Best of Times; Worst of Times

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For the third time this year, I am a pallbearer at the funeral of a grandparent. It didn't really come as a surprise. My father invited me to travel with him New Years Day this year to visit them all because he expected them all to die this year. I guess we just didn't expect to lose them all within a six week period. What I did find interesting was the reaction of other family members and the place I ended up playing at the funerals. I'm doing my best to keep it under control, but it hurts me too.

Despite the fact that I loved them just as much as everyone else, many of my cousins seemed much more hurt by the deaths of my grandparents than I did. Perhaps it's because, despite the distance I lived from my grandparents, I went out of my way to have a relationship with them. In addition to family trips for vacations, visits, etc., I made two trips every year starting in 2008 to where my grandparents lived and tried to visit them when time and weather allowed. I called them periodically, even though I didn't have anything particularly positive to report, and I returned their letters when they wrote. My paternal grandmother told me that some of her grandchildren never communicated with her, and although they were there the day before she died, I don't think they had a good relationship with her.

Partly, I have my ex wife to thank for this. After she divorced me, I was suddenly free to visit family and participate in events with my own blood. By this happy accident, a blessing disguised as a trial transformed my relationship with family. Although by then we were no longer doing family reunions, I had time and money to make these trips. Since I was no longer with her, I was able to build a relationship with my kid sister, and it was because of that relationship that I made visits to my sister when she was in graduate school and to take her to see things that brought me near to the homes of my grandparents. That's not why my ex wife divorced me, but it was a happy accident, and I am glad I availed myself of the opportunity.

Since I am an adult, and since I took the time seriously, I had serious and substantive conversations with my grandparents. I would like to have asked them a few questions now that I didn't think to ask back then, but we did talk about things of the moment and things of eternal momentum. I also remember the last words they said to me. My paternal grandfather told me, 36 hours before he died when I called to arrange a time to visit when I was in the area that April, to "say hello to all the pretty girls on campus". I think he knew that since I spend most of my time there that was where I was likely to find social and romantic opportunities. My maternal grandfather told me back in January when I visited after I told him a lame joke (all my jokes are bad) and he laughed, "You're all right." My paternal grandmother told me 14 hours before she died after I told her that I loved her "Keep being the great man that you are. Can you please wipe my eyes?" I made her cry, and she couldn't wipe them herself. Those are great last words. I remind my students, my peers and anyone else who will listen that people leave the last thing on the screen that they want people to remember, and so those are interesting final remarks.

Very few of my coworkers have had anything to say, but those who have were supportive and compassionate. My students do not know. My coworkers need to know why I'm gone in the middle of the work week since they rely on me for their courses. Some of them have thought about their own losses and reminded me that there is a special bond with grandparents if you take the time. Many people do not have good relationships with their own parents, but even many of those people tell me that they do get along well with their grandparents, and I am glad to hear that. In my case, as well as in the stories to which I refer, grandparents are a source of love without condemnation. They love us because they love us. They may not like what we do, but they love us. I can tell from the nonverbal and verbal interactions with my cousins that some of them regret not availing themselves of the opportunity to build relationships, particularly those who lived nearby and had means but who passed up on the opportunities. The fact that I am in the funeral program for my grandma Ruth says, per my father, that she felt a special kinship with me. I am neither the eldest nor the only grandson.

None of these events came as a surprise except for the timing. Dad thought we would lose them all this year. Interestingly enough, their average age at death was 90, meaning they lived long and full lives up until near the end and didn't suffer as much as others. We just didn't think they'd all be gone completely in six weeks. My sister appropriately opined, "2015 really sucks" and talked with me about the fact that there is no reason to visit that town anymore. We have no base of operations, and the core of our family is not there. I live closer to my parents than anyone else. Grandma's house was a place of refuge, a place of comfort, and a place of love. I remember my paternal grandmother insisting on feeding me every time I visited, offering to pay me for every errand I ran, and patiently listening to my incorrect or asinine opinions on a myriad of topics before gently correcting me. She knew how to reprove with love, and I'm just sorry I didn't understand that until I was 30. Thank God I was divorced or I might never have known!

I took up a different role at these funerals than one might think. Yes, I am also hurt, but several of my aunts mentioned to my parents that I was sensitive and touching and supportive beyond my years and far beyond my position in the family. I remember telling my mom's oldest sister when she told me she felt silly to be sad because others had lost their parents, "That may be true, but you are the one losing them now, and you are the one who needs our comfort and love." Sometimes I surprise myself. It was good to see family, to share love, and to get together. Surely, it was the best of times even during the worst of times.

Perfect Date

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My family laughs constantly about the line in Miss Congeniality where they ask one of the contestants to describe her idea of a perfect date. She responds by describing something unexpected, not a date with a person, but a date of the year. This double entendre comes across as endearing, entertaining, and enlightening, because it invites us to consider all the meanings of that question and what we might answer in her place. The character chooses April 25th because it's not too hot or too cold; all you need is a light jacket.

Truth be told, this is a nice time of year. In years like 2015, sometimes we are lucky enough to enjoy a few weeks of Spring in Vegas, like we did this year. After a very mild winter and some warm days in March, April was actually very pleasant, and we even got some rain showers for the wildflowers.

I have a slight change to her answer in two different ways. First off, today is my idea of a perfect date. This is HER date, the birthday of the only woman I have ever really loved in my life. Although she may be gone, she is still remembered well, and if she reads this, I hope that today is the perfect date of the year for her because it's her birthday and because she still means the world to me. Not everyone is worth 10 cows, but she is. I was deliriously happy when she was in my life. Truly, even death cannot stop true love; I love her and I always will.

As for going out on a date, my idea of a perfect date would be anywhere doing anything with her. If I could, I'd take her over to the Temple grounds, then for some Thai, then out to Red Rock for wildflowers, and then watch the stars. I am a hopeless romantic, and hopefully one day someone I choose to take on a perfect date will actually value that.

Most of the dates I have commemorated this year were and have been sad. Hopefully next Monday will be the last funeral of the year. I am tired of remembering dates associated with someone's death or the end of some awful, bloody struggle. On this date, someone special to me was born, and celebrating that life is my idea of a perfect date.

Happy birthday to my Geautiful Birl wherever you are.

Back to 1985

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Back to the Future is one of my all time favorite films, and as I get older I find its appeal growing. Many young people today, since we have now arrived in 2015 when Marty travels into the future, opine the lack of flying cars, hoverboards, and the like while at the same time lionizing the historical virtues of 1985. While I think they overstate it sometimes in their romance for a time through which they did not live, I see many things in 1985 that seem far superior to what we have today. If we could go back to 1985, that might not be a bad idea. Last week, I read an article online loathing some of the modern perspectives, and since the article is now offline, let me pass on the salient points for your consideration. I think they're onto something.

Memes abound on the internet lionizing the themes of the Back to the Future franchise. This year, some opine the fact that we still don't have hoverboards, flying cars, and self-fitting clothing. This year, others opine the fact that 1985 had some very decent things that the youth of today never got to experience and that they feel are better than the things they know. What I do know is that I remember 1985 and the years proximal to it with fondness, and people I know who also remember that time of their lives as a prime time to be alive. The youth have a different perspective. I read an article a week and a half ago that is no longer available to read written by someone from that age bracket who had some indemnifying things to say about their generation. It began with the words, "I wish I'd been born 15 years earlier", which placed that person as being born in 1980. Here are their points.

• 1. We have lost the value of romance. Douchery is the new chivalry and ratchery is the new class. 




Young people today do not date, let alone court. When they are in a relationship, what they really mean is that they are sleeping with someone or with someone with whom they hope to sleep. When they get tired, they move on. Very often, they choose partners for convenience or showmanship rather than on virtues. Money makes you valuable. Popularity makes you desireable. Dingbats pursue deadbeats, and most of the rest just kind of float around lost in the no-man's land between the two.


•  2. We have lost the value of friendship. We use people, break people, "fix" people, trash people, blackmail people, and then upgrade to new people. Et tu, Brute? 




Aristotle wrote of the three kinds of friendship. Many of the rising generation make friendships for leverage' sake. Frequently, it's a very selfish prospect, so that when it no longer meets their needs they move along. I ran into a young lady at the campus gym Monday who doesn't even usually give out her real name because she has learned not to trust people that much. Truly, Fezzik was right- people in masks cannot be trusted (although that movie came out in 1987).


•  3. We have lost the value of conversation. "KK" is not a conversation. 




Many organizations use jargon and achronyms, but the rising generation speaks in code. Even my hiking buddy thought LOL meant lots of love. Seriously? It can mean anything you like or nothing. Plus, they do not know how to continue conversations. I get many messages that do not promote continued conversation. Yesterday in fact I tried to buy something from someone off craigslist. I emailed him my phone number, but rather than call me back, he emailed. I was in class and didn't check. So, he sold it to someone else. If he had called, I might have been first. I don't think he knows how to talk to people. NW! RUS?


•  4. We have lost the value of success. Talent and intelligence will give you a ride, but stupidity will give you a ride in mercedes, and debaucery will give you a full ride.




Although also true in my generation that it matters more who you know than what you know, in this generation it seems even more so that people rise for the wrong reasons. I never thought the selfie stick would sell, but then again the guy who sold pet rocks made a mint. The Kardashians are famous, not for talent, but for licentiousness, and so people in this generation get the message that you find success in sensationalism. Particularly in Vegas, I know students who are "putting themselves through school" by selling themselves, and you can go out almost any night and see them on the prowl for the richest guy who will pay for the pleasure of their company. Despite Pirates of the Caribbean, they haven't learned that these things cannot slake their lusts, but they try anyway and call that "living it up" rather than trying to live well. Let's not forget all the money some woman made making memes of her stupid grumpy cat.

I found these interesting observations of the next generation because they illustrate that this generation was aptly named the "me generation" for their self-centeredness. I also found interesting that this particular young man wishes he were part of my generation instead (or nearly so anyway). Among these young people, I do find from time to time people 15 years my junior who like my music, my tastes, and my idea of a good time. My friends are either 15 years older or 15 years younger. It is somewhat comforting to see that although the generation between us may be lost there are young people born in the 1990s who are interested in the goodness of the world I knew as a boy. We've got to send you all back to 1985. If you haven't watched those movies for a while, you should. Those were good days.

Shortsighted Solutions

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The State announced last Friday that it will no longer be offering any financial incentive for us to be fit. This means that all the hullabaloo last year over my fitbit and getting active has now been completely ablated. It also means that my health care costs will rise $50/month (I blame Obama who promised my premiums would go down $2500/year). More than anything else, it reveals a shortsightedness on the part of the state, because any money this might save them this year will be magnified tenfold or more in future years in the form of increased costs from people no longer making an effort to take care of themselves.

Most organizations do this kind of thing, taking away small benefits now to save in the immediate term. They do this, not because it's wise, but because they will only be in charge for a short while. When they leave, they will pass on the problem to a successor. They will be long gone when the fruits of their mismanagement emerge. Meanwhile, they can take credit for a temporary surplus, kind of like Bill Clinton does even though those savings never actually materialize, assuming nothing changes for the worst before the promises come due. It is folly for every administration of any organization to assume that the bill will not come due during their watch.

Such a naive expectation that we can get away without paying permeates every aspect of society. Students tell me that "it's only a crime if you get caught". By this logic, it is catching that makes it criminal and not the act. I imagine many people approach death thinking they got away with myriad crimes and personal choices. While they live, they talk of karma, but when they approach their own deaths, they think they got away with their crimes. I don't think it works that way. Most people on the planet believe that we reap what we sow, and I think it's equally asinine to assume that we will not have to pay our own bills when the day of accounting comes.

What parent who loves his child indemnifies that child to pay for his mistakes? Yet, these politicians, these administrators, burden generations as yet unborn, distal to them in space and time, and who had no say in the choices, to pay for the consequences of their choices. The healthy, the wise, those who prepared, and those who are responsible are always asked to pay to furnish protection for the rest. We are compelled to do this first by appeals to charity when it is not charitable and then by force of law when charity falls short. There is simply not enough in the world for everyone to have everything they want all the time regardless of their choices. It is nigh impossible for the productive and the prudent among us to provide for everyone else. It is also not virtuous for these people to demand everything from us and give us nothing in return. Yet, as Patrick Henry prophesied, they will demand that we plow and sow and reap to glut the avarice of men who would let loose on us the dogs of war to riot in our blood and drive us from the face of the earth.

Several months back, a former student of mine admitted she understood this in a compliment she paid me. Although she won't do anything to act on it, it shows that even those who would live on our virtues understand that the world turns on virtue. She told me that even if I don't have children I need to pass on the good parts of who I am to the next generation because the world needs people like me. Yes, the world needs people like me. The state health care is propped up by the fact that healthy, responsible people like me pay into a system from which they do not draw whilst coworkers drain from that system far beyond their poor power to pay it back. This was also a matter of prophecy. In the last days, there will be those who say, "Thou hast clothing, be thou our ruler and let not this ruin come under thy hand." As the response in that day of writ, I will not be a healer. I cannot save you from yourselves. I cannot compensate in the long term for short term and selfish policies. My paltry contribution is swallowed up and more by a coworker I have who is chronically at the doctor, someone who should retire but who does not because they cannot afford their bills on the retirement pay. It is NOT virtuous to prop up the weakest among us because they are your friends. These are not principled people. Like most elitists, they are only interested in the moment and what will help them advance their careers, and so their foresight is focused on personal advantage.

I will continue to do what I can to take care of myself because that's who I am. I know that I and I alone am mostly responsible for my own health and welfare. Sure, some luck and some opportunity and some networking comes into play, but you cannot get virtuous ends from means that are not virtuous. Most of the people trying to keep themselves fit via the fitbits will quit because there is no longer an incentive to do so besides fitness. Since there is more obligation, and since our outlays increase every year despite no commensurate increases in pay, they will see it as a law of diminishing returns. In previous jobs, I did more than expected because that's what I prefer. If I have to do the work anyway, I will do it on my terms rather than wait and expect others to carry the load. Foresight always trumps short sight. The state could do with some of the former. As for me, I'll be able to take care of my own and others if I so choose even if I don't desire to be a healer.

Car Collisions

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Car Collisions took a toll on my students this term. In one class, one student dropped out after being t-boned, another student was hit last Thursday on the way to class, and another student had to buy another car. That was the saddest one for me, because she also drove a late model saturn, and so we were kind of buddies for that. Now she drives a cavalier. This morning on the way to work, I almost lost my saturn when a guy in a Mercedes ran a stop sign and almost careened head first into me. He didn't even make eye contact. I just hope I don't see him again. It seems in the last few years that car collisions have risen far more than they should, and I think I know why.

More people on the road than before. Concomitant with the general population growth, the popularity and affordability of driving increased, meaning there are more cars on the road on average. The roads are choked because more people are driving more cars at higher speeds than when I started driving. They made it easier for young people to drive and for illegal aliens to get licenses. Many young people dont' have to take a driver education course, and illegal aliens get permissions instead of punishments. Then there are the mopeds, which do not require licenses or insurance to drive but who take up a lane and slow up the flow of traffic. I have even seen them on the freeway! Driving used to be a privilege, but now many young people consider it a right of passage.

More cars are designed for fuel economy over safety. I'm not the only person driving a small car, but both of my students who are still around drive small sedans. One of them was a total loss, and the other, I heard last night, will cost about $2500 to repair. I know my saturn is designed to explode on contact; I know that because I've taken the fenders off and looked at what's underneath. There is only one small steel bar in the door, and it runs at a 45 degree angle basically parallel to my arm but is only about an inch wide. It won't stop much. In order to meet CAFE standards and people's expectations for fuel economy, they have to build them smaller and lighter.

More distractions compete with drivers. I remember watching a woman one morning during grad school do her makeup one morning, and I see people eating or talking on the phone. We have onboard navigation, onboard entertainment, onboard communication, and all sorts of other things that compete for our attention. In fact, I think people engage in these activities because they don't actually enjoy driving. Whatever the case may be, their attention is elsewhere, and so I don't think they can pay attention even if they desire to. The man who almost hit me this morning didn't really look like he cared. We don't know the other drivers, and so we don't really seem to care too much if we inconvenience them. Other drivers are people too.

I once saw a poem about drivers written as if from alien observers who asked if the people in the cars were the car's guts or its brains. I do not see much behavior from drivers that indicates that we use our brains while driving our cars. Several of my relatives and students have been involved in significant collisions, and in a few cases that led to fatalities. As more types of people and more people in general take to the roads, I think it becomes even more important to train them well. As we gain access to more gadgets and gizmos in our cars, I think it's more important than ever to emphasize the fundamentals. Today's close call came as consequence of flagrant disregard for basic traffic rules combined with a lack of situational awareness. Good thing I was paying attention! Don't assume other people are looking out for you. Even if you don't drive, sometimes you need to look out for cars and other drivers. Several bus stops have been hit in the Vegas Valley, and I was nearly clipped by a bus' mirror a few weeks back. Watch your step, buckle your seatbelt, and check your blind spots. Be safe out there.

Bible Both Ways

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As the debate heats up once again about different life choices, the usual suspects turn to the Bible to bully other people. Despite the many things he says that I like, the current pope is either misquoted or misinterpreted as being in favor, not of the people, but of their behavior. Our behavior reflects our values, but it does not comport our value in the biblical context, and yet as usual both sides claim to have the Bible on their side. God’s position is very clear, and it always has been. He has always told us that sin cannot be tolerated with allowance but that for the repentant soul it can be forgiven, and that’s the difference.

Behaviors arrive on the scene as “civil rights”. People want to be able to do whatever they like by claiming that it is who they are. I find it funny that this claim was rejected in conjunction with conscientious objections to war and abortion but is accepted when it comes to gay and lesbian lifestyles. This is not new. Sodom and Gamorrah, Athens, and Rome all fell because of licentious and lascivious behavior. We will be no different. I heard Tuesday that America hosts most of the pornography on the internet. How sad. However, since when is it a civil right to have sex with whomever you choose whenever for whatever reason? Since when should I have to provide you with contraception? Since when should I be forced to cater a wedding for a couple I find religiously objectionable? Who is protecting my religious rights? Those who champion this cause claim that marriage is about love, but they don’t really mean that. If they meant that, they would go back and defend Mormons for polygamy and a slieu of pedophiles in prison for their filthiness. This is about the fact that homosexuals want their behavior to be treated the same way as the nature of other people. Since when is bisexuality a civil right? Who goes to a bakery that refuses service to a certain group except to create a media sensation claiming discrimination? It's a setup.

I listened to local radio Monday afternoon and caught a woman who claimed that God has never been condemnatory towards people engaged in what I consider to be aberrant and abhorrent behaviors. Quite contrarily, the God of the Old Testament was very clear, almost vengeful, because His people were slow to listen. Yea, unless He doth constantly chastise them, they are slow to remember the Lord their God. Even after freed from Egypt, when Moses went up on the mount, they were unable to wait a few days before casting an idol of gold to worship! The difference today is not in how God regards the behavior. The behavior is still unacceptable. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. As in Adam, all men die. The difference is that God no longer immediately brings down fire from heaven or opens up the ground from beneath to consume the sinners. The New Testament seems more tolerant because only after that point did the people understand the Atonement, that Christ would suffer by proxy for the truly penitent. With the arrival of Christ, it was not license to change their behavior but a delay in their punishment so that they could repent. God still disproves of certain behaviors; for all this His anger is not turned away but His hand is outstretched still. This woman is NOT penitent. She seeks license in the scriptures. She thinks that she can eat drink and be merry a little and sin because God will save all men. He cannot save them in their sins; He can only save us from their consequences. The people who seek license of their behaviors paradoxically chose the rainbow as the symbol of acceptance. The rainbow does not mean acceptance of aberrant and abhorrent behaviors. The rainbow once followed God cleansing the earth thereof.

Liberals point out the mote in the eye of another to excuse the beam in their own. Sometimes they argue that gay marriage should be accepted because traditional marriages fail frequently. Well, this ignores the fact that many people marry for the wrong reasons, including homosexuals who marry, not out of love for their spouse, but to conform with society. When they cite statistics on marriages that fail, they never provide any data that indicates how many of those marriages were not for love. They never point out how many constitute outright fraud by homosexuals who marry despite their inclinations and thereby deprive me of a chance at their spouse. If they were truly that principled, they would never marry and thereby not mar the field for men like me who desire a good marriage. They also forget that marriage involves the wills of two different people, but then again liberals believe in compulsion by government while emancipating women, which are mutually exclusive prospects in a marriage. You can’t empower a woman and force her to cowtow to the man.

Perhaps the misanthropic view of marriage comes from a difference in opinion regarding what marriage actually means. Marriage is and always has been a sacrament of the faith. During the middle ages, when the church became a political entity, the line between these two entities blurred. By the time of Henry VIII, marriage became a civil matter and lost its meaning to people in Christian nations. Marriage always has been an oath, not just between the man and wife, but between the couple and their Creator. Interestingly enough, when this nation was founded, in recognition of the line of demarcation between Church and State, the Founders left out reference of marriage from the founding documents. Oddly enough, the people who prattle separation of church and state demand the involvement of the state to license their sacraments. They have never before seemed to care about government interference with religious feelings about marriage. As aforementioned, these people never defend polyandry or polygamy; instead they mock it and look down with arrogant condescension on people whose ancestors once believed it part of their Faith. Since they cannot mock Mitt Romney for a failed marriage, they mock him for his failure as a Mormon to have more than one.

As usual, they demand things both ways and are never happy. They are always looking for an Achilles heel. This is not about marriage, and it’s not about love, and it’s not about fairness. Democrats do not support marriage for love. They support themselves. If they supported marriage for love, they wouldn't mock Mormons. Now that it's in the best interest of the Democrat party to accept gay marriage, you must accept it. You will do what the Left demands. Never before in America has the tail wagged the dog, but that’s what is given face time in the forum of public opinion. They are a minority, and they demand representation of their views. Since their arguments are weak, they attack their opponents, not on the merits of the argument, but with accusations of bigotry. Opposition to a behavior is not rejection of or bigotry towards the person. Those who feel that way should grow a thicker skin.

My religion is not a behavior; it is part of who I am. When I stand for something, it’s not because I got up today and decided to don the outer vestments of episcopalean or Baptist or Judaic beliefs. These are not just things I do. I know that some members of my Faith are just going through the motions. So too are those who insist on civil “rights” for their behaviors. If homosexuals were true to their urges, they would breed themselves out of the population in short order because their behaviors do not lead to more children. It’s not evolutionarily advantageous for humans to be homosexual, because if you are true to what you “are”, you will not procreate. Like most liberal causes of late, this is about sex.

The great Christian apologist CS Lewis ardently defined marriage and in a far better way than I ever can. Not fewer than three of his books deal with it- The Four Loves, Mere Christianity, and The Screwtape Letters. The tactics of the left and of the devil are not new.

All we can do is to encourage humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden. Hence we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure to that in which it is least natural, least redolent of its Maker, and least pleasurable. An ever-increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula…. To get the man’s soul and give NOTHING in return–that is what really gladdens [Satan’s] heart.

The adversary is always about counterfeits. These people talk about love and marriage without ever bothering to look at what those things do and always have meant. He wants the semblance without the substance, which leads men to continually look “for love in all the wrong places” because it is not love. They keep using that word. Like Inigro Montoya, I do not think it means what they think it means. I love God, and so I keep His commandments, but loving God is not acceptable to the left.

Beware the temptation to believe when liberal politicians prattle about faith, virtue, and charity. They speak of this, not because they believe it, but because they know you do.

The gay right push is not about rights as much as it’s about power. They meddle. They are in our homes and heads and haven’t the right. They want to tell us when and what and how to think. They want us to think like them. Since they cannot proselyte us to their cause, they use the truncheon in lieu of conversation. The only reason a gay couple would choose a Christian florist is to impose involuntary servitude. They were trying to drum up business for the ACLU to help destroy American culture and impose their beliefs on the entire nation through the courts. Most of us would simply find another person who would love our business. Also on Tuesday’s local radio, the host acknowledged that it serves businesses in his 90210 to have an employee who speaks Spanish, not because the government forces them to, but to capture the 20% of business they would lose if they didn’t have that person.

They claim to be defending gays, but they do this, if it’s true, at the expense of fighting against the majority of their constituents. When we do not defend our friends, we in essence betray them. You see, this entire campaign is protracted with the premise that Christians are evil, intolerant, hypocritical, bigots who do not tolerate anyone else. By contrary, Christians are the most tolerant of peoples, because they do not light up the streets with riotous looting when attacked or challenged. Nobody worries about upsetting a Christian because they don’t pull your arms out of your sockets when they lose. The vast majority of people in this country, however inexpertly they may be at living those principles, intend and desire to live according to Judeo-Christian values. We live and let live. The left just talks about it.  This adherence and aspiration to virtue is why America continues to persist. As soon as Americans become enemies to The Law, our law will have no power to drive their behavior, and the majority will clamour for license for licentiousness. The Constitution was made for a moral and religious people. It cannot govern anyone else.

There is God and there is government. God is greater than government, and government doesn’t like that. –Inga Barks

Loss, Death and Easter

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Last Easter, my family gathered at my maternal grandparents' house for dinner together, photos, and merriment. This Easter, my family gathered at my maternal grandparents' house for a funeral as both of those grandparents are now gone, both dead in the past six weeks. I find it kind of a paradox at Easter to get together this year to mourn the passing of these two transformative people, but I guess I'm old enough now where this will be normal. I think it's funny how much can change in a year. I think about all the people I knew and loved that I no longer see anymore, and I think about Easter and what it means.

Regardless of which tradition you observe, Easter means new beginnings, new growth, and new life. Naturally, it comes in the spring when buds break forth, bees buzz in the trees, birds sing songs to attract mates, and when women all around me shed their clothes and decency in order to catch a man's eye. Why then, this Easter, do I feel so much loss and grief? It should be about new hope, new opportunities, and new life?

I moved to Vegas with hope for change. That was before Barack OBama butchered and bastardized that notion. I know that sounds annoying, but I really did think that I would have new and better opportunities going somewhere else. Since that thus far failed to materialize, I hesitate to follow counsel to move again. It won't necessarily be better; it will only be different, and I'm not sure by how much. I started a career, bought a house, made some friends, got into shape, and waited. Despite all the increased fitness, both physically and economically, my life remains much as it has been since I was divorced, and I go to my domicile at night and crash, having burnt myself out during the day doing what I do.

Over the past several years, I've lost a lot of people who were important. Some of them were family, and that's a difficult wound to salve, because those were people on whom I could rely. Now, where would I stay if I had car trouble or bad weather while passing through that part of the country? Now, where would I eat if I had no money (thank God that hasn't been a real worry for many years)? Now who will send me birthday cards and celebrate my promotions and get excited if and when I finally find a woman to marry me? Some of the others I lost were friends. Losing them is also tough, because I chose them and chose to invest my life and time in building a relationship with them. The rest were people who apparently said things they didn't really mean. Some of them, I hoped meant what they said.

I'm writing this without finishing the experience and without fully processing how I feel. I know that I'll also spend some of the time thinking about what Easter means, what it means to me as a person, and what it means to people of faith like myself. There will be more beginnings, new beginnings, and for those who believe as I do, ultimately a reunion with those we love on a verdant shore in a far and pleasant country. It's not my time to go there yet, either for family taken by death or for friends taken by circumstance. I love and miss them all, and parting doesn't seem sweet at all. However, goodbye is necessary for each hello. Each farewell is a prelude to a reunion. I know that sometimes farewells do not lead to reunions, but I have been reunited enough with those I really love to know that if it doesn't happen, it's for good reason. It's not because they didn't desire to see me again; it's because they were unable or else they were not allowed to return.

Each year, my garden leafs out into blooms and buds aplenty. This year, I have enough that I can sit on the porch and listen to the buzzing bees pollinate the blooms. Maybe I'm stuck in the perpetual winter of my life. Eventually, winter always does and always must give way to new life, new love, and a new hope. Christ, whose resurrection I commemorate this weekend, told His disciples, "I come that they might have life and have it more abundantly". Some day, every tear will be brushed away, every pain healed, every promise kept, and every reward received. I guess today is not that day. Maybe tomorrow.

FitBit, Fit Doug

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Thursday, my second Fitbit died. To their credit, Fitbit is replacing it, but for now it means that I don't get any credit or feedback for the exercise I do. At first, I was upset to be cheated out of credit for 250 kcal Thursday morning, and then for a few hours in the afternoon when it went offline and gave me credit for nothing. Then, I decided, even if I don't get credit through the device, it wasn't going to change anything. I still "get credit" physically for the endurance and conditioning it brings into my life, and in that I learned something about myself.

For a long time now, I've sowed without reaping. While serving as a missionary in Europe, somehow I found the energy, motivation, and discipline to get up every day and go out among the people of Austria, Czeckoslovakia, Italy, and Yugoslavia(Serbia) where I served and attempt to help them draw closer to Christ. For the most part, you can't tell I was ever there, and even the people with whom I served don't say much to me these days. When it was time for me to come home, Xavier Meier wrote me and thanked me for helping him work right up to the last minute reaching out to people on our last day in country. My experiences differ widely from what I usually hear, and I came home feeling very much a failure.

When I go to church, although I feel much more at home in this congregation than my last one, you can tell a great difference between myself and the other members. If you look at them, it looks like they did everything correctly because they have all the benchmarks of a successful life from money to station to companionship. Look at me, and I look like a miscreant; I have a beard, I'm there by myself and I'm one of the poorest among them. However, I think they're intimidated by me. They know that I don't have a spouse or kids or a calling or a position of responsibility or any other reason to force me to come week after week after week. They listen to me speak, realize I know the doctrine, and have a testimony of the things we believe. I think they're intimidated because I am there anyway, without any reward or incentive whatsoever. I really believe it.

So far, the Fitbit's rewards have been paltry. Last fall, the Governor of Nevada offered us an "incentive" program to commemorate the 150th anniversary of Nevada Statehood. As I previously shared, the "prize" was something of absolutely zero worth to a person such as myself, given without regard whatsoever for the recipient. It hasn't made me lose much weight, and although I look better, I'm still not ripped, and so women still don't usually stare at me. By the state's BMI metric, I am still significantly overweight. We still have to use it (unofficially) to get credit for our insurance incentive, so I get to keep using it, have to keep using it, or else I will have to pay that extra money. That's what they're hoping.

Like my missionary service, my exercise isn't something that I do as much as it reflects who I really am. It takes a lot of energy to convince yourself to continue on in the face of constant opposition. It takes a lot of energy to motivate yourself without any feedback, without any rewards. Someone once told me that my discipline was my strength. One of the other professors told me that she marvels that I get up almost every day and go exercise even though I don't have to that often or even at that time of day. It's who I am. I do this because being begets doing.

When we do things for the reward, it often costs us the virtue of the thing itself. Many people quit something if the reward stops or refuse to participate if there is no prize or if they are not good enough to win one. People who do it anyway, who get up anyway, who push forward anyway, show us that their behavior stems from their character. On my mission, in my marriage, in my work, at exercise, and in every facet of my life, I continue to act anyway. It's who I really am. It's what I do. Although it is a principle of our Faith to reap what we sow, I am not doing it just for that. Eventually, there is a Law of Restoration, of Compensation, that must come true. Until then, I do it because it's the right thing to do. I learned this attitude from the Man of La Mancha. It doesn't matter if I win or lose, only that I follow the quest. So, I continued my exercise today as if the Fitbit was watching. I know God is, and someone else might be too. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

Unbelievable Stories

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Seeing as how it's April Fool's Day, I take most of what I hear today with a grain of salt. I know that some of it is not true. However, even some things that are true seem unbelievable. Given that we are thinking today of ways in which our friends, coworkers and neighbors will try to mislead us, and since I have a story you may not believe that is true, I think it's time to tell you all just why I hate online dating so much.

A while ago, at the behest and persuasion of people who claim to care for me, I joined several leading online dating sites. They all cost money, and since I find it odd to pay money to find out if I can pay more money to get to know a woman I still have not actually met, I never paid for a subscription. When the sites let me communicate for free, I tried to get chat pseudonyms and email addresses so that we could communicate outside the paid framework of the dating site. Most of those contacts didn't really go anywhere; most of the women in whom I felt myself interested weren't really all that interested in talking to me. Maybe it's my picture; maybe its the fact that I was open and honest in my profile; maybe it was them. Maybe it was all a lie.

Only one woman really seemed to be interested in me besides chatting when she was sad, lonely, or bored. As luck would have it, she was in Wyoming, making it a significant distance to get to know her. Since it cost me only time to email her, I explored the opportunities. I was honest and complied with her requests for pictures. I found it odd that she seemed to not be as educated as she purported to be. I also found it odd that she seemed very excited. Usually I'm the one who jumps the shark and tries to hard and rushes into things so that they don't work out, but this time she was the one who seemed very excited and accelerated the relationship and wanted to meet. I gave her my phone number and requested to chat before we met, because I wasn't sure about the commitment involved in having a long distance relationship, and then I waited.

At length, the hammer dropped. She took a trip to an exotic foreign nation and contacted me one day to ask me for financial help after she came into distress. I wrote her back and told her that I would be a fool to send her money since we had only conversed via email to this point. Several warning signs started to add up against her and her story. Although she claimed to be a college graduate and the daughter of a Canadian and an Australian, her diction, syntax, and communication made Americans seem collegiate masters of the English tongue. I've met Americans who aren't articulate but who are good company, so I initially ignored that. Furthermore I found it odd that she had no friends on whom to rely for assistance. She also claimed to essentially be an orphan, but the fact that the only person she could turn to for help was a man she had never met struck me as odd. She traveled to a country that I would never visit alone if I were a woman, because that culture likes to enslave women to either labor or prostitution. Although she sent me pictures that were all of the same woman, including some that seemed to be of her in the nation she claimed to be visiting, the file names seemed odd. Granted, I don't know how smartphones number images you photograph, but some of the pictures had file names consistent with pictures you download from someone else's facebook profile. If they were her real pictures, she could have sent me the original files. She had never called me or spoken with me other than email, and I felt it unwise to send her money. I even told her there were many such scams on the internet, and once you send the money you have no recourse; no crime has been committed if you voluntarily send money.

She responded and asked for a revised sum, but after I ignored that email, communication ceased. So much for her being in love with me, looking forward to meeting me, etc. I know that it's possible her story was true. That does not obligate me to help. I didn't really know her. For all I know she was a Russian male trying to scam me out of money. On the internet, nobody knows I'm really a lemur. Eventually, the profile was deleted; I presume this was because the dating site discerned it was a fraudulent account. If I'm wrong, I'll answer for it at the Judgment Bar of Jehovah. I've been burnt before.

I never know what to trust on the internet. I automatically assume that most of what I read online is editorials masquerading as fact. Most of what's available on the internet is pretty useless, which is probably why it's free. Many of the people on the internet are pretending to be something they are not. In the movie "Must Love Dogs" Diane Lane's character desperately subscribes to a slieu of dating sites in order to get a date; the trouble is that most of what she puts on these profiles is outright false, but she's just out to "have a good time". From my extensive reading of Shakespeare, I have learned that most of what you see is actually a play, the parliament jester's foist on the somnambulent public.  In any case, I'm not desperate enough to try to force something wonderful from so little as a dating profile offers me.

Essentially, online dating isn't necessarily any better than meeting people at a bar. You have a visual image and a limited bit of selectively shared information to use in an essentially vain attempt to spin a relationship out of thin air. You make decisions based on a limited bit of information, all too much of which turns out to be half truths and whole lies. People only usually tell you about the best bits of themselves, but even then those things are not the whole story even if they are true. I know that online dating works for some people, and I'm glad for them. My problem with it is that it first off begins with an ulterior motive and secondly that it is unreliable. You're looking by definition for a date, and so people will ignore you if they don't think they'd marry you based on what you choose to tell them. Some people are honest; many of them are not. Most of the people are interested only in the cover story, and I do not give a good enough first impression to get anyone's attention. I ignored a lot of women who from their profile pictures were offering access to the tantalizing temptations of the flesh, and only to slake their own lusts. The one person who seemed to want to get to know me was probably a liar from the get-go. Fortunately for me, this person was impatient enough to try and force me to make a financial risk in a little less than four weeks. In real life, many women are far more adroit and adept at dragging it out and leeching a man dry. Imagine what might have happened if she waited for me to fall in love with her and then reeling me in with a hook in my cheek!

A few years back, I dated a woman who, if she had chosen me, would have come across to some as an unbelievable story. She was practically perfect in every way, and I know that people who didn't know me or our story would have looked at me and asked, "What did he do to get her?" People who know me would have seen it as a validation of my hard work, my character, and my discipline to principles. My buddy Jay while drunk on his birthday told me he hoped I got an amazing woman so I could shove it in the face of everyone who looked down on me for sticking to my guns. Well, I'm not interested in gloating, but it would have made one unbelievable story. Not one couple in a century seems to really have a chance at true and real love, and you might not have believed my luck. There were times when I myself wondered if my geautiful birl was too good to be true.

Most days of the year, I listen to information with a leery and wary eye. I distrust almost everything I hear on April Fool's Day, but I also take a longwinded view of what women tell me on other days of the year too. Actions speak louder than words, and every woman who has ever told me she was different from other women turned out to be exactly the same. If you are truly different, you won't need to tell me; other people will tell me that about you. Many stories are unbelievable, and I don't trust all the dating site ads with their happy endings. I don't trust the notion of falling in love with nothing more than a picture and a paragraph. Love does not come first; first comes infatuation, lust, and desire. Love comes later. I don't think there's anything magical about the mathematical matricies on which they make matches. I think it's still about luck and about what you're willing to accept. If you're looking to be deceived, online dating's a good place to start. As for my part, it's hard enough to know if you know the real person if you spend any time with them in real life, so adding one more layer of obfuscation just complicates it to the point where I would rather not bother. When I found that woman aforementioned, I wasn't doing anything special. I was doing what I loved and living the best life I could, and God brought her into my life. He can do it again. He knows where to find me.

"Wherever you are; whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life And I know that we can be so amazing. Baby your love is gonna change me...and someday I know that it will all work out, and we'll make it work so we can all work it out..." --Michael Buble (emphasis added)