Almost all of the problems in society come from a problem with our perception of our fellow men. No matter the arena of interest, our problems arise when we view other people as objects rather than agents. You see, objects are inanimate, and when we look at people as objects, we view them only as things upon which to act. As soon as we look at people as agents, we view them as things to act for themselves. Sure, looking at people as agents is riskier, because they might make a mistake, but the return is usually tied to the risk, and if we really desire that others should grow and really be happy more than just experience some happiness, we must treat them as agents.
Now, as we learn and grow, it is common and acceptable to treat children as objects. They do not have the tools sufficient or knowledge requisite to use them effectively. They require extra guidance, not because they will not some day be capable, but because their perspective is not yet right. The problem comes when we elect to treat adults as children and hence objects and consequently deny them the opportunity to choose for themselves.
Most of the relationships I know and see are codependent because at least one member of the 'romance' views the other as an object rather than an agent. They say they love another or 'make love', but they do not respect one another. So much of the romantic parlance literally objectifies the other partner; we treat them and think of them as objects when they are not a prize to be won or an objective to conquer. We hear all these songs about how, no matter what the other person wants, the singer will continue to pursue the relationship because they just know they're destined to be together and that the other will learn to love them. This is not respect for the individual, to attempt to impose your will. I know lots of girls really like "The Notebook", but it's FICTION and it's unhealthy. It involves the story of a boy and girl who defy everyone else in pursuit of their own selfish desires.
Now, some of my friends criticize me for my claims, because I don't fight to keep a girl or because I am slow to show any signs of physical affection. It is not that I do not care that I do these things but rather because I do care that I do them. I respect you to choose for yourself. I once dated a girl who was surprised when I asked her if I could kiss her. She told me nobody ever had; they had taken something which was hers to give. I told her that I will not take something that is not mine to take even if it is offered to me. A few months later when she broke up with me and broke my heart, my friends told me to pursue her. I elected against their counsel. You see, I regarded her, without thinking of this topic, as an agent, and because I really do desire what's best for her, I let her make her own choices, even if they hurt me. I hope that women will extend to me the same courtesy. If I really am best for her, she will return.
Many of my students are surprised at the way I teach. You see, in education we also regard the students as objects rather than agents. We prop them up with 'extra credit' and "No Child Left Behind" and prevent them from failing. Every one of them is 'special', not for what they are or do, but for the fact that they exist. During class, most people lecture rather than teach, throwing information at students that they are expected to swallow, and digest and then regurgitate for the test.
The old Socratic method is the only one I know that treats students as agents. Rather than tell them what to know, how to study, and what to be, Socrates allowed his students to choose their own adventure and decide where they wanted to emphasise their efforts. The Prussian Model, which is the one currently in use, is more efficient, but it robs people of their own voice, their own agency, and their ability to participate. Perhaps that's why so few members of the civilized western world actually participate in their own governance. It has been educated out of them. Compare Gruwell's method with the Freedom Writers to that employed by the district in which she taught. Why should they show up to learn when we refuse to show up to actually teach them? Gruwell treated her students as agents, and as such they have thrived where others from similar circumstances have done otherwise.
As much as I like capitalism, people in business treat their people as objects as well. Despite slogans about how "our customer is the next inspector" or "our people make the difference", too many business practices boil down to the bottom line. Managers regard their "human resources" as exactly that- an expendable resource. They enforce quotas, pay people the same so long as they meet a certain minimum, and give affirmative action to certain groups for no accounting of their contribution or capabilities. When you uphold people who do not take care of business or the other people in your business, you in essense tell the rest that they do not matter. When you do not defend the people who get the job done and upon whom you can rely, you in essence betray them.
At my previous job, I was written up exactly once. For many months, I had been assisting, against company policy but for the benefit of my coworkers, with the activities and responsibilities of my superiors. When they passed me over for promotion the second time and a supervisor continued to make the same mistakes, I called him on the carpet and told him to act like a supervisor. Management told me they were not going to fire me because they needed me; yeah, I made a major contribution to making the team successful. When I quit, the general manager came to ask me what he could do to make me change my mind. I told him, "You should have been doing that for the last six months" because their behavior towards me had shown that "you need me more than I need you". By that time it was non-negotiable. If you treat people like objects who are smart enough to be agents, eventually they will leave.
The strongest and most visible fashion in which people treat us like objects rather than agents is in politics. They think we are stupid. They set up all sorts of central planning because they are afraid we might fail, or at least because they ostensibly care about that. When useful to them, they use our stories, but they never name names of the people who are representatives of the causes they endorse. If you really cared about autistic kids, people with muscular dystrophy, and people dying because they can’t get the medications they need, you would be able to name a few. I can.
Evidence abounds that they do not trust us to choose or act or even think for ourselves. They are in our homes and in our heads and haven't the right. They meddle in everything from the toilets we use to our lightbulbs to whether we can use cell phones while driving. They donate money to causes they choose to uphold even if those things are morally reprehensible to the people from whom they extort tax monies. When was the last time your elected officials, or a bureaucrat at the DMV, actually cared what you thought? They establish bureaucracies and czars and agencies to direct our lives, to fit us all into neat little lines and streamline things. It's not about making our lives better; it's about control. If they really viewed you as agents, they would let you choose your own adventure so long as you accept the concomittant consequence. I really find it duplicitous that we can vote for our elected representatives but not choose our own healthcare.
People who seek power over you do not treat you as an agent. They treat you as an object. They do not want you to think or choose or act for yourself. They seek power over you, and as such their goal is to tell you how and what to be. They are those who reduce your options and tell you what is best. They think and choose for you.
The great thing about America is that we have options. If a business doesn't offer us the value or the service we prefer, we are free to go elsewhere. We can study or work at what we like. We can go where we like when we feel like it, even sometimes when we can't or shouldn't afford it, but that's the beauty- we are free to choose, to win or lose. Then we are free to get up and try again.
God, and those who established His Country, treat us like agents. They allow us to do most of the thinking and choosing for ourselves, knowing that if we become reliant on them we will soon become unable to act for ourselves. God is not interested in a herd of cattle, or he would have chosen some other species as His chosen ones. We are the only animals on the planet who can think, reason, read, and choose. If we do not use this agency, the honus is on us. For the power is in us, and we are agents unto ourselves to choose captivity and death according to the power of the devil or eternal life and joy according to the power of the Savior. The choice is up to you.
They tell us that people learn from their mistakes. What do people learn and in what ways do they grow if we establish a society designed to prevent mistakes and failure? Wisdom comes from experience, from how we use the knowledge we have, but if we are not allowed to experiment and learn from our choices, few of us will ever get wise. Most of us will be otherwise- other than wise, other than free, other than happy.
Elitists speak of utopia and happily ever after without being able to point to true successes. They must speak of visions because they have no accomplishments on record. Of course they deny that anything is wrong in their relationships because they are egomaniacs. In order to make the decisions for us, they must be better than we are. How can they know that? Do they like us? Do they even know us? You don't really care about the welfare of your fellow men unless you fight for it when it involves strangers and people you don't like. The first step of an abusive person is to deligitimize him as an equal. As soon as we treat others as objects, we exalt ourselves above them. If elitists admit they are human too, they lose their standing as our betters, our leaders. They will offer us promises and predictions and pretend that it's knowledge, science and reason when it's really "deception disguised as hope".
The people in our world who truly achieve lasting success are those who are allowed to exercise their agency and learn to use it well. Most of the people who treat you as objects, although they will tell you they care about you and even 'love' you, are about their own advancement, even if it comes at your expense. They will talk of self sacrifice but never compromise on their narrow vision. You are however agents unto yourselves, possessed of individual sovereignty, able to choose your own adventure if you like. Anyone, whether it's a romantic partner, a family member, a business partner, a clergyman or a politician, who says they can decide better what's right for you (unless you actually are a child) is a liar. One would actually need to know more and be better in order for that to even enter the realm of possibility. Most of our 'superiors' are not possessed of superior knowledge and experience, and few if any actually possess superior virtue.
We rely on God for greater wisdom and direction and correction in our lives because of His greater virtue. He knows better because He actually is better. Any time we trust in man, who is fallen, to establish the utopia that heaven alone can sustain, we face a losing proposition. If you really desire to be better, you must seek the help of someone who actually is better, not just someone who purports superiority. Notice that God never treats His children as objects, only to be acted upon. He always treats us as agents and allows us to choose for ourselves whom we will serve.
The true way to happiness is choice. Choose to be choice and choose the choicest men you can find to serve in positions of responsibility. Remember, you may choose for yourself. Choose wisely.
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