Doubting Thomas and Faith

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Attacks on faith, however common they may be, are nothing new. At the beginning of the semester, I walked into the department office dressed in my customary white shirt and tie only to be asked by a geology professor, whom I like, if I was going out proselyting. She didn’t know that I already did that or that I even belong to that Faith, because for her it was meant as tongue in cheek. All through time, men of any Faith have been attacked for the “fantasies of their deranged minds” until far too many of them become as Doubting Thomas. Beset with a constant barrage of attacks that question the validity of divine manifestations, they forget what they know and look for signs.

The problem with things of Faith is that they lie beyond the metrics measured by men. As fascinating as science may be and as dependent as I am on it for a living, it has its limits. When we first left the atmosphere, we learned that things don’t work outside it like they do here. When Voyager I first tried to leave the solar system, we learned that the extra solar space wasn’t like we thought. As our tools increase in capacity, we find it necessary to correct our conclusions. While a student, I remember learning that Linus Pauling had actually built an inaccurate model of DNA before Watson/Crick presented theirs. He didn’t have enough accurate information. Likewise, I remember Dr. Schooley telling us to rip out pages of our book because recent discoveries showed that those things were not true. Despite those things, men of science, so called “men of reason” will insist that you prove them wrong even though science is regularly debunked, incorrectly taught and inexpertly articulated. If it is your premise that proof is required, why should I have to prove YOU wrong? The burden of proof is always really on the nay sayer.

Such arguments from ignorance are however the modus opporandi of the worldly. They continue the clarion call that faith is “the opium of the masses” meant to control whilst men of science regularly use science to control people (a al Global Warming). Interested in being gods among men, these men exalt themselves by virtue of their knowledge, their hubris, apparently unable to recognize that man is nothing. I took this picture up at Red Rock in Icebox Canyon, and it shows how the earth folded rock like it was paper. Show me a man who can do that. We are so insignificant, yet we believe ourselves to be powerful because we have thoughts. Big deal. So do psychopaths.

Far too many men are Doubting Thomas’s because they seek to be gods among men. Look at Pharaoh in Egypt. He knew Moses. He also knew that Moses was a tribal herdsman by his garb. Pharaoh ejected Moses from Egypt. In Egyptian tradition, Pharaoh was a GOD. How laughable to think nothing of this but insist when people of faith insist on a higher being that it’s bunk. Pharaoh was shown many signs by Moses, but he did not believe until his own son was slain. Even then, Pharoah did not believe; he let Israel go in order to forestall further decimation of his empire. Then, he chased Moses so as to not be made to look foolish in the eyes of other rulers. He was, after all, a god.

Other Doubting Thomas’s persist because God “let them down” by not following their commandments when they ignored His. King David first ranted at God for the loss of his son Absolom. Apparently it was nothing for David to arrange for the death of Bathsheba’s husband in battle but not acceptable for God to allow David’s son to die. David could have had anything he wanted for the asking, but he took rather than asking, and he broke several basic commandments to do so. He coveted his neighbor’s wife, he arranged for the murder of one of his own Mighty Men, and then he committed adultery with the soldier’s widow! Only Moses broke more commandments at once than David! When God told David that Solomon would assume the kingdom but that it would be broken apart after that, David was still upset, but he knew that because he had not kept God’s word, God was not obligated to keep His to David.

Many men of faith are required to prove faith. Apparently the intelligentsia misapprehend what Faith actually means. If you have faith, you hope for things unseen that are true. We have faith all the time. We believe the sun will rise in the morning. We believe that plants will continue to make oxygen so we can live. We believe that our employers will pay us two weeks from now for work that we do today. We believe that people care enough about us to at least contact us on our birthdays. Why is it so hard to believe in a Messiah, that Christ shall come and make it possible for us to rise above our baser natures? Why is it so hard to believe that there is a purpose to the universe, that a God organized it for a reason? Why is it so hard to believe that in a few “weeks” God will “pay” us for our deeds? Why are men, who are fallen, the only creatures that can plan and build and create? If there is a being more intelligent than we, could it not also keep itself hidden from us? Apparently, only if it’s an alien species. I love this cartoon from XKCD because it shows how silly we are to assume there is not God because we have not conclusively found Him yet. Remember that “everyone” once “knew” the earth was flat.

In the Book of Mormon, Korihor demands that Alma prove there is a God before he will believe. Why is the onus on Alma? He didn’t make the claim that there is no God. He didn’t even start the conversation. Yet, as is true in our courts, the burden of proof falls, not on the accuser as logic would dictate, but on the unprepared and unsuspecting respondent. We expect a coherant and cogent response from him in five minutes when the claimant took weeks, months, or even years in preparation. This isn’t debate. This is an ambush. They will attack the messenger as incompetent or bigoted because they cannot argue on substance. Rather than debate and disagree, they must make you out to look the fool, because of course then everything about you must also be foolish by association.

The Pharisees even did this to Christ. “Is not this Joseph’s son?” they asked. How could a carpenter birth a smart son let alone the Savior? That is a class argument that continues today protractedly that unless you come from a particular location or degree or socioeconomic status you cannot possibly be worthy. “Has anything good come from Nazareth?” they will ask. In doing this they forget that God chooses humble, obscure, poor, and untrained people because they do not have the biases of others. They don’t think they know everything already.

Expect opposition for believing in Christ. From their earliest days, His followers were called Christians as a mark of derision. His detractors meant to mock Him. Before Christ’s birth the detractors spoke of how foolish it was to believe in something to come; today, scientists declare the apocalypse with certainty unless we control the population or emissions or the size of our armies. If we can’t know of Christ in the future, how can they know of those things? Since Christ’s birth, people have tried to make Christ out to either be a loon or to be just an ordinary prophet. As CS Lewis wrote, Christ did not intend to make it a question in anyone’s mind. He declared Himself the Son of God. Either he was completely mental and raved about asinine delusions or He was what He says He was.

Maybe when you find it hard to believe in God it may help you to know that He believes in YOU. “For God so loved the world that He sent His Only Begotten Son, that whoso believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” When we need rain, it falls. When we are cold, the sun rises. When we are hungry, we find wild berries. When we are alone, someone finds us or calls us. When we fall, Christ lifts us. When we are humble, Christ leads us. When we submit to Him, Christ remakes us so that we are fit to return to the Father’s presence. Do not wait until you see Christ and feel the prints in His hands and feet to trust that the Lord Jesus was and is divine. Beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. When men say that you must recount your faith or die, remember that you are not alone. Have More faith, have Liddell faith, and have lasting faith and tell them that until you die you shall not remove your integrity from you. For whoso saveth his life shall lose it, and whoso loseth his life for My sake shall find it.

This Easter Season, remember the reason for your rejoicings. Remember that most men are idiots. Remember that nobody has all the answers. Remember that you must choose your own adventure. Remember to look up, to look forward, and to look steadfastly to the source of your faith. God does not force you to follow. If you choose to, He promises you a bounty, a Land of Promise. I have personally benefitted from trusting His wisdom, His direction, His inspiration, His timing, and His love. In the last five years, He freed me from a vindictive and vicious ex wife, from a virulent and vile accusation from a coworker, from several violent vehicular collisions, and from many other potential disasters to my person and possessions. I testify that there is a God who sent His Son to help us on earth. I testify that on the third day Jesus rose. We can rise with Him if we remain faithful. Keep your faith in Christ, because that’s what it means, to believe in truths we cannot really understand because we cannot see them. When men prove faithful, other men reward them, so how much greater the potential for reward from the Creator for your faithfulness to Him! As you are faithful, He will be faithful to you.

On Thorns and Roses

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A female friend of mine in Vegas had a birthday this week but refused to tell me what day it was. I bought her flowers anyway. Originally, we were supposed to meet up Tuesday night, which turned out to be the day before her birthday, but she had to hurry off for something, and so the flowers sat in my house and then in my car until I finally got them to her last night. By then, they didn’t look as pretty, because I hit them with heat and with other things, but they still smelt amazing. Apparently she liked them better than roses, for the smell as well as for the absence of rose thorns, and I started to think about what roses mean and why people feel as they do about them.

One cliché that comes to mind is that we should be grateful that thorns have roses. There is some truth in this. Over the years, I have learned much about thorny, flowering plants. When you neglect them and they go wild, the vines will bramble, producing many thorns but very few flowers and fruits. Some berry varieties don’t make fruit at all unless you cut them. When my friend trimmed back his roses back in March, the bushes exploded with blooms so much so that his backyard is now full of bees! There is a principle in this, that without proper care, most of these plants bring forth very little fruit.

I know lots of people who quit early. Of the eight students I lost this term, seven of them quit because they were unwilling to pay the price. I suppose that’s for the best that we discover that now, but people who quit early never see fruits. I know lots of people who love to plant roses, my ex-wife included, who don’t want to take care of them, ibid. We all want to have things, but not enough sometimes to provide the nurturing care necessary to train them and work on them when the brambles of life appear in order to enjoy the blooms. Sure, we all love when people hand us flowers in bloom without taking much thought to the effort that went into cultivating, harvesting, and transporting the flowers. We pay the $29.99 to an online flower service and they just magically appear!

Tragically people do this far too often with other people. At the beginning, everything seems wonderful and we love the blooms because we get to see other people at their very best. Eventually, that bloom falls off, and we stare at the thorny bush that remains and wonder how we ever liked it in the first place. We think it’s become something else. The thorns are part of it. Just as natural roses do not have varieties void of thorns, normal people have their weaknesses as well as their strengths. During times of trial, we focus on the thorns in other people, and far too many people claim they “love” another only to flee when the wolves come. What we sometimes forget is that with the proper care and feeding of relationships the thorny vine can produce roses again.

The natural state of things is chaos. The natural state of things is that life is hard. It was meant to be that way God told Adam for our sake, to turn us to God and His Christ for help. This arrangement helps us discover what really matters to us because it asks us to stick with things to the end when we claim they really matter to us. By the sweat of our brow we eat our bread, and as we nurture and prune and tame and persist with the thorny vine it eventually bears fruit again. Each time we stick with something through the pruning season, we have the promise that there will be a harvest of beautiful flowers and succulent fruits for our efforts. Yes, the roses and the thorns come together, but it is not sad that roses have thorns but a boon that thorny vines also bear roses.

My mother taught me when I was young that anything worth doing was worth doing well. Consequently, when the going gets tough, I don’t quit. I dig in my heels and grunt with effort hoping and praying that things will work out as I like. Sometimes my endeavors fade quickly in the heat of the moment or under constant assault from outside forces, and sometimes the blooms fall off and reveal only the thorny bush. As I did with my yard, I continue to strive with things, knowing that sometimes I have brought back plants and opportunities from the brink of ruin and that if other people continue to stick with it our thorny bush can bear fruit again. We know the blooms, and we recognize their scent, and we know that it will be worth it if our efforts bear the fruit for which we hope. The thorns can give way to roses once more, and that provides us the hope to try again, the plant again, to work with renewed vigor towards the harvest. Sometimes we must put up with the thorns in order to be worthy of roses and to enjoy their fragrance and beauty in our lives. Only those willing to look past and go beyond them usually benefit from lasting blooms in their future. For the rest, I suppose there’s the internet and the low low price of $29.95 each time.

Words Unspoken

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After Sunday's Easter gathering, it seemed apparent to all of us that my grandparents are not long for this world. Consequently, I thank my parents and my God for the chance to see them all and speak with them at least one last time before they die. You see, too often we put things off until tomorrow, leaving gifts ungiven and words unspoken that we tell ourselves matter only to show otherwise. I have a picture hanging in my office at home that I never got to give to my paternal grandfather, who passed away three years ago this month, and I keep his picture around too.

Although I learned when I was young that this mattered, I apparently didn't make it stick until recently. When my father left for war, I was twelve I think, and I remember praying and asking God that He would bring my father back so I could tell him that I loved him at least one last time. During high school and college, there were times when I wanted to make sure they knew in case something happened to one or both of us, because I had friends in high school who died before graduation and friends in college who got into huge trouble just short of death. The year my grandfather died, I didn't feel too badly about it because I had learned to be better. When I traveled to Salt Lake City biannually, I made sure to stop by, and I called every other month or so, replied to my grandmother's letters, and sent pictures and updates. I only learned that after I was divorced, but at least I learned it now. Two nights before he died, I spoke with my grandfather on the phone for about a half hour, and I was on my way to visit the morning that he died. I dropped by anyway.

With this in mind, I have tried very hard to leave on the screen the words that I most desire people hear. Even though people give me repeated opportunities to comment on their asinine banalities, when I am direct, I decide usually to leave them with what I desire them most to know. Sure, sometimes I hold courageous conversations, sometimes I burn bridges, and sometimes I hold my tongue. However, sometimes there is nothing more to say. I have spoken my peace, and I hope that certain days will yet rather than be days that pass ignominiously become days I commemorate. The 24th of April means something to me, because someone special associated with it still means something to me, and if I could, there are words I would say, gifts I would give, and things I would do to reaffirm that I absolutely love absolutely.

At my grandfather's funeral, some of my cousins appeared inconsolable. Some of them live much closer to my grandparents and do not visit as much as they could, but I visited as often as I dared and communicated with them with regularity despite living hundreds of miles away. As much as it hurts to lose them, while they were here, I did try at least while in adulthood to realize what they were when I had access to them. When I spoke with my widowed grandmother this weekend, I told her how much I appreciate her now and how much I wish I'd appreciated her when I was younger and could have benefited more from a close association. I came to realize that some of my cousins had regrets about words unspoken, visits unmade, and "some days" that never came.  John Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these- it might have been." I did my part, and as sad as I am that things don't always turn out as I hope, it is some small consolation that I nourished when and what I could.

Words matter. Sometimes we say things that should not be said. Sometimes we make promises we cannot keep, and sometimes we do not mean the promises we make. Sometimes we keep back words that should be said. To be silent when they should protest makes cowards of men. Words can wound, but they can also salve. I have kept some words unspoken because they are not the lasting message, and I leave others for all the world to see because, at least for now, I still mean them. A few individuals who told me they didn't mean to hurt me had the opportunity to heal me. Instead, their silence deafens my ear. As the children's author wrote, "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent!" I am faithful. I try to live up to my word. Monday night in class, I delivered on a promise I made to a student two weeks before with something that may help her keep her job.  I might not do what you like when you like, but I do deliver, because I was taught to be an honorable man.  Furthermore, I have made other promises that I would like to keep if people give me the opportunity.

Time of loss offers us the opportunity to consider how well we say what we need to say. I wish sometimes that I had experienced loss of a family member when I was younger so that I could learn this lesson before I turned 30, but I thank God that when I learned it I was ready to learn it well. In the years since then, I have endeavored to be better and say things to people when I feel prompted and bite my tongue under similar conditions. I have gifts to give and words to say, and in some instances, I would simply reiterate the same things. If you meant something to me then, you mean something to me now. If you are still inclined to be part of my life, you meant something then, and so you mean something now. I cannot undo your choices, but I can decide how I regard them, and since I hope God will extend mercy to me, I stand ready to do the same. As He invites me to return, I extend the same opportunity.

The Word of God asked us to love our neighbors as ourselves. For this reason, He invites us to welcome back the prodigal, to continue to strive with the wayward, and to love people for who they are rather than on the contingency that they do what we prefer. Just as He loves us because of our natures, I continue to love some people because I know who they are and who they can be. I wish those well who made their decisions permanent. I still meant what I said. I still love them. I hope good things come their way. As much as I hope they do what I hope, their decisions do not make them bad people or unworthy of my love. Loving Christ means loving those who have earned the right to be strangers to us, to minister to them like the Good Samaritan. While it does not mean that we take them into our homes and give them all we have, it does require us to minister to their physical and spiritual needs, EVEN IF THEY HURT US.  Even more, it requires us to really love those we say we love and who are close and dear to us. It's a hard rope to walk, and sometimes we don't learn how until it's too late, but there is a probationary period set and a repentance granted, which repentance mercy claims. I find it interesting in the last year or so what God has NOT told me. I find it interesting that He has told me to continue to love, to hold my peace, and to hold my tongue and leave things on the screen that truly reflect what I feel. He tells me to remember what He told me.  He reminds me that even if His promises are not always swift, they are always sure.  I hope you know how I feel about you, that even if I never get to hold you or speak with you or kiss you that I love you. I will show that by being true. When you seek me, you will know how to find me, and you will know how I will be when you get there.

A very merry unbirthday to you all, unless of course today is your birthday, in which case I hope it is the most amazing day of the year for you because you are amazing, because you are worth 10 cows and more.

Because He Lives

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I had the great privilege of seeing this performed live yesterday, and I felt it was the best way I could imagine to commemorate the Easter Season. Just because Easter Sunday was yesterday doesn't mean we have to forget about Christ for the rest of the year or that it only matters today. Many people make jokes about the fact that members of certain Faiths only attend church on Easter and Christmas, and far too many Christians imagine themselves a God and Christ that expects very little of them and gives them whatever they like. The sad thing is that the sacrifice has been made, and because He lives all who likewise truly desire may join Him in the Father's rest.

Hallelujah! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth! Forever and ever hallelujah. Because He lives, we can too. It is the season of new birth, new goals, renewal, and repentance. We can reset, restart, resolve, and repent. Like the plants around us, we can start over, enjoy a new birth, and rejoice in the wonder of life from lifelessness. The winter of our life is dispelled by the warmth and brightness of the Son. The cold and dark are driven away by light and life and endless day where God's full presence shines. I thank my God that He lives. He gives me hope for a better world. He gives me hope that the things I desire most may yet be mine as I remain faithful.

Historically, the story tells us that when Handel first performed this piece, he stood during the chorus. Traditionally, the audience rises when it is played. That's why I find this my favorite tribute to the resurrection of Christ. It invites us to rise up, to rise above, to stand with Christ, to stand because of Christ. It gives each of us the chance to rise as Handel did to meet the Messiah, to rise because He lives to be where He is. Even if apocryphal, it makes a powerful image, and I feel the Spirit when this music plays. I hope you do too.

Stay on Target

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This weekend, a few friends and I went out into the desert for some marksmanship. My buddy had a few new rifles to sight in, and I have some I needed to adjust for me, so we joined a group of other people because I'm not sure where to go to shoot in this county, since I am not a cavalier when it comes to breaking the law. Several things about this group impressed me in a negative way, and I am not quite sure why they were out shooting at all. I saw some shenanigans that made me think just for a moment that some people shouldn't own guns. At least they ought be properly taught how to use and respect them. It served for me as an interesting allegory, the allegory of the marksman.

When we arrived, I discovered that we were first. This is a problem in several ways. First off, they wasted some of my time. I arrived for the 9AM meeting. We didn't leave the parking lot for another half hour. Secondly, I don't know where we're going, so having us there first is moot. Finally, if you arrive first, you get to face all the problems first, and so it does no good to arrive without the rest of your support or your unit in tact. That's how you get lost or lose your life. It's dangerous to go alone.

Coincidentally many of them arrived wearing red. I know from Star Trek that wearing red is foolish, as the red shirts have the highest chance of not returning from the away mission. Furthermore, historically, wearing red was what made the British so easy to attack during the Battle of Lexington because they were easy to see, particularly in the desert.

Most of them appeared to know little about proper range etiquette. As soon as we drove up, one of them opened fire immediately. It was extremely inconsiderate for him to start shooting before we donned ear protection, set up targets, and got situated. When the others left, we found the ground near them littered with brass casings. Now, I didn't find all of mine, but I do police my brass to leave the area as clean as possible. The BLM will shut down the area if people continue to litter helter skelter. At least twice, two of the others turned, with a loaded gun, and pointed it in my direction. When mine were not in use, the barrel was ALWAYS pointed downrange. This is an easy way to get accidentally shot as they tried to unjam a round or whatever with the gun pointed at another person.

I must look like a real dork, because they offered to help me shoot and to let me shoot their weapons. I don't think they thought much of us, and Alfredo was out for his first time. When I hit the target 5/5 at 35m with a Revolver, they shut up quickly. Later, when I hit the target 5/15 without a scope on an AR15 at 100m, and then 2/2 with a Mosin/Nagant at the same distance, they packed up and left. You see, we took time to actually figure out how our guns work. With one exception, it looked like most of them were out there trying to be macho and discharging weapons without much concern for accuracy or form. Alfredo even went so far as to say he didn't want them near him if we ever went into battle, and I agree.

I'm not much of a marksman, and I'm not into that much machismo. Partly this is because I actually shoot left while most guns and sights are designed for right-handed people. I got into firearms mostly for historical interest and as a skill, and so I have a wide range of sizes and calibres so that I know how they work, how to care for them, and how to shoot one in case I ever need to. However, it seems like most people go out to compensate for some other personal inadequacy, and far too many of them are as clumsy as they are stupid. My first time shooting was at scout camp in FL when I was like 13, and my first day I was awful. I learned how the gun worked, and by the end of the week, I earned that Rifle Shooting merit badge.

In life as in shooting, far too many people seem to set out without much of a plan. They arrive late, come unprepared, and work alone when they could benefit from the team. Rather than spend time setting their sights right so they can hit the target, they go out and try to do everything by eye, by feel, and by their gut, and although sometimes they get lucky, they don't tend to stay on target. We spent about an hour and about 20-30 rounds per rifle setting the sights so that we could achieve our goals. Time spent in preparation ahead of time saves you time when you need it. This is why athletes train, working people save, and people everywhere prepare for future possibilities. Proper preparation helps you stay on target.

When we fail in life, people tell us to change our sight, our gaze, and our goals. They seem to think that like the sour grapes allegory an objective that is difficult to achieve is not worth obtaining. Although 100m isn't that impressive of a distance in terms of competition, my ability to continually hit my target is what sets me apart. Imperfect human beings around us manage to randomly hit targets by luck and surge forward, but people who continually find their target and hit it tend to weather upsets better and achieve their goals more frequently than those who fly by the seat of their pants.

I have found that most people prefer to cheat. The people with whom we went out showed themselves worthy of scorn and reprove, but I didn't do anything other than show them up because if they decided they could shoot me when I'm not looking. An ambush like that doesn't make them better than I am, but it could make them the victor. I got some disappointing news at work this week that indicates to me that the college will continue to prop up people not based on their merit but on their relationship to the GOBNet. These are not people who consistently hit the target; they are people who fawn over those who infrequently manage to hit the target with luck. We have people who do not qualify in positions of authority all over this world, and they have their reward.

God reminded me this week not to measure myself by man's metrics. I sometimes worry that by doing what is right I will lose, but I will only lose on earth in that case. Do not think that there isn't restoration, retribution, and restitution after death. Even those who believe in karma claim to believe that it continues after they die, and the Lord who seeth in the secret of your heart shall reward thee openly. Stay on target. If the purpose for which you started the attempt seems just and brave and true, rather than deviate press forward resolutely. If it was right when you believed in it, prayed about it, and lived for it, it is right now. Do not let the winds of opposition discourage you from keeping the target in sight. You have practiced your faith, and it will hit the target eventually and consistently once you find your mark.

Health is in the Cells

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I finally completed all items required for the State's Health Insurance renewal this week. As I expected, I failed to meet the required BMI. Granted, they adhere strictly to the height/weight calculation in order to determine who is "healthy" because that's easy, but it doesn't tell them anything, at least not in my case. Consequently, I get to wear a biometric bracelet for about six months to record my physical activity and prove that I'm not overweight because I sit around eating cheetos. It doesn't tell the entire story.

Just because you are thin doesn't mean you are healthy any more than being overweight means you are in poor health. I saw a gentleman at the store this week who had massive biceps and triceps, and I bet he comes in as overweight when you consider the simple BMI calculation. Last spring, I went hiking with my buddy's nephews, one of whom was honest enough to admit that just because he was skinny didn't mean he was in shape. I have dated women who had both opinions. One woman refused to marry me because my waist was 32" and that was too big. One woman I dated admitted that she was skinny but not athletic. It's just quite simply not that simple.

Along with the biometrics, they took my blood. All of my results from last year indicate that I am a picture of health. Everything that should be low is low, and everything that should be high is high. I'm not an Olympian, but the blood says everything is in order except for my waist line. Even my hiking buddy told me after we went up to Mt. Charleston last week how much he hated the fact that I wasn't out of breath. He thinks I'm in better shape than he is despite the fact that I weigh about 30 pounds more than he does.

Years ago, I worked with a woman to make a video of my own blood. You can see what activities are going on by the cells in your blood and that indicates in one degree your level of health. Healthy Red Blood Cells are uniform in shape and do not clump. Healthy White Blood Cells will attempt to repair rather than consume your cells. Healthy blood is relatively free of pathogen cells and trash. As your blood gets healthier, it actually contains less foreign material. In other words, the more boring the video the better your health. Mine was pretty boring.

Whoever chose the BMI as an indicator will learn that in my case it means very little. The gym keeps records of my trips to play racquetball and how long I am there. The desk attendants can attest that I don't just stand in the court for 30 minutes, and some video footage might show just how well I play! What I do at home is less effectively documented, but my hikes are accompanied, and my buddy can attest that I can hike 3 miles/hour, which is the speed at which most people walk. My weight does not tell you any more about my health than an anorexic's tells you about their health. Waist line is just one measurement, and I'm annoyed to be harangued like this, only to show that it's a poor metric.

On one hand I understand- they want a better picture of health. For some coworkers, this means they will pay more. For others, it will mean they exercise more. It might help change the balance since most State employees are not in good health or shape and force people who are greater risk or lesser inclined to put forth effort to pay more. It's still overly simplified, and I reject the premise. My own wristband will show them that.

Fortunately for me, the phrasing doesn't sound like I will be penalized. What they actually require is that I participate in and record physical activity between July and February in order to receive the incentives to my monthly rates and continue to enjoy the coverage I have. In essence, it's about showing good faith rather than achieving a particular result, which sounds encouraging. Next year however I'll probably have to do it again unless I manage to lose another 7 pounds this year (I lost 13 compared to last year already but no accommodation for that appears evident) in order to get below their magical albeit meaningless BMI. Health is not just in the waistline, because sometimes that's misleading. When you cherry pick some information, you get a different answer. Facts are stubborn things, and so am I. I'll keep you posted.

Justice and Mercy

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Since yesterday was tax day, I frequently think back to years in the past when things were much different. When I first started teaching six years ago, I was unaware that my new wages would push me into the next tax bracket, and when I started my paperwork, I was about $500 in arrears. Not really sure how I was going to pay for that, I prayed, and then something very strange and very wonderful happened. A cop showed up at my office at work.

The officer informed me that my vehicle had been involved in an accident. I found that strange and stammered at first, since I was at work and had not left since arriving at 8AM. It turns out that a student, who was 17 at the time, had hit me while backing out of his spot and then tried to flee the scene. The police watched him do it, so when he fled, they caught him, and when he denied it, they pointed out how unlikely it was that he didn't notice when he had pushed my car over two of those concrete parking barriers and shattered my tail light. The officer then tracked me down in my office and came to get me so I could face the facts.

Quickly after that, the boy's father arrived. Since the boy was a minor, he was eager to find a solution that omitted the filing of charges and the filing of a report to his insurance. I told him that I had no other interest other than in setting things right. I took the car to three body shops for quotes and submitted them. He balked to discover that the average estimate (which did not include repainting Car2-D2) amounted to almost $900. I told him that if he felt that was unfair, we could always let his insurance company and the courts handle the matter.

Wisely albeit reluctantly, he offered me $600 for the damages. Wisely and excitedly, I accepted the offer. I met his wife at the bank where they asked me to sign a notarized document that I would settle for this, and then they handed me the cash. I spent some of it at the junkyard to buy a replacement fender and tail light, and then I sent the rest of the money to the IRS for my taxes. God had found a strange way to answer my prayer.

This story illustrates the balance between justice and mercy. Interestingly enough, the father never asked for mercy to completely rob justice. As upset he was to see that my trashy car cost so much to repair, he never asked or expected me to simply ignore it. It was always up to me to press charges, and since the boy was a minor who fled the scene, it could have scarred his record for life. Since the damage didn't really impede the car's function, I didn't need the full amount, and since the rest of the discoloration had nothing to do with the accident, I had no expectation that they should pay to repaint my entire car. The demands of justice were met- a restitution was made that set things right again. The pleas of mercy were heard- I asked for a fair sum to set things right again. Neither of them robbed the other, and the demands of both camps were heard and the only damage to this family was temporary. Besides that, the son learned a lesson, as I am fairsure his father made him work to pay back the money!

Like karma, too many people want the scales to tip always in their favor. They plead for mercy while they exact justice on everyone else. I knew this boy wasn't venom on me. He didn't even know me. I knew $900 was far too much. I let them make me an offer. That it happened to pay not only for the parts but also for my tax indemnity seemed to me an answer to prayer. Granted, I don't want my car hit every year so I can pay my taxes, but this remains to me an interesting personal allegory of justice and mercy, and it showed me that I can temper them both. You see, we often ascribe virtues to ourselves as yet undiscovered, and it's nice to discover sometimes that you really mean it. I was neither ready nor required to simply let it go completely, because that would teach the boy nothing, but I didn't make it arduous either.

Hopefully, he learned to drive better and escaped further problems. I know that I didn't cause any long-term issues that eliminated certain possibilities from his future. If I had pressed charges, he might be serving time in prison, and his parents might loathe me for utilizing the justice system. I made out well, and they were spared exigent consequences. Even the police seemed surprised that I never filed charges. It was too far out, and I knew it was best to seek only the justice that alleviated the current distress. That being done, I had done what was virtuous without harming justice while still attending to the requests of mercy.

In our lives, I think that's something we accept. In our future, I think that's how God handles us. I truly believe that He punishes us as much as He must and blesses us as much as He can. Mercy cannot rob justice, and justice cannot ignore mercy, and this kind of an arrangement satisfies them both. We all pray for mercy, and even I have things that I wish I could erase. I have to live with them, and I thank God that He taught me to be wise enough to stay away from things that would pollute me until death and beyond. I consider it mercy that God made sure that some things passed by me, and even in last year's debacle in August, I know that He might have saved me from some things. I know I have seen a little justice, but I have received far more mercy than I sometimes admit and ever deserve. That is good news.

Out of Egypt

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As some of you may know, I've been reading Josephus about the Exodus from Egypt. Coupled with our Sunday School lessons the past month in the Book of Exodus, several important lessons emerge from that study as well as recent ones that illustrate to me how the journey Out of Egypt is a metaphor for our own lives. It asks us to change ourselves and our destination and come closer to Christ.

Moving Out of Egypt

As long as Moses and his people remained in Egypt, they remained slaves to the baser nature of man and his oblique albeit futile quest for power. Under the Pharoahs, men are counted based on their associations rather than on merit, on their wealth rather than their virtue, and on the favor of another fallen man rather than on their favor with their Creator. In Egypt, everything was proscribed and provided. You did what you were ordered to do and received what others were ordered to give you. Someone else decided what options were available, and most men were condemned to slavery and death in a miserable existence. Men lived in fear of one another, and the law was up to the whim of a man.

The elites in this society justified it because they are bullies. In their arrogance, some people believe themselves to be better due to circumstances beyond their control or due to luck rather than on virtue or skill. In order to feed these delusions, they luxuriated and engaged in whatever their hearts desired, thinking it acceptable because they believed themselves better. This attitude persists today as people practice the pernicious and punish the penitent. We claim to be people of virtue and then play favorites. We claim that we want to be good when the desires of our hearts manifest in the things we actually choose. The Exodus asks us to consider both what manner of men we are as well as what manner of men we choose to be. Do we follow false gods like the Egyptians or do we humbly bow before the one true God like Moses does? Elijah might ask us as well as Israel "How long halt ye between two opinions?" God asks us to do things, and we do the opposite.

Ultimately, miracles are and were required to free us. Great manifestations convinced Pharaoh to let Moses go just as the Resurrection and Suffering of Christ persuades death and hell to surrender control over us. It takes many miracles because men are loathe to submit themselves to something higher, insisting that they matter and that some scintilla of power on earth matters a hill of beans. If the universe desired, it could destroy us immediately, yet in our hubris we think that we can alter fate, alter time, and control powers we don't even understand. We frequently forget that we have seen miracles because we haven't seen ones we recognize from scripture or because the ones we see don't change our lives into a panacea and because we misunderstand God's true end.

Moving Egypt Out of Us

Men cannot change their own nature. We treat people the way we really feel about them. We love those who hurt us and hurt those who love us. Our ends are short term and selfish, and so we find it hard to understand why God asks the things of us that He does. While in Egypt, we enjoy bread and circuses. We have jobs and food and a roof over our heads. We enjoy our iPADs and flirt with our neighbors and change the channels. We think we are free. We forget the precedence of the past. We forget that God has given us hope when He persuaded Pharaoh to let us choose our own adventure, defeated his army at the Red Sea and then cured the waters of Marah. In order to move Egypt's influence out of us, we must learn to rely on God rather than on man. We must learn to trust inspiration and direction rather than science and sophistry. We must trust that even when things don't turn out as we hope or even in a way that makes any sense that the universe does things that matter.

In order to purify ourselves for another place, we must travel through the Wilderness. In the wilderness, Jesus, like Moses, was purified from the vestiges of Egyptian society. Like any purging experience, it clears us of the diseases that plague most of the family of man. Like any kind of meditation, it directs us to a place where we can recognize God's blessings. It teaches us to rely on God rather than on ourselves or on other people, and we realize our true relationship both to God and to each other. Imagine how it might change your life if you truly recognized the hidden rudiments of a child of God in every person you encountered. Would we cheat one another, lie to one another, alienate one another, fill each other with narcotics, take advantage of other people's kindness or know people we should not in every sense, including the biblical? God asks us to love our neighbors as ourselves, but we treat our MyFaves with extra mercy and demand justice from strangers and enemies.  Far too often, we claim to love others and then do things to them that lie far from love.  Out of His love, God patiently invites us to return and revise our lives.  We learn to do things in God's way, in His timing, and for His ends rather than for our own, and we learn to trust that His promises, though not always swift, are always sure.

Like the Red Sea and the wanderings in Sinai, the journey out of Egypt teaches us that God protects and provides for us. He feeds us and waters us and leads us and defends us. Even in Canaan, the first battle fought involved no combat and only obedience to Divine Direction to topple Jericho. We learn by slugging out in the wilderness that even when nobody with skin on is around that we are never really left alone. We are afraid that we will be left alone and left to fend for ourselves. We fear to trust a God we cannot see and a future He promises while we decide to follow false gods on equally asinine future projections. In order to change our nature, we must turn to Christ to erase the old and make us new men. This process asks us to give up all of our sins to know God and to acknowledge that His end is something different than we might imagine and something better. Since when do we really know what we truly desire and what's best for us? God desires to fill the universe with copies of Himself.

Eventually we find our way to the mount where God asks us by whom we truly desire to be led. As CS Lewis wrote in Screwtape, He sends us sweet manifestations that seem significant and then leaves us to decide whether we truly desire to be led. Our choices when God withdraws His incentives tell us what kind of people we truly desire to be. In this moment, we learn things about ourselves, and if we don't like what we see, He invites us to change and provides us a Way. We are purified in the troughs and in the wildernesses. All pretense and pretending vanishes away when the trappings and adornments of Egypt vanish behind us, and we get to choose as they did to either stay in captivity or press forward to a land of promise.

Getting to the Land of Promise

Very few people who left with Moses arrived in the Land of Promise. Joshua and Caleb alone saw Egypt because they sought God's favor rather than man's. Rather than rely on the representations and experiences of men, they followed God's way. They were the ones willing to journey partway up the mountain with Moses and seek the true God rather than rejoice in the revolting.

Only those who are willing to trust God find their way to the Promised Land. God cannot dwell in the presence of the unclean, and so He asks us to rise up and rise above and go up on the mount. To do that, we must leave behind the things that burden us, the treasures of the world, and the pleasures of instinct and habit. To do that, we must focus our energies on things that really matter rather than on the lusts of that matter of which our bodies are comprised. To do that we must leave behind the interested albeit uninspired opinions of other people, even those who claim they love us, and trust God whose motives are always completely pure. In order to reap what He Who Subjected All Things Beneath Him has, we must subject ourselves beneath all things He asks. We must draw near to Him rather than ask Him to draw near to us. We must forsake the notion of commanding Him and be commanded of Him. To find God and happiness, we must leave everything from Egypt and everything about Egypt and everything Egypt had for us behind and rise up. Few find this way because we are not willing to change everything He asks to obtain everything He promises. We prefer to have our cake now and eat it too, even if there could be more.

All around us, people seek solace in the same old worn theories of man. Unable or unwilling to plan long term, they accept something small today rather than waiting for future blessings. This attitude is easy to understand because life is fragile and fleeting, and with nothing more than an awareness of the mortal realm, it becomes hard to imagine anything greater than we have been able to explore and experience. Reliant on the measurable and mutable, far too many men mock faith and stick with things they can see even while they talk of things they can't. If that is all you desire, then it promises you whatever you like whenever you like today while denying you other future things. If you desire more and really believe in and hope for a better world, then the Exodus shows you how to achieve it. You must get out of Egypt, get Egypt out of you, and then get Christ into your life. It's not enough to do a bunch of things and check off a list. You must change your nature if you desire to change your fortune. Sometimes, you must change your location, your vocation, your peer group, or your attitude, but always you must change your mind about who really rules the world. You can follow God and have everything or you can have today and risk no future increase.

God allows any who desire to partake of His promises if they do so of their own free and full will. Half-hearted measures will not suffice. You either follow Christ, or you follow the gods of Egypt. You turn to the Savior if you desire to go up on the mount and be where and what God is. The invitation persists. You are always welcome to get on the bus and ride out. There is a cost, and it's difficult for the proud, the vain and the powerful to admit that they are unclean no matter what THEY do. I have invited people to leave Egypt who ultimately decided that they were not willing to risk it. Consequently, they remain either in bondage or wandering in the desert until God purifies them. You are a choice generation. So many choices are available to you. You must make them eventually or they will make you. As Joshua said after becoming the Prophet, Choose ye this day whom ye will serve. As Elijah admonished "How long halt ye between two opinions?" All I have ever asked of those I meet is to find out the will of God and do it wholeheartedly. I invite you all to come out of Egypt. I testify that the rewards are worth it. Even if I'm still single, I enjoy a peace of mind because I started trusting Him to lead me through rather than assuming I have all the answers. Some day, maybe the rest of my hopes will come true too. Until then, I trust where He leads, because I know from the Exodus that it's always worth it in the end to trust God's inspiration and direction if you are really willing to leave Egypt.

"Fair" Pay

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I get very tired of people talking about how the pay gap is unfair. My students were surprised last night to discover I drive a car without power steering. One of them couldn't understand how I could possibly even manage that. The fact is that men and women are different, and things will be different. Changing pay to close a gap is neither fair nor equal, and the data show that.

Consider the politicians who clamour for equal pay and their hypocrisy. The data show that Obama's White House pays women 91% of what men make. Similarly, many of the Democrats behind yesterday's law that was blocked by the GOP follow Obama's example. Warner pays 72%, and Bagich pays the lowest at 71%, meaning that Democrats must hate women. Like usual they project their faults on others. In other words "whoever smelt it dealt it".

My own organization is the same. I prepared the following graph which shows that not only do we employ more women than men, but that the women outearn all of the men. Only one of the women has a PhD, and she is the only woman who has an advanced degree in science. The woman who has an advanced degree besides her has an MBA. They are paid, not on equal work, but dependent on time in service to the state. In other words, we are not paid equally at all. In fact, the paperwork will show that in the last two years two female coworkers received raises, and one of them had a reduction in work performance standards whereas I had an increase in my workload with ZERO pay raise.

I am not grousing; I am educating. Facts are stubborn things, and the fact of the matter is that women are not paid less because they are women. In fact, if anything the data shows that some women earn more than they deserve. It does not make it fair to give someone a raise due to a perceived injustice or because they are part of a particular demographic. Personally, I don't care who you are, what you believe, or from whence you come if you are the best choice. I was originally awarded my position because my former boss believed I was the best candidate, and many of my coworkers agree. However in my group, it appears that I have risen to the level of my incompetency by never rising at all. That is after all the rumor- that people are promoted because they are nincompoops.

Ironically enough, they only have to make a gesture. Some people already received 20% pay adjustments, but because I am officially a state employee, my additional compensation is exactly zero at this point with no prospects. If you are going to give some people raises for time in service, then you should do it for everyone. Either the rule applies or it doesn't, and if the rules are subject to change without notice and always in your favor, that's tyranny.

Rather than talk about fairness, I think we need more talk about justice. The powermongers in our world are so eager to expand their power by doling out exigent mercy in the form of special privileges for some that they rob justice. It is a miscarriage of justice to ignore a qualified contributor because that person meets a demographic that is considered privileged and buoy up another person regardless of disparate performance so as to meet quotas. In the end, it does the greatest injustice to the students when they refuse to hire the best person for a position in favor of someone less qualified but who makes the organization appear more diverse. That's not fair to anyone, and it's not just to anyone either.

You keep using these words that do not mean what you think they mean. Justice and equality mean different things from how they appear when politicians parlay. People commit many injustices against some in order to be "fair" to the rest. I find this completely contradictory. If you consider the family of man, that we are all God's children, then how we treat one another reflects on how we feel about ourselves. If all men are brothers, then harming one to help another is no better than leaving things alone. First do no harm. Every time we cheat, ignore, injure, or mistreat any of our fellow men, it is the same as if we did that to our own kin. Even worse, we commit those crimes against our Maker, because they are His children. Mercy cannot rob justice, and in the end, what's truly fair finds its way to be, and if you robbed justice for personal gain, especially at the abject cost to someone else, be prepared to pay. That's only fair. Those who demand an eye for an eye need to be prepared to lose their own if they take one unjustly.

He is What He Is

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You know I hate cliches, and one of my least favorite is "It is what it is". Sometimes I think people say that when they despair and when they decide to give up on something. In essence, they say it when they give up faith in something dear to them. I have found that like most cliches this can be repeated because it has a seed of truth hidden within it. No matter what you believe, the truth remains. It is not changed by data or opinion polls or through bribery or as a result of abusive behaviors. Truth is like a lion. It is feared. It is attacked. Ultimately, it defends itself.

Far too often, I find that I must boldly and nobly defend myself. I am an ordinary man, and I do not pretend to be a paragon. I am sometimes disappointed to learn truths about myself, but I have also learned great things about what I really mean and really believe. Often, these discoveries make me feel alone, because I really do aspire to things that seem to be mere lip service from most people. I try very hard to be on my best behavior at all times, and I don't think many of the people who know me well could say they would have done better consistently. My friends, few though they may be, and my admirers, however furtive their admiration may be, remain that way because they know that I am what I am, and they knew that I will not be moved. Even if they don't like what I am, at least they know what to expect from me. They know what to expect because I remain constant like my heroes.

When the Romans took Jesus down from the cross, a crushing weight of despair must have washed over His disciples. Until they saw the risen Savior, some of them did not believe. Even today, many people do not believe in Christ or believe Christ. They walk around and talk about how Jesus was a great moral teacher and a prophet, apparently able to shut out that, when Jesus read from the scriptures, He chose Isaiah 61:2, which tells of the Messiah's coming, and then tells the chiefs of the Jews that He is the Messiah. Apparently they can ignore the fact that Jesus tells Pilate that He was born to be the King of the Jews. As CS Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, "A man who said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to." Either Jesus is the Christ, or He is a lunatic, and everything He said should be ignored. Only a fool would quote a man they recognize as insane.

When the first generation of believers of my Faith heard word that Joseph Smith had been murdered by a mob in Carthage, IL, a similar crushing weight of despair washed over them. Even some of his descendants split with the Faith and decided to go against the things Joseph taught and told them God intended for His people. Far too many of the members of my Faith talk about the church as if the doctrines are some sort of buffet from which we may take as little of some things as we must and as much of others as we desire. Some of them apparently find themselves able to empathize with Joseph's quest for truth as he turned to James 1:5-6 for answers and then ignore the events that followed. From his own account, Joseph tells us how he literally saw how, in a grove near his parental farmhouse, God the Father and Jesus the Christ appeared to him. Three years later, they appeared again and commanded him to restore the Church of Jesus Christ. Joseph was never shy about this claim, even though he knew that saying so would mean his name would be held for good an evil by generations. He had seen a vision. He knew it, and he knew that God knew it, and he could not deny it. Either Joseph was a charlatan who founded a false faith that leads men away from God and His Christ or he is the Prophet of the restoration. Only a fool would cherry pick his quotes, call him a snake oil salesman and then ignore the end game that the Prophet Joseph declared he intended to fulfill.

When someone I love unfriends me somehow, either by telling me or simply through a cessation of communication, a crushing weight of pain and sorrow washes over me. Except when I am personally and emotionally involved, it is easy to pray and move on with my life, trusting their fate and their salvation to the hands of other more capable individuals. In those times, I ask forgiveness for not being good enough. Sometimes however, people I love, and people with whom I wanted a family and children and the fullness of blessings of eternity declare not only that they never knew me, but that they don't want to know me, and that I owe them for deceiving them. The very reasons, that I am a man of Faith, for which they once drew near to me become the reasons they use to justify a separation. My character flaw is that I am who I am.

Truth is the only constant in life. It is what it is. Either Christ is a raving lunatic or He is the Son of God. Either Joseph Smith made everything up and was a complete charlatan or he restored the gospel of Jesus Christ. Either I am a ravenous wolf in sheep's clothing, or I am a man of God. By their fruits shall ye know them. Any person who believes that God has helped them or communicated with them through me who then thinks that I am a soldier of the devil believes two things that are mutually exclusive. Any of you who admire me and yet think I am deceived are a paradox. When we choose a hero, we are not inspired by people who meant well but failed. When we pick a leader, we do not pick people whose attempts always fail. When we choose a belief system, we do not pick something that is built on a false premise. Virtuous ends come from virtuous means.

Fortunately for all of us who rely on the mercy of the Atonement, Christ is who He is. Christ is the son of God. Fortunately for all of us who wish to know how to change our dispositions to better follow God, there are Prophets on earth today. Joseph is one of His Prophets in this dispensation of time. Fortunately for those I have hurt by my inadequacies and weaknesses, I am just some guy who tries to follow a God he has never seen. I will not abandon Him. If I did, I would be completely alone. He is what He is. He is my friend. He is the only thing that buoys me up from day to day. He is my defender. He is my champion. He has led me to better places. He could make everything wonderful for me if He chose to, but He knows as well as you and I that what we achieve cheaply we esteem lightly. I appreciate the view from the East Rim of Zion because I paid the price to rise early, drive hundreds of miles, and hike to the top. Whereas my crime is that I am who I am, I try to turn people to that I AM in whose name each of you can find peace in this life and eternal joy in the life to come. The testimony of Christ is the spirit of prophecy. Judge ye for yourselves whether I am a lunatic or a prophet. Judge for yourselves whether this is either a waste of both our time to read and write these words or whether I invite you to do good, serve God, and turn to the Savior. I have heard them speak to me. Remember that with what judgment you judge you shall be judged. Fortunately for all of us, myself included, final judgment is His.

Rights and Responsibilities

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I awoke this past Wednesday morning and finished everything necessary to leave at 6AM to see a doctor. Just as I prepared to leave the house, the phone rang, and the woman at the other end informed me that my appointment would be cancelled because my doctor had called in sick. I am only going to see one because the State says I must in order to qualify for health insurance, and so it's a great inconvenience to have my appointment on the only day he's called in sick for years. I try very hard to be on time for class, and when I can avoid it I don't cancel classes without significant advanced notice, even when I would like to do so. You see, with rights come responsibilities.

By and large, I have very few of either. I am accountable for nobody but myself, but I am accountable to many people. For the most part, my superiors let me do things my way as long as certain benchmarks and road signs are met as I do so, and ultimately my Maker will hold me accountable for the person I become. In fact, I heard this week an interesting thought without attribution, but I'll share it here: on the day you die, hell might actually be that the person you are meets the person you could have become. As so many of the young people with whom I interface regularly relish in the revolting, I wonder how many of them may have cause to regret their choices when they discover at death that there is more to existence than this blink of an eye.

Last night at conference, Dallin Oaks reminded us that rights come with responsibilities. Far too many people think that they can exist without those for whom they are accountable but that their subordinates cannot exist without them. There would still be sheep without a shepherd. They might not be as healthy or as many, but there were sheep before there were shepherds.

Sometimes I wonder about accountability and responsibility. For my own part, I rejoice most of the time that my stewardship extends only to myself, my extended family, and the people I encounter for the duration of our encounters. I also consider it a blessing that certain positions of authority and responsibility are ones to which I neither aspire nor are ones for which I qualify. Several years ago, while conversing with a leader of my church congregation, when I could tell that he intended to extend to me a calling to fix the problem I saw, I reminded him that I do not qualify. As Elder Oaks reminded us, some things God asks of men can only be done when the man called is coupled to the power of a help meet to support and sustain him and keep him in check.

Although I cannot remember the exact quote, Elder Oaks said something that touched me. He spoke that those with authority should worry less about rights and more about responsibilities. I see this everywhere. I see young people who want the privileges of adulthood without obligation to meet the burdens of routine, immigrants who demand the rights of citizenship without the obligation to conform to the law and integrate, parents who want the privileges of parenthood without the obligation of caring for their young, and people everywhere who demand the benefits of Discipleship without the obligation of having to follow the Master.

We live in a wonderful time. No matter how the spin doctors may describe it, today offers us a plenty that no other time or people has ever known. Most of us do not have to toil all day just to feed ourselves and our families. Most of us recreate and luxuriate in excesses that would bring the scorn of our ancestors and the envy of their oppressors. After Elder Oaks spoke, I heard Elder Ridd say that the abundance of choice comes with an abundance of responsibility. Where much is given, much is required. It is not asked or commanded or a nice thing, but it is a requirement. It is a universal principle that there is an accountability and that consequences follow our choices.

I trust in God and hope for things that I cannot see. I lived the life I was taught would lead to the consequences I desired most. In fact the only time I have ever chosen what I wanted in the moment over what I wanted most was the only time of my life is one that I would change if Christ had not already changed it for me. When I finally studied the Declaration of Independence, I understood that it abjured men everywhere who had the capability to take responsibility. Instead, they take credit and spurn responsibility. Instead they imagine rights they do not have while desperate to avoid the consequences of their choices.

I have no special issue with my new primary care physician. I do not know him. I do not know you perhaps either. However, if you are in a position of authority and responsibility, then it comes with an accountability. Eventually you must return and report, and then the special discounts, fancy cars, clothing allowances, and the other expense accounts and special favors you enjoyed as a means to assist you in that office will not help you face the Master when you produce the single talent He gave you unmagnified, unmultiplied. Just as I had with my doctor last week, people expect things from you. Just like the scriptures tell us, where God blesses us with great things, He REQUIRES things from you.

Perhaps the greatest thing He requires us is to stand up for what is right because it is right. Elder Monson reminded us all last night of Paul's admonition to not be ashamed for Christ. Several years ago, I stood in a meeting while a superior went off on a tirade about how members of my Faith should all be killed because of what we believe. I was not the only member of my Faith in attendance, and I knew that one of them was not only a pillar of his congregation but also a pillar in Human Resources. When they all looked away as if hoping to go unnoticed, I stood up and invited the man to come meet with missionaries at my house any time. Fortunately, there were no consequences at that time, but I am certain that I have been punished sometimes because of what I believe. I have a responsibility to stand up for that. I know that much has been given, and I hope that God will be pleased with how I stood when asked to stand. Like my physician, I am known by what I aspire to live. I try very hard to live a life of which I can be proud to give an accounting, so that when people rely on me for spiritual medical assistance I will be ready, present, and able to render assistance. I am not a paragon, but I will be true, for there are those who rely on me.

Philosopher as Vocation

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One of my periodic readers sent me a note thanking me this week for my philosophical comments. I know that this person and I don't really look at things the same way, and so I consider it great praise to be thanked for things with which this person may not actually agree. Like my first book, the real purpose of this blog is to get people to think, and if I do that, then it has accomplished its purpose. I kind of laughed when I received it, because a PhD is a "Doctor of Philosophy". My best friend frequently opines that philosophy isn't a vocation like it used to be, but if it were he would do it. Yet, that's what most of these lettered people really are- philosophers.

I don't get paid to philosophize. In prior semesters, students have asked me why I don't teach philosophy or religion or history or English. You see, according to my transcript I know nothing about any of those things because I didn't take classes on them. Actually according to my transcripts, I am illiterate, because I didn't take any English or any other language for that matter. I kind of wonder sometimes how all of these people with a PhD managed to receive one when they don't seem to know much about their own discipline, let alone any others.

I learned philosophy and these other subjects on my own. Sir Walter Scott has been attributed with this assertion that "Every man who ever amounted to anything had the chief hand in his own education". My library is full of books I read long after I stopped attending college classes. I learn about things now because I desire to know, and I share the things I do because I feel that knowing them might help you make better decisions.

Philosophy deals with decisions and values. Like my friend, your values may differ from mine, and so your decisions must differ of necessity as well. I offer you the only thing I can- the gift of myself, the gift of MY attention to details and history and religion and science, because that's all I have to offer. I can only offer really the things that I really am. I see this as an opportunity to help you by sharing what I do so that you may learn from me and from my mistakes. If you don't like what you see, then consider this a blessing to learn to be wiser than I.

I don't have all the answers. I don't even know if I have all the questions or asked the best ones. When I receive answers, I am not sure I understood or interpreted them correctly. Most of my doubts are only due to hindsight. In the moment, they made sense. Perhaps that's why I am merciful and patient with people who might not deserve it. Not everyone had the parents or the educational opportunities or the living surroundings I had. Even if they had, they might still see things differently from the way I see them. Philosophy is a point of view, and since I don't have them all, I cannot possibly describe anything perfectly or do anything expertly.

That does not stop me from doing all that I am able. Philosophy is also a science, because it invites the philosopher to ply his trade and prove his words. It's more difficult because it does not produce things that are easily measured. Sometimes the evidence countermands the truth because the soft sciences are harder to control. They involve people after all, and people are imperfect. I am a philosopher most of the time. Even in class, I share what I believe. While I don't plaster stickers on my car, anyone who reads what I write or talks with me in my office knows that I am not your average biochemistry graduate.

Philosophy isn't really a vocation. Even the PhD candidates by which I am surrounded are paid to pass on a consensus rather than help people find their own answers. We teach people to answer questions rather than to solve problems. The only way in which philosophy has paid for me is in self-discovery. Most of what I claim and live is true, and when I find weaknesses in my armor or my resolve or in my conclusions, I fix those things as much as I am able. I know that there are people I have hurt owing to my human frailties, and that pains me more than words can describe. If I have hurt you, please know that I would do anything I could to heal you and that knowing I have caused you pain is one of the worst things I experience. Let me know, and in what ways I can, I will repair it.

My philosophy is the philosophy of the Atonement. I believe in making bad men good and good men better through Christ. Repentance has many R's, and I know some of them remain as yet unfulfilled in the lives of some people. Recognize, Remorse, Recount, Recant, Restitution, Resolve, Rinse, and Repeat. I am resolved to be a better man, but until I do what I can to make it right, it feels as yet unfinished to me. I would repair it if I am able. Where I cannot, I leave it to my Savior and hope for mercy.

I'm an April Fool

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Although I'm not much for the pranks associated with today, I do a lot of silly things. Sometimes they are silly because I'm completely naive or unaware of what's actually going on. Sometimes I do them to entertain. I realized however that this is something that I inherited, that it's part of me, and so I find it appropriate to mention now.

I tell a lot of jokes in class. When we talk about the law of gravity, I tell a joke about a failed attempt to get a date. Unlike what most people think, gravity has nothing to do with "falling"; it says that two objects are accelerated towards one another according to the inverse square of their distance to mass ratio. In other words, gravity keeps us on earth because we are very close and very small compared to the earth. In space, there's nothing nearby of significantly different mass, and so gravity doesn't really work like we think it does here. So, when a young lady blew me off because I was too fat, I dismissed her and told her, "Nonsense, you should be more attracted to me because of my greater mass." She didn't understand, but some other listeners chuckled, and the students snicker too, so it serves its purpose.

My interest in this kind of humor came from the way I was raised. My parents made sure they gave us access to classics from their youth, including the entertainment antics of Danny Kaye. We really enjoyed watching The COurt Jester as a family, so much so that we continue to quote it to each other because of its entertainment value. When my siblings and I gather, we trade lines and share laughs as we remember doing things together as a family.

I pass some of these on to other people besides my siblings and nieces. When my cousin came through to visit with his clan of sons, I wrestled with them. As they escalated the fighting, I broke out the "aroshio toshio" which is the tickle torture to which my father subjected us when we were young. Soon we were all laughing as we tickled one another instead of hitting one another, and when I told my dad, he told me that this was a tradition passed down from HIS father. It might actually be a Japanese phrase since my paternal grandfather was a missionary to Japan, but I don't know and I doubt it's spelled correctly. I was looking at pictures Sunday night, and I found a screen shot of a friend who no longer talks to me passing one of these gestures back to me when I had a rough day. Like my dad, I put socks on my ears to look goofy when people are sad, and she had socks on her ears in this shot. It's interesting what gets passed on to others.

I am an April fool. Born in April, and infused with a sense that the world is mad, I mock myself in class all the time, because I'm the only person I can legitimately mock, and because if you can't have fun with yourself, you're not really all that much fun or that clever. I make them laugh. I told one woman I dated that if she married me I'd do everything I could to make her laugh or smile every day. I have a lot of Doug jokes, and most of them are pretty lame, but contrary to popular belief I do laugh and smile quite frequently. I had a funny idea thanks to Danny Kaye to be a jester. I wonder what other antics and jokes and stories people pass on or keep, or if they keep them at all.