Appreciating What We Have

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In the past week, three different people have almost run into my car due to their own inattention. Each time I drove away, I thanked God vocally for my car, for every place it has taken me, and for the fact that it still runs. Moreover, I thanked God that I drove away safely. I hurt myself waterskiing on Saturday morning, and I've had a hard time walking and standing and even sitting up from a prone position since then, and so I thank God for health.

They say that you don't know what you're missing until it's gone. You certainly don't know whether you appreciate it until it's taken from you. It is very easy to take things for granted if they have always been. We assume that status quo is not only desirable but also guaranteed to continue when we are blinded by unbroken successes. I have seen students who have never failed before who came to expect success without understanding what lead to it. These are the people who complain that I don't review "enough" when I am under no obligation to do review sessions whatsoever.

Last night, my students came to class wearing jackets for the first time this fall. It's not really that cold outside, but to some of them, it's cold enough. I think what we see when people in Vegas complain about the weather is that they really have short memories for what they have. They opine the lack of heat in the winter after they complain about the extreme temperatures in the summer. They are never happy because they do not learn to appreciate what they have.

I have found that our ability to appreciate and show gratitude depends on how we perceive our circumstances. I used to love road trips, but I hate the drive between here and Salt Lake City because there are no people between the towns for whom I have any feelings. It consists of empty miles and empty smiles, and I hate the road because I want to be with people I love. If they were with me in the car, the journey would be much more pleasant because the people I love would be with me on the road. I don't mind the summer heat because I know it's temporary and because the cost of that is that we don't have snow down in the valley usually in winter. I can drive into the snow at Mt. Charleston when I like, but because of our desert heat we don't have much precipitation to harass us like other parts of the nation. I have stopped riding my bicycle in the morning until we switch to Daylight Savings (thanks for delaying it, Mr. President) because it's not safe to ride in the dark even though I wear flourescent green because the drivers don't look for me. I miss the light when it becomes dangerous to do things without it.

Today I feel grateful because I finally got a good rest last night. My muscles aren't resisting every move I make, every step I take, and I have energy for the first time in a week. I know that we learn to appreciate the preferable state of things after we experience the contrary. We appreciate happiness because we know sadness; we like to win because we know the sting of loss; we prefer good health because we know the misery of influenza. I know dozens of people who use drugs to get a high because their lives are filled with lows. They choose to ignore that this just postpones the troubles, which are there waiting for them when they come down off their high.

At the end of the day, the things that matter most are the people in our lives. Over the past few months, I have lost almost all the people who meant something to me in my life who are not family. Some of them are dead; others have decided that our relationships are dead. Relationships with people come slow and seem to vanish in a flash at simple things. While they are there, we tell ourselves that we appreciate them, but sometimes that's a lie we tell ourselves. It has been said that jewels and gifts are not signs of love; they are excuses for not showing love. The only true gift is the gift of self.

Last night I sent my sister a text message reminding her of an inside joke from our family trip to the Tetons in September. I told her that I hoped it would make her smile to remember something pleasant, and she texted me back that it worked. We only show people that we appreciate them when we spend the only resource in our lives that we cannot recapture. Spend time, your life's only finite resource, with the people that you love. Maybe it won't be an investment that generates the harvest for which you seek, but they will know that you love them because you gave them something you could have given to other people.

I think one major test of life is to show that we appreciate it. We appreciate those who gave us life, who enhance our lives, and who accompany us during part of life's journey. One of the readers of this blog has been sharing emails with me back and forth about a personal issue with which this person knows I have some experience. This person wrote that it means a great deal to know on days when I write them back that I have taken some of my time to comfort or at least converse with someone I don't even know. Why do I do it? I care. Sometimes I hate that I care, because I'm not sure that anyone who isn't blood really cares about me, but dashitall, I mean it, and so I dare do all that may become a man. "For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat, thirsty and ye gave me drink, naked and ye clothed me, sick and ye visited me." I endeavor with my life to prove that I mean what I live and that I appreciate what I have not just with words but by using what I cannot get back to enrich the lives of people for whom I care.

After that, I let them enrich their own lives by letting them live them. I reread many of the blog posts I have written in the past couple of years, and I realized that I mean it with the way I live. Sometimes I make mistakes. Always I treat others as agents. It's the only way I know how to show them that I really love them, by treating them like God treats me. He taught me correct principles, lets me govern myself, and provided a way to bring me back into His presence when I fail, through Christ. I think I'm learning to love people the way He does. I don't really understand it, and I cannot conceive of loving billions of rebellious or ignorant children, but I may finally be starting to understand how and why He loves me. He lets me go and do. He knows I may be the prodigal, but He lets me go anyway, knowing that if I come back, I will have learned to appreciate what I have, who I am, and the relationship between Him and myself.

Cars, healthy bodies, cash, jobs, and the like are not what makes life worthwhile. They make it easier. What makes life worthwhile is in appreciating what we have by caring for it, by caring for the people we love and who love us. For those of you who have someone in your life to love, consider your blessed state. When I spoke with the gal at the gym yesterday, she told me that she could tell I have changed since Spring when I had someone to love. When I told her to appreciate what she has, she told me that she knew I meant it, that she knows I mean what I say to all the folks who work there when I emphasize their blessings, and she tried to do it back to me. Appreciate what you have, particularly if it's another person who knows all about you and loves you anyway.

Intending to Act

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When I run or bicycle, I pray while I exercise. It becomes a time for me to subjugate my body to things that matter and become master while I speak with my Master. Consequently, I have been seeking correction and direction from Him for years, and sometimes I even say those words in my prayers. Every now and then, God tells me that He won't tell me what He desires to say because I don't intend to act on it anyway. Sometimes He withholds revelation because we don't intend to do anything about it.

People used to come to me asking for advice. I knew that most of them were hoping I would validate what they had already determined to do, so I gave them an option. I could tell them what I really thought, or I could spin in a circle on my swivel chair. From the number of times I spun around on the chair, you can tell that many of them were not intending to act on my advice, so I didn't waste my time. They already knew how I felt, and they went and did what they wanted anyway.

I really think God does the same thing. Unless our physical or spiritual well-being is in dire jeopardy depending on the choice we make, I don't think God pushes things on us. He knows when we really intend to act, but we don't. He sends forth sentiments freely and without reserve, so that we have every benefit. He doesn't tell any of us the future, because life is about faith more than it is about accomplishment. God expects us to act; it's less about the outcome than it is the action.

Some people wonder why God doesn't talk to them after they ignore Him for years. A few years after a woman I dated seriously for my part called me up out of the blue and asked me for a loan, I answered, "I'm fine, how are you?" I was disinclined to acquiesce to her request. I knew that the only acting in which she was interested was playing me for a fool, and she knew that I knew it too. If you have been acting according to your will as if you are God or as if you don't need God or as if you don't believe God cares about you, how can you possibly expect Him to do otherwise? He knows your heart. He knows you're doing it because you're desperate rather than because you are penitent.

Learn to be easily entreated by your Father God. The more we respond to promptings, the more we receive. Sometimes they are just listening tests. Sometimes they don't yield the fruit we hope. Sometimes we show up but the other person doesn't, and so it looks like it was vain. The trouble with treating people like agents is that there's not guarantee that they will make the highest choice. There is only opportunity. For those who intend to act, we continue to strive with them, and eventually some of them rise to the challenge and make something greater of their lives.

If you want to hear God's voice more strongly in your life, practice hearkening to His counsels. Ask for divine correction and direction and then follow the sometimes uncomfortable suggestions He makes to you. Many of the things are tough to swallow, but I have seen how following His advice has always been the right thing. I know what I think and why, and other interested albeit uninspired voices in your life may give you their perspective. Only God gives inspiration without an ulterior motive, since His purpose is your eternal life and exaltation. Seek His counsel, intend to act on it, act accordingly, and He will lead you to your land of promise like He did for Moses. He did it for me. I testify that He will do it for you too.

Catholicism is a Country

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The Catholic Church is the largest of the Christian denominations. Most people know that it became that way after Constantine consolidated the Roman Empire under Christianity during his reign to prevent political upheaval from the rising Christian movement. What most people don't really understand is that Catholicism, for good or ill, is more of a political organization than it is a church. Although I am not sure of this, I heard that the Catholic Church pays no tax to the American government, and I think I know why if that's true.

Popes throughout time wielded power over the other Duchies of Europe. From the times of post-Roman Britain, the church in Rome threatened thee church in Ireland with war such that the Irish branch, which held Christianity together while Europe tore itself apart, acquiesced to Rome (see "How the Celts Saved Christianity"). It was Rome that authorized the Spanish/French invasion of Britain after Henry's daughter Elizabeth expanded protestantism in that nation. It was Rome that put a price on Martin Luther's head. It was Rome's influence that started the Inquisition. It was Rome that started war with the Muslims. Rome had client kingdoms in Israel until Saladin drove out the Christians. Roman power has always lusted for that land.

Papal ministers enjoy privileges normally accorded to ministers of state. Despite all the lasciviousness engaged in by priests worldwide, how many of them have faced justice before the court tribunal? Most are transferred because Catholicism is a kingdom and the Pope is its head. Each of her buildings are embassies, and each of her priests are ministers of state. As such they are immune from taxes and prosecution in a court of law. The Roman Church owns land in every county, and in many cities, and only the Nation of Catholicism has embassies to cities, towns, and counties.

Ever since the time of the Popes, Catholicism has had its own army. The Pope has his own soldiers, what remains of the Proletariat Guard of Roman times. In ancient days, Popes declared war, and sometimes Popes even went to war. His ministers were considered officials necessarily involved in military decisions. They are after all not just religious zealots but also allied commanders. Their plenipotentiary power even now commands the attention and loyalty of millions of ascribed Christian soldiers across national boundaries, and with some of Pope Francis' recent decisions, I see much more of politic in this pope than in dissemination of the word of God.

Popes pretend and portend to priesthood positions. Rarely, if ever, do you hear them speak as did the prophets of old, declaring in the name of God that people should repent. Now, you hear Pope Francis claim that it matters little what church you attend. It's because he's not interested in a church. Some of these men practice priestcraft, interested not in the difference between good and evil but in those who have the power and those on whom it is exercised. They forget that as soon as a man begins to exercise authority in any degree of unrighteous dominion, then God says amen to that man's authority.

Perhaps this is why so many Catholics detest what they refer to as "organized religion". Their religion isn't organized as a Faith. It is organized as a government, telling them when to sleep and what to eat and whom to take to wife. It teaches for doctrines the commandments of men and popes, having a form godliness, while denying the presence and substance of heaven.

Most of Catholicism's adherents are good people. They are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and are only kept from the truth because their leaders do not want them to find it. When the people could not read, the priests interpreted. When they could not afford books, the priests kept them under lock and key. Now that they can do more, the priests charge them for access to marriages, to use of the buildings and grounds, and even sometimes to the sacraments which Jesus taught would be given without price to all who earnestly and meaningfully seek them. They are being fleeced.

Inga Barks once said, "There is God, and there is government. God is greater than government, and government doesn't like that." The people who run the catholic church probably only think about God in passing. Many of them probably do the right thing, just in case they are wrong and like Constantine don't think much of it until it's time for Last Rites. God is not fooled. The church is not even named after Him. The leaders draw near to Him with their lips while their hearts are far from Him. Government doesn't like what God decrees, and so, in the form of their papal decrees, the leaders of Catholicism change God's laws. The Serpent is at the head, and it's time the people overthrew their wicked leaders and called for servants of God to replace the servants of mammon. Their works are abominable and lead the people in many instances to err, and it shall be answered on their head. Daniel wrote what happened to the feet of clay. Caveat emperator.

Although this video appeared in response to the 2012 Elections, it remains as prescient as ever. Where will Catholics stand? Will they lift where they stand? Will we?

Some of the things listed are not important, but like it says, some things are not negotiable. "For my ways are higher than thy ways, and my thoughts than thy thoughts; even as the heaven is higher than the earth are my ways higher than thy ways and my thoughts than thy thoughts. (Isaiah)" There is God and there is Government. God is greater than government ever will be.

Paradox of Vacations

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After our group meeting Tuesday, the department Leave Keeper reminded me that I need to take at least three more days off before the year ends or I will lose them. What she doesn't realize perhaps is that I work long and hard because I don't want to be off, to be at my house, to be spending time by myself, and so I go to work. I work a long day with a crappy class schedule by choice, because it keeps me busy from the time I get out of bed until it's time to hit the sack, and I don't need time off right now.

Today is supposed to be a "holiday". It's the day on which we commemorate Nevada's admission to the Union. It's also my busiest day of the week as a Friday, because there are no students around, and I can get all the things done that need to be done when students are not in labs and when professors are not running in asking me for a petri dish, a roll of tape, or any number of things from small to large in scope. Since the work must still be done before Monday morning, I am working anyway, and the Dean is fit to be tied. She knows that it must be done, but she'd just as rather not have us on campus let alone justify compensatory time.

One of my students asked me before summer term ended why I worked so many hours. I am working now to trade my time for money because I don't have anything with which I'd like to occupy my time. If I had something else, I'd be off work at 5PM with the rest of the Tom, Dick and Harry crowd to spend time doing things I enjoy with people I love. Until then, I occupy my hours with something that is potentially rewarding and fruitful for students as well as profitable for me. Unlike most of my coworkers, I think the weekends are too long; unlike most people, I look forward to Monday because it means structure and tasks and a reason to get out of the house.

On a bulletin board in my library, I keep a list of things I want to do. Some of them are things I have not yet done, and some are things I want to do again with the right young lady in my life. Most of those things remain on that wishlist for years because I don't find anyone I like who will go with me. I finally went to Alaska alone this summer after years of putting it off, and although I'm glad I went, it was good to go back to work. At work, I have purpose and projects and prospects. In Alaska, I had pictures.

I don't live to work. My highest aspiration is to be a dad. I work because it helps me live well now and means that if God decides to bless me with the opportunity to be a father I won't have to work as hard then to provide for my family. While there is no guarantee that this plan will work out, and while I may become one of those poor men whose career is the only reason he gets out of bed every day, at least I have a plan. On top of that, I received a very nice email yesterday from the Department Chair asking me to "pretty please" cover two of the very-difficult-to-staff night courses again. I am appreciated, valued, rewarded, validated, and animated by the opportunity and privilege to teach college Chemistry. I hope that my work pleases my true Master.

Next week the Holiday Season starts in earnest. There will be scary ghost stories and family gatherings and festivals and Christmas caroling and all the festivities of family, friends, and felicitations. For all of you who are blessed enough to have people you love to whom to go during these Holy Days, consider the blessed and happy state in which you live. I will be at work Christmas Eve probably, not because I must be, but because there is nowhere else that I really desire to be or must be. If I had a family, I'd probably go spend the day with them, and then nobody would ever complain that I have banked too much vacation. If you were that special someone in my life, I'd spend my vacations with you.

Denying Our Neighbors

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A friend of mine recently experienced a loss. For the past three years or so, he has been involved in a commercial venture that meant something to him but that he realized was doomed to failure in 2014 with leadership as presently constituted. Careful not to project onto my recent disappointments, he sent a caveat with the link to Cee Lo Green's "Forget You" and applied it to only himself. However, in the week since then, I have thought about the topic of this song and what it means.

I already wrote about this from one aspect, about how in the parlance of Facebook, to unfriend someone means that we choose to make them nonexistent entities in our lives. Over the last few months, all but one person I know well since moving to Vegas has cut me off completely (and many others, but I digress). Some of them deleted Facebook profiles or changed their telephone numbers. Most of them unfriended me by ignoring me. I write them, and they say nothing in return, which is ironically enough what happens when women I want to get to know decide they don't want to get to know me any better. I am not alone in the feeling that, even though it's uncomfortable, it's preferable to just be straight up and tell me. Yes it hurts, and yes it's confrontational, but at least then I get closure now rather than waiting for months and deciding to give up realizing that they probably won't ever call or write you back.

Many people have a misbegotten notion about how to get back at people in this life. They think about doing things that lead "to the death" rather than "to the pain". The consequence of death is fleeting and finite; the consequence of pain can endure. Rather than end their life, you can make them suffer for days, weeks, months, or even years by causing them pain. Contrary to popular belief, the worst you can do is not to harm someone or get even with them or destroy their lives. You see, in order to hate someone or feel vengeance, you have to care about them. It takes a great deal of effort to hate someone, and when people don't matter to you, you don't spend the effort. The absolute worst you can do to someone is to forget them. It goes beyond the Gotye song, "Somebody That I Used to Know". They're not someone you used to know; you treat them as someone you NEVER knew. That is what to the pain means, it means that they leave you alone, wallowing in rejection forever.

One of the things I hate most about Vegas is how the people here treat each other. The first week of August, I encountered a woman with whom I had been on several dates and who had betimes confessed to me that she desired to be with me. When this woman walked by me, she regarded me as if I were not someone she recognized and had never meant anything to her. There are scores of people who do not answer when I message them. I leave voicemails, emails, texts, and sometimes even write letters, and there is no answer. There isn't even an illogical or useless reason in most cases. The woman from the optometrist, from the tutoring center, from the movie theater, from Panera bread, from hiking, from Louisiana, from tennis, and many others, all simply act as if I never asked them out in the first place. My ex wife didn't even hate me; she didn't give a flying pinwheel about me. After she got her money, I never heard another peep, and for that I thank my Father God.

I am different. After a period of ten months during which a woman for whom I once had strong feelings left me in silence, when she called I answered and talked with her. My response surprised both her and myself, but to this day we still speak. They say that love is when you give someone the power to hurt you and trust them not to use it. The woman I mentioned told me last weekend that she remained my friend because I respected her. When she gave me the power to hurt her by using information she gave me in confidence for my own personal gain, I have never made it public or even shared it with other people. I kept her trust, and so I kept her as a friend. When we open up to other people and share things with them that maybe very few people know about us, we give them the power to destroy us, to reject us for who we really are, to treat us as if we are unimportant and unworthy of attention and affection. We give them knowledge about us, and then we empower them not to forget it but to forget us.

The first woman I attempted to date seriously in Vegas did that to me. Her reason for rejecting me was that I wasn't thin enough for her. You see, she had seen a vision of herself pregnant standing next to her husband, and I wasn't skinny enough to be that man, so she frankly denied me. I was never going to be good enough. She found some skinnier guy, and the only time I ever heard from her since then is when she called me to ask me to pay for her college and then later to loan her sister money. When I refused to do what banks would not, she decided to never speak to me again, and it has been four years next month since I heard anything from her whatsoever. What greater hurt can you do to someone that to reject them, to forget them, to treat them, not as someone that you used to know, but as someone that you never knew, as someone that you do not care to confess that you knew? It is bad enough to reject someone for a date or to reject someone as a mate. It is worse to reject someone as someone you do not wish to acknowledge that you know. This is what Peter did to Christ. He emphatically declared that "I never knew the man". This was his sin, and all too often, it is also ours.

When we deny others, we in essence deny the Christ. Every time we act as if we never knew the man, we act as if we never knew the Son of Man. Jesus taught that "even as ye have done unto one of the least of these my brethren ye have done it unto me." Wow. When we declare that we never knew a person, in essence it could be projected that we deny that we know Christ, that we love Christ, that we desire Christ to be part of our lives. We might as well say, "Forget you". As extensions of the family of our Father God, we find ourselves responsible to love our neighbors as ourselves and because we love Christ. When we do not love our neighbors, even if they do not "deserve" it, we show that we do not love ourselves or our Maker. I try to be very careful with the notion of what people deserve, because I know that I do not know all the facts. Prophets have long taught that reaching out to others is to be done because they are humans like we are, and part of our family, even if we think they will waste it. That part is not ours to control. Our part is to treat them like they mean something to us.

I remember everyone who was meaningful in my life. It has been a small comfort for me to realize that I meant what I said and felt. I hope that every single one of them is well, including my ex-wife. I hope they find peace and happiness and success. I hope that their jobs, their families, and their lives fill them with the satisfaction they once led me to believe they would bring to my life. It is not about what they deserve. It always was about who they were. They always are important to God. For my part, they were also important to me.

Earlier this month in general conference, I was reminded that there is a difference between weaknesses and rebellions. Men make mistakes; Christ's atonement means that our mistakes don't need to make us. God allows us to have weaknesses so that we will recognize our need for a Savior and turn to Him. When we are weak, weakness is always attended with mercy. He teaches us to welcome back the prodigals, to slay the fattened calf and celebrate their return because there is more joy in heaven over one soul who repents than over 99 just persons who need no repentance (if there even are that many). At the time of Christ's birth, he was denied a place in any of the homes or inns. Nobody wanted him. Everyone denied him. Now that we know Him, let us embrace our neighbors and mean what we say when we tell people that we love them. When they are weak, let us show mercy. When they are lost, let us shine forth our lights. What matters most in this life is the other people we meet, for many have entertained angels unaware.

I leave you with this story. The story is told of a Russian shoemaker who dreamt one evening that the Savior would visit him the next day. He cleaned the shop and set to work and kept an eye out for the Savior. He saw a hungry and shivering man and beckoned him in to eat a bite and warm himself by the fire. Later, there was a woman and child who had no shoes whom we invited in and shod for free. Finally, there was an old woman who fell in the snow. He went out and helped her up, gathered her belongings and took her home. The day dimmed, and he knelt in prayer and asked why the visit had not occurred. "My son," Christ spoke, "I came to visit you three times, and each time you welcomed me as I hoped you would." The examples of this shoemaker and of the Disciple Peter call us to consider if we will deny the Christ or open our doors and hearts to Him. People are what matter most. At least for now I have my students.

Emancipation Day

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Recently, I observed the passing of what I refer to as Emancipation Day. It was the day on which the court granted me a divorce from my ex wife. Before I moved into this house, I would go out to eat with my sister to celebrate because it felt very much like I imagine it does for any indentured servant to finally be free of an oppressive situation. When she left, the day slipped into ignominious emptiness mostly, and for a time, I thought I had found someone to erase that part of my life entirely.

As I considered it this week, I realized that my true Emancipation Day wasn't the day on which the judge granted the legal separation. It wasn't when I received the order. It was when I prayed for her for the first time and really meant it when I asked God to bless her, help her find happiness and peace, and lead her to Him.

Until you forgive someone, you remain under their control. Yes, it is true that you cannot be free as long as you are subject to someone else. Even if they don't tell you what to do, when to eat, and who will be your wife, as long as they control your emotions, they command in some way your life. If someone has hurt you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgiveness frees you. You know that you have really forgiven them when you can honestly pray for their happiness, safety, and success.

Lest you think me to be better than I am, I have no desire to see her again or be with her. She chose her path, which does not include me in any positive way, and I will leave her to it. However, I truly do hope that wherever she is that her life is beautiful and that her path leads her to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.

In short, I don't really know when Emancipation Day really was. What I do know is that I've been doing it long enough that I include every woman I have ever dated in those prayers. I hope things are amazing for them. For the most part, I also hope they leave me be. It was never really about them letting me go; it was about me letting them go.

Since that day, I have encountered and counseled with many people who have unfortunately experienced the pain of being divorced. Remember that you are not defined by what happens to you. You can define yourself by being the first to forgive and, not to forget, but to truly wish them happiness. It has been said that you should do good to your enemies because nothing will irritate them more. More to the point, we should do good to those who persecute us and spitefully use us, because it pleases our Father God.

I wish I had good advice about how to reach Emancipation Day. The only thing I know that did help is to start behaving like I wanted to be. I know that CS Lewis advised that we not worry about whether or not we loved our neighbor but act as if we did, because humans tend to become what they pretend to be. Even if you don't know how to do this, maybe you can pray and ask for help. I think that's what mostly happened, because one day I just really meant it, and so I think that charitable feelings toward me are as much a gift of God as the freedom from my ex wife. I do celebrate it, and I can celebrate because God freed my heart from guilt and anger and revenge to make way for real love. Love, real love, really does make you free.

Greater Than

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I live a good life. I have many reasons to thank my Creator for His blessings. In the past several weeks, I have been barely missed by inattentive drivers in the morning while I jog or cycle through the neighborhood. I have survived furloughs and reductions in staffing. I have my health and can get up and work out and enjoy good food. I even have a few friends. Life is great. I know it could be greater.

Many of the people I know are not so lucky. Far too many of them settle for the status quo. I remember once a student telling me that he stayed with his girlfriend because he didn’t want the hassle of looking for a new one. I had friends who were so desperate for attention that they tolerated abuse rather than being alone. Neighbors of mine work jobs they hate because they are afraid to leave. One of my coworkers told me that she stays because she has tenure and doesn’t want to start over. They let fear of what might happen keep them from discovering what will.

This morning, I slid in one of my old mix cassettes for the drive to work. “If you see a chance, take it. Find romance, make it. It all depends on you.” Wow. You don’t hear that kind of thing much. You hear people unjustly ascribing blame to everyone else because some of the people who venerate the status quo want you dependent. They want you to depend on them. The trouble with that is that nobody can decide better than you what is good for you, and so it’s very unlikely unless by accident that your life will be any greater than it is now as long as you wait on others to change your life.

I teach my students that chemistry is the study of change, of how we convert what we have into what we desire. At this point in my life, I feel like I’m sitting in a state of equilibrium where, even though some things vary, there is really no net change. While I sit at this standstill, I feel thwarted, as if there are no conditions under which I can have a yield from my efforts any greater than “the best I can manage”. I ask God several times weekly for a Le Chatlier effect in my life that will shift the equilibrium to the products of my efforts that I desire. Teaching animates me because it’s a win-win scenario. I get paid to enrich their lives. Some of the students resist it and reject it, but there are always a few who walk away with a different perspective and understanding on universal principles, and since I have changed they way they think, I have changed their options to win.

Unfortunately, as much as I detest research, I find myself doing research and attempting to do what apparently no man has done before. The more I learn about the world, the more I realize that I am not seeing what I thought I saw, and that most people are playing parts. They settle for semblance over substance even when they know there is something greater than what they have. As a pioneer in the world of doing right things for the right reasons, even though I know I’m not alone, I don’t know who else is researching the same effort, and so it feels futile and furtive and frustrating, and I feel dejected, neglected and rejected not just by people but by the forces of the universe. There is so much I don’t understand.

I do what I do, say what I say, and think what I think because I believe that things can be greater than they are. They can be more than they are, better than they are, and more enriching than they are. I know that good is wonderful, and I know that there is better and best out there for those willing to seek it. I know I could settle for something, but I believe in something greater than myself, in something greater than what is, in something greater than I can imagine, and I ask, why not that for me? For this reason, I am eager to share my life, because life is greater than it is now when you share it with people who mean something to you.

Maybe I don’t have the tools or the understanding to change what I have into what I desire. Maybe it’s not up to me. I invite the Lord continually to intercede on my behalf and bring me as He did for the people of Moses to my Land of Promise. I have seen the splendor of Egypt, and I know of its spoils. I have been in the deserts of Sinai, and I know the emptiness of its soils. God gave me a vision of Israel, and I share in Joshua’s report. God delivered me from Pharoah, and I know what power He sports. It would not have been better to have remained in Egypt and subsist. When you stand at the Red Sea and see the villainous armies of the Oppressor converge upon you, you can either break down, or you can break through. You can either face your problems and emancipate yourself from them or you can continue to carry the chains.

If your life is not greater than it is, that could be because of you. Even when I do the best I can, I realize that one reason at least why I am not happier is because of my attitude. When I take stock of what I have, sometimes I lose track because what I lack looms large. We are acutely aware when we lose an arm, but we take them for granted as long as everything is well. Having both of our arms means something. I know there are people who wish they had what I have.

Questioning Horsford

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I decided not to attend Congressman Stephen Horsford’s town hall meeting last Sunday. After some thought, I realized that it was unlikely to bring lasting satisfaction of soul because he wasn’t really interested in what I had to say unless I validated what he already happens to believe. He came to town on a federally funded fishing expedition for sob stories about hardship occasioned by the government shutdown. We have a shutdown because Horsford puts party and power before country and because he interprets compromise as getting everything he wants.

I reject the premise, purpose, and prospects of Horsford’s visit. I have some questions for this goonish public servant:

I ask you to justify holding this event on a Sunday, asking people of Faith to abandon their worship of the Almighty to petition at your feet for redress.

I ask you to explain the rational for what was closed, why the Park Service and Defense Department were closed while the Congressional gym remained open.

I ask you what makes this different from every weekend when the government shuts down, particularly since 83% of expenditures are still being spent despite the so-called “shutdown”.

I ask you to tell us how this is more critical to Nevadans than Nevada’s budget crisis which has kept persons such as myself on furlough for the duration of the Obama administration.

I ask you to justify holding this event in a building on a day when it is normally closed, thereby necessitating additional expense in time and treasure from the Nevada budget.

I ask you to explain why it makes sense to cause additional expense to travel home for a brief meeting when the government is shut down and then cost Nevada more money when you know full well as a former State Senator that this state is cash strapped.

I ask you to explain what you are personally willing to sacrifice from your substantial personal wealth and political agenda to alleviate our problems personally and immediately.

I ask you what legislation you have authored that will make our lives better besides this Mickey Mouse show and parliamentary foist on the somnambulant public.

I ask you to tell me what steps you have already taken to get the Defense Department back online and put the Park Service Police back in line who are terrorizing veterans at memorials in D.C.

I ask you to explain how you have been faithful to the oath you took to uphold the Constitution of the United States.

I ask you to remember that we do not work for you but that you work for us, and if you were one of your own employees you know you would fire yourself so fast that it would make your head spin.

I didn’t go ask him any of this because every time thus far I have confronted him he answered the question he wanted me to ask and not the question I actually asked. I decided not to visit this event because he is a mumbler who doesn’t expect to actually account for his service and cannot string together intelligent sentences without help from members of his staff in attendance. I stayed away because what matters to me doesn’t seem to matter to him. Finally I took a nap instead because I considered a violation of the Sabbath an act of Treason towards God, whom I fear above all earthly potentates. There is God and then there is government. God is greater than government, and government doesn’t like that.

I doubt Horsford found what he sought. I heard exactly nothing about his visit afterwards, so I guess it was poorly attended and a poor return. It came at great expense to the taxpayer for him to fly home just for this and then fly back to Washington so that he could act busy. Horsford has yet to prove that he cares about the concerns of anyone except his own aggrandizement. I fear a hellish end for the odious.

Right Tools for the Right Job

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One of my more inglorious responsibilities includes handling the biohazard waste collection and removal. I arrived at work this morning to find a very lovely note asking me if I could tend to it post haste. Accordingly, I did, but in the process of doing it, owing to the circumstances, I was poked by something sharp in the soft biohazard waste hard enough that it punctured me and drew blood. I have now become a safety "incident". The incident could have been avoided in one of two ways, both of which have to do with propriety over expediency.

In one of the laboratory classrooms, we have a vestigial collection system. Budget constraints have made it a low priority until now, but the container amounts to what looks like a tomato cage inside of which a biohazard bag is hung. The opening is large, always open, and unclearly marked as to what waste belongs there, and despite other signs and a reliance on instructors to properly direct students, it collects pretty much everything. Even now, someone threw an empty box of gloves into it, and that empty box isn't hazardous at all, although now it must be considered that way. This particular receptacle fills with all sorts of trash, including things that are not allowed in lab like drink containers, candy bar wrappers, and other items. It has long been a bone of contention. I obtained permission to procure two bins with hinged lids that only open when you step on them and that are marked as biohazard and in red, just in case it's not obvious that these are not the normal trash cans.

However, I can only do so much to abrogate inattention. I will not assume the students are at fault. They do not know better. This may be their first lab. It is not however, or at least should not be, the first time their instructors are in lab. Again, despite signage and email reminders, it doesn't seem like some instructors interest themselves in proper policing of the lab, and so we end up with sharps containers full of paper products and soft waste full of things that were not hazardous before they were cast into the bins. It's really kind of annoying. Ordinarily, I would not have needed to worry about being poked, but that assumes that people will follow instructions and that those responsible for relaying instructions actually do. Since there was something sharp in that bag, I must conclude that someone either didn't know or didn't care.

Even more than the improper disposal is the liability. I sincerely hope I didn't pick up something from the prick to my finger today. If I did, I have documented it, and hopefully the state will assume liability, but heaven forbid if a student caught something. Instructors are responsible for student safety. In fact, two weeks ago, the new environmental health and safety supervisor gave us an hours long tirade on safety and mandated that I wear the proper protective equipment while in the lab room even if I'm giving them a quiz. To be in lab means to be exposed. He's kind of right, but it's unlikely that folks are exposed just for being there.

The world has proper tools for the right job. Unfortunately, we like to take shortcuts around the proper way or we find ourselves working with tools of people who don't seem to get the bigger picture. Also unfortunately, we are at the mercy of their attentiveness, and hopefully I did not pick up some disease. I am kind of nervous.

The lesson here is that when you find a better tool, replace the old one. It took less than ten minutes to get authorization to get the proper tool. It saves time, energy, effort, and consequences when you actually use something that was designed for the job. Also, you usually prevent problems. Although you may not be able to do away with them entirely, the closer you get to the asymptote, the better off people will be particularly when they are not expecting to be harmed.

Lord of the Harvest

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Sometimes, like this morning, I feel rather foolish to finally realize something I have known for a long time. I talk frequently about sowing and reaping, about the law of the harvest, but I'm not really the one in charge. Like you, I am just a day laborer, sent forth into some small part of the vineyard to work for a wage. I do not choose the location, the seed, the weather, or even the timing. There is a Lord of the Harvest, and I am not he.

During graduate school, I had the rare privilege to work in an actual vineyard. It was attached to the agricultural research station, and the grant under which I was paid called for us to test various things appertaining to grapes and their care, products, and metabolism. During harvest season, owing to the scale and timing of the work, when we were not in class or in media res with an important experiment, we were expected to be available for the harvest. I didn't really understand how it worked until today.

Yes it is true that we reap what we sow. It is however not true that we pick either the timing of the harvest or the fruit that comes forth. My boss would be ready weeks before the harvest testing the berries with a refractometer for the Brix/pH ratio. It tells you when the fruit is ready to harvest. When we arrived in the vineyard, he would tell us which cultivars were ready, but we would just randomly end up picking berries off the next vine that was not being harvested already. He was the Lord of the Harvest, and he decided what fruit was ready and when.

As in the vineyard, our lives are subject to the call of the Lord of the Harvest. He decides when the harvest is ready. Sometimes, what you are doing conflicts with the timing, and so even though you were involved in the dunging, the pruning, the digging about, and the care previously, you do not reap because you are doing something else. Similarly, you do not get to pick what fruit is ready that day; the Lord of the Harvest knows when it is ripe, and He calls those who are ready to come and help in that day.

Unlike the literal harvest of the field, the harvest of mortality does not follow the rules of the carnival barker. You do not miss out on the blessings of the harvest if you are currently preoccupied in some other important but distal matter. If you are on His errand then, and if you were on His errand when you sowed, the Law of Compensation, the Law of the Harvest, both still apply to you, that you reap what you sow. Even if you miss the time of the harvest, you can still attend the feast.

Even after the harvest, the good Lord calls together all of his servants, even those tending other parts of His field, to come and join the feast. After the grapes were harvested, weighed and pressed, we were all invited to taste the juices and, if we were interested, in the wine fermented therefrom. At an annual gala, my boss, just like the Lord of the Harvest, invited people from miles around to come and see what bounty the earth provided. I believe very strongly that even if we are busy on the day of harvest sometimes the reaping lasts through the festival of the harvest when all who had a hand can taste the sweet savor of the fruit!

I have learned a great many things about the holy scripture from a paradoxical assignment working in a vineyard. Although I do not drink, I believe it gave me a different understanding of those passages. Now that I am ready for sowing, the Lord of the Harvest planted in me an understanding of this aspect. He is watching the fruit. He knows when it is good. He knows when it is ripe. He invites me to work with Him and joy in the fruit, because He too knows that life is richer when you share it. For this reason I believe we are taught to trust God's grace, His timing, and His will, because He knows when the fruit is good, and He knows when to take in the final cuttings.

Every now and then the vineyard is encumbered by poor fruit or fruit that is unripe in time for a good harvest. I remember that one cultivar sometimes barely made it off the vine before the winter came in which no work can be done. Those are the only times to be sad- when the work does not bear the correct fruit or fruit in time to be of any use. I did however learn that this is RARE. God's work will be done, and it will be done well, and it will be done on time, even if that time is not one that is convenient for what you desire. I have seen it, and I will endeavor to remember this lesson and trust the Lord of the Harvest, who interests Himself in having the right thing happen at the right time as well as for the right reason.

Each of Us is the Prodigal

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For many years now, when I have private conversations with people, I remind them that I need the atonement of Christ just as much as they do. Many other people I know however mistakenly believe that they are more akin to the faithful son in the story of the Prodigal without recognizing that there were errors in him. You see, the Parable of the Prodigal reminds us of the fact that at least at some point we are the beggar who relies on the mercy of the Father after we see our ways. It also shows us how to regard those in our lives who hurt us and then turn and attempt to make amends.

The prodigal is known for his many errors. He was impatient, impetuous and intemperate. He wasted his substance in riotous living, including I am sure all kinds of lasciviousness. Perhaps his motto was, as many around us practice, "you only live once, so live it up!" rather than "you only live once, so live well". Whatever his attitude or actions, eventually he found himself bereft of everything of value and thought of the last place he was where he felt safe and where he felt love. Accordingly, he returned to his "home", the place where he thought he might be able to appeal to those who really loved him for some sustenance. He was willing to do anything to make restitution, including accepting his fate like an adult and owning that he had attained to nothing greater than slopping with swine.

Contrary to his expectations and to our own instruction, his father reacted much differently. His father frankly forgave him. He was so glad that he returned, that it didn't matter. You see, if his son was coming across the field, his son had already accomplished several of the steps of repentance and was willing to make restitution. Magnanimously, his father required no restitution. He could probably tell by looking at his son or listening to him that his son genuinely meant his apology with contrition. The nonverbal cues told him everything he needed to know that the return of his son didn't say, and he knew the heart of his prodigal son.

Our warning lies in avoiding the reaction of the "faithful" son. He was envious of the treatment given to his prodigal brother. He "deserved" what his father gave the "wicked" son. Well, I am very careful talking about what I deserve, because we are also taught that God does not tolerate sin with the least degree of allowance. As soon as you leave the father, you deserve whatever ill befalls you, but you don't have to physically leave in order to be distant. The "faithful" son was already at odds with his father, because he did not understand the atonement, and he was unwilling or unable to allow it to operate in the life of his brother.

Like me, there are likely many people in your life who have hurt you. Some of them know no better, and some of them hurt you accidentally as a side effect of their choice. Very few mean to hurt you. Even in that case, the parable stands to us- WHEN THEY RETURN, FRANKLY FORGIVE THEM. The Lord will forgive whom He finds it prescient to pardon, but of us it is required to forgive all men. You see, forgiveness is not about them as much as it's about us. Resentment is negative and poisons the soul. Forgiveness frees us, and moreover unlike the "faithful" son, it qualifies us to go in and sup with the prodigal and enjoy the feast of his return! The "faithful" son was so resentful that rather than join the jubilation he complained to his father and missed out on the joyful reunion.

I remember every person, many of them by name, who has ever been a significant part in my life. Some of them were pretenders, others were portenders, and some left due to circumstances beyond their control or at least that they felt powerless to control. They are welcome to return any time they like. They meant something to me, just like that prodigal son, and I would rejoice to share in the bounty of my harvest to have people back in my life who mean something to me and to whom I meant something. Like the father, I let them go find out what they really wanted, and like my Father for me, I am eager and anxious to welcome them back. I really have learned to love, and I hope only the best, no matter how much pain they caused and no matter how much it hurt when they left. I can understand how that prodigal's father felt, because I have felt the love from my Father God when I turn to Him, and I am eager to share that with those I love.

I don't know what you ought to do in your life. Most of the time, I struggle to ascertain how to act in my own. I commend you to God for guidance who giveth to men freely and upbraideth not. In this time of my own struggles, I have felt His patience and mercy and love when I petition Him about the same things. Patiently and lovingly He reminds me of what we have already discussed, points me to the data I actually have, and comforts me that if I do my duty, it will be with me as if everything had worked out to my benefit. He knows better than I do what you need. Turn to Him and, recognizing that you are the prodigal, appeal to the Atonement to have your life, your opportunities, your hopes, and your privileges restored. He is eager to bless you just like that father in the parable. The calf has already been slain. He hung on Golgotha. Only those who come back can enjoy the feast.

Come back any time. He leaves the light on for you and promises, as I do, to frankly forgive.