I belong. I feel like a red-headed stepchild. I feel like an ailing pet. In a place where I should be able to find refuge, I find more conflict. In a place where I should find friends, I find cold shoulders. This is however not new.

In 1996, Gordon B Hinckley, then president of the church, shared the following excerpt from a letter with the accompanying commentary:

“’I have encountered a variety of levels of welcome and acceptance, ranging from a warm, friendly welcome to a very cool indifference and an air of discomfort that seems to stem from their lack of knowing what to do with me. In one ward I felt strongly that the members would prefer that I not attend. This continued for nearly six months, and I finally sensed a passive acceptance, as though I were a nuisance that wouldn’t go away, and so must be tolerated.’ If that be the case, it is a tragedy. It represents a betrayal of the spirit that should be found in all of our congregations. Men and women such as you have great talents and can add immeasurably to the quality of the teaching and leadership in almost any ward in the Church. It is a general Church responsibility to remind bishops and other Church officers to give each member a warm welcome and to make use of his or her talents.”

Like this writer, I feel an air of indifference and discomfort concomitant with a desire that they prefer I not attend. Only one person reached out. None of them visit me. The people in positions of authority ignore me completely and then pat themselves on the back in our meetings for their virtues and charity last week. That was when I decided I had enough.

When your leaders act as if the transitory, material needs of people matter more than the eternal disposition of your soul, they need reminding of their duty. I have never been a Bishop, and unless my circumstances change drastically, I never will be (thank God), but I spoke to a friend of mine from High School who IS a bishop, and he intimated I was justified in bringing it to light. If you don’t know there’s a problem, you cannot fix it. It’s too late for me. I shant return, but I adjure you to consider how many other people may have turned away, not just from the congregation, but from the church and from the Christ because of the lack of love they feel. I am not an expert on love. I am an expert on not being loved, a fate from which I hope to save you.

On the wall behind my desk hangs a quote from the late Neal Maxwell that reads, “Each of us is an innkeeper who decides if there is room for the Savior”. Yes, I have a couch in my living room that is known to the guests I do have as the ‘unwelcome guest couch’ for people who I prefer leave. Nobody has ever sat in it. The unwelcome must know better than to come, and at this point, I wouldn’t let them in the door anyway. What I am doing however is making sure that if Christ came He would feel welcome. I’ve tidied up, organized, and I may even dust this weekend so that if He came He would feel comfortable enough or that if He sends someone who needs me that they will feel safe and protected and welcome in my company. However tidier these other people may have their homes, I have to wonder if He’d feel welcome there. They have made me feel very unwelcome as a guest in their midst. Christ taught, “even as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me,” and I feel their case may be awful for the way they treated me. I hope I’m wrong. May Christ be a welcome guest in your company in whatever form He may choose to appear.

Depending on Your Choices

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Just before I was transferred to Tyrolia as a missionary, some of the leaders in my mission gave me a blessing in which I was promised that I would baptize there “depending on my choices”. Since then, I came to realize that it wasn’t about a choice between good or bad. It was just about differing outcomes based on different decisions. I decided not to take the transfer to Bolzano, Italy, because I was called to Austria, and I believed then as I do now that “You will be called by inspiration to where you are needed most” (Henry B Eyring). So, I stayed in Austria, and that made the difference.

It created interesting dichotomies that I believe worked to the better good. Although I never did baptize anyone, because of this choice, other things happened that might not have happened if I had gone into isolation in the Italian Alps. If I had gone to Italy, many of the people I met and with whom I spoke might have passed by without any contact. The family that asked us when we could come back on my last day would never have been visited. Daniella Palaora, Eugene Krastow, Maria Kaufman, the son of the Deacon of Tyrol, the Fuertner sisters, and others would have not been visited, at least not well. The mission president’s son would not have learned not to pretend to be an apostate. Elder Schmall would not have spent a day in Hall in Tirol teaching all day long. Elders Graham and Horrocks would have been on the rocks and at each other’s throats. Elder Gertge would have just played basketball all the time. Elder and Sister Neumann would have been kept in the mission home as secretaries. I was the only one who would take them. I was the man for the job. Before I went home, the Neumanns found out that I was the only Zone Leader who would accept them and they found out what I said to the mission president. “President, if God wants them in Innsbruck, you do not need my permission. Send them and we’ll make it work.” Depending on my decisions, I never did baptize anyone, and I never have. However, I think I made the best decision for everyone else.

Despite evidence to the contrary and the feelings of people who love me, I think I made the right choices in my life. I feel like it was right to attend UNR. I feel like it was the right choice to marry my ex wife. I felt like it was right to move to Vegas and buy this house. I felt it was right to let Katmandu go. None of these decisions were terribly easy to make, but the right thing is often difficult to do which is why so few people do it, and I do feel like I’m in a better place. I have told female friends who express gratitude that I was there when they needed me to thank God, because if my life had turned out the way I planned, we would never have become friends. He is using this cracked pot to water by the way as I go my way, and I have no idea where I will drip or what will bloom. My passing is insignificant.

You see, the choice that I made was to go find what God would have me do and do it wholeheartedly. Gordon B Hinckley said: “Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well, that with all of your effort it is not sufficient. We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. We do not often see the results that come of what we do. “ By the metrics measured by men, I am a complete failure. It is true that I don’t have much to show for the choices I made. I have my integrity. I have my peace. I also have something you cannot see- the approbation of my Father God. When I received impressions, I followed them the best I could to whatever end, and while I have yet to see what watermelons may lie at life’s end for me, God reminded me the other night the only thing my mission president said to me before I left Austria. Roughly translated, he said, “You have fulfilled your responsibilities with honour. Period.” More recently, I felt as I prayed “Nobody would have done as well as you did in the circumstances.”

Often the right thing goes completely unrecognized. In a world governed so much more by doing what is right for self than what is best for everyone, it is rare enough that people do what they ought that there is little recognition for it and even fewer rewards. Truly, I have been penalized by people in positions of power for doing what I ought in several instances. My father thinks I have created my own vocational ceiling by taking on these people. He may be right. However, there is a just God who provides over the destiny of nations, and He will not let me fight my battles alone. Patrick Henry taught me that. Maybe years have given me perspective, but I believe that God wants me in this town, in this job, in these circumstances and in the company of the people I meet. I don’t know why I have met any of these people, because with rare exception most of the people I have met in Vegas are strangers once more. For some reason, He needs me here, living alone, writing mostly to people I have never met, because most of my audience comes here by clicking “next blog” at the top of the proceeding page. I don’t have any children in whom to inculcate wisdom and truth and knowledge against the burgeoning weight of deception and coercion. So, I talk to you. I let God bring readers to my blog who need to read what I have to say. Being single frees me to speak my mind and to crusade because even if the GOBNet is out to get me, at least they only hurt me. Besides, I know that if I follow God’s guidance I will be led to a land of promise, and if not today He will feed me and water me by Kidron like He did Elijah until a place can be prepared for me.

Trusting God is the best choice we can make. I trusted Him years ago, and I am trusting Him now. I know that the only way I can really keep what I desire is if people choose to join me of their own free will and choice. So, I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves. Sometimes this means I have to let them go do something else somewhere else with someone else. It kills me. I told God I don’t know how He does this with billions of us who frit about doing whatever we like because it’s killing me to watch one person do it. In this way I have a taste of what it’s like to be a good parent and what it must be like for Him to watch me act like an idiot. I still don’t really know why I am where I am doing what I am and living a quiet life in a bustling metropolis. However, when God seeks me or anyone else, they will know where I stand, how to find me, and what I will be doing when they get there. I am doing what I can to improve the small spit of earth over which He gave me stewardship. Discipleship, like leadership, feels lonely, but discipleship, unlike other types of leadership, lands you in good company, His company. It is why I am alone. It is why I am a leader. It’s why I am different.

Value in Disaster

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This week I managed to alienate myself somehow from every woman in my phone who is single. Basically, there is no point in contacting or interacting with them because of some perceived offense I gave at which they took exception. On the one hand, this is bad, because I don’t have as many people to invite to things or with whom to share things, and it also means I have zero dating prospects, if any of them ever really were such. On the other hand, it offers me the chance for a new beginning, a fresh start, and a clean slate.

The story is told of Thomas Edison and a fire that burned down his laboratory. At around 5:30 in the evening on Dec. 10, 1914, a massive explosion erupted in West Orange, New Jersey. Most of his research facility erupted in flame, so much that first responders were unable to contain the blaze. According to a 1961 Reader’s Digest article by Edison’s son Charles, Edison said, “It’s all right. We’ve just got rid of a lot of rubbish.” In the morning, Edison immediately began rebuilding without firing any of his employees. According to sources at the scene, Edison looked at the ruins and said, "There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew." Three weeks after the fire, Edison managed to deliver his first phonograph.

At first when this weekend came to a head, it seemed like a disaster. My Malibu’s battery died. My garage door stopped working. My phone was suddenly almost void of contacts. Somehow I still went hiking with another guy I know, and the mountain is always there. However, as I jogged Saturday night, I remembered the story of Edison and said to myself, “all of my mistakes are burnt away, and now I can start anew”.

Every time someone decides to unfriend me, it hurts. Essentially, I am vilified for being me, for being human, for being true to what I feel and think and believe. Since I don’t validate their worth and support them lock, stock and barrel, I’m made out to be the villain. It feels awful, but on reflection, I didn’t really do anything wrong, or at least anything anyone else would not have done. I made decisions based on the best information I had, I found out the truth, and now I can rest at ease that some people who might have occupied a position of import in my life made it clear to me that they don’t want one even if they deserve it. As bad as being alone and lonely is, it’s always nicer when you take out the trash and make room for things and people who belong.

While doing weights this morning, my CD came to the last song, and I finally listened to the lyrics. It’s Tom Petty’s “Free Falling”, and I realized it’s a song about liberation, that he’s finally free even though he’s been vilified, and he realizes that it’s better this way. I am pretty sure that what happened this weekend was right; these people didn’t belong. Nothing good gets away. If it’s right, it happens, because the people do what it takes to make it work. Life is not a circumstance where an always handsome husband returns home to an ever vivacious wife in a home surrounded perpetually by hollyhocks. Life involves work. Life asks us to make things work that we really want to work, and when disaster strikes, we usually take stock of what really matters and refocus our efforts there.

I find it strange that seven years after coming to Vegas my life feels like it did when I first arrived. The only things that changed for the better are generally the things in which I have the chief or sole hand. I didn’t have to trade Seven of Eight to get the other piece, and that’s a bad trade anyway. I haven’t lost any Seven of Eight despite being true to me. I still have those things. All I lost was probably a bunch of rubbish- false hopes, putative prospects, and weak associations. People make time for the things and people that matter, and now I don’t have to feel obliged to spend any time and effort on people, particularly those who have “withdrawn from our relationship”. It leaves room for better things, whether they involve new opportunities or renewed hopes and dreams for second chances with a particular practically perfect person if she ever picks me. Even if I can’t renew, at least I can now start over with the new.

Background Checks

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For the past week or so, I have been regularly accosted on campus to sign a petition to increase background checks on guns. I am annoyed that they do not recognize me, especially when I walk by the same people four or five times in the same day. Also, it annoys me that so many people are signing this petition, because it's a complete canard. One guy when I rejected him said, "It's a step", but that doesn't mean it's a good one. What these signatories actually do is sign away their own liberty for safety thinking it will work when it will not necessarily do any good. What the petitioners do is appeal to the FEELINGS of the signatories, so they feel like they did something that matters.

Most gun crimes in Nevada are not committed by people who obtained their guns legally in Nevada. A close acquaintance of mine works for the District Attorney's office, and I bet if I asked she could corroborate that claim. Even the two nincompoops who killed cops at a Walmart near my house bought their guns out of state and brought them along when they moved here last year. Many crimes are committed using guns that are STOLEN. Criminals will get guns no matter what. If you doubt me, look at the unrest worldwide, committed largely by insurgents who probably didn't follow the rules to get their AR-50s or RPGs or whatever.

Making Clark County laws will not help. In fact, you only have to check with the Highway Patrol if you buy the gun in Clark or Washoe County. Drive a half hour to Pahrump, and you don't have to tell anyone you bought a gun because it's in Nye County (which is probably why Pahrump exists, for people who don't like Clark County Statutes). When I deal with people buying and selling things, they do ask for ID and for my Blue Card, which the NHP gave me when I first transferred a gun through a gun store in the state (it was a Winchester 94 in 30-30). This means that at one point I DID pass a background check.

Criminals do not obey the law. That's why they are criminals. When you pass more laws, the only verifiable consequence is that law-abiding citizens sign away their own rights for a false sense of security. Private party background checks will limit private party sales, but it will not keep guns from criminals. In fact, the more records law enforcement keeps and makes public, the easier criminals have access to guns because they know who owns what and where they live. Back during Hurricane Sandy, I remember stories about residents robbing sporting goods stores for hockey sticks, baseball bats, and the like for some semblance of protection. You are not allowed to own a gun in NJ, but somehow the criminals have them anyway. Imagine that.

Benjamin Franklin is credited with the saying: "Those who trade liberty for a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety". I know these students mean well. I also know that they are misguided if they think it will keep them safe. We are not allowed to have guns on campus, but if there is a shooting on campus, it won't be because the shooter found a way to bring them here legally. It will be because he DOES NOT CARE. The petitioners appeal to emotion in order to overpower logical and deductive reasoning, and these people feel important because they're "making change". I don't have to break the law to get around this law. I simply have to drive out of the county. Background checks only tell you what people have done. It says nothing about what people might do. When the two shooters walked into Walmart this summer after shooting two cops, a brave citizen with a gun tried to stop them. The police and firefighters both considered him a hero, and he died for his efforts. The Duke of Guise, father of Mary Queen of Scots told Mary, "If you disarm yourself, your enemy shoots you." That's as true today as it was in 1560. The only way to stop people with guns is to have a gun yourself. The cops who stopped that crazy couple at Walmart can tell you that too.

Birthday Presence

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My birthday this year was the most difficult birthday of my life. It wasn't particularly arduous, burdensome, or dreary. It was just...quiet...too quiet...missing the things that most people have on their birthdays. Other years were difficult for other reasons, but the thing about this one is that I spent the day almost entirely alone and in complete silence. Aside from the radio, my own thoughts, and constant prayer to God as company, there was no noise except the hustle and bustle of duty and a reminder that I've been an adult for many years now. I never thought in my 30s I'd still be living alone.

Since it fell on a Friday, the day dawned quiet and empty. I rode my bicycle as normal and saw few people once I passed the school a half mile from my house. I dressed and went to work, going about my business as usual with vim and vigor, since Fridays during the semester are my busiest days. Most classes occur on other days, so I can get in and around without students in rooms where I need to work, but the dearth of students also creates an eerie silence that resounds in the hallways and classrooms. I finished my work, spoke to nobody for any significant interval of time, played racquetball by myself, and packed up for Monday.

I took my cousin out to dinner that night so I wouldn't be dining alone. I didn't tell him why until it was over, but I had a coupon for a free meal, and I wanted some company. He was happy to join me, and when it was over we parted ways.

I arrived home to an unexpected email from someone dear to me, someone from whom I had not heard for months and who has not spoken to me since. She told me she hoped I had a wonderful birthday, and then I went to bed early, in the still of the evening alone with my thoughts and a wonder as to what prompted this inexplicable communique.

On other days, there was birthday dinner at my parents, and at other times I received a few presents. What I think I really desire for my birthday is presence. The only person whose presence I enjoyed was because I invited my cousin out. I could have gone to my parents that night for dinner, but I already planned to visit them that Sunday for dinner instead. I didn't have any friends plan anything for me or buy anything for me, and the one person from whom I desired to hear most sent me an email that I didn't know was coming until I got home from dinner. I responded to it the next day, but that didn't go anywhere, and I miss her presence in my life.

Someone said that presents are not really gifts but excuses for not giving real gifts- the gift of self. What I really ask is your time and attention. We each have a limited amount of time on this planet, and when you choose to spend some of that with me, it helps me feel valuable. I know that people make time for people and things that matter, and so when people make time and bless me with their presence, it fills my days even when they are already "full". Besides, it's hard to share your life with people who are not there; you must be present to win. I don't know where these people are or what they were doing that night, but it would have been nice to be with people for my birthday this year, with one person in particular whose presence once filled my life like nothing else ever did. Wherever you are, I hope that people and things of value to you are present, that people you love are in your presence, and that you love what they present to you of their time and talents. What matters most in our lives is the people that we love. Wherever you are, I love you, always, absolutely. Godspeed.

Lessons From Bryce

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My friend and I recently returned from a trip to Bryce Canyon National Park. Since we are avid hikers and were not joined by those who expressed an interest in going, we were able to do just about everything we liked when we chose. Like my other summer trips usually do, this trip taught me several lessons. I am sure there are more, but these are a few I identified to share with you so that you can enjoy Bryce the way I did. The terrain isn't that much different from other terrain I have heretofore seen, but it was somewhere new and somewhere different to go, and we had a grand time.

Double check before you go.

I always forget something when I go camping, but I have never before forgotten something important. This time, I forgot my sleeping bag. It was 45F at night, which is cold enough in the shade, with a breeze, on ground that was recently soggy, to keep you from resting. In fact, I am surprised I had energy to hike at all because sleep came furtively and rest wasn't achieved until after the weekend ended.

Although it's almost impossible to consider everything, fortune tends to favor the prepared. If you do your homework before they require you to prove your mastery, you tend to have a better grasp on things. When I go into the back country, I carry a bowie knife and a revolver because I'd rather pay the fine than be mauled by a wild animal. Although the rangers don't seem to like it and stare at me, I'm not causing any problems, but I'd rather have something and not need it than need it and not have it.

It's easier when you have trained above the level required.

The top of Bryce is the bottom of Mt. Charleston, which means that my friend and I have been hiking rougher terrain with less oxygen for months. We are used to the desert environment, high elevations, and long treks on rough terrain. What this meant is that we were able to keep a 3.5mph pace, which is faster than most people walk on flat terrain. Unlike other hikers, we didn't need as many breaks, and the only times we really stopped were for pictures. In fact, we even kept up with a group on horseback for several miles (they were just meandering), so close in fact that the guide was annoyed that we were close and warned me in a belligerent manner not to get so close. I told him not to ride so slowly.

Most people I know try to do the bare minimum required. They are not interested in excellence or in being capable of more. However, if you have prepared to do more than is required, even if you're having a bad day or a sick day or a sad day, you can probably do what is required. As we came back up out of the canyon on some steep switchbacks, we looked at all the poor people who were going to have to hike that section in the full sun. Most of them did not have the right shoes, and most of them probably only hike when they make summer trips. We were tired because it was the end of a nine mile loop. They were tired after going 1.5 miles downhill!

Expect the unexpected.

On the first evening, just after we reached the bottom of the ravine, my friend turned to me with a start. He asked me if I smelled candy. It turns out that some of the pine trees in that part of Bryce were emitting an oil from their bark that smelt like butterscotch. These kinds of discoveries are what make my trips into the back country unique. If you go today where others will not, tomorrow you will be able to know things that others cannot. Most of the people at Bryce stood on the edge of the escarpment and looked down. Perhaps they walked along it and called that a hike, but they didn't get to see the things we did or from the angles we saw.

Since I forgot a sleeping bag, I had to do other things I didn't expect to do. I started a fire with cheetos in the morning to keep warm because everything was damp. I went to the edge of the ravine and watched the sun rise to warm myself. Although it doesn't rain terribly often on the Colorado Plateau, we could tell that recent rain had changed the trail and the terrain. One of Bryce Canyon's most famous formations collapsed a few weeks earlier, and the bottoms of the ravines told us a tale of recent flash flooding. Once again, we saw that there were no pretty people in the back country. At the top of the ravines we could smell the freshly showered people just beginning their day look at us with disdain for our stink as we completed ours.

Our lives are the sum of our experiences. I take the time and opportunities I have to explore and appreciate God's creations, and when others feel so inclined I like to take the chance to share the things that changed my life with those for whom I care. These experiences enrich my life, enlarge my understanding, and enliven my soul, and so I hope they will for you too.

Unexpected Friends

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I started applying for a new job today which would just change my status in the collegiate environment. I am not sure anything will actually change. I know they GOBNet has a special case they want to slide into that position. I am applying to see if they do that anyway despite the fact that I'm better qualified and a better fit. I'm also applying because the previous incumbent of this position asked me to apply for it and take his slot. He has done more for my career than anyone else I met as an adult, and I'm curious to see where this goes.

Roger is the reason I got a teaching slot. We started interacting on what appears to be coincidence when his predecessor went out for a prolonged but fabricated illness. At that time, he was offered the teaching slot but had a better and different gig lined up, and so he suggested I contact the department chair instead. Within a week, I was in the classroom. Since then, Roger and I have interfaced regularly and periodically, and although we do not agree on politics and religion, for some reason he esteems me greatly, so much so that when he obtained a better position he insisted that I apply to take his place.

He continues to work for my benefit. When I ran into him and the selection committee chairman a few weeks ago, Roger sang my praises to this other person and even suggested obliquely that it was a good opportunity to give me a raise for my fidelity and performance over the years. If I obtain this job and a concomitant raise commensurate with my value as an asset, it will be at least partially because of Roger's patronage on my behalf.

I have learned to be open when I meet people. I have met friends I didn't expect to meet and kept friends I didn't expect to keep. In fact, the people who should remain true and faithful did anything but. I still have zero close friends of my own Faith, and the friends I have are all "accidental" and completely unexpected. You never know who you might meet and who might really prove to be a boon in your life. I told my hiking buddy last weekend that I don't know how I would have survived the losses I experienced last summer without him. I don't really know what I'd do on the weekend if we didn't go hiking together 44 weekends per year. He was a friend of a former student who thought we should meet, and I thank God that we did. Even my best friend is someone I met "by chance" when we both appeared as witnesses at a civil trial and found we had lots in common, including our opinions about the defendant, for whom he appeared as a character reference!

Just inside the door, I have a parchment on which the following advice appears: Enjoy and be honest. Be observant and patient. Most of all be open. I try when I meet people not to write them off and write them out. I may decide they are not people to date, people on whom to spend a lot of time, or people I want to invite into my house, but I know not to judge books by their covers. The people who ought to be important in my life are now completely absent. All the women who ostensibly reciprocated my affections and love either ignore me or desire the benefits of my association without any obligations. Unlike them, Roger has continued to look out for me and help me find things with which to better myself, and so he has done more for my career, my personality, my prospects, and my positioning than any woman to whom I am not related.

I know that I'm an awesome guy. Although I don't parade my life per se on Facebook, I do cool things and visit cool places and engage in cool things that gladden my eye and please my heart. Furthermore, I have everything that people ought to desire in a friend and a help meet. Besides that, I have a Benefactor who has made sure that for seven years I have enjoyed Seven of Eight without interruption. I thank God for those blessings. As much as it pains me to be alone, I know that I am better off than many others, even if the GOBNet decides to stonewall my professional development. I know I have no reason to expect His friendship. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, but for some reason He continues to work to my benefit and counsels me only, "You trusted me then; trust me now", so I do. Last time I did I was led to meet Roger, and that has blessed my life greatly. Others came and went, but He remains, and so I stay loyal to Him because God has never let me down, even when He forces me to wait longer than I like to reap what I sow.