Another Year, Gone

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I have never really been one to celebrate the new year. My family has a tradition of food, fun, and frivolity that concludes with fireworks, after which we go to bed. As for myself, I figure the new year will be there in the morning, and since I don't drink or party, I don't really go out. This year, I'm recovering from influenza, and so the more water I drink and sleep I get the better off I will be, and so I haven't strayed much from the house except for work in weeks.

As part of our family Christmas tradition, we watched a version of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. In this particular adaptation, Scrooge remarks on the season as a time when you find yourself "A year older and not a penny richer". I have had some very tough years; 2010 was particularly irksome, and in comparison with that, 2013 was pretty good. Although I am a year older, I had one of the best financial years of my life, and some problems have cleared themselves up. Still, I am not sad to see 2013 go. It allows me to put behind me a chapter of my life that dawned in January with hope and then slipped into ignominy.

Most people can probably think of a reason to be glad the year is over. Aside from David Barry's annual analysis (this year's was particularly dour and dismal), there are always things that don't go the way we would like or hope, and although I managed some small successes, 2013 wasn't nearly as good as the year prior. I watched a lot of things end that I hoped would last and saw some things last that I wish would end, and in the end, it's not Kevin McAlister but I who's Home Alone.

We celebrate the new year because it comes with hopes. We hope that we'll do better, be better, and have better. I heard a great many people in the last week prognosticate that 2014 will be very good for most people. Naturally that's illogical and unlikely, but we like to think that it's a clean slate, a new chance, to cast off the old and look forward to things rather than looking back with longing, sadness or regret. It gives us a chance to put off the old and ring in the new, which is a very Christian concept, making New Year a part of the Christmas season and tradition.

I do hope that these people are correct and that 2014 brings good tidings of comfort and joy. I do hope that people who have good hopes for me are correct. I tend to be pessimistic about such things because it's a way I win; if I'm correct, then I got what I expected, and if I'm wrong, it's a pleasant surprise. My hiking buddy told me Saturday while we were at Red Rock that he can tell that I am still a man of great faith. I have just lost faith in people. If I were not of faith, I would have probably given up and given in long ago and rendered myself indistinguishable from the rest of the kitten caboodle. I would be out carousing and carrying on like a chimpanzee on caffeinated cola, and I would probably not be very proud of myself. I might have stopped attending church or changed religions or quit praying, but I know that the gospel is true even if the people are not, and so I stay and struggle, visibly alone. Crusades of conscience are difficult because you often seem to stand alone against great odds, but I did last through another year, and I did rise up this year to be a better man than I was in 2012.

Thank you all of you for reading my thoughts and sharing yours with me. I thank God that I have this meager means by which to share my life with you. It is good to know, even though we may never meet, that we have influenced each others' lives. I hope that you free yourself from difficult times and that you are able to make something of your lives. I hope that you talk to your parents, love your children, respect your neighbors and bring honor to your employers. I hope that when your years are out that you can say that you have lived them well. I hope you really do get to live.

I had a decent year. There were some major hiccups, and they all reached a climax at the end of the year without a balm to clear things up, so it seems dreary. I am not entering 2014 like I entered 2013, with a strong and serious prospect, but I do have Seven of Eight, and that is wonderful.

Filing Taxes

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News reported that Florida will soon have greater population than New York, and that doesn't really surprise me. I have been to New York exactly twice, once to Rochester and vicinity, and once to the Statue of Liberty. As I looked across the harbor at New York City, I told my friend I was as close as I cared to be. Earlier this year, I knew a man who was a retired NYPD officer who retired to NV so that he could live on his pension without paying state income tax. Also today, there is talk that they may tax you for riding a bicycle in Chicago. Eventually they will find a way to tax you for walking, for breathing, for existing, and people will look at New York City and wonder why it was that people ever lived there. Taxes are driving people out of New York to places like Florida where the weather is more pleasant and the tax policy more lenient. They might go to California if not for confiscatory taxes there.

Like it or not, tax policy drives human action. People will do anything they can to legally reduce their tax bill. My parents bought a second house a few years ago so they could write off the interest and reduce their taxes. My dad would rather pay a bank than pay the government even though both he and I work for it. My financial advisor told me to invest rather than pay off my mortgage, because at 3.6% interest as long as there's a mortgage deduction, I can do better in the market than paying off my mortgage. I was excited last night to receive a flier from Big Brothers/Big Sisters because I have quite a bit to donate to them as a way to cut my taxes. For the past several years, I have shifted money at the end of the year into my traditional IRA and during the year into my 457b to reduce my Adjusted Gross Income and reduce my taxes. Although I do not make donations to church so I can write them off, now that I do itemize, I count them because it's a way for me to cut back what I give to the waste in Washington.

At the same time businesses suffer, politicians raise taxes. They seem to think that they way to get more of something is to tax it. They look at every turn to make taxes universal so that you can't flee New York with your pension for a place where you don't have to pay as much. There was a story today too about moguls who rent property in SD so they can stay tax free forever. If politicians really want to improve economic fortunes, they need to look at their tax policy. It isn't just "millionaires and billionaires" who put money away. It's regular people who reduce their taxes whenever possible. It's probably what attracts so many people to Vegas because NV doesn't charge income tax, our property taxes are lower than ever, and because so much money moves via tips and isn't taxed. It's a smorgasborg for people seeking to skip uncle Sam.

I already started filing my taxes for 2013. I knew based on last year's huge after the fact bill that I needed to make adjustments. I followed the JG Wentworth Theory of Taxes: "It's your money; use it when you need it" and shoved as much as I felt comfortable into my own retirement. Although I am SSI exempt, I am not assuming that the state of NV will fulfill its promises since they have tried to change our retirement from "top three years" to "first three years" and raised our contributions to PERS from 8.9% when I started to 12.1% now (and you guys all complain about 6% into SSI). I am taking control of what I can and putting the money where I know to look recognizing that if I invest wisely I will not have much later. I decided to put more into retirement and shifted a payment to this year since I expect my income to go down next year. I am doing everything I can to keep as much of my own money as possible. I know how much money is wasted where I work and know that we could do with fewer personnel if they hired better people. When the furlough first arose, I told the governor at the time to cut people knowing I might get cut because I knew we could do with fewer people.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not go to work so that the government can send my money to people I don't know. We just finished Christmas which, although a giving time, does show us that Bob Cratchett used his money to elevate his own family. That's what my money is supposed to serve- my family. Right now, as the government reminds me every year, that's only myself and whomever I wish to receive of my beneficence. My life is my own; I am not a slave to the IRS. They do not have any right to decide where I spent my money, in donations or health coverage. If I decide to piss it away, that's my call. If they decide to do it, I protest, and if ever my rights are questioned, here is my answer. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Valuing Health

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Almost immediately after I rose from bed this morning, I spent 15 minutes or so in a violent coughing fit. It escalated to the point where at least twice, after coughing up phlegm, I gasped for air, and I wondered if I would choke to death on my own spit. I found this kind of ironic, because George Washington died in the middle of December from a similar thing, and I have been flying his personal banner at half mast at my house in commemoration of his passing. Eventually it passed, and I have felt much better this morning since then, but for a while I was a bit worried.

I remember very well the last time I was sick. I taught Microbiology last in Spring 2012, and since we find ourselves proximal to many infectious agents, at least half the students and teachers get sick every term. Everything we handle is a level 1 human irritant only, which allows us to innoculate, test, identify, and culture things without running any great risk to our health. I suspect that these additional pests make it more likely for real human irritants to get a foothold because our immune system has too many different targets to fight simultaneously. In any case, we all felt lousy at least one week that term, and it has been fortunately a long time since I was sick.

Despite my cold, I endeavor whenever I can to exercise and rest at every opportunity. There's nobody there to take care of me, and until Christmas Eve, almost all that I ate was soup. I like winter time because it means soup and because soup means I lose weight, but I have very little gumption to do much, and the worst part for me was that my cough really sapped me of joy this Christmas season. I am fairsure I caught this by handling something in public that was contaminated, perhaps a door on a refrigerator at the supermarket. It makes me feel very happy that I don't get sick more than once per year usually.

With all of my complaints sometimes, I feel very blessed to have my health as a general rule. Sometimes when I jog, I thank God that not only I am inclined to run but that I CAN run. Some people have no legs or other problems, and so they can't do as easily as I at least what I choose to do. I frequently tell people to work on their health because it's a key to happiness, and I know that if I had been healthier I would have enjoyed the season more. I didn't make it out to look at lights at the cactus garden or walk the neighborhoods because I was trying to keep warm, rested, and hydrated.

When you have your health, you can enjoy your life. Good health, as a consequence of God's grace, good nutrition and physical exercise, meant that I am able to travel the country, get out every weekend, work long hours, and get around to family events. I rarely get sick, and usually when I do it doesn't last more than a few days. I have had this since last Friday, and I am just about fed up waiting for it to pass. When it does, I am sure I will quickly forget what it's like to be sick and take my health for granted, but today I am more acutely aware of things I normally do that enrich my own life that I found myself ill inclined to do in favor of a hopefully speedy recovery.

For the rest of you, I know whatever this is has spread around this year. If you are ill, I wish you a speedy recovery. If you are well, think about how you value your health. It is easy to take something for granted until it is taken from you.

Miracles and Neubauers

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Shortly before Christmas in 1999, I was transferred as a missionary from Neumarkt am Wallersee to Thaur in Tirol. When we arrived in Tirolia, the snow banks lined the railroad tracks at a height of at least 10 feet, and there were drifts all over town that choked the roads and bunched people together on the sidewalks. There was no apartment for us, and there were no spare beds, so Elder Johnson and I slept on blankets on the floor. Our area included the villages in the mountains around Innsbruck, and so we would get up in the morning and board a bus and ride up into the mountains for the entire day.

I remember trudging through cold and snow like I have never experienced elsewhere. There were times it was so cold that we stopped in little stores and made purchases just to have an excuse to be inside. Although Austrians aren't as cold as the weather, because we brought a message about Christ, they brought us tea at the door rather than inviting us in. Once, we sought refuge inside of a catholic church only to find that it was colder inside than outside, and so we ventured forth again.

Quickly, the other Elders with whom we stayed noticed our mood and strength began to wane. Each day, we begrudgingly got onto a bus and went up into the alpine villages where we walked around outside all day without finding anyone. Sometimes we would go home early because we were frozen, and because we were so downtrodden and tired that we could hardly stand. Somehow, every day I awoke rested and strong enough in body to do it again. Elder Howes prayed for us after we left one day, and just as we were about to quit, the Neubauers let us in.

Although our visit never amounted to anything with them, for that day at least it was the miracle we needed. I have walked around for hours in the cold and snow of the Austrian alps looking for people who were looking for Christ. I am not so convinced that I was sent to Austria for the Austrians as much as I may have been sent there so I could tell you about it. I spoke fluent German and had very few substantive conversations. What I learned in the Alps is that God keeps watch over His servants.

When Elijah was called to preach to Ahab and his people, Elijah found himself alone in a valley. God sent birds to feed him and made sure that the water in the brook ran, and when that failed, He sent Elijah to a widow woman who sustained him through the drought. Although I am not Elijah and was never fed by birds, somehow, in the cold and snow of an alpine winter, I awoke rested every day and managed to get out into the alps each day to talk with anyone who was willing about Christ. Despite the cold, when we needed it, we got tea or an invitation to come in. Elder Howes could not believe that we did this every day until we had our own place.

Miracles come. They do not always take the form or fit the timing that we like. I have been saying for some time now that God's will will be done, it will be done well, and it will be done on time. I think God wanted me to be able to reflect on the Alps and remember that when I really needed it, He was watching out for me. Miracles come, not when you think you need them, but when God knows you actually need them. Miracles come, not in the form you desire, but in the form that is best for you. The Neubauers never let us talk to them again, but that cold winter night when we needed it, they were our miracle and God's mercy to us.

In the years since I lived in Austria, I have seen many other miracles. I don't really know what end they serve, because my life consists of duty, the boring routine of life. Some people think I'm being raised up and prepared for something, but to me it seems much more likely my life is to help yours. As we think about Christ this week and the miracle of the resurrection and the atonement, we have the opportunity to pause and consider the miracles and blessings in our own lives. I think of all the other Neubauers I have met since then and how they were blessings in my life when I needed something. It reminds me of this quote: "God knows us and watches over us, but it is often through another person that He meets our needs". We can be the miracle, and that is the invitation of Christmas- to let in the hungry and cold in the name of our Savior and help Him help them.

Familial Piety

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The more I learn about other people's parents, the more blessed I feel to have the ones into whose household I was born. I discover more and more that my family is the exception to the rule, that households are neither happy nor stable as I was led to believe. History too corroborates this trend, as households of medieval Europe were established for the perpetuation and/or accumulation of riches and/or power more than they were out of love. I realized yesterday that most of the people on earth are likely descended from bastard children because men of immorality eagerly propagate and frequently survive because they are selfish cowards.

Even my friends whose parents do not "deserve" it love their parents. I know people whose parents were verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. I know people whose parents are serving time for the way they mistreated their own offspring. Despite all of this, they love their parents, and I keep thinking that they should, because those people did bring them into this world, and at least for a time in most cases cared for them. However, too many of them think it a matter of familial piety to please their parents regardless of the morality of their decisions.

Moses informs us that it is God's will to honour our father and mother if we would have our days be long and happy. What Moses does not tell us is that familial piety and honouring our parents does not mean that we do whatever they say. I am not suggesting that rebellion in all cases is good or wise or adviseable, but I have found that far too often we abandon revelation in favor of interested albeit uninspired opinions of those close to us. They create confusion and obfuscate meaning or give advice that's useful from only one point of view. Sometimes it's useful, but not always. As Shakespeare wrote, "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might gain by failing to attempt" (Measure for Measure Act I Scene iv). Usually, these suggestions come clothed in vague premises that the counsel is "for our good" when it's all too often more in the interests of the parents than the progeny.

Again in scripture, we have our answers. In the Old Testament, Abraham was the son of a man who worshipped idols. He refused to follow in the wicked traditions of his father and sought the True and Living God instead, which enabled him when the time was right to save his father. In the New Testament, Jesus' parents found him at the temple while still a young man preaching and consulting with the rabbis. He had disobeyed them technically in order to serve His higher Father. In the Book of Mormon, after Lehi complains to the Lord about their inability to find food and water, Nephi turns to God and finds a way to hunt and find food. In each of these cases, they sought their Father God and found a way to bring honour to their families without acquiescing to every and sometimes unrighteous request.

Piety is a difficult thing. We love our parents, even when they don't deserve it, because they love us even when we don't deserve it. We desire to please them and often do things that please them even when it goes against our own happiness. My parents are not happy with some of the choices that I made, but they have seen my choices venerated in teh man that I became. I wasn't going to be a great athlete or a pilot and follow in my father's footsteps like my brothers have. Instead, I found other ways to bring honour to the family name, and my father recognized at dinner last weekend that he considers me a success story and a pillar of the family. After all, in addition to duty, piety implies faithfulness, and my parents have recognized that I have been faithful to what they taught me even if the form I chose in executing piety to parental principles seemed strange to them.

Our parents are ordinary people. They do not have all the answers, and they do not see things as we do or value them for the same reason. Their counsel may be sound, and their love may be true, and they may genuinely desire what is best for us. That is not always the case. At the end of the day, many of our parents want to be able to talk to their friends and their parents about what great things WE are doing. We are their legacy. My parents want to be able to brag about the achievements of their children. While they recognize that we are better on average than children raised by others with whom they associate, because we do not aspire to the honors and affirmations of man, we have not "achieved" in my family as members of other families have, and I know that pains them. We are not rich or powerful or popular, but we are principled. This is why piety to our Father God matters so much.

When all is said and done, our Father God is the only one who does not have an ulterior motive. His work and glory is to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life. The immortality He accomplished when Christ rose from the dead; the eternal life He accomplishes for every person whose sins are washed clean through the suffering in Gethsemane. Everything God desires is really for our best good. Sure, we may not see it, but He rises because we do. He increases because we do. He doesn't have to brag to other dieties. He wins when we do. We are His legacy, and everything He does is wise.

The only way I know how to show familial piety to my parents lies in being true to the principles that my parents cherished and taught me. Sometimes they seem surprised that I listened as well as hearkened to the principle when I have ignored immediate counsel. You see, a king or a father may command a man, but at the end of the day the soul of that man remains the property of that man. When he stands before his Father God, he cannot say that virtue was inconvenient at the time or that he was following interested albeit uninspired counsel. We are men of conscience; blame does not become us.

I understand why people are loyal to their families. I am not saying that you should rebel against or disregard your family. I desire to impress upon you the fact that you belong to another family, the Family of Man, and that you have another parent, your Father God, to whom your faithfulness reverberates in eternity. Beware the temptation to ignore Him or to assume that He wills you ill. Men of morality and decency and virtue are very rare, because we as mortals submit our wills to the wills of other fallen men. Each time we allow others to dictate terms for us, we enslave ourselves to their wills and their fortunes, and we inherit with them the consequences of their actions.

We are blessed to be part of a functional eternal family. Although not every member rises to his station, it is faithfulness to this family that eventually allows us to rise above our station in this life. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoso believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. This Christmas is about the only member of our family who was perfectly pious. Christ impressed upon mankind the importance of piety to our Father God above all others. Men may love you, and then they may betray you. The Son of Man is always there. He is faithful. Let us be faithful to Him.

Nobles Oblige

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This was not my best semester. Originally I attributed it to the presence of a multiplicity of problem children, but in that estimation, I neglected thus far to consider that I might be part of the problem as well. Not to make excuses, I entered this semester much different than any other, fresh off the heels of great loss in August, and intending to do my duty. My students could tell, at least those who had taken a course from me before, that I had changed. As much as I tried to keep it to myself and keep it out of the classroom, it was many weeks before they got to see the good things in me, and I lost more students than I like (net and gross) as some bailed early in the term.

I know that I am a somewhat tragic figure. I told my best friend last night how tired I grow of doing what I ought only to get shafted in the end. Years ago, I bought a print of Picasso's Don Quixote, because I empathize with that character. I will go and tilt at windmills sometimes knowing that, even though I may not be able to defeat them, they ought not be simply left there to exist. This term, as I have been apt to do in the past, I showed up out of a sense of duty. I had a job to do. I was paid to do it. I went into the classroom intending to do well. I was unable to keep my own loss out of my candor, and for that I apologize.

Years ago, I decided that because I was capable I would be responsible. Consequently, I sometimes take on more than is wise or advisable because I don't see anyone else standing up to take the reigns. Sometimes I do this to fill my days and nights with productive and useful work because without that, as I do now, I sometimes lounge around the house doing nothing of much worth. Duty gives me purpose. Duty is what animates me most of the time, and so it's probably one reason why people are put off or intimidated by me. They see me only when I am actively engaged in useful work. What they don't know is that the rest of the time, I am pretty much exhausted.

After a student spoke of the Noah movie trailer a few weeks ago, I watched it over and over several times. I found Noah even more inspiring than ever before, and I wondered as I watched from whence his strength came. Then I realized that he had a help meet at his back who encouraged him to look to God and believed that God directed him in his life. I often lie awake at night and wonder if God really does speak to me, if I heard His messages correctly, and if He's pleased with my poor efforts. I don't really know. Unlike Noah, I lack a help meet or anything like unto it, and so I muddle around most of the time without another perspective on which to draw or another mind to temper my own. I am down here doing the best I know with what I have, and quite frankly, there is little to show for it, at least that I can see.

Now that the dust has settled from August and I have recovered somewhat from the losses, I feel more able to do well. They often speak of a broken heart, but the events of that month made me feel as if a Dementor had sucked out my soul, as if I would never be happy again. Consequently, I defaulted to duty, and I took to the lecturn with power devoid of passion, and I think the students suffered. It was not their fault, but as much as I tried to shield them, I think they were hurt. I fulfilled my obligation to the institution, and nobody seems to have complained, but I wonder if the complaints against me were not justified.

I feel reset to where I was years ago when all I had was duty. On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country. If it's not good enough for you, I apologize. I pray you will be merciful to me for my weaknesses and learn to be wiser than I.

Believing in Them

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At the end of the semester, I get a lot of comments. As I previously mentioned, some of them are negative, but usually I don't get those until sometime after Christmas when the comments are sent to me in a PDF "anonymously" (as if I can't tell from the handwriting who authored them). I keep a folder of positive affirmations in a plastic tote in my library where I can go check them if I need a confidence boost, and most of the accolades are verbal or brief. Sometimes they are longer.

One particular student not only gave me a Christmas card but also decided to editorialize it to my face. This particular young lady began the term with the attitude that Chemistry wasn't all that interesting or important and suffered because of it. When she finally came to see me, she was woefully behind (we're cramming five semesters' worth of chemistry into 16 weeks in this particular nursing chemistry course), but I could tell from the efforts she had taken in the form of annotations in her book that she was invested in success. This proved prescient, because other complications arose, which would have destroyed her chances if she had not taken the initiative to take learning into her own hands. As I often tell others, I told her that Sir Walter Scott said that every person who ever amounted to anything had the chief hand in his own education.

Having managed to eke out a "B" in the course, this student came to thank me. Among the comments that she made, she thanked me "for believing in her" and putting forth effort to help her, even when it was off topic or inconvenient. It is, after all, my job to help those who desire to learn. Likewise, it is, after all, your job to decide what you really desire to achieve. All too often, you are your primary impediment. You are usually the biggest problem in your own way. With rare exception, there is little you cannot achieve if you truly determine to achieve it. I know that these young people can excel at chemistry if they really want to.

Some of them decide to do something different. One young lady missed two exams and performed poorly on the other three, and so she will receive an "F". I contacted her to remind her that she missed two exams so that she's not surprised, but if she libels me anonymously on the internet, I will not be surprised. Unlike some of my colleagues, I don't go into the classroom determined to prove that I'm better or smarter or more likely to succeed than they are. Even if that's true today, it doesn't mean it always must be. Some of these folks may one day become colleagues or my boss, and so I treat them like human beings so that if they have power to influence my life some day they will hopefully return the favor. They are paying a great deal of money to be there, and I don't think they really want to pay to have their potential or intelligence or efforts insulted. I don't usually go places and say, "Here's $20. Will you insult me for half an hour?" Sometimes I ask them if they're serious, particularly when their efforts tell me a different story than their words.

Perhaps it is a curse that I care. I think that my unsatisfied students don't like how I care or that I care in ways different than what they like. However, I realize that it's not in their best interest to do things for them. The Gerber Theorem of collegiate accomplishment calls for us to baby them and spoonfeed them, and that just makes them dependent. Instead, I believe in them and hope they will rise to the challenge, and then when the slackers and shirkers are gone, I relax things and we get into the true learning process. By the time the semester ends, most of the students (there are always a few hard cases it seems) get engaged even in things they don't like because they know that it could be relevant or interesting or inspiring or influential. I hope they know that I care, and that even when they find it hard to believe in themselves that someone else believes in their potential.

My IQ is not as high as people expect. Your IQ as I understand it tells you only the potential you have to assimilate knowledge. It tells nothing about your ability to use it or especially to use it to help others, and so I see many people who are average in the classroom making great strides because they can put things into sidewalk terms. I know that everyone will go through periods when they are wise and periods where they are otherwise. Due to my belief in a Savior, I believe that they can overcome their otherwise moments and become greater. I do not believe that people are bad; I think if you removed everything good about a person you would not be left with a bad person. You would be left with nothing at all.

The time may come when the administration detests and halts what I do. I know there are students who don't like what I'm doing right now. I also know that the administration of my department knows people by name and face who sing my praise, not because I'm particularly brilliant, but because I helped them find meaning in the course. After all, having true faith is what changes people. They tend to rise to the level we expect. Even one of my students who didn't score well enough to move on will return humbly because she knows that she needs to devote more time and make it a priority. I know she can do it if she truly desires to.

In the end, you are the largest influence that determines what kind of person you will be. I make a lot of seemingly unimportant decisions daily that change my life and increase my options. Although I will probably never enjoy the fruits of the GOBNet or the MyFaves in society, I also don't have to deal with the insidious behaviors that accompany such a system. It makes a great difference to know that people believe in you when you run up against opposition, and it's why I invest time and effort into the relationships of people around me who have a potential help meet, because I know how much more difficult it is to rely on a Being I have never actually seen to keep up my strength and faith. Particularly in the Christmas season, I know how much it means to folks to have someone believe in them who doesn't have to, and that's how the semester usually ends. I hope they are well and prosperous and making a difference. I don't usually hear back, but I believe they can be wonderful if they choose to be.

Looking Out For Others

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I wear brightly colored clothing when I exercise outside. My trips seem to put me in contact with a lot of people who are in a hurry and not particularly aware of their surroundings. Despite this, frequently drivers don't seem to be aware of me or interested in looking out for me, and so it's fortunate that I'm an aware adult rather than a child, because heaven help them if they run over a child! All too often I think we are unaware of and disinterested in the activities of those around us and put them at risk. Unfortunately, we also put ourselves at risk by doing this too.

During the past two weeks, I've had two close encounters with cars while cycling. The first one was in the morning before school where a mother pulled out in front of me without any indication that she was going to from a dead stop as soon as her child left the car. I think she knew she had made a mistake, because she then sped through the school zone. Not to be outdone, I dropped into gear and ended up passing her and forcing her to wait for me while I crossed a street. She still looked at me like I had done something wrong, but if she'd hit me, the cops would have held her accountable, period. The second one was today where a woman who passed me decided to flip around in a street intersection right as I arrived. Again, she looked at me as if I had made an error despite the fact that I was in the bike lane and she had not used a turn indicator.

Many drivers seem to be unaware of or uninterested in the activities of cyclists. Near one elementary school just before school lets out, they park up and down the bicycle lane and force me into the traffic lane, apparently disinterested in the fact that signs loudly proclaim that parking is always forbidden. I wonder how many of them, even though they are adults, don't look out for cyclists because they don't know how to ride a bike. Usually that logic works with children and cars, because I can't reasonably expect a small child to understand the car-child dynamic and that the odds are against him, because they don't drive and have no concept of what it's like to be on the other side. If I were a policeman, I'd go through those zones and ticket every single driver I could. It's a hazard and it's a crime.

Frequently I hear the twisted pretzel logic that it's only a crime if you get caught. Well, if you get caught, it's a huge problem. Some guy in Vegas was convicted of murder for hitting some folks at a bus stop. There was a shooting on the strip. These errors have huge consequences, and it's a shame when those people bite the bullet. I had a student this semester who I could visually tell was on some kind of narcotic. This is not the first time and will probably not be the last. I pulled this person aside and told them that whatever they were taking they should probably stop. I don't see any evidence that they still take something, so perhaps I have prevented them from getting caught.

As politicians prattle proudly about how we are a village, they balkanize us. We are encouraged: "If you see something say something" and asked to rat out our neighbors. They render the reports anonymous to encourage victims to come forward rather than encourage us to go to people on their face and broach the subject. While I understand that confrontation is difficult, it's best to correct something before it gets out of hand. There are times when encouraging anonymous reports is wise; there are times when it's cowardly. I have several scathing student ratings on the internet that amount to libel, and those two individuals sat in my class and acted as if things were copacetic between us. That's cowardly. If you have a problem, go on record.

When we do not defend and look out for others, we in essence betray them. In reaching out to others, even if they reject the ovation, the life you save might be your own. How many people have been held accountable for not doing something when they could? If you see something, say something, but say it to THEM. Say it to someone so that it can be nipped in the bud before a bad choice becomes a habitual offense. While the parents parked in the school parking seem innocuous, what happens when they run over a child? While inattentiveness to me on a bicycle is fine because I pay attention, what happens when due to attentiveness they end up in jail for vehicular manslaughter? It's not like the signs are always difficult. I wear flourescent green for crying out loud, and so that means if you do not see me it's because you were not looking.

This Christmas, as I am apt to do, I think of the Parable of the Good Samaritan. He was looking at things along the way, probably because he knew the region through which he was passing was prone to bandits. He was looking at the man in the road. He was also looking out for him, and he went far and beyond in not only taking him to an inn but also taking upon himself the costs of caring for that man. He was a Good Shepherd. Elitist politicians talk all the time about what we need to do to look out for one another as an excuse to steal our money, but I doubt very much that any of them would have come to Las Vegas Blvd and Owens to help us feed the homeless. Most folks are willing to do just about anything as long as it doesn't cost much, but it doesn't have to. Most people just want someone to pay attention to them and do something small. Most people just want a kind word or a smile or you to hold the door for them or something, anything. They don't even really want money. They want to matter.

In my syllabus every semester, I use a pun. I tell students we will study matter and things that matter. Looking out for others shows them that they matter. It shows God that we realize that we are not the center of the universe. It shows our posterity that we are part of the solution. It shows that we are actually human beings. In his epistle to the Church, James writes the following: "Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins." In addition to the sins of the sinner, we also hide a multitude of our own. Part of reformation consists in rising above our old selves and lifting up others we meet along the way. In our busy lives, we often hasten to run them down to get that PS4 on Black Friday or to get a promotion we don't deserve or to have a woman who loves someone else. I don't understand why that matters to some people. If it's not real, I don't really find it worth having.

Look out for others. The signs are there for those who are looking. You see, we only usually find things for which we look. Mayhap we don't find opportunities to serve or minister or help or win because we're looking for other things. We're too busy looking at our iphones or portfolios or facebook feeds to see the data that will transform our lives and help us transform the lives of those around us. There are people out there who need our help, and there are people watching us to see if we actually mean what we say by the actions we make. I still remember the look of incredulity on my sister's face the first time she heard me curse, like a child who just discovered there is no Santa Claus. It showed me the effect my choices had on inspiring others to be of good cheer and hold to hope and keep the faith because they saw me walk the walk. Rather than focusing on saving face or saving ourselves, the Christmas season encourages us to look out for others. We have a chance and a duty nay privilege to be the miracle in the lives of others and be part of Christ's efforts to save their lives. In the process, we have the promise that those who lose their lives for His sake shall find them, that the life we WILL save will at least be our own. It's a winning proposition.

Gifts for Strangers

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As we prepare for Christmas, it's easiest to think about gifts for people who mean things to us. You probably, like I do, find it easiest to pick out things for yourself. You probably don't have a family gift rotation that requires you to only give two family members gifts like my extended family does. You probably don't violate that every year anyway like I do because I can afford to give more than I receive. You probably don't think too much about people around you, but today I had several occasions to do so and found it rewarding.

Every adult member of my family gets a gift from me each year. I do this mostly for two reasons. First, I have nobody in my own household for whom to show charity through gifting, and so I do that because it makes Christmas meaningful to me to give gifts to my family. Secondly, I am not sure if any of my siblings can actually afford to do this, and because I am in a better financial position than the rest of them, I do so. Originally, I did this and intimated to them that they were not to tell my parents; the cat's out of the bag on that, especially after I bought my father a tool set last year that my mother told him they couldn't afford. When I moved into my house three years ago, God told me that my money was for my family, to use it as I saw fit to bless their lives, and since nobody seems to want to be in a family with me, I use it on my siblings. Two of them have children now, which will complicate things, but it's actually been fairly easy this year to find things to give everyone except for my mother.

Then there are members of the family of man. Earlier I posted about a woman at a Wendy's to whom I will give a gift since I won't be otherwise helping her keep her job by patronizing that location after today. Tonight on the way home, I met a lost brother who needed my help, and it didn't cost me anything besides my time.

On the way home, I stopped by the grocer to buy a few items of produce on sale that I enjoy. As usual, I picked the slowest line and got stuck in my place. As it turns out, it was the right thing. Immediately in front of me was an older gentleman whose movements were so slow that I began to actually pay attention to him. I noticed that his cuffs were worn and faded. I noticed that his back was stooped. At least twice, despite the fact that the climate control was actually functioning, he blew into his hands to warm them. His shoes were torn open and worn on the soles such that there was barely any sole left. He had a hard face, probably from exposure, and his jacket looked like it was hardly any protection. Eventually, he paid for his purchase with a card and began to pack his wares. Outside, the air was bitter cold. I packed my five items in a bag and looked at the man in front of me. I turned to him and asked him if I could offer him a ride. He broke into tears and nodded.

The detour took me only about a mile out of my way. I still arrived home to an empty house, but my heart was full. I don't know the man, and I don't know if he really lives there, but for a moment I had someone for whom to care besides myself. He doesn't know me, and I will probably never see him again, but for a moment he was a man, and for all I know he wasn't just a man. It was possible that I entertained an angel unaware.

One of the biggest messages they try to impress upon us every Christmas is the notion that the gifts we give are gifts we give Christ. Like the gold, frankincense and myrrh, He doesn't need our cash or our packages from Amazon or anything we pick up on Black Friday. He asks us for our hearts, for us to turn to Him and act like Disciples. You see, although doing doesn't lead to being per se, the fruits follow those who really believe. Each of us who truly follows Christ will act in a way that people will be able to tell. Our works follow our faith because our faith really helped Christ change our natures.

At the end of the day, a ride home is a small thing. What was I really going to do if I ignored the man? I would go home and watch and episode of Firefly and then pray before bed and feel as empty as my house does. I often get out of bed in the morning and ask God where He wants me to serve Him that day because, unlike many of you, I don't have an immediate family that demands my attention and affectations. You probably have a spouse and/or children who are your responsibility, but I have to search out mine, and frequently I suspect it's a series of small and seemingly insignificant encounters. As a Free Agent, I am available to go and do whatever He needs no matter how small because I'm not otherwise engaged. I am supposed to give gifts to strangers.

In reality, there really are no strangers. Somehow, we are all related by blood, and somehow we are all related through the Blood of Christ as parts of the Family of the Son of Man. Each of these is a sister or a brother whom we are to love because we love our Father God. Although loving them does not mean that we endure, pity or embrace aberrant and abhorrent behaviors, it does invite us to do good unto them, even if they spitefully use us and persecute us. I don't think that we should all offer rides to strangers in bad weather, because there are some shady characters out there, but there are things we can do.

The following poem is often misattributed to Emerson. I do not know who wrote it, but I think it shows us the kinds of gifts we can give to strangers and in doing so stay true to the real meaning of Christmas, whether you believe in Christ or in something else. 

To Have Succeeded

To laugh often and love much:

To win respect of intelligent people

And the affection of children;

To earn the approbation of honest critics

And endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To give one's self;

To leave the world a little better,

Whether by a healthy child,

A garden patch,

Or redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm

And sung with exultation;

To know even one life has breathed easier

Because you have lived...

This is to have succeeded.

May we all find the opportunity to waste and wear out our lives in making the world a little better. Even if it's a small contribution, the amalgamation of many small things constitutes something transformative and substantive and substantial. Even if you aren't a person of faith, Christmas affords us the opportunity to give our best selves as a gift to ourselves and rise to our full potential by thinking beyond ourselves to those around us who are in need. This is why everyone likes this time of year, because for a few moments a large part of our population bands together to bless the family of man and in so doing reminds us that the world can be better and how. Merry Christmas to you all.

Losing Customers

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I don't eat a lot of fast food. Once a week, however, I go over to a Wendy's near campus for their grilled chicken sandwich. Most of the time, I use a coupon and get it for under $3. The biggest reason I go there however is because of a particular person who works there, and so it's oddly paradoxical that because of another person who works there I will never go there again.

I mostly frequent this location because of a woman there named Kathy. Kathy is in her late 60s and looks like it, but she has a beautiful soul. Although she does not remember my name, she remembers that I am a teacher, that I play racquetball on Fridays, and that I always order a chicken sandwich, although she thinks I always get it to "dine in". Her attention to detail and demeanor make me feel like I am important and valued, and so I go there because I want to help her be successful. I know that some day she will leave, and as soon as she is able, because she and I feel much the same about this location- it's a dead end job in a bad part of town that puts you in contact with dregs of society. Despite her haggard appearance, Kathy is upbeat and chipper and helpful and attentive, and she will get a Christmas gift from me this year in lieu of future patronage.

Today, I went over, and Kathy was not there. As I have betimes been wont to do when she is absent, I almost turned right around intending to return another day. It would have been better for them if I had done so. An assistant manager or at least someone of some authority was at the register instead of Kathy. I know from prior visits that Mini, as this other woman's nametag announced her identity, has authority over others there. She is always surly and condescending that I recall. She barks at the people who work there. Usually, I don't see her working very hard, but her face looks very hard, and I came to find out from the way she treated me today that she's as "pretty" inside as she is outside. Contrasted to Kathy's treatment, Mini made me feel quite the opposite and insisted that I was in the wrong. That's a piss poor way to treat any customers.

I was so disgusted that I left without making a purchase and returned to work. I immediately called corporate to complain and decided that, no matter the efforts from management or corporate that Mini had effectively acted in a way to permanently lose me as a customer. I told the woman on the service line that I will go out of my way to avoid this location because everyone there is in a foul mood with a chip on their shoulder, and nobody in their right mind would go there and be treated in that fashion. They take my money and then force other people at low wages to give me food. Let's not pretend they're more important than they really are. I would rather starve than frequent an establishment that treats me like I am scum on the bottom of their shoes. (Yes, these are all things I conveyed to corporate in my complaint). Furthermore, I told this person that if it were up to me, I'd fire Mini notwithstanding that it's three weeks before Christmas. She clearly doesn't understand that she has a job because they have customers.

As far as Kathy goes, I feel bad. I can eat better for less money if I plan ahead anyway, but I went there to support her. You see, I'm the kind of person who will go out of his way to help other people be successful if they treat me like a person. To Mini, I was just another faceless customer who constituted a sale rather than a member of the family of man. The manager there isn't much better if at all. I would certainly never work for her with what I have experienced from my infrequent interactions with her. She is also condescending to the staff who are doing their best as far as I know to do a good job for a paltry wage. I'm not arguing for higher wages; I'm arguing to treat people like people.

Far too few organizations realize in my estimation why they exist and hence lose customers. Even the college needs to understand despite remarks to the contrary from administrators that we exist only because we have customers. I have heard my own dean insist that the faculty are the only part of the institution that matters; hello, what about the students? Customers do not exist for the business's success. The business is successful because of customers. Every one they lose ultimately hurts not only the business but all of the people who work there. Kathy is only one, so I will offer her a final ovation and then bid her adieu. The rest of the people at Wendy's #4022 can take a long walk off a short pier.

Changing Commerce

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Last night, I went shopping on Thanksgiving Day for the first time since I was married, and I felt like I was committing a cardinal sin. Truthfully, I felt like I was breaking the Sabbath. An hour or so ago, I spoke with my paternal grandmother who told me that when she was my age there was no Black Friday. They lived in a simpler time, a time that was superior to ours in many ways I feel, because it was about different things.

America is old enough and changed enough that we're starting to break with the foundations of our past. In the four hundred years since the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth, our culture, our values, and our demographics have changed dramatically. What interest do immigrants from the Baltic States or Latin America or the Caucuases have in the plight and principles of religious pilgrims? As our people change and their interests shift accordingly, the old ideas and traditions we once knew give way to new ones. This is the nature of history, and truthfully and to our blessing we have kept ours longer than Rome kept hers and longer than any other nation kept anything other than the Windsor branch has kept the Monarchy.

Things have changed. I understand that companies wanted to get started early because Thanksgiving comes later this year than in outer years. I understand that in a struggling "economic recovery" businesses are desperate to garner whatever they can to make ends meet. I understand their interest in bringing in customers. I hope other people understand that for my part Thanksgiving sounds and feels different than it did when I was a child.

Although I'm not that old, I remember when Thanksgiving involved things far afield from making lists of how to tackle Black Friday shopping. I remember eating and playing and discussions with family. Partly, our traditions changed because we moved around, and although I moved away first, I'm the only one who lives proximal to my parents. By the time I arrived, my parents had already done their shopping online, and since I live simply and alone, I don't really have much that interests me. My toaster, which lasted ten years since my wedding, died this week, and I always buy new jeans because they're on sale and never sell out in my size, but most of what I buy this time of year is stuff I buy anyway because I need new clothes for work or tools for projects. I look at the ads and proclaim aloud, "look at all this stuff I don't need". That's the point.

Our commerce and our culture have changed to include things we don't need. We spend money we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like. We are no longer satisfied with simple. Although I met a woman and saw her for a time who insisted she was satisfied with and interested in simple, she chose another path. I understand the draw. I was saved from it by God who sent me out as a missionary. During that time, when I was supposed to concentrate on serving Him, I missed the technological explosion that suckered in most of my compatriots, and so because I knew I could deny myself of them for two years, I knew I could do it longer. We are all about things that are not necessary like fame and fortune and felicitation. We need to be popular and important and influential, but we often care only to be seen that way with strangers and friends rather than with our own families. What we need isn't more economic activity. What we need is more community.

I tried to visit both of my neighbors today. The southern one was home, and I knew it, because I watched them drive into their garage and shut the door. I was out cleaning leaves out of my yard. They didn't answer. The other neighbor was recently divorced, and so I know he might be away, but I'll persist, because I have been there and know what it can be like to be alone this time of year. I've been doing it far longer than I ever thought would be true. What I do know is that my neighbors know me. People wave at me when they see me out running or cycling. People call my name when they see me in the stores. Metro Police know about me because I'm the guy who jogs around in my zip code carrying two wrenches. People know me.

The transactions that matter most this time of year do not happen at the register. They happen between the people. Although the movies of the 90s talk about toys and games, they show how rifts are created by the commercial culture between people in our community. Most people are as overdrawn in their emotional bank accounts as they are in their physical banks. These are the transactions that matter most.

I am pleased that I went out last night and spent some time with my kid sister. It will not be long before that will not frequent even if it's possible. I spent time and money on what matters most, and it was well spent. That's the change in commerce we need.

Rules and Absolute Truth

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I try to be careful with absolutes because "always" and "never" are difficult standards to maintain. One of my favorite phrases on this subject to tell students is that "there's an exception to every rule except for this one" because it's usually true. As scientists, we learn that things are only true in certain conditions or within a system, but other rules govern forces outside of that context, and so frequently the rules are more like guidelines.

Imagine then my surprise to hear a prominent national figure on the radio say today "There's always a caveat". Is there a caveat to the notion that there's always a caveat? If not, then this absolute is like a cracked pot and holds very little water, but I digress. If there's an exception to every rule, then why even have rules? As mortals, we like to bend the rules and break them whenever we can, and we are the only organism in all of creation that is allowed to whilly-nilly violate the rules for any length of time without immediate and deadly repercussions. Even when we do, eventually we usually find that we reap what we sow and that "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction".

Newton was careful to correctly phrase his laws. Most scientific laws come from a long period of careful observation coupled with correction. There are a few that were set as laws with regular exceptions, and we refer to those as rules. These laws and rules were not disseminated helter-skelter like bad memes; they were studied and analyzed and tested rather than passed on as glib cliches from the mouth of incompetent boobs. In this way, we are able to give factual and useful answers rather than a series of asinine banalities that offend the mind and ensnare the senses.

One major reason that we find exceptions to the rules is because there is usually a larger rule that governs it. Things are appropriate when they are appropriate and that's about all there is to it. To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. There is a purpose for every thing. The adversary tries to persuade us to avail ourselves of things at times forbidden by the Ruler of the Universe. It is not that those things in themselves are evil. It is that they are good for us and to us only under certain conditions.

Even moderation must be taken in moderation. In Revelations we read that "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." We need to make decisions and stand for something, but not stand for everything. If we're always moderate, that's an excess as well. (How's that for an oblong paradox?!)

We don't know all the rules or all the points. It's difficult to determine what all the rules are, because we aren't smart enough to ask all the right questions or consider all the possibilities or design things to test them. For this reason, I am apt to quote myself that "Science never proves anything. It removes all other possibilities until only the truth remains." Perhaps for this reason, Spielberg has Professor Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jr. say that science is the search for fact and not truth. It helps us build the picture, but it is not a blueprint. It's a snapshot of what is true under certain conditions, because there's an exception to every rule except for this one. When we know the Absolute Truth we will understand why and how they work.

Crackpots and Cracked Pots

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I'm a very nutty professor. Some people like that I'm different, but I know that it sets me apart. One of my companions on the river Saturday made some disparaging remarks about how chemists are crackpots, and she was kind of right. We chose chemicals because we're not that good at interacting with people. In truth, we recognize that we have a narrow skill set that we are comfortable exercising and consequently come across as crass and rude because we don't really invest much time into learning the social graces. For many years I have wondered if this would lead ultimately to my ostracism and to eternal bachelorhood because I know my flaws and don't know if there's anyone who really would choose to live with them. I guess time will tell.

One thing that helped is that I came across a story Sunday that gave me some hope. The story is told of a water bearer in India who made daily trips from the stream to his Master's house carrying water in two large pots. One of the pots had a crack in it, and so usually the cracked pot arrived at the house only half full. For years, this went on daily, and the perfect pot proudly performed admirably, but the cracked pot felt ashamed because it was only able to do half as much useful work. Feeling itself a bitter failure, it spoke to the Bearer one day and apologized that the Bearer had to do extra work because of his flaws. The Bearer asked the pot to pay attention to the flowers growing along the path as they walked back to the Master's house. As they went up the hill, sure enough beautiful wildflowers grew along the side of the path. The Bearer pointed out that the flowers only grew on one side of the path because the Bearer always knew about the flaw. Early on, he took advantage of it and planted seeds on that side of the path, which the cracked pot watered daily. For two years, the Bearer had been able to pick the flowers as decorations for the Master's table. Without the cracked pot, there would be no beautiful flowers with which to grace the House.

Recently more than before, I have felt myself a failure, that I sow and dung and nurture to no avail. I feel sometimes like either there is no fruit to harvest or that I can't tell the wheat from the chaff. In some rare cases, I have arrived at the field to find it already cleared either by harvest or fire and found nothing to glean when I arrived. Like the pot, I have felt that I have failed. Like the pot, I realized that God planted seeds along my path for me to water as I passed, knowing that a crackpot chemist was coming, so that as I went by I would water them. Although my life has not turned out how I liked or hoped or imagined, Christ has made, I am sure, of my efforts useful work with which to adorn the Master's table. Indeed we learn in D&C 6 that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but only the work of man. For many years, I have maintained that God's work will be done, that it will be done well, and that it will be done on time, even if He must raise up replacements to take our place. No unhallowed hand can stop the work. For all our hubris and vanity, as well might man put forth his puny arm to stop the mighty Mississippi as to try to stem the work of God. Daniel recorded that he saw the stone cut out of the mountain without hands that rolled forth to fill the entire earth.

I was told that I would be called by inspiration and revelation to where I was needed most. I don't know that God called me to live perpetually alone in my house and attend a congregation where the members largely treat me like a stranger or an ailing pet that's annoying them during family time. I don't know that I was born to be alone all of my life or to never have many close interactions. What I do know is that my circumstances have made me available to do His work and help His children. I tell people frequently when they thank me for my contributions to their lives to thank God, because if my life had turned out as I planned, we might never have met. I would certainly not befriend young ladies and take them on hikes or the river, because I'd be with a specific one whom I took to wife doing things with our family. I would certainly not disappear to hike or kayak or boat every weekend and leave my family alone at home to cope while I gallivanted around with guy pals completing my bucket list. I could name a half dozen or so people for whom I was a positive albeit fleeting influence and who might not have been reached if I were not there in the moment ready and able and willing to do my poor part. Maybe I am a crackpot or a cracked pot, but God knew what path on which I should be drawn so that I could water by the way and bring forth fruit for His table.

God knew that when I was divorced that would break me and keep me from carrying as much water as far as I would like. He knew it would hurt me and make me hesitant and bitter and angry and distant. Accordingly, He planted seeds along my way for me to water as I passed by that after the season of my passing He could harvest the fruit or flowers with which to adorn His table. In His hands I am still a useful and profitable tool because He knows where I will drip and planted accordingly. God knew that I would love chemistry and love teaching but be super awkward. He knew that I would start speaking my mind even when silence would benefit me more. He knew that I would be honest and available and inclined to attempt and called me to do things other people would not in places other people dare not go. Like the cracked pot, Christ has a purpose for this particular crackpot.

Neal A Maxwell wrote in "Deposition of a Disciple" that God gives the picks and shovels to the chosen, not because they are the most capable, but because they are the most available. I resolved many years ago to be available so that God could use me whenever it felt like a good idea. Maybe I'm that cracked pot and drop the ball a lot more than some other pot might, but He also knows that I will drip where He needs water to drop. He knows where you are and what you are doing, and if He brought us together for a season, it's because we are supposed to help one another grow.

This time of year, they'll show the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and for good reason. George Bailey sees something precious in that movie, because he gets to see what impact his mediocre life (according to him) really had on the world. For the most part I don't really know why I do what I do, know what I know, am what I am or go where I go. I trust that there is a reason for things and that they will remain in my life as long as it is wise and good that they do so. I hope some day He shows me what the season of the harvest brought to His table and that I can find peace as the crackpot that I am in knowing that He harvested where I walked and converted my weaknesses into useful work.

Ignore the Weather

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Yesterday, I spent seven hours traveling 11 miles on the Colorado river by kayak. Most people who booked trips or spots on our trip actually bailed due to inclement weather. Although weather reports earlier in the week indicated that the day would be clear, it rained for almost 72 hours in the Las Vegas valley, and many people decided to stay home. Consequently they missed the opportunity and experience for something very rare.

Our guide told us that he can count the number of times he has made this trip in the rain on one hand and have fingers remaining. The rain is a rarity in the desert of the great basin, and so we saw things other people do not. The cacti are more vibrant. The rocks reveal things when wet that you don't notice otherwise. The river was almost completely empty because people decided to stay dry.

We were not so inclined or expectant. As kayakers, we expected it was possible to get wet. Each time you debark your kayak, you end up with one foot usually in the water, and even when you launch that is frequently the case unless someone else pushes you off from dry land. Surprisingly, it was actually very calm on the river. While it sheeted rain in town under whistling winds at the meeting point, the winds were calm and the rain just a light drizzle on the river. It was calm and beautiful and not all that much colder than it is at other times of year on sunny days.

Ignore the weather report and the weather men who give them. There will come times in your life when you will feel impressed to go and do things that make no sense or that run contrary to your senses. At those times, you must learn like Albert Mondego in "The Count of Monte Cristo" to dare the storm to do its worst. Only those who set sail in troubled waters can see the might of the sea. Revelation, like weather, depends on where you are. Just like it was raining in town but calm on the water, some things will apply to you depending on where you are that do not apply to other people. Revelation from God is personalized, localized, and specialized depending on your preparedness and the needs of the Master. Although there are general patterns, there are also specific circumstances. Remember that it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. You will probably never be asked to build one, but if you need one and listened, you will be forever grateful you hearkened to the message.

Over the past few months, I have received many impressions that were contrary to information and deliberation. Sometimes, I have gone anyway and known why. Other times, I went and did and still have no idea why. The weather is only part of the story, and even bad weather passes like the storm did today to reveal the warmth of the sun. You never know what might be coming, so learn to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit. He always attempts to speak to you. As you learn to listen to his voice and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes, you too will go where others dare not and see what others consequently cannot because you ignored the weather and followed inspiration.

Others will attempt to dissuade you. Sometimes they will do so because they "care" about you. All too often we hearken to the interested albeit uninspired opinions of others and miss what God would show us and give us and have us become. Those people do not love you as they claim. Someone who truly loves you will turn you to the Lord, who is a God of Truth and the only being of which I am aware who has no ulterior motives. Ignore the weather and the weather men. Weather Men are usually wrong. Trust in God and His Christ, who is able to still the storm and bring peace when you quake in your boats on the Galilee of life and worry you may die. He is leading you to a land of promise where only those who weather the weather may enjoy perfect weather.

Calling the Kettle Black

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I just received my first negative review on the internet from a student, and I’m pretty sure that I know exactly who wrote it. It’s also very scathing, but that doesn’t bother me as much as the fact that it’s neither factual nor objective and because it’s cowardly. Notwithstanding my suspicions, I will keep in mind that when this student first showed up, this student also believed most previous professors to be slack-jawed idiots, and so I won’t take it personally. The complaints basically come down to the notion that I don’t believe in the Gerber Theorem of Education and make it easy for the students, but then that’s not my job.

Facts are sometimes stubborn things, and this review is longer on emotion than on fact. The fact of the matter is that you will never make everyone happy. The other funny fact is that sometimes you are subject to judgment by people who will either never be interested or never be required to prove that they are better. I have always found it somewhat odd to evaluate instructors based on the opinions of students, especially when those people are young and inexperienced, and so I take their opinions as more of a guideline. If this student feels like they are being treated unfairly or that I suck, I invite you to consider how they feel about their instructor for next semester, because I don’t think they’ll like that person any better.

As I write this, I find it ironically timed. Just last Tuesday, I had a different experience. One of my former students sent me a letter thanking me for some of the things mentioned as deleterious in this complaint. It's often difficult to understand why organic chemistry matters to people, but because I have some actual experience with this from graduate school and in my personal extracurricular interests, I try to help them see where it matters to them. In this particular note, a student thanked me for the personal experiences and for "going above and beyond what I am required as a professor". The tone denoted by these two could not be more paradoxically timed or timed any better to illustrate that today's complaint is not necessarily based on truth or fact. Both of these messages cannot possibly be true because they are mutually exclusive.

When a member of the class first mentioned to me last Thursday night that this student was slandering me in public, I realized that it was because this student wants to be spoon fed. The criticisms amount to the fact that “I’m not helpful”, and yet this person talks incessantly during class, rarely asks questions, and frequently leaves half-way through the lecture to go get sushi.  Rather than accepting responsibility like an adult, it's easier for this student to cast aspersions and blame on me, because blaming is easier than changing.  How do you expect to know what to expect when you don’t come? How do you expect to be treated fairly when you show a blatant disregard for the teacher? Like Luke Skywalker, it’s difficult to teach someone whose mind is never where they are and on what they are doing and who believes that they already know all this stuff and hate having to repeat a class. This person has taken it personally that I don’t like them or teach to their expectations. Get used to it.

Some of their complaints are emotionally contrived to provide half of the facts without the other half to corroborate the truth. Do I tell stories from my personal life? Yes, because they illustrate concepts. Do I have students I favor? Yes if by favoring you mean that I talk to some more than others, because they are actively engaged in learning, participating, and facilitating class discussion. Do I refuse to answer questions? Not that I remember, but if you have some examples, I would like to hear them rather than accept your premise that I won’t explain things. Are my review sessions vague? Yes, and they should be grateful I even do them because I am not required to do it at all. Do I change from the review so that “none of it is on there”? No, because I usually have the test in front of me while I list the topics, and it’s not my fault you misinterpreted what I said in the review. Do I talk over the level of the students? Maybe, and what do you really expect since I am not at your level. This is childish and whiney, but it’s about time it happened. No teacher is too good to be true. What interests me is that this particular review saw absolutely nothing good in me, which is how I know that I can dismiss it as an irrational outlier. It rated me as low as humanly possible, and that’s unlikely and not useful.

My final observation about complaints is that too frequently they are vague. They contain absolutes like “always” and “never” or “none” and “just” as if nothing good happens in the class at all. When I consider that several of the members of the class are disappointed that I won’t be teaching them the second half of the course, it can’t possibly be the case. You can’t suck completely and have some people like you as a teacher, unless by “suck” you mean that the teacher is too easy and everyone gets an “A” or because the teacher is so bad that everyone fails. People who are upset with something often paint with a broad brush. I try to be careful with absolutes because they are difficult standards to maintain.

I will confess that I have many faults. If they find a better person and decide to replace me, even if I am disappointed, it won’t really hurt my ego. If they can find someone better, they should, because that will contribute to better education for the students and better opportunities for the institution. Rather than complaining sideways behind my back, which doesn’t make anything better, or anonymously roasting me on the internet, if this person feels that way about it, perhaps they should man up and tell me to my face. I detest passive-aggressive problem solving, because it is all too frequently counterproductive and adversarial and all too infrequently creates positive change. Don’t pussy foot around it and slander me to students or libel me on the internet. Tell me to my face. This kind of behavior is very unprofessional. It’s exceptionally cowardly for a person to criticize me for an inability to perfectly do something they cannot or will not prove they can do better than I do. Back it up, or back it off.