The Way They Should

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In Sunday School this week, I brought up Jonah as an example, and I've been thinking about him a lot ever since. Jonah has the distinct dishonour of being the most renowned reluctant prophet in scripture. He illustrates the notion that no matter how hard we try to mess up things, what should be usually turns out for the best. When you think about all the things that must come together sometimes for things to work out, the mathematical odds of that happening, and the number of things that could screw up the outcome you see, you stop believing in coincidence.

Jonah overcomes the odds both to preach to the people of Ninevah as well as to still maintain God's favor. When God commands him to call repentance, he runs away instead. Despite his efforts, not only does God find him, but the people on the ship realize shortly that he is the source of their misfortune and that they can only avoid God's wrath by throwing him overboard. In the storm, he should die, but instead he is swallowed by a whale that then spits him up on land. Despite arriving tardy, the people repent. Upset because he feels like the people would repent even if he hadn't gone, Jonah gets upset with God for wasting his time. Although Jonah curses God, God sends a plant to shade Jonah as he wallows in self-pity. The people in Ninevah were important to God, and you can see looking back just how much work God did in order to give them the best chance to make the best choice they could.

I marvel at the things that sometimes come together to make things work out the way they did. I'm looking at an opportunity at work that constitutes a process 15 years or more in the making. Some experiences began in high school as I worked in a photography lab. Certain uncomfortable situations in graduate school apply as strengths now to qualify me for this opportunity. Even a few troubles working at Walmart may come into play. Then there are the things that happened since I took my current position. If I hadn't had issues with a coworker, I would have never been transferred, which means I would have never met Roger, taken his position when he transferred, met Lori who put me in contact with John through whom this door may open. Along this road, many of the things that arose appear to be trials like the storm, the whale, and the scorching sun from Jonah's story. However, they may lead to a great opportunity.

About a week ago, I saw an interesting mathematical example on the internet. Someone went through the calculations to figure out, in just ten generations, what the odds were that your particular sperm fused with an ovum in your mother to produce the specific you that you are. The number is statistically equivalent to zero, and that's just in ten generations and only includes the sperm! The odds are so against you being here, living now, reading this, that it can't possibly be coincidence. Some of you are family or friends who visit with some regularity, but some of you were brought here "randomly" today. It's no coincidence that in the School of Science and Math that the Math professors are more likely to believe in God and that the more math the discipline contains the more the professors believe in faith in addition to reason. When you do the math, things don't add up on their own. Things happen for a reason. I keep hoping that a particular thing with a particular person meets with God's approbation, warrants His intervention, fulfills His purpose, and pleases His will and that I meet a WOW woman or preferably meet one again with whom to share my life. I see lots of people during the day, but most of them don't turn out to be important even for the day let alone long term. When it's right, the ones who matter find their way back to your life.

Sitting on a bus bench in Haag am Hausruck Austria, Dathan Young taught me a powerful lesson in 1998. "God knows what He wants. Usually no matter how hard we try, we can't mess up His plan." I sought counsel, acted as well as I could in concert with it, let people make their own choices and trusted that God had a reason to allow me to be disappointed. I guess it's probably better that I met with disappointment as opposed to others, because I know plenty of people who would conclude if they met with my lot that there must not be a God. A lot of things haven't turned out the way I hope. Some of them I thank God didn't turn out that way. Some things remain as yet unsatisfied. I don't know why this must be, and I know I'm not the only one wondering why they are this way or hoping it will change, both for me as well as in their stories. This I do believe because I see it time and time again in scripture: God provides a way. Years back, my cousin told me once when a woman broke my heart that if God isn't showing you how to achieve what He asks, it's not a command for you right this moment. When it is, He will open your eyes, open the doors, and help you if you are ready to act on the opportunities to achieve what He asks and what you desire. When I think of all the improbable stories I know, I see in them an invisible hand guiding the actions, softening the hearts, and aligning the opportunities so that good things can come. He is the gardener here. Everything has been done according to the wisdom of Him who knoweth all things. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life, and things will turn out the way they should.

Sad Squatter Squalor

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One of the most exciting days up on Mt. Charleston this summer was this past weekend when my female companion and I discovered the squatter's cabin. It's of course in violation of several federal laws, and so it became #1 priority for the work crew to tear it down, which means none of you will probably ever see it. It's one of the most intricate and elaborate structures I've seen on the mountain, and it's really sad for several reasons. First off, all you have to do to be left alone is to not start a fire anywhere. Secondly, it strikes me as sad that someone lives like this, with only the bare necessities if that. Finally, given the number of hikers on this trail, the number of people in this city, and the advancements of our time, it's sad that he apparently has nobody to help him. Then again, maybe it's more common than anyone likes to admit. This guy just happens to be on public land, and so squatting won't be tolerated.

We spent this weekend as we have in the past busting up campsites because of fire pits. You can camp all you like in the wilderness for up to 14 days. You just can't have a camp fire up on Mt. Charleston because of the western drought. The first lean-to we tore apart has been used twice this month by campers, and probably by the same ones because I found the same crappy beer and cigarette butts this week as last time. Obviously these people didn't get the message. Just don't start a fire, and we'll leave you alone. If this squatter didn't have an elaborate fire pit, we would probably just mark it for monitoring. Given the other kind of personal affects present, I'm surprised he didn't just get a stove. If only he had one, we'd probably leave him alone (maybe not; I'm a little unsure of the LEO guildlines for the USFS).

When you look at the items inside the shanty, it testifies first to simplicity, which appeals to me. The squatter has only really what you need, that minimalistic lifestyle that as I wrote Monday is very uncommon to Vegans. I doubt very much even from the construction and amenities that the squatter cares about impressing anyone. I think he probably just wants to be left alone. He had a lamp and two books, which means if he were at Walden Pond we might consider him a Thoreau of the West. I don't know where he was, but I did watch, because we were inside his home, but we didn't touch anything because it's kind of romantic to just have what you absolutely need and not have to worry about locks or guards or anything to furnish protection against others. We spend so much of our time, money, and concern protecting our worthless queep, but this guy doesn't have to care about that. You have to know where the shanty is to find it.

As everyone in the Obama administration talks about how the economy is roaring and how he saved us from recession, this man lives without purse, scrip, or amenities. He does have toilet paper (although I don't know where he gets it). So much money roars through this city, he should be able to get a job or find a handout and not have to live like this unless he chooses to or is too proud to accept help. What I do know is that he at least learned to fend for himself, and as a fan of self-reliance, I respect that. It's almost a crime to tear down his house; if only he didn't have a fire I think they might leave him alone to ponder and live life on his own out in the wild. There was a time when this was common. It's part of the romance of early American lore to go live off the land on the land and not have to leave your land for any necessity of life. Of course, Vegans are not into what is necessary; they are into what is opulent, popular or elevating, and so as much as this guy appeals to me they would probably celebrate the imminent destruction of the hovel.

I felt sad coming down the mountain. I mean, it was a day of exciting discoveries, and the shanty is kind of exciting until you realize what it represents. This man has nothing of what matters to the world and nothing of what matters for the duration. He has no money, no possessions, and no titles. He also appears to have no family or company. That is sad. As blessed as I am, I really only care for one thing; I wanted to be a dad, and I only met one woman in my whole life with whom I really wanted to have a family, but she hasn't spoken with me for almost 18 months. Maybe that's his problem- he's living a life of solitude because of disappointment and defeat. Maybe he's fleeing an abusive spouse, a criminal record, crushing debt, or some other burden that can't climb up the mountain to bother him, and it makes me sad to take that away from him.

The images in this post are propriety and cannot be used without permission of the owner of this blog. Violators will be prostituted.

Selfie Generation

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My companion hiking this week was a very gracious, attractive, and intelligent woman who is very loyal to and excited about her boyfriend. This matters because she told me how happy she is that she brought a boyfriend with her when she came to Las Vegas and didn't have to try to find one while here. We started discussing this after the third couple we saw attempting to take a selfie to whom I offered my services instead. This city is rife with people for whom the selfie is the ultimate symbol of their view of the world. Far too many of them seem to be ripe with the belief that the world revolves around them and that all others are just supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role. Everything revolves around, points towards, and exists to advance them, and if it doesn't they seem to think that ought to be the case. From transportation to looks to their behavior, Vegans are often shallow, self-centered, and vapid. They are all about self and selfies. Pageantry matters more than principle.

In transportation, Vegans act as if they are the only people who ought be in transit. You can drive along on the road and watch someone in the far right lane cut across every other lane of travel without an indicator and turn left suddenly, frequently flipping everyone they inconvenience the bird. People step into flowing traffic from any place along the road whatsoever, and the medians are frequently filled with people looking to jaywalk. One night by the grocery store, I watched a fellow jaywalking stop in front of the car who honked at him and yell expletives. Well, if I were a policeman, I would have written him a ticket. People run in front of you, slide in front of you, drive by you when they know the lane's closed ahead and then demand you let them in. They are the only people in a hurry, the only people doing something important, the only people exempt from the rules.

In dating, it's all about the show. This young gal recounted to me how, when she first came to Vegas to work for the NPS she supplemented her income by working the World Series of Poker. She described her coworkers as willing and eager to reveal any and all of "Victoria's Secrets" they possessed in order to get tips. I know a woman who a few years back decided she didn't like me after all because I didn't earn enough money, and many of them reject me for my Saturn. Plastic surgery is the rule here, making many a woman from a "4" to a "9" overnight, but it's all fake. It's all done in order to make a sale, seal the deal, get free drinks, gain whatever leverage. I can never be sure I'm meeting the real person because they make their living telling tourists what they want to hear. You need to look right, live in the right part of town, have the right title, and have the right wage. It's all about elevating themselves, and people seem to care very little for what they bring to your life, only what you bring to theirs.

By and large, in Vegas, you get by based on your heritage, or in other words, it's all about the clan. Every election, Representative Dina Titus reminds us that she is a native to make sure the GOBNet knows she's got the right blood. Essentially, people get titles, money, jobs, and spouses as if Vegas was run by a monarchy. They unit the clans, make sure that their children marry into the "right" families like in arranged marriages elsewhere, and it really is about who you know or more importantly who your ancestors were. Even living here 30 years won't help. It doesn't help me that I have family in Boulder City and that I graduated from High School here. I am not part of the MyFaves, and so I never will be unless I marry into one of those families, and they work very hard to keep certain people such as myself out of their hierarchy, which suits me just fine.

Both my female companion and I realized that most of our friends if not all are people who are not originally from Vegas because they are more normal. Her boyfriend is a "good Minnesota boy", and my hiking buddy is from Baltimore. My late friend was from New Jersey, and I can't think of any close acquaintances even who were born or raised here a plurality of their years. Unfortunately, the only women willing to seriously date me are natives who ultimately decide that I'm unfit because I'm not like them. While the rest of the world touts diversity and complementary organization as a way to strengthen things, Vegans seem interested only in what validates self. They are obsessed with looking their best, having the best, and being with the best rather than being good people. I cannot tell you how many of them tell me "you're a great guy, but..." If you don't validate their worth, you are a nonessential character in the play of their life. They are the only important actor; you support them or they write you out of the story. Of self, for self, and about self, it's frustrating to live in Vegas. It's almost impossible for normal people to date, to excel, or to even sometimes live here. I mean, I've met people like this in other places I lived, but then we had some normal people there too.

Car Registration

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Just now when I went out to lunch, I felt impressed to check my vehicle registration sticker. I discovered to my surprise that some time in the past someone stole it and the one beneath it. It won't do them much good since it expires on Friday, but it makes me glad I never got pulled over. In all likelihood, even if a patrolman noticed, I'd just get pulled over, notified, and have to purchase a valid sticker (my new one is probably in the mail as we speak), but it makes me sad that people are so dishonest that they walk through parking lots stealing little stickers. It's hard to believe that the people in Noah's time were more wicked than they are today.

Sometimes, people steal in order to own something. If I had known my friends in school with STOP signs in their rooms were criminals, I would have probably turned them in, but they at least kept the things. What is this guy going to do with an expired registration sticker? My boss in graduate school had his license plates stolen. I know why now. He had "Dr. Grow" which I am probably sure some student took because of its allusion to marijuana (grow houses, etc.) to be funny, cool, or whatever. Ripping stickers off the corner of the plate while leaving the plate there indicates that they did it just in order to evade monitoring.

Most people in town don't even bother to avoid it. This year, the DMV instituted new temporary placards for people who buy cars from dealers, and I would say 75% of the ones I see driving around are expired. They are even easier to read than before, so it's not like they care. Fools at the highway patrol wouldn't hire me; I'd have paid for my salary this month alone just writing tickets for unregistered vehicles. At least they didn't steal my plates, but then I've seen cars without plates, cars that smoke, and the whole lot driving around, and nobody seems to mind.

We like to think of ourselves as law abiding citizens when all too often we are anything but. As we focus on the lawless actions of people around the world, we gloss over the minute albeit frequent infractions committed by those close to us and dear to us, including those things we do ourselves. No matter how good a man may be, he is still a man. In every moment, each of us is less than he ought to be, than he can be. We all make excuses and find ways around things we find foolish or imposing. We may not do it every day, and we may not out and out rip registration stickers off another person's car to avoid paying our dues, but we all foolishly think when we do hurt that we only hurt ourselves. Others sometimes pay. Those left behind by suicide are hurt. Those next to the smoker are affected. The driver of the car without a sticker will now be inconvenienced and charged for a new one. There are no victim-less crimes. There are no crimes that only hurt us. We have neighbors, friends, families, coworkers, and fellow men, all of whom are somehow however small the degree may be asked to pay for what we do with us. The law, someone said, furnishes protection not just from others but from ourselves. We lie that it's ok just this once. It's not. Even if it's legal, if it's not ethical and moral it stays deep within our soul and hurts us.

I am sad for this person. Not only did it not really help them, but if they get caught with MY sticker, I think it will be worse.

Fires of Adversity

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Last summer, I visited Sequoia/Kings Canyon where the sequoia trees rely on fire to propagate. Today, I learned that the Rough Fire in California is ripping through Sequoia. It's sad in one way but also good, because I know that these particular trees thrive in the Fires of Adversity. In addition to the new baby trees that will find rich fertilizer amongst the ashes of those lost, the ones that survive will grow taller and thicker as they live through another wildfire. One of the rangers told us that they used to fight the fires until they learned it actually hurt the trees to interfere, and with us as well as sequoia trees, it is through the refining fire that we grow stronger.

This past Sunday, I felt particularly low and beset. Although I really like what I do, several hikers asked me on the mountain Saturday how I liked working in Academia, and I realized that I hate management. I work for a Dean who is of a Faith that detests mine and who I think went out of her way at every opportunity to make sure that I don't get anything unless she can somehow take credit. Although I get lots of compliments and am what women should want, I still go home to my faithful male beagle and spend Friday nights alone with my thoughts. Although I exercise a lot I still can't lose any weight or get rid of my stubborn belly fat. I'm fighting genetics, the GOBNet, and culture, and I'm getting tired. Today, I read about Hal Eyring, who was a little bit like me. Like me, he was a college chemistry professor. LIke me, he believed in God, worshiped Christ, and served valiantly as a man of Faith and Reason. Unlike me, he taught at Harvard and then at BYU. Unlike me, he was a pillar of my Faith and a father. However, his son recounts that once, while his father languished in the pain occasioned by cancer, his father asked God why he had to suffer so much when he had always tried to be good. He said a kindly answer came: “God needs brave sons.” When I read that, I knew I had my answer. If I really desire to stand tall, to be strong, and to be a good son, I must go through fires of adversary and go through them well.

For some reason, I am very popular in this new congregation. In the course of my three hours in the building last Sunday, I received three affirmations. My bishop told me that he thinks I'm a great man. So did a woman who decided to befriend me and make sure I have a place to sit besides the "single grumpy male" bench in my last congregation. Todd even went so far as to call me "the most faith-affirming thing" he sees every week. I have no responsibility, no family, no real friends, and yet there I am, despite the things with which I struggle, on time, on topic, singing and talking with the others who have reasons besides their own discipline to attend and trying to help THEM. I told him that his testimony shouldn't rest on my attendance, but I know he's right. I go to great lengths to be there. It's 25 miles from my house, and there are at least 12 other buildings of my Faith between my house and that building. Someone once told me that they envied me my faith, but what they really meant is that they wish they had my faith without going through the things through which I have passed. That's not really how it works, and it doesn't always work out this way. The right thing is rarely easy, which is probably why there are so few really great people, really great men, and really admirable stories. It's difficult to be disciplined; it's difficult to be a disciple. It requires you to be the very best you can be every day and then it requires you to realize that you can't be perfect. Even Peter denied knowing Christ.

All too often, we assume that becoming a Christian is easy, and all too many people of no faith whatsoever are quick to condemn us for our inability to perfectly live an ideal they wouldn't even attempt. In truth, if we want to be like Christ, we must endure what He did. Some of God's choicest spirits went through longer and deeper trials than any of the others. Trouble is, that's not how it starts. It starts with glowing experiences, and then God withdraws to let us stand on our own. My dad did the same thing when he taught me things, like riding a bike. I still remember riding along the irrigation ditch in Idaho with him holding the seat of the bike as he ran behind me. Now I realize that he was holding me up. Eventually, he let me ride on my own. Sometimes I fell and scraped my knee. He patched me up and encouraged me to try again until I could ride without his help, and now I ride 60 miles a week.

As you know, I am an avid fan of CS Lewis who wrote about this phenomenon. From his book The Screwtape Letters:

He (God) is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set that off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on it's own legs- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in such a state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we can to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away his hand: and if only the will to walk is really there he is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be decieved Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

I have seen this play out precisely as Lewis proscribes. People often ask why God doesn't do anything to stop suffering. I know that it might hurt us and be counterproductive if He interferes. Like the firemen in Sequoia NP, God isn't interested in mediocre trees. He offers these fires of adversity to help make us strong.

Fires of adversity are necessary, and they are sad because sometimes it doesn't lead to stronger trees, to better people. For each new sapling that emerges from the ashes, we think of great and noble trees we once knew who fell from their lofty state. I arrived in my mission to a congregation that had just been through an apostasy and then had a companion who apostatized himself. I have an uncle who also served a mission who no longer practices. I have a cousin who decided after witnessing of Christ as a missionary that he was gay. I was once married to a woman who pledged fealty and faithfulness to our union and to our Maker who know regards that oath as null and thinks only meanly of me. I have witnessed to many people who no longer even acknowledge they ever knew me. Even I discovered I am less than what I feel I ought to be. As much as I tried to be the man my dog or Kat thought I was, I'm still human, I'm still imperfect, but I am still here. The fires must come, and they must sometimes be frequent. "In your life," said F Enzio Busche, "there have to be trials. They can either bring you closer to Christ or they can destroy you." When opposition mounts, when the fires burn, you can either break down, or you can break through. When asked by the world to do things that are immoral and unethical even when they are legal, we must be ready to do what we ought. Said Sir Thomas More: “If we lived in a state where virtue was profitable, common sense would make us saintly. But since we see that avarice, anger, pride and stupidity commonly profit far beyond charity, modesty, justice and thought, perhaps we must stand fast a little, even at the risk of being heroes.”

Years ago, my best friend suggested I leave the Faith and worship on my own, but I could not. I feel to say as did Peter when asked "To whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life." Once, a friend gave me some contrary literature which I read. However, I have seen the sweetness and communications Lewis describes and felt of His presence. I have seen miracles and been part of them. I have been enlightened. I know it, and I know that God knows it, and I cannot deny it. Where else would I go? What else would even offer anything comparable? I feel sometimes as if His hand has been withdrawn, as if He left me behind to die like Reno did to Custer at the Little Bighorn. However, I know that I'm not alone. I know men of More faith and men of Liddel faith. I know this is a trough, a trial, and eventually this too will pass. I know that God needs brave sons, and I will stand fast a little at the risk of being a hero. I know that when the fires of adversity blow over and go away that someone will need to replenish and nurture the forest. I know that the scars of the burn grow over and that the trees grow strong. I feel forsaken, but this is who I am. This is where I will stay. I will stand my ground, hold until relieved, and be stubborn today and every day as long as I can until He decides I am ready to bear fruit and worthy of passing on who I am and what I learned. I will be a brave son. The Lord needs valiant servants to do His work in these latter days who follow the teachings of Jesus and serve His people in a loving way. I will be His servant and keep my covenants valiantly. I'll stand for truth; I'll stand for right. The Lord can depend on me. I will be brave, for there are those who trust me.

I Detest Realtors

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Whenever the National Association of Realtors ads show on TV, I get upset. My realtor experience in Vegas ranked among the worst complicit decisions I've made where I've voluntarily given over money to someone who obviously didn't care about me. My calamity was heightened by realization that I furnished the means by which I suffered. I hope that my experience is unique, because I had an awful experience with realtors in the Vegas Valley. I signed up with my primary lender's preferred realtor partnerships, and then went through all the things I can imagine going wrong. Despite our "reliance" on realtors, I don't think they consider us as anything other than a paycheck. Throughout the process, I was treated meanly, and I don't think they cared about anything other than the sale itself.

Do they listen? If you've dealt with a realtor, you know they talk. They talk about themselves mostly, how many millions of dollars of real estate they've sold and how they're going to do great things for you. They talk to you like you're a complete moron- even if you know things about real estate, and they talk to you as if it's always your first time, even if you've bought and sold a house before. They talk, and then they don't do much else. In fact, I made most contact with them myself, as I perused the MLS and other options for houses I wanted to see. The automated emails rarely produced anything that fit the criterion I told them, and sometimes when i went to see houses they suggested, I eliminated them immediately because they had things I didn't want. I didn't want a pool, and I had to have a back yard for the dog, and for crying out loud, I said no HOAs. In fact, I live in a house with a HOA, but I didn't know it had one until I was closing at the title company, and I almost walked. "It's only $10/month" he said, but he's not paying it, and it certainly isn't only $10 anymore. Then, when I moved in they brought a housewarming gift- two bottles of wine. I don't drink. Apparently they don't care.

Do they actually respect you? I don't think they listen because they don't respect you. You are a sale to them. You are an idiot to them, even though I have an advanced degree in Biochemistry, and even though I could probably become a realtor if I felt like it Many of them drive expensive cars and live in posh neighborhoods, and I know they all looked down on me when I arrived in my 1995 Saturn. I know when I actually bought this place even the realtor didn't believe I actually had money to make the deal. Then there was the second company representative who swore at me. I fired him that same day. If you try to sell FSBO, they poo-poo the idea and insist you need them. To do what? At closing, my loan agent was more use than the realtor, and I'm actually pretty confident I could have done it with her help and her help alone.

Do they really actually work for you or for themselves? When you sell, they always want you to bargain down. Never mind that they are the ones who do the CMA and then suggest or acquiesce to a starting price. It never seems to sell for that, which means they get your hopes up and then let you down. When I bought this one, they asked for my highest and best offer and then try to negotiate. I had already offered 103% of list, which was the going rate, and I won, which means I would have bid against myself and paid even more. When you sell, they always want you to take an offer because it's not that much money. Well, you lose a $210 commission, but I lose $7000. You can make that up picking up aluminum cans in a year, but I can't. Every single one of them was perturbed by my insistence in buying a house far below my ability to afford, which cuts into their commission. They want you to give away your house for a song to sell quickly and to get into bidding wars. Most of the houses their MLS suggested were outside the price range I quoted. Paradoxically, the house I bought was found by a friend, and it never came up in the listings because Freddy Mac required it to be owner occupied. I think there was one other bidder who probably offered less than list. Back in June, I tried to drop by my maternal grandparents house, but there was an open house, so I didn't stop. The house still hasn't sold, so I know that the open house was to find other buyers and not for the benefit of our family.

Every time I hear the realtor advertisement, I want to puke, because my experience varies widely from the representations impressed and implied. Realtor's make it happen? No, I made it happen, and then I gave them money. I'm not really sure what they did besides fill out paperwork. They didn't find the house I wanted, and when I went to closing, my bank was there looking out for me. I it hadn't been at closing, I would have definitely thrown the book at him over that HOA thing. I get harassed; he doesn't. However, we seem beholden to them now almost. They carved out an empire for themselves and made it so complicated that it's difficult if not impossible to wade through the process without their help. They want you dependent on them, and it chafes me so. My hiking buddy started dating a gal who does realty as her second job, and that gave me a sour taste in my mouth before meeting her. If you are a realtor, I'm sorry to hear that. I have never had a good experience with one, and God willing I will never need one again. I bought a house so I wouldn't have to "upgrade" if family needs changed or "downgrade" if my wage took a hit. I would never recommend my realtors. They were certified idiots.

Forcing Things to Happen

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Thursday morning, despite knowing better, I tried to force something to happen. You would think I'd learn, but no. The trouble is that it was a rather trivial thing, and I feel even more foolish for trying to rush something inconsequential. As I previously told myself, if you try to force something, often you are what gets cut, and the marks in my palm attest to the truth of that fact. Throughout history, people rely on force, to varying degrees of success, but in the end, I don't think that forcing things to happen ever really works out. They say that if you have to force it, it's probably crap. Then there's Steinbeck: "Don't worry about losing. The main thing is not to rush it. If it's right, it happens. Nothing good gets away." I believe that. I'm trying every day to reaffirm my belief in that and let things play out for the best in their own time.

Sometimes, forcing things works, but only when you are holding all the cards. When I tried to force this, I forgot that however amazing my dermis might be it is no match for razor sharp objects. Without the proper leverage, it cut right through the skin and told me to try something else. As a scientist, I know that we rarely think far enough ahead to consider all the possibilities, and so I should have known better than to think I had all the cards. It's even worse with people, since people play parts. Often what they tell us isn't true, and even if it is, they rarely tell us the whole truth. So, we make good decisions based on bad information and fall on our hind quarters. If you don't have all the cards, and they call your bluff, often the ultimatum blows up in your face. When I worked for Walmart, I was written up for "insubordination" when I demanded that a supervisor act like one. IN the office, my manager Jeremy who respected me told me that the manager decided not to fire me because they were feeling generous. Truth is, they needed me more than I needed them. I was their T3 certified trainer, and I did 130% of expected work for 100% of the pay, and when I eventually did leave, it took two people to replace me. Moreover, when I finally did leave, I had $10,000 in the bank, and I was working on my graduate degree, which meant I would leave anyway. I called their bluff, and they lost.

Miracle Max taught me in 1987 that "If you rush a miracle, you get rotten miracles." I have learned that you can either have it right now or you can have it when it's ready. Everyone knows that uncooked food, drafts of projects, and unfinished houses aren't interesting or good for you, but then we go out and think that when we interact with people we can rush something and force it to be what we demand when we demand it. My hiking buddy has a new female friend he met in nursing school. When I finally met her, and I have only met her once, I discovered that she married her husband after only knowing him for six weeks. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but will you marry me and have my baby? Both my friend and I stand aghast at this, and neither one of us finds it odd at all that she's now getting divorced. I used to make fun of members of my own Faith who commonly marry people they only just met first week of freshman year before Christmas. They met at Ward Prayer or out in the Foyer, and he proposed during Saturday's Warrior... (If you don't get that don't worry, it's an inside reference). I know that I often go into things thinking that it will be wonderful, assuming that because it can work that it will or must work out the way I hope. Then we find out how things really are, and we often thank God for His unanswered prayers and the times He asked us to wait. I know that I would be miserable at DHS, married to the first woman I dated in Vegas, or living in a house my realtor really wanted me to buy. Often things aren't as good for you as you think, but if you wait until it matures you can really measure. I think that's why God gave us commandments. They teach us patience, to wait for what's really good and necessary for us and our happiness.

If you force something, often you are what gets cut. I try very hard not to draw lines in the sand with people for and about whom I really care. When I was young, I am sure I assumed and presumed my parents didn't love me and swore I would resent them forever, but I learned that I was the one being manipulative when I tried to force things. Force is almost always manipulative, and it is bullies who usually resort to it. Ultimatums are rarely, if ever, given out of love. Look at the bullies you once knew. How many of them are venerable? How many of them got what they truly desired? How many of them know love? A while ago, I tried to date a woman, who, after only going out twice with me, absolutely demanded that I join her gym and go with her to motivate her. Until then, she had largely relied on genetics for her good looks, and despite my very regular exercise regimen, I don't look as good as she. However, she realized I was probably healthier. When she told me that she knew I didn't care about her because I wouldn't join her gym, I knew that she was being manipulative. If I were her age, I might fall for that, but I'm old enough that I'm no longer going to play games and dally on something where it starts so soon on an uneven keel. I don't play games, just sports. So I told her I was disinclined to acquiesce to her request and walked. She found someone else.

Forced things usually don't work, and when they do, often you are left with semblance posing as substance. When nations overrun others, there are usually partisans that spring up to resist the oppressor. Every employer I ever had who tried to hold me back in order to benefit eventually lost me and what ever other perks my work won them. Even if you think you hold all the cards, it is statistically possible to lose. Even an idiot can get lucky even if he isn't brave enough to call or raise. Most of the scars on my hands remind me of things I tried to force. Sometimes, they were because I was a fool. Sometimes they were because I thought I was being wise when with better information I know now that I was otherwise. The same can be said for the scars on my heart, in my mind, and on my soul- either I was out and out a fool or I was made to be one based on misinformation. There is really only one thing I still desire- to be a dad. I know I could be one any time I like, but not in a way of which God or I would approve. I've learned that for myself at least nothing is better than the wrong thing, because when I force it or try to rush the timing or manipulate the choices of another person, somehow eventually I am the one who gets hurt. I don't believe in force. I don't believe there is any virtue in using the adversary's methods to achieve the Father's plan. I don't know how to be someone you miss. I won't force you to do anything good against your will. I invite, entice, persuade, suffer, resolve concerns, show kindness gentleness and meekness, and then I wait because I don't want to have ulterior motives. I deserve good things. They will come when they can.

Resistance to Tyrants is Heroic

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Shortly after the Anschluss, Adolf Hitler traveled to Innsbruck, Austria, to survey his newly annexed homeland now that it was part of the German empire. The mayor of Innsbruck, when ordered to give the Nazi salute to Hitler, flipped him the bird instead. The SS shot him down on the spot and sent all of his sons to the Russian front. When I arrived in Innsbruck in December 1999, I ended up working in close proximity with the mayor's only surviving son. The man had survived the war and gone on to work with the crippled, the psychotic, and the otherwise handicapped. He told me about his father and about their legacy and how he felt it important when circumstances are unjust, despotic, and tyrannical, that the right thing to do was to stand fast a little at the risk of being heroes. Today, CNN is reporting the released Kim Davis as the "Anti-Gay Marriage Clerk". She is more accurately the heroic American citizen who stood up to the tyranny of lawlessness in the name of the law. Kim Davis is a hero.

Ms. Davis was imprisoned for defying an order of a court. Now, most readers already know that I regard the Judiciary as men clothed in the black robes of a false priesthood, but I digress. The court is often wrong and wrong to a great degree. Historically, our courts have endorsed immoral, unethical, and tyrannical positions. They once declared it legal to persecute and imprison persons of Japanese descent (Korimatsu v. US). They once declared that all black people were property and had no rights (Dred Scott v. US). The court is populated with people replete with conflicts of interest, and both Justice Kagan and Justice Sotomayor ought to have recused themselves from the decisions recently espoused, having already been partisan and activist in the cases at lower levels and consequently could not give an objective opinion. The courts have taken it upon themselves to create laws and rights where none exist. They nullify our rights to practice our religion as if the Pilgrims did not come here in order to worship God according to the dictates of their own conscience. The courts enforce separation of church and state when it comes to Christian or Judaic movements but order us to provide Qurans and blankets at taxpayer expense to those who riot in our blood and hunt us from the face of the earth. When Ms. Davis defied the court for declaring something legal for which there is no precedent beyond the mind of false priests who oppress, she became a hero. She was elected to the job before the court handed down it's ruling.  She didn't take it to defy the law, but to defend the laws as extant at that time with which she was in agreement.  If she should resign, every single liberal should resign who protests a law.  They don't; they change the law instead to fit their personal policy preferences regardless of the virtue of their positions in the eyes of the people obligated to obey.  Benjamin Franklin proposed as America's motto "Resistance to Tyrants is Obedience to God", and that is an American ideal.

Many of those excoriaring Ms. Davis are hypocrites. As part of their campaign against her, they ignore the truth of her story to simply have her name removed from the marriage certificates she refuses to issue. While imprisoned, the certificates went out anyway, meaning there was no need to imprison and make an example of this woman, because obviously there were other people there willing to issue the documents that Ms. Davis found immoral and objectionable. The same people who claim she ought to "Follow the law" because she is a public servant ignore and excuse other higher ranking public officials who break the law with impunity. Jeb Bush wants to allow illegal aliens to obtain the rights of citizens although they didn't follow the law. Rioters continue to rip apart our cities like Ferguson MO, and they are not rounded up either. Police are executed in other cities and assaulted here in Las Vegas, and the police are the ones who show restraint. After gay marriage was legalized, people proudly produced posters saying "America- love it or leave it" when they did exactly the opposite when they didn't get their way. This is not about the rule of law. It's about what THEY want. When they get what they want, it's now the rule of law. When they lose, they don't roll over and obey. They rise up in rebellion. To justify their lawlessness, her opponents point out that Ms. Davis had several failed marriages. Well, her failure does not license your defiance. Shaming her does not make you virtuous. That is the attitude and tactic of an abuser. Beware the temptation to point out the mote in her eye lest you gouge out something with the beam that is in your own.

What else can we expect with the leadership of this administration? Timothy "Tax Cheat" Geithner was allowed to be Secretary of the Treasury. Hillary "Rodham" Clinton transmitted secret documents without proper protections. William "Jefferson" Clinton sexually abused an intern in the oval office. Barack "Hussein" Obama makes treaties without Congressional consent, signs executive orders that skirt the activities of Congress, and spends our money like a drunken sailor. We once had leaders who were men of principle, men of class, and men of honor. Now they sign their lives, their fortunes, and their honour over to party over the country, to appease illegals and our enemies rather than serving the citizenship, and bow to international law rather than defending our sovereignty. What is the point of leaving British rule if we then simply return to living according to European standards? Let's not forget that Europeans, Asians, Africans, and people everywhere have bad people and bad governments. America is the best nation, the most virtuous attempt at civilization, ever attempted in recorded history. What happened to Hillary Clinton's assertion that "We have a right to debate and disagree with any administration"? When Ms. Davis tried that, they jailed her and made an example of her. They hate America. They hate Capitolism. They hate Christianity. They hate the Constitution. They want the law to be their way right away. They want to be as God rather than be commanded of Him. This is the attitude of a tyrant, and it ever has been so, from the time of Xerxes, to Caesar, to Herod, to George III, and to, dare I say, Barack Obama, the most tyrannical president this nation has ever elected. Ms. Davis heroically stood up, and they tried to take her down.

Ms. Davis is not alone in history. Kim Davis evokes the thought for me of Sir Thomas More, who was executed for refusing to license Henry VIII's marriage to Ann Boleyn. If this is about marriage, then rather than lionize Anthony Kennedy, Barack Obama, and the rest of that ilk, let us look to a real hero of law. Making something legal does not make it ethical, moral, or right. I quote Sir More: "Some men think the world flat, others think it round. It is a matter of some question. But if it is round can the king's command flatten it? And if it is flat will the king's command make it round? Therefore I will not sign." The imperfect and transient opinions of a few men in black robes of a false priesthood do not change what is true and real and right. We are so vain to think we can change that with a pen and a phone. The vain man sees the law restricts him and changes the law to fit his behavior. The honorable man changes his behavior to fit the law. Resistance to tyrants is heroic. We need more men like More and more women like Davis to risk something on the altar of freedom to preserve liberty and civil society. Said Thomas Jefferson, whom they often invoke to justify themselves when it suits them, "I have sworn on the altar of freedom eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." That would, I dare proclaim, include that Thomas Jefferson would defy and resist Barack Obama as vehemently as possible. So shall I.

Labor Day Tradition

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In the tradition of Labor Day, which I consider to be an illegitimate federal holiday since it is originally a socialist holiday, I went out shooting. I regard the right to keep and bear arms something worthy of veneration on a federal holiday. Despite a stiff wind and strong sun, I was able to test out some new ammunition and reaffirm my skill with my Winchester 94 in .357 Magnum. When I can hit a clear glass bottle at 75 meters on the second shot with fixed sights, I think I'm doing well. You see, I'm a Minute Man, ready to resist with my rifle what my pen and phone do not allow me to resist.

People should not be afraid of their governments. People of patriotism should say, I have a pen and a phone too, and I'm not going to do this. We're not going to follow a lawless, illegal, action by a prior president. Precedence does not mean we have to continue to do something that is wrong. In the officer oath for US Servicemen, it does not obligate officers to follow the Commander in Chief, and moreover it requires them to refuse any illegal and immoral order given by a superior.

I think that every red blooded American citizen should learn how to use, keep, and handle a firearm. Those able to afford it and comfortable with keeping one should own one or two or ten. An armed citizenry is the best bulwark against an oppressive state. It's why Switzerland has never been invaded. It's why Britain failed to subjugate us in 1776. Thomas Paine said it best "Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of Liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us." If we want to be ready, we must be armed. God will not let us sit on our thrones and deliver us if we are unable to lay anything on the altar of freedom. That is our labor- Freedom. I pray that you will always be ready to work and ready to live what you believe and worthy of that for which our progenitors so nobly sacrificed.

Rejecting the Null Hypothesis

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Many people pat themselves on the back for their use of the scientific method without understanding that they're using it incorrectly. When I was taught scientific research, they taught us about the Null Hypothesis. The Null Hypothesis is basically the opposite of what you think happens, and it is against the Null that you design your experiments with an eye to disprove the null. Like I tell my students, science never proves anything. It removes all other possibilities until only the truth remains. Science is deductive rather than inductive, but all too often in order to seem relevant, to publish, and to push an agenda, scientists jump to conclusions and assume causality. So, we end up making poor judgments based on inaccurate or incomplete information. Do you really have enough to reject the null? If not, then it's still possible.

Often we fear things because they might happen rather than because they are likely. I remind myself with the pennies and the ringtone that I don't really have any reason to discount certain null hypotheses. So, I can't assume that things will happen or did. I can only consider that they are possible. Just because a thing can or should happen doesn't follow that it will or that it must. If the only reason you have to fear a thing is that it might happen, well, you're jumping to conclusions without any data to refute the Null Hypothesis.

When you design an experiment, you can't really design one that proves something happens. Chaos theory teaches us that sometimes things happen of which we are not aware and that we cannot see that precipitate change at places distal in space and time to their origin. When we assume that what we did caused something, we ignore that there are other things and forces at work, other people who make choices, and sometimes things that we couldn't control that created change. I love the scene from IQ where Einstein's friends chat about atoms. "Did you feel that? Somewhere an atom collided with another atom and so on until one collided with us. Atoms, those sexy little cuties!" You have to design tests and investigations in order to disprove the Null Hypothesis, to prove that you can reject that things are not related. That still doesn't tell you how they are.

It takes time to be a good scientist, time and patience and practice. It takes skill to ask the right questions, design the right tests, and then to interpret the data without preconceived bias about what you think ought to be. Then there's Obama who goes up to Alaska and concludes that climate change is real because ice is melting in summer. Wow, give that man a PhD! By a long and arduous process of elimination, we eliminate all other things until what we think must be true because nothing else is. I am sitting here wracking my brain about a huge disappointment and blaming myself, and then I remind myself that I don't have any data to prove that what I fear or think might be true actually is. I cannot reject the Null, and so it's possible that nothing I did could change it, that nothing I did caused it to be this way, and that it will turn out as is best given the right time.

So many things are possible, and usually the best things eventually win the day. We get impatient, for a patent, for a relationship, for a particular outcome, and we try to force things. I've been thinking a lot about Steinbeck's letter to his 15 year old son lately: "The best thing is not to rush it. If it's right it happens. Nothing good gets away." It's not much comfort now because I continue to get older and wake up every day without any evidence of progress. Eight years after moving to Vegas and almost five years in this house, and I'm still no closer to my goal. When I talk to people who have the semblance of what I seek but not the substance, they tell me I'm not really missing anything; God wisely spared me several times from the shackles of loveless marriage, and I thank Him for that.

I often hypothesize that I'm to blame, making the Null Hypothesis that I'm not to blame. I cannot in any of my thinking or investigation or experimentation come up with enough evidence to reject the null that I'm not to blame. Things are not conclusive or easy, and sometimes there are so many variables or outliers that it's impossible for me at least to properly and scientifically tackle the issue. It's possible that I have not done anything wrong. It's possible that a butterfly flapped its wings in China in 2002 and forced the issue. I think things happen for a reason, and it's possible that they will still turn out as I hope. What should be will be when the time is right. When it involves a tree dying or fruit ripening or getting a last minute section to teach, it's easy because I'm not emotionally involved. Affairs of the heart and issues of career are different because we feel our lives depend on positive outcomes. However, I know I've been delivered from Egypt before, which means God can and will do it again. The penny I found on the ground today tells me to trust God, that everything has been done according to the wisdom of Him who knoweth all things. I just wish He'd get moving.

Maytag Men

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Every time I hear the new Maytag commercial that announces "What's inside matters" I cheer. Nobody notices, but I think this kind of notion ought to be reinforced. Of course, it helps that Maytag also packages their internal superiority inside a colorful candy shell, but I understand and agree with the point. What's inside matters most. Many years ago in college, at the request of my Institute of Religion instructor, I memorized a section of scripture to recite as the opening prayer. Afterwards, for many weeks, people remembered me as the "apostate zoramite" (one person at least I remember called me exactly that) because they linked my identity to the only thing they knew about me- something I did. Some of us are covered in scars or tatoos. Some of us carry criminal records. Some of us remember our mistakes so much that we can't seem to remember anything else, and the people around us don't know anything but our shortcomings. I remember Aristotle wrote that "We are what we consistently do". Being begets doing. Several years back I remember hearing that "mistakes are always attended with mercy".

One thing I've learned in higher education is that there will always be more attractive people. I walk down the hallway past dozens of smiling and pretty girls and wonder if their character matches their countenance. I tend to doubt it. I feel sorry for the girls attracted to rich and famous people. They apparently don't know how to tell semblance from substance. Sad. All the girls standing around Hugh Hefner are there for his money and to leverage their careers, and I bet they feel awful if they can still feel at all.  They are being used.  If a woman chooses a man based on what he can buy for her, he's not courting her; he's leasing her.  Sometimes there's an option to own, but these women don't love Hugh, and it makes me sad for them.  One student said, "if your looks are a 9 and your character is a 2, you're a 2". He's right. Especially in a town where a girl who is an "8" of "10" is average, you better be offering something more than looks. Looks are ubiquitous and transitory. You better be good company, good conversation, of good character, a good homemaker, a good cheerleader, or something else or you're not really worth paying attention to. I know some people think I should count my luck that they pay attention to me and marry them because they are "there", but truth is that I already do everything for myself to my satisfaction. I don't need someone. I certainly don't need someone attractive who is a shrew, a nag, an addict, a narcissist, or a burden in some other way. I know we all have our burdens, shortcomings, and trials, but what's inside matters. I'm old and mature enough now that I'm no longer looking for someone just for myself; I'm looking for the mother of my children. Since women have the greatest influence over how children are raised, I'm after a woman who will bring them up with the character I desire to culture in them. What's inside you matters. If my top three aren't even in your top ten, it's moot, and if you don't love God, you won't understand what I want my children to know.

My biggest problem with the case is that the Maytag line is also pretty on the outside. People who know about my 1995 Saturn know that it's easy to tell when I'm there because my car is distinctively ugly. However, what they don't know is that it gets 36mpg consistently and that it's carried me now for 276,000 miles safely. I once showed up to pick up a girl for a date who refused to go with me because she refused to get in my car. I don't know what happened to her, but about a year ago a student who knew her reported that she hasn't changed, and that makes me sad. She was pretty, but eventually her inner ugliness will find its way to her countenance. As a kid, I remember the Berenstain Bears teaching about strangers, and while teaching Mother Bear finds an apple that looks perfect outside but contains worms right next to an apple that looks gnarled outside but has perfect flesh. You see, the colorful candy shell is often a facade. I'm frustrated because it seems that women I meet only care about what's on the inside if the outside also sparkles. It only took the people at Smiths three months to stop worrying about my backpack in the store when it finally dawned on them that I walk to the store because I choose to do so for exercise. Some customers still look down on me as if I'm a loser who can't afford a car. Well, I once knew a woman who loved me and my stubborn belly fat; the right person will love who you really are, and no matter what you do will still think the world of you.

Most people lie about who they really are. Some take steroids, others get plastic surgery, many embellish their resumes, and some deploy props for a short game fake to "score". I learned from Shakespeare that most of what you see is a play, and now I'm cynical or rather mature enough to recognize potempkin people and false advertising. Hardly a day goes by at work when I don't see a woman revealing too much of her "assets". I know they feel the need to do that in order to compete, but the men worth having aren't looking for that, and all too often I'm put off by it. The only men driven away by wearing a fake wedding ring or when you play the "I have a boyfriend" card are men who respect boundaries and commitments. The men primarily attracted by revealing clothing are the ones who will use you and then leave. The woman I really loved was beautiful, but I had no idea how pretty her body really was until after we started dating. I loved more than that how she listened to me and talked about scripture and science and how she made me feel important. One of the women with whom I volunteer has a boyfriend with tattoos. I learned last Saturday that Michelle has one too, but the outside does tell us truths about the inside. If you are covered in distasteful tattoos, if you look like you're not taking care of yourself, and if you always look angry, you probably aren't the kind of person I want to get to know. Maybe you are. I know I don't make a good first impression. I also don't do things to be associated with the kind of people who aren't good people. I do this, not because I am too good for them, but because I am not good enough.

One of the people I follow on twitter posted the following: Your children won't be raised by her looks but by her character, so choose wisely. It works for men too. You can pick a man of great looks or great wealth, and you can benefit from choosing a member of the Lucky Sperm Club. It's not my fault that I wasn't born more handsome, or taller, or into a rich and famous family. Rewarding men who have that, or women who have that, skews the gene pool to people who got LUCKY over those who achieved something. You can't find character in the gym or at the bank. Character is found within. I've heard several times over the last week on the radio that Sanje Gupta claims character is largely innate in us when we are born. Trouble is that it's hard to discern character by observation. When we look for friends, companions, and a mate, we try our best to find out about a person to see if they fit us in ways that really matter. However, people can put on a play. My hiking buddy often talks of the six month rule, after which you finally start to find out what a person is really like. You see, the longer it persists, the more difficult it becomes to keep up the charade. It's not perfect. I married my ex wife because she sold herself as a good partner and future mother; she was in truth just a consummate actress. They all say things we want to hear and do things we want to see, and sometimes it's just for a week, a month, or a year. What's inside matters. While I'm not top shelf in the looks department, I am in the top 25% of wages, and I offer a myriad of other benefits. Look at the car that still runs, my knowledge, my physical activity, and my garden, and it shows that I can do things besides show up and look pretty or throw money around to garner favor.

They say that you attract people who are like you. This is why it's important to be you and be true to yourself. It's the thing I admire most about Donald Trump. He knows who he is, and he's not ashamed to be himself even if sometimes he should be. If you like him, fine, and if not, no big deal. Of course, it's easy when you're rich and famous to not care about affirmations and felicitations. Thanks to my ex-wife and Jean-Luc Picard, I decided that if I was going to be damned anyway, I'd be damned for who I really am. Being me attracted a few people. Most of them are not people with whom I decide to be more than "just friends" and most are male, but I did attract people who are like me. The rest largely ignore me or avoid me, which is nice because I don't waste time or effort on weak opportunities. I guess I'm mostly just disappointed to discover that most "Maytag People" are only Maytag on the outside. Putting a Jaguar emblem on my Saturn won't make it a luxury car. It's what's inside that matters. They are what they are, and that's ok. I am what I am, and often people make it seem like it's not ok for me to be me. I get vilified for my religion. I get punished for my choices, for standing up for what is right. I tilt when I should withdraw, but that's what Crusaders do. We are men. I may not have Maytag on my chest, and I may not sparkle in the sun with my chrome, but then again knights in shining armor haven't really been tested yet. I'm looking for what CS Lewis refers to as "The New Men" in Mere Christianity. If the outside is attractive, that's ok, because I had a Geautiful Birl who was beautiful on the outside too. I'm looking for what's inside.

Failed Leadership

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Our development technician told me about four weeks ago that he was thinking of resigning, retiring, and moving to North Carolina. Yesterday, he told me that they sold their house, and I thought about how, with one more year under this Dean, how many rats fled the sinking ship. You see, people look for other jobs because they are not satisfied with something in the workplace. Some leave for more money. Some leave for better treatment. Some leave to make a statement. I have done all of these. All of these evince failed leadership. You see, leaders have two roles- to achieve the mission and to take care of the people who make the mission successful. If leaders did their job, the people who work for them would stay. They look elsewhere for opportunity because they feel that leadership doesn't care. When you work for an organization that treats you like just another "resource" it's time to find another job.

Most people leave for better pay. Last week, I was headhunted for a very lucrative ($125,000/year) job doing GC/MS in a marijuana testing laboratory. I ultimately turned it down because I wouldn't be proud to tell anyone that's how I earned my living. Our integrity is really all that truly belongs to us, and I won't sell mine for a salary, even if it gets me a bigger house, a better car, and opportunities to date. Last year, I transferred to Chemistry hoping to capitalize on the change to generate a pay raise. It didn't work out that way. In the end however, each transfer I took led to a better pay rate as I moved from the top of a previous pay to the bottom of the next, effectively raising the ceiling. My dad lost several employees to other organizations because of better pay offerings or better arrangements. At least I'm not selling fries with that.

When I moved to Vegas, I came looking for better treatment. With only two more days left on the job, the general manager came to me asking what they could do to get me to stay. My belongings were in a storage unit, I was living in a weekly motel, and my father was on his way up that evening to help me move. I was already committed. Mostly, I left for double standards. Others were promoted for the same reasons I should have. Others were permitted to do things I never would be. They leaned on me for benchmarks, for statistics, and for their bonuses. Even last year when I transferred from biology to chemistry officially, I saw the Biology Chair was upset. You see, he thought he inherited someone about whom he didn't have to worry, but when I leave, it left a void. I was tired of the hose job. During the pay freeze, coworkers were promoted and given other opportunities, but I was required to check in and out, keep track of my hours, and watch my back because they believed the hype and the lies. If I ever did something, they emailed the entire department to complain, but I had to ask to get compliments in writing. When punishment is public and written but praise is private and verbal, that's one hallmark of failed leadership. Another is when some employees get perks, raises, and special attention while others are left out. You don't have to punish them; refusing to include them in the bonuses amounts to the same thing. Even as a missionary, when a special outing was put together to Matthausen, everyone was invited except for my partner and me. They left us out, and that showed me that leadership was a failure.

Every time I hear about immigration issues, I'm glad I didn't get the DHS job for which I hoped years ago. If I had a job where I was not allowed to do my job or got in trouble for doing it like so many ICE/CBP/DHS agents do, I would have to resign in protest. Fortunately, I have never had to quit a job in order to make a statement. As I mentioned, I turned one down this past month from which I would have probably left, and the day may come when I leave NSHE in a huff, but that time has not come. I get to do something I enjoy for a paycheck that covers all of my bills and gives me leftovers for savings and entertainment, and so I stay. The day may come when I decide to leave. One of the upper muckety mucks told me a few weeks back that in order to advance in the college system you must either become a boot-licking toady or dig dirt. I told him that I don't dance. Considering that I make plenty of my own trials and the ones heaped on me by others, I'm doing well. I have the esteem and respect of the people whose respect matters and the deference of many of the rest of the kitten caboodle, but I know we have failed leadership. They built a house of cards that advances people more for connections and bribery than for competency and what they bring to the mission. I honestly cannot escape the possibility that my superiors refuse to allow me to advance unless they can somehow take credit and hold it over me.  I have spectacular reviews, but other people are given better and more classes over me because of associations. I have higher retention, but they decide to pay people who cost a lot more because I lack the right paperwork. Well, I stay because for now I think I can still help students, but if that ever changes, I am ready to fall on my sword for the students.

Far too many people raise to leadership who do not belong, and once ensconced they seem almost impossible to remove. From tiny groups of friends to civic or religious groups and even to nations, people rise to the level of their incompetency and beyond. I think the reason is that the best among us tend to doubt, and the worst among us are absolutely convinced of their own superiority. Think back to high school- the most popular people were some of the people we know acknowledge were asinine and banal. They were however visible, verbal, and valuable by the metrics measured by mean teens, and so they were the cream of the crop. People know that the cream rises to the top. Sometimes we need to remember that the scum rises to the top too. Many of the rich, attractive, powerful people in our world are among the filthiest and vile of humanity. If your people are leaving or moving around, it's a wakeup call to evaluate your leadership and fix things. Trouble is, bad leaders don't believe in introspective. They believe in their own superiority. They sit there and say "we can survive without them, but they cannot survive without us." I'm sorry, but we are a civic service. Without people to pay taxes and send their kids to college, there is no need for anyone in higher education. Period. Society will survive without us, but we are completely dependent on them. And we're led largely by people who would fail in any other leadership position. They survive because we are subsidized and monopolistic. Too bad.