By Their Fruits

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I have been rejected all my life for my Faith. My close friend said last night that sadly that is probably something I can expect to get in the way of interpersonal relationships. It's unpopular because it asks people to examine themselves. In today's world, faith and virtue are no longer as attractive as they used to be, because people are acutely aware albeit sometimes clandestinely that they're not the people they ought to be. When they meet someone who really intends to live as he professes, it makes them uncomfortable, and so rather than changing to be better, they accuse me of being a pretender. I know most men who profess this are liars, and I am not perfect. I am unashamed of my past and unafraid for my future, because I really believe in something larger than myself.

When I was a young child, this rejection happened with regularity. Periodically friends would tell me they could not be my friend anymore because I was a member of a particular Faith. Nothing about me changed; the only change was that their parents became aware of my religious affiliation, which apparently was one with which they took exception. I was always a member of that Faith; it just wasn't something they knew. Even when it wasn't known it was never a secret.

Most of my friends growing up were of other Faiths. Naturally, in England my friends were Anglican mostly, but even in Idaho they were of other Christian denominations than my own. Partially this was due to the fact that we associated with other military families, but it also arose from the fact that extracurricular activities brought together people of disparate Faiths. This was common, but eventually at least one person in every place we lived came to me and told me that they could not be my friend anymore, not because of some moral stance, but because of a title others gave me. My good high school friend Jay was the last casualty of this phenomenon in my youth. We used to sit together during driver's ed and talk since we spent maybe 10 minutes per day in a car and the rest watching others drive. The rejection because of my Faith even came from people of my own Faith. In Vegas as a youth, I didn't belong to the congregational secret club known only as "BC". I still don't know what that meant. I was always invited to service projects or official church activities, but I happened upon a fair few BC events where I was excluded by people with whom I allegedly shared beliefs.

When I reached adulthood, I thought this would stop, but instead it grew worse. As a missionary of course, most of the people with whom I spoke rejected me. Elder Young pointed out that they didn't really know me and hence it wasn't personal, but it didn't really make me feel better to go home from my missionary service with nothing to show for it except for worn clothing and memories of people I used to know. One afternoon in Vienna, a man physically assaulted me just because he irrationally hated members of my Faith. He stopped because the gendarmerie came to my assistance. A colleague in graduate school hosted us at her house for a study session for a difficult core course. After about an hour sitting there listening to her and her husband go on and on about how much they hated members of my Faith, I rose to leave. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I was leaving because I was obviously not welcome there, but it took at least another minute for her to realize why. Finally, there is my ex-wife. She converted to my faith at 16, years before I met her and in another state. Her family I think believed it to be a phase she would outgrow, but when she married a stalwart member of my Faith, they knew it might be permanent and moved to undermine it. Since then, I dated another member of my Faith seriously who decided to reject me at least in part because she knew that I really meant it. I really think she wanted to go through the motions and look the part without really meaning it, which is pointless in my opinion.

Recently, these rejections came with more frequency. One of my students last fall came to visit me several times for extra help. After we finished our discussion of the course material, the discussion turned elsewhere, and she ended up telling me every time we met how much she detested members of my Faith. Eventually, I revealed my affiliation, and I never saw her again in my office. Another former student wrote me a kind note in which she expressed confusion as to why my faith and my Faith caused so many problems because it should create admirers. She opined the fact that people write me off easily because it's difficult to find a person with such a connection to God or who is a man of Faith. Without her permission, I quote a portion of her remarks here: "They are fools if they do not realize the loss of such a great man as you." I will be humble, for I know my weakness, but I am no longer convinced that most of the people who claim to be looking for a great guy really are. Or at least, my Faith is what gets in the way.

Any of you who read anything I write here know better. For the better part of the past six months, the veritable majority of posts deal with faith and the Faith. I don't parade my actual affiliation around, because that's between me and my Maker. However, for all of those who persecute me and say mean things about me, they will eventually know that they subjected me to a most unchristian treatment. If I really were in error, what would Christ ask them to do? Would He ask them to spitefully use me and persecute me? Would He have them cast me off? Would He endorse their campaign to slander me and paint me as a miscreant? Would he berate me? He would try to reclaim me, to persuade me to repent and realign myself with His will. The Master Physician goes to those who are spiritually sick. In other words, He certainly wouldn't cut off someone like me. Even if I'm wrong, I'm at least looking for Him.

In some cases, I know I am paying for the sins of other members of my Faith. I don't know who offended these people, but I know that some members of my Faith are Jack Mormons and others are Jacket Mormons. The former know better and don't care; the latter put on a show when it's convenient and then take off the tenants like a jacket when they get home. One woman I tried to date had been sexually mistreated by a member of my Faith. One city in Austria was forbidden because of inappropriate behavior by a missionary years before I arrived. If I had done something unworthy or that needed correction, the righteous thing to do would be to call me to repent. Every Faith suffers under the burden of miscreants and malcontents who claim to be members. Far too many people however do not apparently recognize that they are members of their own Faiths only when it's convenient and reject those who mean their Faiths because it makes them uncomfortable.

We have been taught that by their fruits they shall be known. While I don't preach, teach, expound, exhort, and invite men to come to Christ in class because it's inappropriate during a chemistry lecture, I do reach out and encourage and uplift and inspire outside of class. Former students and coworkers and other associates, some of whom read this blog, can attest that in my free time I discuss the same things that I discuss here. I only wear one hat because I don't portend to be someone else in different company. Some people are perhaps surprised to learn my Faith because I know the Bible better than they do even though they think we don't use it or believe in it. Nothing could be further from the truth (as far as the Faith generally).

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them" (Matt 7:15-20).

Whether they want to admit it or not, my first religious outreach to most people is not to turn them to my Faith but to turn them to their God and His Christ. I have told people who since rejected me to listen to God because He is the only being without an ulterior motive. How could I be a false prophet if I turn them to God for advice? How could I preach of Christ, prophecy of Christ, rejoice in Christ, and write according to my prophecies if I was anti-Christ? When the Apostles faced this same opposition after Christ's ascension, Gamaliel warned the rest of the Pharisees:

"And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought: But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God" (Acts 5:38-29).

If I were a corrupt tree, would God still leave me there to deceive you? Would my words still work and still echo? Hardly. If I were a corrupt tree, would I turn people to God and to Christ? Christ himself tells us that those good fruits must come from good trees. God has promised to cut down what runs contrary to Him like the examples Gamiliel gave immediately prior to the citation used. Instead, He has preserved my life several times and prospered me in every way that is not under the control of other men.

Instead of using persuasion, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned, those who hate me exercise power and authority unrighteously, reproving me with sharpness for my Faith and then abandoning me to the winds of fate. That isn't what Christ did to Peter; He had compassion on him. He continued to love him. He strove with him. He certainly didn't cut him off and treat him like someone He never knew. We have been commanded not to cut off from the midst of us those who err. "Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them" (3 NE 18:42) Does that sound like the practice of a false Faith to you? We minister with the hope that men will turn to Christ, yet "christians" consider me anti-Christ.

I expect as a follower of Christ to be persecuted, yet somehow I'm surprised when it actually happens. I have met some of the most unchristian "Christians" who oppose what I do, not because they disagree with the principle, but because they disagree with the messenger. It's ok to believe and say and think as I do as long as I am any other Faith except the one to which I belong. The bigotry I encounter regularly because of my Faith astounds my friends, because they realize that it's who I am, that I really mean it. CS Lewis warned Screwtape of people like these. If he cannot tempt men to be connoisseurs of churches, then he drives them to party churches where the people draw near to God with their lips while their hearts are far from Him, to ones who teach for doctrines the commandments of men and deny the power of God. The people do not know they are being deceived or sometimes they don't care. Some people I have met are so convinced they are doing God's work that they assume His role and usurp His power (for a time at least) and then pat themselves on the back for their virtue. There is no virtue in using the adversary's method to achieve the Father's plan.

As for me, I do not believe in compelling anyone to do anything good against their will. If it is good, then they should decide to do it. The people with whom I get along well in this world are not people who are virtuous constantly but people who are consistent even when not virtuous. They are honest with me, and that means I know what to expect and what to avoid and how to associate with them. Eventually, some of those people reject me too, and I know why. Christ warned His disciples what to expect: "If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you" (John 15:19). My late friend once told me "You'd be perfect if not for your religion"; she wanted me to abandon my beliefs for her comfort, and I cannot leave my God who has never abandoned me. God has always had my back, even when He forces me to wait longer than I like for what I know I deserve.

One of the points of this blog was so that there would be zero doubt in the minds of the reader who I am and what I believe. I expect as I move forward to have people slander and libel me. They will "darken counsels by words without knowledge" (Job 38:3). In that day, I will turn them here and let them read for themselves what I say and compare that to how I live. I am not perfect. I am also not ashamed of my beliefs. They make me who I am. If I abandon them, I cease to be me. You may not like me, but at least you will know where I stand and what to expect when the time comes to choose because I really mean it. I have noticed lately that my posts are becoming redundant. It's because I really mean it. I really think it. I really am what I profess to be. By my fruits ye shall know me as God does- as one of His valiant sons.

You Only Know In Media Res

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People plan for things that might come their way. They tell themselves what they'll do if confronted with difficult situations in order to steel themselves against danger. Sometimes they tell other people that they can be counted on in a pinch because they really believe and want to feel like they will live up to their best selves. Ultimately we only learn what we are made of when we are required to prove it.

I don't know what I would do in situations that other people face. People often ask me what I would do in their situation, but I tell them that's a canard because I am not in their situation. I can only tell them what I would like to think I would do if it were true. Ultimately, I cannot say with certainty that if our places were reversed I would do any differently than they actually choose. I only honestly think I might do differently because I am different and because I'm looking at things from a different perspective. In other words, I'm an outsider, and so I see things from an angle to which they may not be privy.

Most people don't really know until the moment comes to choose. They make plans and promises and provisions, only to do different things when the time comes to choose. Almost everyone thinks they would intercede to help someone, but very few people do anything. Most people stand and watch and don't help. The rest become emergency personnel.

I know what I will do because I have been forced to show it. Years ago, I stopped a knife fight in Salt Lake City while my mom went to go get some policemen we had seen a few blocks ago. I was pretty cavalier and confident, being young and relatively fit and accomplished in martial arts. Besides, I was sober, and one of them was bleeding, so I figured I stood a good chance of flight if things turned badly for me. Recently, someone tried to rob me in the parking lot at Wal-mart. He pointed a gun at me and demanded my wallet. I felt very low that night and didn't really care, so I growled very softly that if he didn't kill me he would regret it, and he ran. The police who took my statement asked me not to do that again, but I doubt very much he bothered anyone else that night. While working as a missionary in Austria, on the way home one evening, a man approached us excitedly as we exited the subway. He asked me if I knew I was a "soldier of the devil". Rather than get upset or argue, I ignored him and insisted that my companion follow me and pretend it never happened. I could have made a scene, but that guy wasn't open to truth.

We came to earth in order to prove ourselves. We show every day by what we do what really matters to us. What we are shines through in what we do. We make time for the things and people that matter to us. Sadly, we discover that some things don't have the value we thought, and tragically we show others that they don't have the value to us that they thought they had. Ultimately, the truth reveals itself, and each of us is asked to accept the truth and own it or change it.

We plan and prepare because we know things will come that test our mettle. We act most times according to the plan with accommodation for the winds of favor, of trial, of faith, and of fortitude. If we don't like what we do, that is the time to decide to be better people. If we like who we are, that's fine. My consolation prize in life has been that I sleep well at night. It's a nice thing to know who you really are.

Groundhog Day and Life

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In church last week, one of the speakers made a rather inarticulate reference to some of his favorite movies. As he did so, I started thinking about mine and why I like them. When I was young, although I didn't care much for the day and since it affects the desert very little now, I really liked Groundhog Day which shows the transformation of a man, Bill Murray, from someone everyone detests into someone who is a blessing to people around him. I suppose I found it inspiring as a younger lad to see an ordinary guy transformed into someone better. I found it synonymous with the beliefs of my Faith that people can change and that when people change for the better it can elevate the world entire. The movie depicts a man who transforms from the natural man who gives into his animal desires into one who avails himself of the opportunity to defy instinct and raise others in the process.

Initially, Bill Murray's character does whatever he likes. He makes mistakes, he luxuriates, and he takes advantage of the situation. He attempts whatever it takes to get into bed with a coworker for whom he has feelings or elevate his career or prove that he's smarter or better or snarkier than other people. He indulges in excess of all kinds and lives it up at every opportunity once he realizes that in the morning there will be zero repercussions if he desires and deigns do evil all his days. Eventually this leads, not to happiness as some might expect, but to DESPERATION, and he tries to kill himself several times only to wake up in the morning and find that he must repeat his life. Most of what he does is selfish, and many of the scenarios play out in a way that he hurts other people and himself as he tries to change something, anything really, and move forward.

Ultimately, the character realizes that this presents an opportunity to improve upon his time. If he's going to be stuck anyway, he can do things that make him a better person, things he always wanted to do but never had the time and money to accomplish. By doing this, he finds that it makes a positive impact on others as he daily ventures forth and lives in a way that makes the world a better place. As time passes, he finds more ways to make sure that he's there to do good in the lives of others and finds he enjoys the positive things that come from being a blessing to his neighbors rather than what he might gain by taking advantage of them. Even better, he doesn't care if they admire him because he knows that in the morning nobody will remember and that he can repeat the feats.

The message for me of Groundhog Day is that only when he makes himself better can he move forward. As long as he was selfish and self-centered, things never got better. Sure, he got what he wanted, but it was always fleeting, and always something he had to repeat the next day, with the ultimate consistent result that nothing endured. Far too many people in this world seek happiness in doing things that cannot and do not lead to it. They rouse themselves from bed every day and live a life of debauchery and selfishness and then opine the fact that they awake in the morning like Bill Murray alone and with nothing to show for their lives and that in some cases they must do a walk of shame back home. Many of these people look at people who live moral lives and mock us, saying nobody ever regretted getting too little sleep or having too much sex, that your worth is how you treat people while they do nothing but injustice to themselves in a vain attempt to slake every lust.

Most of us do not get to repeat the same day and attempt to do things differently. The writers did us a favor to show us that the only way to move forward was to actually become a better person. As Bill Murray found new and more ways in which to bless his fellow men, eventually he reached a place where his dreams came true because he really meant the things that he did in hopes to advance them. He actually became a better man. It wasn't just a show, and that one night when he awoke and things changed finally, he had made the changes stick.

While the movie is not perfect and some things lack a semblance of morality, we need to remember that we aren't perfect either. We do the best we can with what we have, but if we're not really doing the best we can and lying to ourselves in the moment that it is so, we only do others including ourselves a disservice. In the movie, people could tell when Murray didn't mean it, and they caught onto him when he had ulterior motives. In our lives, when we are disingenuous, we're essentially committing spiritual and emotional suicide even if we still live, because we are not being true to anyone.

The days of life, like Groundhog Day, are sometimes dreary and often routine. However, they also present to us an opportunity to decide what kind of person we truly desire to be. Far too many people seem to think that "you only live once, so live it up" promises them a better outcome than "you only live once, so live well", but the latter is the message of this movie. Murray's character only really lives when he rises to his potential and avails himself of opportunities to lift the burden of dreary routine and find a reason to rejoice in the winter of his life. He even finds great bounty on that day that can last into the future, and while that's not always the case, the chance that it might be so provides me with the impetus to go on, straight on, in the course that might make the world a better place like it did for Murray.

What We Nourish is Strengthened

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Most people know the story of sour grapes. The wolf, unable to get what he seeks despite his best efforts, concludes that they must have been sour anyway as justification to his soul for failure. I know a few folks at the gym who, after a few weeks of concentrated effort, conclude that it's not worth it because they have yet to see results. I have tried several times to grow trees from seed that never bore fruit, but I keep trying, because I know that what we nourish tends to grow.

Consider if you will two different men with broken arms. The first visits a physician who puts the arm in a cast and checks on the arm regularly. The second concludes that it will heal on its own and ignores it. If the first man's arm recovers and the second man's doesn't, one might conclude that the extra care and nurture of a physician and patient contributed positively to the strengthening and recovery of his arm to near normal function before the action. If the second man's doesn't heal, he might be inclined to conclude that it wasn't worth saving and wasn't going to recover no matter what. This is a problem with faith sometimes, that we expect God to do everything and then ignore our part to avail ourselves of every tool at our disposal.

Our habits, our beliefs, and our relationships can be likened to seeds we plant in the ground. If we just trust everything to fate, they are probably unlikely to survive the elements let alone grow up and bear fruit. Someone just tried to convince me that my problem is expectations. The fallacy that expectations are inversely proportional to serenity assumes that if I expect nothing, I will be perfectly free, perfectly at peace. If I expect nothing, what impetus do I have to act, to do anything? If I expect nothing and do nothing, what can I hope to harvest? If I nourish nothing and then assume it's the fault of the grapes that I didn't get a harvest, does that sound wise? Balanced expectations matter. Realistic expectations allow us to store up hope, which is critical, because without hope, we are in despair, literally "hopeless" and then that's neither serenity nor happiness. It's hopelessness. Like most absolutes, I reject it because it's illogical.

We act in life and nourish things because we have faith that there will be fruit from the harvest. I know this sounds redundant to regular readers, and I apologize. I had two bushes in my yard die inexplicably last summer. I realized the first did not have a water line to it, and in the summer heat it burnt up and died. That was not because there was a problem with the bush. The problem was mine. In the case of the other, I was spraying some weed killer on the grass adjacent to it and got careless. The poison strangled the bush and killed it too. I was the reason in the end both of those died, because I didn't nourish them or nourish them well.

Perhaps I'm less serene because I actually own my mistakes. Last week someone actually blamed me for something that didn't work out in order to ignore their own part. What I did was not a secret. Who I am is not a secret. If you read random posts here, it will tell you oodles about what I believe and how I am likely to act in a given situation. What I don't know and don't control is what other people decide to nourish. If a neighbor comes by daily and dumps poison on my plants, they won't survive no matter what I do. If I leave my yard in the care of another while away for a prolonged period and they neglect to water, the plants my not survive. People nourish things because they believe it will work. As soon as we stop believing it will work, we stop putting in effort, and then we erroneously conclude when it fails that we were right to stop nourishing it. This is also a logical fallacy because sometimes we are the cause of our own failures. If you do not believe you can do a thing, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy more often than not, to the point that we never attempt or do not give our all when we do. Wrote the Bard, "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by failing to attempt" to which I add "or failing to attempt a thing well".

Sometimes, it takes more than one person to nourish something in order for it to succeed. They say that Love is like a rubber band. When one person lets go, the person who holds on is the one who gets hurt. As long as two people genuinely invest to make it work, love usually works and remains. Someone once told me that any two people can make a marriage work if they are committed to God and to each other. However, if one person decides to quit nourishing it, the other person cannot usually sustain it, and it dies. The person who quit might then conclude as do the friends of the person who held on that it was probably bad anyway. The friends do this to console their friend. The other does it to console themself. Well, that ignores the fact that someone quit. I am fairsure my ex wife believes that I'm a bad guy because things didn't work with us even though she consistently and quickly abandoned her obligation to make it work. There is only so much one man can do alone, and in any endeavor that takes more than one, he cannot sustain let alone strengthen what takes more than the effort of which he alone is capable.

Yes, it is possible that the grapes were sour. Yes, it is possible that my relationships were never going to work. Yes it is possible that you might not ever lose 50 pounds, get that perfect job you want, be able to afford the beach house in Malibu, or become an astronaut. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Even if the shot isn't a good one, we make them sometimes because we decided the possible benefits outweighed the costs.  Every Olympian who decides not to compete will not get a medal. It's not necessarily because the judges were biased, the track was sabotaged, or because the results are rigged. If you don't nourish it, it cannot be strengthened except by accident. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason is because you did not act well your part.

Sometimes things we nourish still die, but things we neglect rarely become what they ought even if they survive. The bush I killed with poison was well watered and otherwise healthy.  The water was not the only influence on its ultimate potential.  I am not the only force in the garden of life, and sometimes an enemy comes along and sows trouble in the wheatfield, and every time we deal with another agent, the best we can do is to do the best on our end. If you're on a bobsled team and someone quits, you probably won't win even if they let you compete. You never know the grapes are sour until you honestly give your best effort and taste the final fruit. Most people I know quit because they no longer desire the fruit enough to continue striving. Fortunately for us, God never quits striving with us. He knows that if He stops believing in and assisting us, we are not going to draw closer to Him. We only know the grapes are sour when we actually taste them. Anything less is a guess and does a disservice to things that might have been.

"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been". --John Greenleaf Whittier

Review USF's "Taming of the Shrew"

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I've been attending USF's Shakespeare in the Schools Tour long enough that I've seen every play they take on the road. This particular rendition of the play appealed to me more than the previous one with one exception. I don't remember last time if they commented on the relationships between the couples, and although I found the presentation more pleasing, I found the conclusions drawn by the players and their real life relationships less so.

The players were excellent, but I'm not sure this is common. For their production this year, they decided to go at it as if it were a circus and incorporated tricks you might see from entertainers and street performers into the interactions on stage and the costumes. One of the female characters was played by a man, which is historically accurate and rare in modernity, and so it was nice to see that portrayed as Shakespeare might have intended. This was the first year I saw any member of the troupe who was overweight, which made a perfect contrast to the suitor Bianca actually chooses. All but two of the cast knew each other from the same college program. This might be why they worked well together, but I am not sure it was the strength you might want to think it is. Even with that, they acted it well and gesticulated in a way that engaged and enraptured the audience, and so I enjoyed it immensely.

At the end of the play, the main characters commented on how they felt about the play and what they wanted to convey about the story. The characters believed that Shakespeare meant this as a serious play, that a woman should come to appreciate the sacrifices made by their man and acquiesce to the little demands it entails. First of all, I was shocked to hear them take that vector, because it's kind of old fashioned for the players to believe that and very inconsistent with the modern push for "equality". Secondly, I was appalled because I don't believe in forcing anyone to do anything against their will, even through guile and other trickery, and so I would never have applied this method to convince a wife to be with me. In other words, even if I married a shrew of a woman, I would not tame her. I know because I was married to one.

Killing a person with kindness is a phrase often used but misapplied. In the play, this is done because Petrucio wants to control Katarina. It is not because he loves her. It is because he loves himself. He feigns to do what he does out of concern for her, then manipulates her into seeing things his way all the time or suffer. This isn't kindness, but it certainly did kill the person Katarina was. Unfortunately, I have seen many people do this to people I know and to people I love so that they are no longer the people I knew, having been converted via this emotional and physical abuse into being someone who acquiesces to teh will of another.

I thought I'd be seeing Romeo and Juliet, and so this was a surprise. However, it resonated with me as a similar tragedy and one with which I am intimately familiar. I have recently seen this done to someone for whom I cared by their loved ones, all "for their own good". It was tragic to watch this tragedy because I know all too well how it feels and all to well what was going on with Petrucio. Ironically enough, the man playing Petrucio was also probably the most attractive character in the troupe, once more equating good looks with "a good guy". Most people I know are not really looking for a great guy. They may be looking for one of great looks or great fortune, but they do not pick men of great character unless they also have one of the former.

Restored to the Path

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In our Sunday meeting this past week, a speaker shared what appeared to be on the surface a valid insight. However, as I thought about it, it unjustly ascribed to us the ability to control our own path and fate and eternal disposition. The man spoke of a cycling event in which they made an errant turn, checked a map, "repented" and put THEMSELVES back on the track. It is a very common misconception of Christianity that we put ourselves back on the path when it is and always has been Christ who makes that possible. When we go astray, we do not put ourselves back on the path. What we do that makes a difference is to humble ourselves, ask for help, and then make it stick.

Humbling ourselves is no mean feat. On one of my road trips in 2005, I visited American Flats just southwest of Virginia city. I watched another car drive down from the frontage road to the site itself and decided I preferred to do in kind rather than park up so high and have to scramble back out. When the time came to depart, I found that my car was unable to make a sharp turn in some soft dirt, and eventually concluded that I was stuck. I sucked up my error and walked several miles into town where I could use a phone to call for a tow. When he arrived, he looked down at where I was stuck, registered some words of chastisement, and then hoisted my car up some 20 vertical feet to safety on the frontage road. It was embarrassing, but it was the only way I was ever getting out of that predicament of my own making.

As in that moment, I had to ask for help later, this time from a divine source. On the way back to Reno from Berlin, NV, I took a "shortcut" through the mountains to US50. The map showed a four-way intersection which turned out to have six different roads, and although I picked the correct one, I soon found myself in the mountains on a snowy base of frozen powder. Just as I determined to stop and put on my chains, I slid off the road into the snow and found myself stuck. For a brief period, I tried my own devices, and then I knelt in the snow and asked God for help since I deviated from my original route and had told nobody of my actual destination. Within ten minutes of the prayer, a truck came up behind me. The driver helped me dig out around the car, cut branches from trees for friction, and then pushed me up on the road with his truck. For at least a mile, he stayed behind me while I crawled along to make sure I made it clear of the high country and then disappeared. I am not convinced that the man was not an angel, because to this day I remember not one whit of his countenance.

I had to make that stick. I stopped going places alone and stopped taking paths that I consider dangerous, because I know that the ultimate goal of every journey is to make it back again safely. Sometimes we think that safe returns are something that we do, and certainly there is work that depends on us. We need to go get help and then stay on the path. Ultimately however, like both of these trips, it is someone else, Christ, who puts us back on the road. After all I can do, I am still stuck if I try to save myself.

All we can do is repent. There are eight R's of Repentance: Recognize, Remorse, Recount, Recant, Restitution, Resolve, Rinse, and Repeat. Most people pick and choose the ones of these that they find appealing as if repentance is some kind of buffet where we agree to do the things we prefer. Repentance actually calls on us to cast aside our pride and humble ourselves so that we can be lifted by someone who can. You cannot lift yourself. In order to lift, someone must be above, and by definition we are no greater or lower in elevation than ourselves. To be lifted, we must appeal to a Being who really is above us.

Christ is not just a way, He is the only way. Far too often, we try to save ourselves, to exalt ourselves, even though we talk incessantly about Christ in our meetings. It's as if we think we must first be good enough to approach Christ when we can't get better without Him. It's like thinking we can't go into the banker for a loan until we no longer need one, in which case nobody would go to the bank. The bicycle analogy given was false because it showed how the speaker righted his own life. It forgot that he was given a map and the tools and the inspiration to consider that he might be off course, without which he might never have found the correct route in the first place. Without help from a higher power, he would remain lost forever and ever until he yielded to the enticings of the spirit and realized a change was necessary. People may change our lives, but Christ changes us. We remain stuck until He restores us to the path.

Knights in Dinged Armor

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Many of the young women I meet are waiting for their knight in shining armor to come rescue them. Aside from the fact that they don't realize we aren't looking for a damsel in distress, they ignore what it means that a knight has shining armor. Having lived several years abroad in Europe, I know that most of the armor is not shiny and most of it is not new. Rather than looking for a knight in shining armor, they should be looking for one in dinged armor. I don't mean rusted or armor for which they have not cared, but the dings indicate that it is a knight worthy of a partner. Shining armor has never been tried.

Young women think that shining armor indicates good potential for family life. Ironically, they go after guys with defined abdominal muscles or large pecks or large wallets without recognizing what virtues lead to those. You see, real workouts mean that men get sweaty and sticky and grimy. Most men earn wages by the sweat of their brow too, and some of the wealthiest folks come home at night covered in grime and stinking to high heaven. Yet, the women persist in the notion that presentation indicates substance when sometimes these men achieved the presentation through starvation, genetics or inheritance rather than on merit. When I hike, sometimes people are surprised that I am not exhausted at the end. I weigh in at 198lbs, but most people don't think I'm that heavy because when we finish I'm not exhausted. I still remember taking a skinny young lad to the top of Turtlehead peak one day because he said he could do strenuous hikes. I picked him up at 0600, drove to the park, hiked with him, and drove him back to the other end of town. He slept in my car and was so deep that I had to prod him awake when we got back, and then I still had to drive to my own house in a manual transmission. Abdominals, waist lines, and bank balances do not predict an ability to hike the Grand Canyon, fix a car, pay bills, or respect a woman.

Most members of society venerate the knight in shining armor as a symbol. I think sometimes we think that if the knights all look shiny that everything is well. However, when the armor is shiny, that means he spends his time courting favor and making himself look good rather than working. The soldiers I know who are out doing the work do not have boots polished enough so you can do your makeup in the reflection. They are worn and rugged from constant marching. A decorative and shiny sword is not usually the one used for combat. If a knight has a sword that is perfect and straight or encrusted with jewels, it is decorative only or indicates that he never drew it in defense of right. The shiny armor evinces presentation over principles. The real knights are out their on horse, in combat, exposed to the weather, and their armor will look weathered and beaten and used because they are the knights who live like knights.

Most of all, God knows which knights are His. When we return to His presence, the rest of His angels will see the nicks in the swords and dents in the shields and know that another warrior went forth with faith, served with valor, and returned with honor. There are courtier knights, and then there are the knights on whom the King calls when there is work to be done. Most of God's best servants were dirty and beaten when they returned home. Moses wandered in Sinai for 40 years; Steven was stoned to death; Thomas More was beheaded for being true. The knights who make good husbands are the ones who leave the safety of the citadel and go protect the people. The condition of armor in the case of an active knight evinces commitment and activity. Being a real knight means having to act like one.

I know that dinged armor isn't attractive. I would not probably purchase a used breastplate any more than I would rely on a 300 year old Long Land Brown Bess when hunting. However, for the knight who wears it, he knows that he can rely on it, because it has already protected him. For the woman that knight courts, it proves that she can rely on him because his mettle has rendered it tested. Dinged armor has been weighed and measured and found reliable. That is a man who is worth his mettle.

Ends and Means

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Many people claim the adage that "the ends justify the means". I think most people who do this use it to justify themselves and rationalize wrongdoing more than it is about the ends. It begins with the logical fallacy that the means proposed will and must lead to the ends espoused and ignores the path taken in order to arrive there. It presupposes that meaning well is all that is necessary for the right ends to occur, regardless of the path or the persons actuating it. Finally it assumes that everything is and must be about the right end. You can think of it sort of as a fallacious argument that it doesn't matter what else you put into a cake as long as it turns out and tastes good.

Like most fallacies, this ignores facts. When people use this cliche, they presuppose that just because the means may lead to the ends that they necessarily will and necessarily must. Yet, every one of us knows people who honestly entered marriages who are now divorced; we know people who started businesses that went bankrupt; we are aware of historical civilizations that no longer exist. Like so many far-reaching plans, the justification for means relies on certain assumptions about facts. Rather than making it on actual data, they do so on data given them by others, on incomplete sets of data, and extrapolate their assumptions beyond the linear range on which the presupposition was made. Just because a thing can work does not necessarily mean that they will, and if they do not then the means are not justified at all.

The other problem with this false premise is that most utopian attitudes rely on participation by other people. Each of the people involved in the idea must make the right decisions to the right degree at the right time in order for things to reach the rosy outcomes the masterminds tell us we can expect. Yet, we know people who made us promises they didn't keep, and each of us knows someone who decided when forced by their parents to do something against their will to stage a rebellion. Thus, they are undermined.

Scriptures about with examples of how this fallacy works. When Gideon whittles down the army to only 300 men, nobody expected him to defeat all of Midia. Nobody attacks a force of vast numerical superiority with such a paltry sum of soldiers and wins, but Gideon did. When Daniel is brought into Nebuchadnezzar's court, the king demands that they eat the "king's portion". The king's men worry when Daniel suggests that they eat pulse instead, the prevailing wisdom predicted that Daniel would be sickly when he came through healthy. When the soldiers came for Christ, Peter cut off a man's ear. Christ told him that it was not God's will, which must have sounded very strange to Peter. The ends of these did not justify the means that men might normally suggest, endorse or enforce, because sometimes the wisdom of men is folly.

Secondly, men often presume that unvirtuous means can create virtuous ends. I know students who think that it's not about what we do in our personal lives but how we treat others. Yet, we know that evil men cannot do things that are good. If they give gifts, they do so grudgingly, and it is counted to them both by history and by heaven as if they retained the gift. The evil that men do lives after them whilst the good is interred with their bones. Rotten vegetables do not make delicious salad. You may do justice to others, but if you do not do justice to yourself then you have wronged the person who is most important to your salvation. If your value in life really is about how you treat people and you abuse yourself, how can you be esteemed a good person? If your value depends on treatment of others but you abuse some and selectively act benificently towards people who reciprocate, what do you more than others?

There must be somewhere a poison that will not affect the taste of things. You may put this into the recipe for a cake without affecting the baking process or the quality of the taste when you finish. However, the poison will eventually kill those who eat the cake. What profit is it to a man to have everything he desires if he cannot enjoy it? When we obtain a thing easily we often esteem it lightly, and when we obtain everything we desire, for what then is there a need to struggle and work and live? The man who has already arrived makes no pains to travel. You cannot cook a cake incorrectly and have a good cake. You cannot do wrong and feel right. It is impossible. It's why people persist in perniciousness and narcotics, because they do not feel right.

As in the first example, scripture abounds with more examples of this. David arranged for Bathsheba's husband to die in battle by having the army withdraw and leave him exposed. If David wanted another wife, all he had to do was ask God for it, and if it was right it would have been done. One of the men Jesus healed was lame from his birth to teach people a lesson. Not all men who are punished with disease are punished because of iniquity, but some are there so we can serve and bless and heal them. When Israel first received Manna, they were warned only to collect what they actually needed. Those who hoarded more found that it rotted in the morning. Greed and judgement did not lead to the virtues people sought. However well they may claim they meant, washing in dirty waters does not make one clean.

Finally, we usually assume that the ends are the point. When we assume that men are supposed to be happy and free and prosperous all the time we deny what God told Adam. After being driven from the garden of Eden, Adam was told the earth would be cursed for his sake, that he would earn his living. You see, Adam already had everything in Eden, but that wasn't the point. Our life is a learning experience, a time to prepare to meet God, to prove who's on the Lord's side. Faith matters more than accomplishment. If the ends justified the means and the means were the point, then why was lucifer evicted from heaven? His plan was to force us all to live perfectly and return us to God's presence. It would have achieved the ends God proposed.

Unfortunately for the central planner, sometimes we are supposed to wander in the Sinai. Sometimes it matters more to learn a lesson than to always have the right answers. When we are blinded by unbroken success as Lincoln said, sometimes we are too proud to pray. When we achieve without understanding, it does not help us to repeat the feat.

Other lessons from scripture illustrate this point. The many visits of Moses to Pharaoh initially made life more difficult for Israel rather than free them. God suffered this so that when Israel stood between Pharaoh and the Red Sea they would be able to remember that they had seen miracles before and rely on them again. Jonah was absolutely furious when the people repented, upset that God knew all along that they would and that his mission was pointless. The story of Jonah isn't about that as much as it was about Jonah's reaction and the lessons of care and love God teaches Jonah and us in how he patiently waits for Jonah to follow His instructions.

Wrote the poet, "to each is given a set of tools, the will to build and a book of rules, and each must make ere life is flown a stumbling block or a stepping stone". As in any exercise involving instructions, proper practice yields results. Practice makes permanent, but only perfect practice makes perfect. I have students who think nothing of cheating on the internet, of cheating on partners, and of cheating themselves who then protest when the same behaviors are turned on them. I know of researchers who lied about results or their actual project in order to fleece benefactors and taxpayers of money to advance their own careers. If they accidentally achieved, they would claim the ends justified the means. When it comes to slavery or war or oppression, they claim they are killing us with kindness without realizing that Shakespeare's use of that phrase is selfish too on Petrucio's behalf. He wants the dowry, which he cannot get without breaking his wife.

Remember that your soul is yours and yours alone for keeping. Whatever justification and rationalizations you may imagine, remember that there is a final accounting wherein only truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth will matter. You cannot say that virtue was inconvenient or that happenstance vindicated your actions when that wasn't actually your purpose as much as an accidental result. At that day the means will matter just as much as the ends if not more, because during the means we affect people, around which this life and the next one really revolve.

Open Letter to Katmandu

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For six months, I honored the request in your last email to never contact you again because I thought I was strong enough to just let you go. Instead I discovered a hole in my heart as big as the hope you brought when you came into my life. You are still the most amazing woman I have ever known and the only one I desire, and if you asked, I would come get you in a heartbeat. You are worth at least 10 cows or whatever else it takes to be with you. However, you can make decisions too, and you can have my heart to break. If you decide to make our separation permanent, I hope you know if I never see you again that I meant the things I said to you and appreciated the things you said to me. Wherever you are, I hope you are happy, and wherever you go I hope you find peace and joy. I absolutely love you absolutely, and I always will.

Godspeed and all my love, always.

"You truly loved each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century stands that chance, no matter what the storybooks say, and so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will." --Prince Humperdink

Just Like Dad

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While talking with my best friend the other day about marriage, I realized that I wanted to get married because I wanted to be like my dad. Although it’s not likely for me to be a fighter pilot like he was due to glasses and unappealing because I hate the feeling of flying, I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. My dad and I didn’t really have a lot in common most of my young life, but he did go out of his way to be a good dad to me and to share with me the world that he knew. My dad was not a perfect man, but he did try very hard to be a good father to us, and so I realized that part of my interest in being a dad and being a good father like my dad was came from a desire to be like him.

Dad and I didn’t share a lot growing up. I was awkward, disinterested in sports, and inclined towards quiet pursuits like science. I always felt like I was a disappointment, particularly after an automobile collision when I was very young ablated all memory of my earlier years. During that time, dad spent lots of time building a relationship with me that basically vanished in that accident, and I think that hurt us both. We used to tease him because his college degree was in communications, but he was a terrible communicator. After I went to college, I came home one break and helped him on a project of my own volition, which finally helped us coagulate as father and son. When I went to serve a mission in a place he knew and encountered people he knew, that helped too, but I really had to leave home before I started to have a good relationship with my dad. The foundation he laid when I was young however was sound, and so when I was ready, it helped us to pave the way for some success.

My dad was eager to share with us the things that brought him joy. From a relatively early age, my dad bought a boat and did everything he could to make us waterskiiers. It took me a LONG time to figure it out, despite his many attempts and ingenious devices, and consequently it wasn’t very fun to go boating when I was young. However, now that I can ski, I enjoy it, and I enjoy that I can do something that other people have never even tried.

My dad was eager to spend time with us. My dad’s job in the USAF took him away from home often, but I understand now that when he asked us to help him with projects around the house that he was trying to spend time with us while he was doing his chores. We took a family vacation every year somewhere that he thought would be fun so that we could build memories as a family. He followed the advice of church leaders and the concomitant promise and held family home evening Monday nights as faithfully as he could, time permitting.

My dad shared things with us that we enjoyed. I have seen ghost towns, battlefields, museums, and places of historical interest because sometimes dad went out of his way so I could see things I wanted to see. Some of the things I liked were not things that interested him, but when I got into things he liked at all, he was behind us 100%. He gave me a camera and eventually much of his photography things because I enjoyed it. We have hours and hours of family video from martial arts because that was something he could get behind and support because it was good for us.

By the time I was 30, I had accomplished everything I planned to do with my life except for become a dad. I never expected to have means, motive, or opportunity to do anything else. My dad worked very hard to provide for us financially and to provide a good living experience for us when he was home. While I may not have been inclined or able to be the son he hoped to have, he still gave a concerted effort to help us become responsible and reliable adults, and even where he disagrees with me, my father has confessed that I have become successful, at least in the things I control. His focus on sharing the best things about humanity blessed my life and inspired me with a desire to pass on what I learned.

I wanted to be a real dad. Any idiot can share semen, but it takes a real man to be a dad. I wanted to share my life and experiences with people who were special to me, people that I loved, and I wanted them to be people who loved me back. While betimes I contented myself to share with whomever consented to accompany me, I really seek people to accompany me who commit because I desire lasting synergy as a consequence. When my family gathers, we reminisce about good times, inside jokes, and shared experiences made possible by the family life we had. This is probably why for a time I interested myself in the Boy Scouts of America, but I was really always motivated by the chance to share with my own son the things my father shared with me.

There’s a bit of my father in me, and that’s wonderful. Aside from genetics, he left me his legacy. Like my father shared his life and time and talents with us, I originally wanted to be a dad in order to pass on that same legacy to my son. In this way, I hoped I had found a way to be just like dad. I suppose many sons aspire to be like their fathers. I wasn’t going to be the same as him vocationally or recreationally, but those are just window dressing. I found I could emulate who he was and intended to do that, and that’s why I desired to be a dad, like my father before me.

Lies About Grief

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As I have grieved these past few months, I grew tired of the clichés people threw at me. I know some of these people meant well, and I know that some of them care. I also knew there was more to the story, and I found an article this week about lies people tell about grief. For those who have sensitivities to profanity, be warned, because the author uses vulgarity to accentuate feelings. I suspect the author is also grieving, but her thoughts gave me the perspective on grief that I needed.

Only you can decide how you grieve, how long you grieve, and why. Only you know exactly what it meant to you no matter how much other people may empathize or sympathize or love you. The reasons we grieve are deeply personal, and the healing process is too. There is no magic formula or guaranteed strategy, and because of that some people never really get over their grief. I do not believe that time heals all wounds. I think in time they scab over so that we don’t notice them, and eventually scar tissue fills them so that we can continue to function, but we are never really whole no matter how much time passes. In the end, I expect my wounds only to fully heal when Christ returns, puts His hands on me, and because of His knowledge, power, and wisdom makes me whole.

This post is about what the lies are and why people tell them. You don’t have to get over it. These things are true things that happened to you, and they will forever change who you are because they really happened. Nobody else really understands, and nobody else has to carry the burden, and so usually when they try to help it’s because they don’t want to see you hurt and don’t like the fact that they’re powerless to help. My friend told me that great heartaches take anywhere from 1-3 YEARS to fully heal, which might be why there are so many rebound relationships and narcotic dependencies, because people are rushing to move on with their lives while their souls ache for the solace that only comes from the Prince of Peace. Nobody else can tell you how and when and if you should “get over it”, because nobody else really knows all the facts. Let me explain them.

1. You should be over it by now.

The fact of the matter is that when something or someone about which you care deeply is taken from you, the piece of you that you attached to it goes too. When a relationship with someone dies, a part of YOU dies too. If nothing else, the hope you had and the plans you made and the joy you felt suddenly find themselves awash with a feeling of powerlessness and confusion because suddenly what you foresaw is no longer true. It’s awful because you feel akin to what Shakespeare wrote about a poor player who struts and frets his hour on stage and is heard no more. You feel like an idiot, full of sound and fury, and you may wonder if the things you really loved meant nothing.

You will never forget it, because it changed you. For at least a little while, it was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I can show you boxes of pictures I took and pages of journal entries of things I am no longer sure actually happened because the people who were part of my life at the time no longer acknowledge that they ever even knew me. For my part they were real, and if I confess that they weren’t then I am afraid I’ll be calling my life, my work, and my memories liars. I cannot do that because it makes me fake, and I know that’s not true. So, I grieve, and somehow I make it through each day until night when God blesses me with exhaustion so I can sleep and rest.

2. You shouldn’t live in the past; you should stop revisiting it.

The problem with this is that there is truth in the past. The future is all guess work and putatives, inflamed with hope and fear. The present is tangible because it’s right in front of you. The past was once your present, and because it was tangible at some point, you know there are tangible and real things in your past, in those relationships, and in your hopes and conversations and interactions. People who demand that you forget the past are people who have not confronted their own, who have not yet overcome their own grief, and who are reminded of their loss by yours, and so they are selfishly desperate to discuss anything but the things that matter most to you.

I don’t normally watch House, but last week the episode taught me something. He is critical of the man with whom he’s staying while he overcomes his vicodin addiction because the man talks to his dead girlfriend before bed. However, House eventually realizes that the friend is acknowledging the truth of his past, that there were good times, and that these conversations allow him to revisit something pleasant even if House thinks it unhealthy. Eventually House does this and starts a dialogue with his dead father. I previously wrote about how we continue to talk about and think about things and people that mean something to us. It’s a way we honor them and their contributions to us. We remember the good times. We remember what they meant to us. In doing so we realize that there was good in tragedy and it extends their meaning in our lives. Ignoring things that “happen for a reason” and people who “come into our lives only for a season” robs us of the right to benefit from their passing and grow as a result.

3. You have to move on with your life.

You don’t really move on. You move forward. You see, the road on which you were suddenly came to a dead end, literally or figuratively, and so you really can’t move on. The changes in your life that precipitated your grief render that future perfect into an impossibility, at least as you imagined it, and so there is no moving on per se. Other roads do lead forward, and eventually you find one of those on which you can continue to progress, mindful of the fact that it wasn’t really where you originally intended to head. As the author’s image indicates, if a city or a home or a life has been destroyed, you have to rebuild, and it will never really be the same, but you can build the same idea or towards the same goal or in the same place. However much it resembles the original dream, it will be a new life, because you have changed and therefore what you build will change too.

4. You could have prevented this.

Even if everything happens for a reason, sometimes that reason is because of other people. Sometimes other people make choices that we do not sanction and that we do not like. Frequently their actions aren’t even malevolent, but the consequences feel that way. I know that it’s a consolation prize to look at a dead chapter of your life and say, “Well, I did the best I could with what I had”, but sometimes that’s all we have. Even if you do everything perfectly, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we like, and sometimes it’s not because other people did the wrong thing. The fact of the matter is that we are only one infinitesimal force in this world, in this universe, and in this life. You take control of the things that you control and do them the best you can, and then you trust the advice of people you admire and the comfort of the Holy Ghost and your own soul. Sometimes an enemy will come and sow tares in the field or worse burn everything down to stubble. You rise and rise again until lambs become lions.

Even if you could have done something, sometimes there was nothing virtuous to do. I have been warned by God about “guessing things I don’t actually know” and about “trading one tyranny for another”. There is no more information to obtain, and any action at this point will not change things. The things are not mine to change. Like Obama likes to say, “You didn’t build that”, and if you didn’t, then it’s not yours to fix. Your part is to decide what to do with the time and opportunities given to you. We like to think that there's something that we can do because we like to feel in control. Some of the things that we can do are not things that we ought to do because although they may help us, they will hurt others, and the ends do not justify the means. It's hard to be the good guy because the good guy often suffers silently.

5. Time heals all wounds.

This is just bad on every level. Will time heal cancer or replace an arm that is amputated? Will time restore someone to me that I lost or an opportunity missed? Time matters really because it allows us to replenish our hope, and our hope is what makes us try again, live again, trust again and love again. It doesn’t do anyone any favors to pretend you are ok. Helaman wrote his son to “let thy sins trouble you only with that trouble that leads you to repentance.” If there is something you did wrong, fix it. Otherwise, it’s too far out, and it’s best that when you can you eventually let it go.

Christ heals wounds. Maybe for this reason, I keep turning to certain speeches. I love Elder Brown’s story about the currant bush and Elder Busche’s talk on the Dormant Spirit because they infuse me with hope. It doesn’t heal my pain, but it cushions it, and it helps me feel motivated to rise up and move forward. I have seen God upgrade my life and bring me to a land of promise, and indeed He has blessed me in every facet of life over which I have any control. You see, when it comes to people, you deal with another agent, and sometimes they will do things that hurt you even if it’s against their will or sentiments. Time gives us hope, and hope gives us courage to act. The wounds remain until we allow Christ to heal them, and all too often we hang onto our most painful episodes like we do our favorite sins because they are comfortable. Perhaps we fear that if we surrender them then it shows they do not matter to us, but you matter to Him, and so He is anxious to heal you because His love is the only constant.

The people who feed you jejune and trite phrases as "comfort" don’t know any better. They were handed the same clichés and the same trite phrases and eventually buried those painful parts of them deep down inside their hearts and minds. Only, they don’t stay buried. They come forth unwanted and unbidden when we are sad, tired, or weak, only to torture us. I completely understand. We are trying to solve something with a limited perspective that is completely beyond our comprehension, to handle a matter of faith using the process of logic. We turn to people and things because we don’t really know how to turn to God or because we don’t really want to or because we don’t believe He will help. He already has. He sent His son.

People change our lives. Christ changes us. This is why faith and hope in Christ are central tenants of faith rather than faith and hope in general. People may fail. They may be captured or killed. They may abandon us or reject us or simply change their minds about promises they made us. Christ remains constant. For this reason it is on Christ, the Rock of our Redeemer that we must build our foundation so that when the devil sends forth his mighty winds, yea his shafts in the whirlwind, they will have no power to drag us down because of the foundation on which we have built, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. Faith and hope are wonderful things, and loving our neighbors as Christ would have us love them is noble. However, unless our faith and hope and love also centers on Christ, it matters very little on what we decide to center them, because the rest may not last and may cause more grief. Men are that they might have joy, and that’s why grief should lead us to the Savior who is the only constant source from which men may derive lasting joy, happiness and peace.