Just Like Dad

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While talking with my best friend the other day about marriage, I realized that I wanted to get married because I wanted to be like my dad. Although it’s not likely for me to be a fighter pilot like he was due to glasses and unappealing because I hate the feeling of flying, I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. My dad and I didn’t really have a lot in common most of my young life, but he did go out of his way to be a good dad to me and to share with me the world that he knew. My dad was not a perfect man, but he did try very hard to be a good father to us, and so I realized that part of my interest in being a dad and being a good father like my dad was came from a desire to be like him.

Dad and I didn’t share a lot growing up. I was awkward, disinterested in sports, and inclined towards quiet pursuits like science. I always felt like I was a disappointment, particularly after an automobile collision when I was very young ablated all memory of my earlier years. During that time, dad spent lots of time building a relationship with me that basically vanished in that accident, and I think that hurt us both. We used to tease him because his college degree was in communications, but he was a terrible communicator. After I went to college, I came home one break and helped him on a project of my own volition, which finally helped us coagulate as father and son. When I went to serve a mission in a place he knew and encountered people he knew, that helped too, but I really had to leave home before I started to have a good relationship with my dad. The foundation he laid when I was young however was sound, and so when I was ready, it helped us to pave the way for some success.

My dad was eager to share with us the things that brought him joy. From a relatively early age, my dad bought a boat and did everything he could to make us waterskiiers. It took me a LONG time to figure it out, despite his many attempts and ingenious devices, and consequently it wasn’t very fun to go boating when I was young. However, now that I can ski, I enjoy it, and I enjoy that I can do something that other people have never even tried.

My dad was eager to spend time with us. My dad’s job in the USAF took him away from home often, but I understand now that when he asked us to help him with projects around the house that he was trying to spend time with us while he was doing his chores. We took a family vacation every year somewhere that he thought would be fun so that we could build memories as a family. He followed the advice of church leaders and the concomitant promise and held family home evening Monday nights as faithfully as he could, time permitting.

My dad shared things with us that we enjoyed. I have seen ghost towns, battlefields, museums, and places of historical interest because sometimes dad went out of his way so I could see things I wanted to see. Some of the things I liked were not things that interested him, but when I got into things he liked at all, he was behind us 100%. He gave me a camera and eventually much of his photography things because I enjoyed it. We have hours and hours of family video from martial arts because that was something he could get behind and support because it was good for us.

By the time I was 30, I had accomplished everything I planned to do with my life except for become a dad. I never expected to have means, motive, or opportunity to do anything else. My dad worked very hard to provide for us financially and to provide a good living experience for us when he was home. While I may not have been inclined or able to be the son he hoped to have, he still gave a concerted effort to help us become responsible and reliable adults, and even where he disagrees with me, my father has confessed that I have become successful, at least in the things I control. His focus on sharing the best things about humanity blessed my life and inspired me with a desire to pass on what I learned.

I wanted to be a real dad. Any idiot can share semen, but it takes a real man to be a dad. I wanted to share my life and experiences with people who were special to me, people that I loved, and I wanted them to be people who loved me back. While betimes I contented myself to share with whomever consented to accompany me, I really seek people to accompany me who commit because I desire lasting synergy as a consequence. When my family gathers, we reminisce about good times, inside jokes, and shared experiences made possible by the family life we had. This is probably why for a time I interested myself in the Boy Scouts of America, but I was really always motivated by the chance to share with my own son the things my father shared with me.

There’s a bit of my father in me, and that’s wonderful. Aside from genetics, he left me his legacy. Like my father shared his life and time and talents with us, I originally wanted to be a dad in order to pass on that same legacy to my son. In this way, I hoped I had found a way to be just like dad. I suppose many sons aspire to be like their fathers. I wasn’t going to be the same as him vocationally or recreationally, but those are just window dressing. I found I could emulate who he was and intended to do that, and that’s why I desired to be a dad, like my father before me.