Chemistry and Connections

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Summer term ends next Thursday, so I’m eagerly engaged in tying things together before the students leave for other pursuits. Last night, we started talking about chemical compatibility and the interaction of functional groups. I told them that this is why when you squash one ant the others all go berserk- they picked up on a chemical trail. Even among humans we make chemical connections which accounts sometimes for couples that don’t make much sense to you as well as holding people together in tough times. We are connected, and the connection is often chemical.

Unnurtured these connections fade. A few weeks ago I went through my cell phone contacts and removed everyone who ignores my calls or messages. No matter how much I may want to nurture something, if the other person isn’t interested, the connection will break and die. I have a few friends with whom I can pick up right where we left off as if it were yesterday, and even my late friend for all of the times she came to town and didn’t tell me or visit me had a relationship with me that she nurtured enough that we could pick up any time about anything and move it forward.

Often the connections fade because of things we actively do. I suspect most of the folks in my contact list who didn’t write back chose not to. I know many of them moved away, others got married to men who don’t like that we talk, and other things in life took on larger priorities than the one I hold. Other times, people burn the bridges, which I know well having burnt plenty of my own in my life. The one time I burned one hard, I still feel like it was the right thing to do. She doubled down and is living a mediocre life on the eastern seaboard.

Other times the connections fade owing to powers beyond our control. After almost seven years, my Motorola V3 RAZR finally quit working suddenly yesterday morning. Consequently, I lost at least for now all of the pictures I took with that phone and the contacts programmed into the phone’s memory. Among the pictures was a picture my late friend sent me only weeks before she died with the caption “This is my favorite picture of us”. Now I have no idea who is calling or how to get ahold of anyone. It’s not my fault the phone died. Sometimes things are beyond us.

Today is the anniversary of a connection I once made with someone special to me. I haven’t seen this person for over a year and only heard from them once since last summer when they decided it was time to part ways. As much as I thought this person really meant to reconnect, and as much as the connection still means to me, I don’t really know for sure what the point of it was. Where I cannot control who stays in my life, I can control what I do with those who do stay. So, I decided to visit both of my brothers and their families before the year ends because they’re not going to decide they don’t want to be my brothers anymore and disavow me. They say that blood is thicker than water, and at least in my case it certainly has proved to be the case.

As a chemistry professor, I still believe in chemical connections and chemical compatibility. I meet other people, and they have their strengths, but they’re just not the same. They don’t awaken the kind of responses in me like one person once did, and so there is only vapid response and fallow soil. The same principle that operates in the lymph nodes and activates memory cells to protect the organism from an infection still hasn’t excited my body to action. For my part, the connection was strong, and anything less just isn’t enough to get me to forget what once was mine.

Refining Finer Ore

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As a chemistry professor, I frequently think about the purification of compounds and the processes and energy involved in such processes. In a recent email I received from a close associate, an allusion was made to the refiner's fire in purifying gold, and so I started thinking about this process. Paradoxically, the closer you get to pure ore, the more work it takes and the more impurities you find. This runs contrary to our expectations. We expect things to get easier and to give us a more obvious return, and as in ore, this process in people tends to reveal in us things deep down that we never realized were there in the first place. In fact, I have heard it said that the closer you come to being like God the further you will realize you are from Him. As you get closer, you realize just how much more there is to change.

In character as in chemistry, things of similar nature tend to aggregate. When I brought back ore from the river in Alaska last summer, the workers were excited to see some mercury ore in my tailings. You see, this meant that the vein was exposed and that they could go up where I was and glean even more than I could. They knew the telltale signs of compatible chemistry, that things of similar nature behave similarly. Where there is mercury, there is also gold or silver or other similar ores. The gold and silver make us rich; the mercury can kill us. As we are purified by the trials of life and the mercies of the Savior, we find more and more things about ourselves that are inconsistent with our hopes for our own nature. Truth is that we are fallen, we are weak, and we are corrupt. Truth is that along with the gold there is also poison like mercury hidden amongst the rudiments of our divine nature. As we are purified, it gives room and opportunity for other things to come forth that we didn't know were there. God's fires of adversity are there to bring forth all of the impurities in us, not to discourage us, but so that they can be confronted. You cannot fix a problem if you do not know it exists, and so disappointing as it might be to find a new weakness in yourself, at least now you can face and conquer your own Goliaths. Until and unless we are willing to give up the last rudiments of our rebellious selves, Christ cannot make us fit for the Father's kingdom.

Paradoxically then, the purer gold gets, the more it takes to rid us of the tiny bits that make us contaminated. When things are of similar nature, they take extra work to differentiate and separate. Some of the techniques I teach in lab and learned in school take lots of time or expensive chemicals or dangerous processes in order to separate things that are of similar nature. You see, gold shares in common certain qualities with other substances. Those other substances are not of value, and so we want to remove them because they mean we cannot sell ourselves for the right price, the best price, and make of ourselves the right people, the best people of which we are capable. As the process increases in difficulty, we confront demons or habits or patterns of behavior in ourselves that are not only contrary to happiness but also contrary to our hope to dwell in God's presence. It takes a great deal to be willing to let go of our favorite sins or to face things about ourselves of which we cannot be proud. When things share a great deal in common, it takes extra energy to separate them. It is for this reason that I maintain that it is impossible to save yourself without Christ. Only He has the power necessary for this kind of chemical change.

Do not be afraid to discover your weaknesses and impurities. We are all fallen. Our lives and our mistakes and our setbacks are not to show us that we are weak and fallen. God already knows that. That discourages us. These things exist because they show us how much we need the Savior. They show us that God loves us. Our weaknesses are so that we will come unto Him, be healed of Him, and return to His presence. They are a gift. They are invitations to rise up and rise above. Every single one of God's servants, no matter how many or great their shortcomings, needed the atoning blood of Christ. Through Him, they have a future. I recall a billboard on the highway in Florida that invited the reader to the following action: "When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future." Although you made mistakes and were not the person your dog or Kat thought you were, for the man who repents of his sins, the promise stands: "I the Lord remember them no more". If He cannot remember, then neither should anyone else.

Failures teach us two things. They show us where we need to focus our efforts. They also show that we are actively engaged in working out our salvation with our God. Although it is not true that everyone has a future, everyone CAN have a new future, a fresh start, a clean slate, thanks to the sacrifice and resurrection of the Savior. The closer you come to Him, the more you recognize the weaknesses in yourself and feel a desire to make them right. As your sight becomes clearer, you notice more things that need to be changed for the better. Although it might not look to you that you are becoming better, other people will notice. My students know that I correct my own grammar in class and that I use different "more colorful metaphors" than they do. You may not have reached the pinnacle, and it may be difficult for you to see the changes and the improvements because you live with yourself and you are intimately familiar with your weaknesses, but others will notice. Besides that, the Lord that seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

It has been said that the only people who really fail are those who quit. We rise and rise again until lambs become lions. When in doubt, we look upward. When we fall, we seek mercy. When we discover our weaknesses, we turn to the Savior. The adversary wants you to quit and give up, admitting that it's useless to resist. He wants you to just go with the flow of your fallen nature and allow the impurities to dampen the brightness and the value of the gold in your soul. He wants you to think that since you can't change yourself that change isn't possible. Failure is not an option. You only fail when you quit. The work of purification is simple. You submit yourself to be saved by the Savior and then you do the best that you can. When He gave talents to His servants, He didn't ask them to meet a quota. He just wanted you to make something of what you had, not that He needs your help but that it shows whether you truly desire to be refined.

The refining process is not a short or easy one. It comes with some surprises. The greatest problem we have since we are the recipient of refining fire is that sometimes it doesn't look like we're getting better. As it continues, we notice things about ourselves we didn't know and sometimes do not like. We learn the truth about ourselves. We learn just how much longer the process would take than we thought or hoped. We learn just how much we need the Savior to finish us, because we cannot separate some things from us due to similarities between abhorrent behavior and our fallen nature. It's not about being fallen or being perfect. Our lives exist to show us how much we need Christ's help. He isn't satisfied with anything less than the real and purified us. No unclean thing can dwell in His presence, so when you turn to Him expect Him to put you through refining fire until you are ready. You can be pure ore or you can stay as you are. The latter is up to you; the former depends on you turning and submitting to Him.

Jury Duty

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Last week, I appeared for Jury Duty. Since we were being prescreened for a trial that begins in several weeks, I'm not sure about the disposition of my status as a potential juror, so I cannot discuss the particulars. Instead, I wanted to share with you some of my perceptions as I did in years prior when I served at the polling place. I was fascinated by the things I saw, and not all of it was bad, but it was not something I enjoyed, and I feel bad for the people who work there.

First off, the people who work as staff impressed me. I don't know how many times they repeat the same presentation, but the coordinator had her remarks not only under control but well articulated. Although I could tell it wasn't verbatim, she knew her material and covered it effectively and efficiently while dealing with a large group of very disparate individuals. She fielded the asinine questions with grace, poise, and panache, and the clerks who worked for her were efficient and professional.

The other jurors were a mixed bag. I noticed a ton of people who didn't apparently know how to follow instructions. People rose before their number was called, wore clothing that was forbidden, asked questions she already answered or ones she already said she would address earlier, and seemed unable to follow simple instructions. Although the majority of people sequestered themselves with as many vacant interstitial seats as possible, the only person who decided to reseat himself took MY seat. He was probably the most paradoxical. He wore a hat, talked while she talked, shot video of the introductory training video, and constantly went up to the desk even though he hadn't been called. Along with him was his girlfriend, but we're not supposed to bring people with us. I guess the rules don't apply to him. Loads of people parked in the wrong spot, and some of them sounded upset that they would have to pay their own parking. I couldn't believe this constituted a group of my "peers".

We learned that although controversial nobody is exempt. One of the judges, a former governor, and a sitting state senator have served on juries. That made me feel better about the process since people are not considered special just because they occupy certain positions of authority. I'm sure that annoys some people and inconveniences others, but at least the duty applies to all citizens and not just those who live and work at sidewalk level.

The true outcome was a mix of expectations. Contrary to my expectations, I saw lots of people whom I classified as normal. There were even some attractive albeit older women and some well groomed men. I saw young people and old alike, rich and poor, educated and illiterate. The few people with whom I spoke seemed to be people whose company I would enjoy in any other circumstance. Although typical jury duty averages 2-3 days, we were told this trial would last 2-3 weeks. That's significantly higher than average. It also came with a rather lengthy questionaire, and although I was among the middle of those who received it, most people seemed to complete it rather quickly. I'm hoping that means they didn't have much to say or a preconceived opinion which makes them a better candidate for service than I.

Honestly, I would like to serve on a jury. I think it would be cool if it only took a few days and didn't interfere with teaching. This trial comes right at the beginning of the next term, which means I could get squeezed off the schedule because of it, which would annoy me. I don't really know how it will come down, but it was illuminating to report at least, and if selected, I will serve and enjoy the chance to learn what it's like from that perspective. Everything can be a learning experience if you let it, and since I work for the state it won't cost me leave or my job. Maybe when it's over they'll even give us stickers like they do at the election that tell people we served on a Jury. Yay stickers!

Tenacity

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Frequently I wonder why God would ask me to do anything at all. This week a former student told me that I don't give myself enough credit. I told her that evidence suggests that I'm a poor choice for most things. Most of my sturies that even have endings have sad ones. When it came up with my hiking buddy on the trail this week, he credited me with a single word that makes me a special choice- tenacity. From its earliest introduction in our lexicon, tenacity referred to a firmness and persistence even to obstinacy, a cohesion and an adhesion that leads a man to stick with something until the end. He said that's what makes my faith noble- to continue on even when I'm not sure I have heard the message correctly, to continue on even when nothing seems to happen when I act.

I have several talents that contribute to this status, talents I received from God that I have nurtured for when and if He decides to ask something of me:

1. I am available. For all the greater capacity others may possess, if they are disinclined to acquiesce to God's request or if they are distracted by the devil's dissonance, they are of no use. I remember as a missionary when my first District Leader read us a letter from his mother. His mother detailed a dream to him in which she saw God talking with his angels and saying, "We'll wait until he's finished, and then we'll whisper him these important instructions." That elder told us he resolved to be available. I don't know whether or not he reached the expectations of himself he set that day, but I have.

2. I am easy to be entreated. God doesn't have to appear in a cloud or yell loudly or strike me with a disease in order to get my attention. When I run or bike or walk, and when I do my Daily Download, I actively seek out His correction and direction. Sometimes I do check to make sure I heard it correctly or to ask if He's sure, but then I go and act. I know that many of the things I said needed to be said and many of the things I did waited many years to be done. While none of this actually benefited me directly, it was part of His work, and maybe that's the only reason I'm in Vegas- God needed someone to do things here that other people were unwilling or unable to do.

3. I rise and rise again. Even when things don't work out as I like, because of my experiences, I continue to trust, to be loyal, to be faithful to what I know. Although I know no way of judging the future but by the past, I know that your future is not the same as their past. In other words, just because others rejected me does not mean that you necessarily must as well. I know that past performance is no guarantee of future results. Anyone who insists otherwise denies the Atonement and the Christ. Christ can change people who allow His Atonement to affect them.

When I thought about my friend's affirmations, I thought about the words Christ told to Doubting Thomas. "Blessed are they who have not seen and believe." I have never seen a divine manifestation or heard a literal voice. Most of what I experience is simply impressions or promptings to get up and get moving. Maybe I mess things up and utter something inarticulate or show up a few minutes late or fail to follow up. I feel sorry if I am the best God has, because I know my weaknesses. However, the few talents I have mean that sometimes I have been the poor vessel He chose. Sometimes God needs a cracked pot.

I try very hard to be a disciple of Christ. I portend to it, and that's really what drives me to be on my best behavior all the time. I really do believe, and that disappoints a lot of people, including me, because it's neither common nor popular to actually follow Christ. I'm committed, and I practice what I preach. Maybe I'm not very good at it, but I'm still learning, still being trained, and still able to recognize that there are no graduates of the Lord's University, only students. My best friend told me years ago after my first visit to Philadelphia that "Your discipline is your strength." I hope it's of use to the Master. I hope it's of use to you.

An Almost Perfect Moment

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After a visit from a coworker today, I started thinking about my trip to Alaska last summer and how glad I am that I went. While I was there, I experienced things that, even if I were to return, are probably things that I would not be able to recreate. I may have been the only person who ever experienced AND appreciated them to their fullness. I didn't have a great agenda or plan, and so I was able each day to stop and take a second or two and pause to take in things with my senses that words cannot describe. Except for the fact that I had nobody with whom to share them, I experienced an almost perfect moment every day I was there, and I will forever thank God for inspiring me to visit Alaska when I did. I almost think He arranged what I experienced knowing that I was coming. I realized that I witnessed something truly majestic while I was there, and I wish I could convey to you how it affected me.

I remember how, on both the first and last day, I visited an out of the way area where the canyon was lined with glaciers. The first day, I stepped out of the car into a soft sleet and made my way through some light brush to the lake that sits at the foot of the first glacier. It still awes me what I saw. The pure water was a blue, like the blue of the sky. Here, as close to the source as possible, it wasn't clear like water you see in movies, but it was literally blue. The lake was full of ice chunks. I listened for a moment to the sounds of silence. All I could hear was the soft patter of snow, the gurgle of a stream sliding into the far bank of the lake at the foot of the glacier, and the drip of water. It was an almost perfect moment.

Here at the edge of the frontier, the edge of civilization, I stood without any white noise or static of modern living. There were no people, no animals, no distractions that evince the bustle and hubbub of human existence. The only attendants were some birds moving so softly that I heard nothing until they landed and myself. The only noises were the primeval concertos where life begins to emerge after the long winter. The colors and feelings were ones I shall always hold dear. The only thing I would have changed is if you had been there with me to enjoy it. Even that would have changed it, but I would have changed it in order to share some of it with you.

For a moment, life didn't need to have any meaning or action or hurry. For a moment the most important thing for me to do was to stand still and listen. For a moment, I forgot myself and didn't worry about an avalanche killing or drenching me with ice-cold water. For a moment nothing else mattered except that moment. It was amazing, and I write this as much to myself as to you to remind me just how glad I am that I went to Alaska last summer. Since I came back, I have kind of wondered if it was worth it, particularly since some things in my life fell apart shortly after my return. I suppose I shall never need to go back now, but at least you can experience it with me this way.

The moments that matter most are with the people that we love. Given that Alaska taught me that I actually enjoy my own company, it met the minimum standard in that way. I know God was with me. He didn't have anything to say to me. I was just supposed to watch. I returned on my last day before I left, and it had changed dramatically. The biggest change was that when I arrived, I was not alone, and it was just not as spectacular when two other people decided to interrupt the moment by opening their mouths and digging out their smartphones.

When I go into the back country, I find something rather peculiar. Whereas the wildlife decides to go silent often when other people arrive, the world does not seem to be disturbed by me when I go there. I have stood a few feet from a deer at a watering hole and had hummingbirds fly beside me when I run. I notice that my presence doesn't disrupt the normal order of nature when I visit. Sometimes the wildlife is interested to see the intruder, but maybe they know that I'm there to partake with my eyes rather than my wallet, to experience with my soul rather than my hands, to trespass only as necessary to see what others only dream, and to appreciate the things God made to please the eye and gladden the heart. It was an almost perfect trip. All that was missing was you, a particular and practically perfect you.

Law of Increasing Returns

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Above the doorway to the gym at my High School in Florida someone painted this quote from Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our ability to perform it has increased." Sometimes people, students in particular, marvel at how I get out of bed early or read scriptures daily or do all that I have in my thus far short life. Well, when I was younger, I started entrenching good habits so that these things became a matter of course, like instinctual, so that I just do them naturally. It also taught me that there becomes a point where we see a level of diminished returns, where in order to achieve the same outcome we have to do more or push harder, not because we're not getting anything out of it, but that our ability increased. I find that the more I work, the more I must do or the more that other people require of me. In truth, this is part of growth, part of life, but it becomes arduous for me when I continually have to rise to the challenge just to maintain the status quo while others are rewarded for meeting the minimum expectations.

At my last job, I learned the risk of accepting extra responsibilities without an increase in pay. In anticipation of a putative promotion, I agreed to these extra rights, powers, and responsibilities, but when they passed me over for promotion twice, I transferred to a different unit. When I arrived, I didn't tell them about my previous experience. I didn't want it to become part of the expectation since that put me on unequal footing with my peers. I am currently sitting on information that demonstrates how coworkers received raises concurrent with a decrease in their workload while I received extra work without a commensurate increase in pay. They justify this by writing "other duties as assigned" on my work performance standards so basically they can make anything my job that they like, but I'm not cool with that. I have found that in order to keep on par with coworkers who belong to the GOBNet or certain protected demographics I must do work that exceeds theirs. I don't receive any kudos, but they do. I get to keep my job. I remind myself that the Kobiashi Maru is ultimately a test of character. Although others chart a different course, I decided a long time that the only thing in the world worth having is your integrity. No job or fortune or woman is worth becoming a boot-licking toady. Be true.

The reason I decide to do this and find capacity from those actions comes from principles I learned as a boy. My parents got me into the Franklin-Covey planner system which I used successfully for many years. It taught me to Plan your Priorities and encouraged me to rank things according to what they mean to me in my life. Most people prioritize things that are easy so that they can accomplish a ton of quesquilia rather than accomplishing things with their time and talents that actually count as worthy of accomplishment. It empowered me to be able to check off the things that mattered most and look back and see that day after day, week after week, month after month, I accomplished what mattered most. You see, people make time for the things and people that matter, so if you're not making it a priority, it tells me that other things matter more. Consequently, getting out of bed early to pray, read scripture, and exercise is easy for me. At the beginning of the day, I have accomplished the things that matter most in the day, and all before most other folks even get out of bed. Not to mention, I found that if I procrastinate those things until later I find an excuse to justify not doing them so that they never actually get done.

Unfortunately, I found that accomplishment and achievement are a game of diminishing returns in this life. Particularly now that I have a fitbit, it's evident that in order to meet the same exertion level and burn the same number of calories I find myself continually forced to raise the bar. Whether increasing the duration, the intensity, or the frequency, in order to increase in fitness, I must do more and more and more in order to have an effective outcome. This morning I rode my bicycle 12 miles with a 20lb backpack. Although I could feel the extra effort, the fitbit didn't register extra caloric output. I know it's a good workout, but you can't really tell. I'm not the physique that "gets ripped" by going to the gym. When I go hiking, people are frequently surprised due to my extra mass and lack of muscular definition that I'm not completely exhausted when we get to the summit. I don't look fit because I don't look lean, but I can go for hours and hours and hours, and I burn over 3000 calories per day. Do you?

While it is true that the more you do the more you can, the more you do the more is required. You may have noticed that when you successfully complete a trial that God gives you tougher ones with which to deal. This isn't a punishment, and it isn't a test. God already knows what you can do, but YOU don't know yet. He isn't content having a universe filled with automatons running helter skelter to and fro; He intends to fill the universe with copies of Himself. In order to be where God is, you must be willing to do what it takes to get there. The increased difficulty level helps reveal to us what our true character really is. What really matters to us? For what do we make time? What do we always manage to accomplish? Planning our priorities makes that automatic so that it's easy to keep good habits as well as adapt to changing circumstances and additional responsibilities. It is supposed to be the truth that as we increase in rank and pay we increase in responsibility and value to the organization. While that's not always the case on earth, God's most trusted servants are those who managed their ten talents or five well and magnified them to the Master's glory. The more we have done, the more we know we CAN do. It affords us the opportunity to become better than we were, to rise up, to do more, because the better we become the more we can increase. If you desire increasing returns, this is the law to which you must subscribe. The Law of Increasing Returns can be summarized as follows: be true to the royal within you, make time for what matters most to you, and be open to increase in difficulty because that's how we rise to new heights. You cannot reach the peak if you do not walk the trail that leads to it. If you desire to see the vista you must make the climb. I testify that the returns are worthwhile.

Honest With Our Fellow Men

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I hold a worthy albeit poorly compensated position in the workforce. I am not complaining, as it pays for all of my needs and most of my wants. I am comparing. I know myriads of people who exhibit all of the signs of opulence without any of the virtues consistent with the law of the harvest. I sometimes run up against these people in competition because they’re part of the GOBNet or because they occupy positions of authority over me. When I do, I remind myself when I remember to do so that most of what I see is a play. Several prominent members of my Faith locally live significantly opulent lives. My sister attended a soiree this weekend at the weekend cabin of one of these men who owns an ultralight, several ATVs, a snowmobile, ad infinitum. I find him a rather dull man, but his wife looks ageless and his company and children are in high demand. I guess I know how they spend their money. Ironically, he is impressed by me.

Many of your neighbors only appear to be well to do. Some of them are swimming in debt. We have all heard of those who are house poor, who spend so much on their address that they cannot furnish it. I know a young fellow who years ago at the age of 20 started a largely successful internet business. He frittered away his earnings in riotous living and bought a Ferrari and became the zenith of entertainment most weekends. About two years ago, his wealth flow dried up, and now Troy and I are the only ones of his old friends who still speak with him. He’s drowning in debt, and his “friends” are not there to help him. When people surround themselves with the best of things, sometimes they do so only for the sake of appearances or to compensate for some other deficit. If the deficit becomes financial, often they find out that the only reason people like them is for their riches. Wealth is such a fickle master.

Others of your neighbors arrived at their success rate by unscrupulous means. My mother once worked for a woman who looked for every opportunity to write off personal expenses in her business. They would arrange for boating trips with employees and write off the boat on their taxes. They wrote off space in their home for the business even if only one box happened to periodically find itself occupying some small footprint on the floor. I drive behind cars all the time advertising Scentsy or Mary Kay or whatever, and I’m sure these people do better writing off the car than they do actually selling wares, but some people will do whatever it takes. I wonder at all the people on craigslist who beg for free things so that they can personally profit from them like a woman I met in Vienna who took credit for the charity of others. I wager she also sold some of those things and pocketed the cash as well. The lines are blurry with businesses, and the “rich” are always able somehow to hide money from taxation like the Clintons who donate all their money to themselves. Clever.

Being dishonest with yourself is the worst offense you can give. God is not fooled by any of the chicanery. Ultimately what really matters is that you live your life well. Just two miles from my house is the Temple of my Faith. In order to get into that edifice, you must answer questions, among which you are asked whether you are honest with your fellow men. However suavely you deceive your bishop or other priesthood authority, God isn’t fooled when dishonest people walk into His house. Since nobody bursts into flame at the recommend desk, the halls are filled with people who portend and pretend to virtues they actually lack. Some of those people are earnestly striving, and some of them are simply conniving. The real trouble is that you can only lie to yourself so long before you destroy everything.

I am fairsure that hell varies widely from the depictions and expectations common to the canons of Christianity. When you stand before the God of Truth and all of your pretense and deception melt away, you will be left only with truth. In that day, if the life you built predicates itself on sandy and insecure foundations of deception and diversion, I imagine that will be hellish. Realizing that your entire life is a lie, a waste, a fake, a fraud, well, I cannot imagine any worse hell than that. I know the misery of coming to the end of anything in life- a job, a relationship, a story, etc., only to discover that everything I believed to be true was a lie. You have wasted and worn out your life and obtained nothing in return.

I may not have the same things to show for my life as others. I have a modest house, a modest car, a modest income, and a modest expectation of my future fortunes. I know that people like to latch themselves to the “successful” hoping to get free crumbs from the patron’s table. I’m sorry I can’t afford a Ferrari, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get you where you want to go. In fact, I am constantly amused by the fact that most of the cars on the road with blown out tires are expensive cars driven by wealthy people. I guess they just don’t know how to take care of the things they buy.

All around us, some of the least scrupled cry the loudest for care and compassion. While they look for every opportunity to fleece their neighbors for a free lunch, they will talk about how we need to do more to help others. When we do not deal honestly with other people, we in essence betray them. When we do not deal honestly with ourselves, we in essence hate ourselves. How can you possibly love your neighbor as yourself if you do not do right by yourself? How can you possibly care about the children of strangers if you are not taking care of your own first? When I was a young boy, we used to sing in Sunday School a song that taught me, “Honesty must start with me in ALL I say, in ALL I do” (emphasis added).

At the judgment bar, the shows vanish and the din of crowds grows quiet to give room for truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It is one of the commandments not to bear false witness against our neighbors, but we lie and cheat and steal from them constantly. Are you honest in your dealings with your fellow men? Do you work when you should be at work? Do you report your earnings fairly? Do you give God His tithe? Well, He knows, and so if you have reaped things that are not what you have sown, it would not be honest eternally to let you keep them. So enjoy them while you can. Enjoy them if you earned them. Content yourself with an honest “C” over an “A” gained by fraud. Your honest best will be good enough.

Heath is in the Cells Part II

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Now that we're in week three of the State of Nevada's Fitbit assay, I have more illuminating data.

Cardio is not calorically intensive

Shown below are three representative days to illustrate the impact of cardio on caloric demands. On Wednesday, you will see that first thing in the morning I ran for 42 minutes and on Friday I rode my bicycle for 15 miles and burned far fewer calories on both occasions than playing racquetball after work. Interestingly enough, it burns more total calories to walk 3 miles with a 10lb bag on my back than it does to run (see Sunday evening). It was more intense of a workout. Now cardio tends to burn more fat and make you leaner, but if you're just looking at total calories, cardio is not your best bet necessarily. While cardio may ultimately be why I burn 80kcal/hour while asleep (because it raised my basal metabolic rate), it does not yield as big of a caloric burn, which is why it's important to also gain muscle. I have noticed that many cyclists I see are fatter than I am even though they ride faster than I, and so cycling will probably never make you trim. Part of that might be that cycling has a mechanical advantage that ameliorates the extra intensity when you reach more difficult terrain.

Full body workouts burn the most calories

When you consider what I'm doing when it's most intense in color (green), I'm doing full body workouts. Racquetball involves both legs and arms. Walking with the pack on includes both my legs as well as my trunk. Most cardio involves the legs primarily. During my breaks (yellow lines during the day), I decided to walk to the furthest bathroom in the building with a backpack full of outdated textbooks. The walking, eliminating, and weight lifting combine to raise my metabolic demand not only then but for a minor duration immediately afterward.

Most people probably don't need 2000 calories

According to the monitor, I burn 80kcal/hour even when I'm asleep. This works out to 1920 kcal per day, meaning that I need more than 2000 kcal of food daily in order to stay alive. I suspect that this is more than most people need. In fact, if I recall correctly the 2000kcal figure assumes that you need 1500 to stay alive and are moderately active at work. You can see that doing almost anything at work besides sitting at a desk burns extra calories. Washing dishes, doing laundry, talking, etc., all combine. How else do I burn 300 kcal during a 3 hour lecture? I'm mobile and talking almost the entire time, which involves muscle movement and other activities besides staying alive. That being said, you can quickly increase the demand by simply doing a brisk walk or use that as an excuse if you decide to have an extra candy bar. A few years back, I told a friend I would pass on his birthday pie in order to avoid having to jog in the morning in order to burn it off. I no longer take a day off, and since this monitoring started, I made sure I do eight workouts or more weekly.

Feedback leads to motivation

Since I get daily and weekly feedback, I am motivated to do something. When I notice that I'm not active, I go do something. Sundays are usually a day of rest, so I decided to take a brisk walk in the evening when it's "cooler" in order to burn some extra calories so that, even though Sunday remains my "worst" day, I still burn almost 3000 kcal on Sunday. During the day I frequently choose to take the stairs or walk or carry things or make that shopping stop in order to have an excuse to do just a little bit more and increase my fitness, readiness, endurance, or metabolic activity.

Ultimately I'm the only one this will satisfy

They say that you should work out until someone loves you, implying that it will attract a mate. Although a fellow I know recently reported that after six months he got the attention of a young lady he was trying to impress, my six years of activity have not led to that result for me. In fact, the women I dated welcomed me due to other things rather than my looks. Being fit does not impress women. When they say they like "fit" or "athletic" guys it's about how a man looks and not his abilities. I know that I'm in better shape, and I know that there are things I can do, and if you're going to choose someone by their colorful candy shell don't be surprised with what comes with that. To date in 2014, we have only been passed while hiking once, and that was on a day when we decided to carry a backpack full of rice in preparation for a longer backpacking trip in September. An older gentleman without such burdens passed us on the steepest part, and although I felt bad, this is the first time anyone has "bested" me to date this year. Although it's possible that some nice young lady MIGHT be attracted to me, since nobody has hit on me while working out yet, I rather doubt I'm doing enough for that to ever be the case.

Genetics ultimately play a huge role

Just now as I sat down to type this, I passed a few young ladies in the corridor wolfing down what amounts to garbage food. It drew my mind to people I know who eat like garbage disposals but look like underwear models. My hiking buddy told me that he envies my level of "fitness", because even though I look average, when we reach the peak I'm less out of breath than he is despite the extra 30 pounds I carried up with me. Some people have more efficient metabolic pathways and some have inefficient nutrient acquisition mechanisms so that they can eat poorly and look like the picture of health. Other people can eat perfectly and still not look as good as those who are blessed with good genetics. My genetics ultimately mean that I will probably never have washboard abs or be the best physical specimen. Although my other facets more than compensate for that weakness, I know I'm fighting genetics, but I'm trying to master my body and make the best use I can out of what God gave me. I know that if He gave me a body that easily did whatever I liked I would probably take it for granted, so this is probably better.

In the cells is where metabolism and genetics actually occur. If you're building good things on the inside, eventually they work their way outside. The new EH&S coordinator told me today that she thinks I'm a fine specimen and that if her daughter weren't so young (she's 21) she'd introduce me to her as the kind of guy she hopes her daughter will find. You can train your cells. You can give them good building materials. You can encourage them to do more, to do better, and to make you the kind of person you want to be. Ultimately the only way to control your looks is to cheat, but since our skin is mostly made of fat, it really is fat to which we are attracted. The phospholipid bilayer is made mostly of saturated fatty acids and phosphate groups, which is why fat is an essential nutrient as long as not eaten in excess. The right things at the right times in the right ways for the right reasons make you healthy, wealthy, and wise. You get out of your cells what you put into them, and so I'm trying harder to put good things into them so that I can be healthy as long as possible, because health like wealth equals FREEDOM.

Believing the Advertising

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Years ago, I considered seriously buying a Harley in order to attract women. One of my coworkers who rode himself advised me against it, insisting that it would attract the wrong kind of women into my life, at least the wrong kind for me. Last week, I mentioned to my students that I looked into buying an Aston Martin, and one of them told me that would also not attract the right kind of people. As much as we preach against judging a book by its cover, we are attenuated as a people to believe the advertising. This works so much that I’m considering going down to beg for money at the offramp as a science experiment just to see what happens. In truth, I see the overwhelming horde of evidence that suggests that first impressions are everything, and we make decisions based on what people advertise. I am not sure that many people understand what they’re actually selling.

Particularly in dating and marriage, it is important to accurately represent the product. Last night my father told me that his former boss actually is two different people in private and at work. Without constancy and consistency, people cannot make wise decisions, and it becomes difficult to make wise choices when people misrepresent or miscalculate based on what is advertised. However in the modern world we have become accustomed to playing parts in order to garner favor. It’s no wonder that marriages dissolve, because the advertised product is not what people actually discover they bought because they either rushed in or because certain packaging distracted them from the entire story. I think so many people are unsatisfied because they have buyer’s remorse because they believed the advertising or seller’s remorse because they didn’t understand how they sold themselves.

Tatoos

I was out this weekend, and an otherwise lithe and athletic young man was assigned to take care of my business transaction. He was complaining to me about how little his boss knew and how he should be in charge, and then I saw his tattoo. It was white-supremist and on his neck just barely obscured by his collar. It makes every sense now. I laugh at all the people with a Tramp Stamp who want to be taken seriously by a man like myself. When I see that, it tells me that lots of other men have seen the rest of that tattoo, and I do not wish to be counted among that throng. Recently a man sued in court for discrimination in employment and the judge told him that if he wanted to be taken seriously as the face of a company then he shouldn’t have covered his head in tattoos.

Modesty

Long ago when girls would swim, they dressed like Mother Hubbard. Nowadays it seems instead they dress more like the cupboard! I know that young people close to my age drool over the prospect of sun dresses and yoga pants because they love to oogle bodies. It makes the risqué posters of my teenage years look rather modest by contrast when the modern pinup leaves even less to the imagination than the bikini clad girls of the 90s. If you show off your body wantonly, we assume that’s all you have to offer. Then the women object that we’re staring at their chests or their buttocks or somewhere other than their face when their clothing directs our attention there. Likewise, my hiking buddy is periodically criticized for wearing A-shirts. In my lifetime, these have come to be known as “wife-beaters” because some men who beat their wives only wear these. Well, people believe the advertising even though I’ve never seen him hurt anything out of spite or rage.

Loyalty

When I talk to people about dogs, I point out how loyal my beagle is. He saved my life several times, and last summer when someone broke my heart, he was there to lick my hand and nuzzle me. However, the people I know have proven that I can trust most of them as far as I can throw the universe. They are not loyal to people. They are loyal to themselves. I had bosses do what would serve their careers rather than the organization. I dated women who turned to their parents when we have an argument. I know people who make promises only to completely forget they ever spoke those words even when I can play audio or provide transcripts attesting to their promises. They are not loyal, but they demand it from their mates, their employers, and everyone they know. Until you show that the family you could have with me matters more than the one into which you were born, we know you’re not committed.

Other children

As much as I love children, I look at them from a perspective of practicality. When I meet nice women who already have children, I find that having a relationship with them is complicated by the interests, needs, and schedules of their children. Sometimes their children come at odds to our relationship. I also have to laugh at politicians who “love” illegal alien children while they either hate their own or detest the notion of having any, particularly those who advocate abortion, but I digress. When you continually put me off because of your children or because your ex is causing problems between you and your children, I feel like I don’t matter. Since I cannot compete with your kids, I don’t want to.

Comparative success

All around me, people are competing and comparing for whatever reason. A lot of very nice people decided to focus so much on career and credentials so that they exclude themselves from my equivalency class. Those with successful careers shove their earnings in my face while those with a quiver of children do the same with those. If you show that you don’t need us, you will not get a man who is interested in a successful partnership with you. What you will attract are men who want to use you and then move on to the next conquest. The women’s liberation movement has done more to hurt women’s chances for happy and healthy matches than anything else. It encourages them to work on their career while they are in their prime and put off relationships. It encourages them to compete with men and beat them. Then, the women wonder why the men they ignored and defeated ignore them.

Intelligence

My friends are friends because they are good company. I don’t usually go to dances or clubs or activities in the park because I know the conversation will be asinine and the company will be uneducated. No man wants a dumb woman. Although some men will tolerate one for eye candy or to make others in their workplace jealous, they will leave you eventually for fresh eye candy or for a better match. Centuries ago, people used to talk about smart matches, and although women were not educated classically per se, they were taught things in order to properly execute the work of the household. John Adams’ wife Abigail, although they married when she was 19, was as educated as a women in her time could be. She was well read, talented, and a fit consort for a man 11 years her elder with a successful law practice. It was a smart match. He had the money and she had the wherewithal to use it well and wisely. One of the reasons why I ignore women in their early twenties is because they either don’t know about things that matter to me or because the things about which they care could not interest me less. The LOL culture is interested neither in doing what they ought nor what they like, following the crowd instead towards incessant entertainment. That’s otherwise.

Double standards

My ex wife used to blame me for the fact that she was grossly obese. She claimed that if I let her use more AC or bought her better equipment that she could and would look better. I hesitated because she didn’t use what she had, and although she had access to the campus gym she never went. The fact that she is still grossly obese with her new husband evinced that this claim was false- I was simply a scapegoat. It is highly duplicitous for anyone to expect their partner to look good while they let themselves go or to be upset with their partner who is getting into shape when they are doing things that lead the opposite direction. What really annoyed my ex was that I got into better shape without doing it for her or in the fashion she insisted it be done. Shortly after moving to Vegas, I dated a woman who lived a double standard. In fact, I went six weeks before I even saw her eat. She insisted that she lived an alkalarian lifestyle and that I should follow suit to be in better health, shape, and form. Whenever we were together, we ate this way as much as possible, and I started to see progress. Then I caught her eating an entire half gallon of ice cream and realized that she was a woman who would binge and then purge. All of her esoteric diets were to compensate for bad habits. When she told me that she couldn’t marry me because I wasn’t skinny enough I pointed out the hypocrisy of expecting me to live in a manner different from the way she did and achieve different results. I burned that bridge badly too. If you expect something of him that you are unwilling to even attempt, expect a great guy to head for the hills.

Sometimes I wonder what messages I’m sending. I know that I’m not “top shelf” in the looks department, but when people get to know me, they usually find that I’m much more than they assumed based on the litmus tests I use to screen people. I remember one woman asking me, “you sing, you waltz, you play instruments, you speak languages, and you’re active? Why are you single?” All I can guess is that women tell me that they don’t want or need me in their life. Sometimes they do this by what they advertise. The rest of the time they tell me by what they prioritize.

The right man is looking for a companion. The wrong man is looking to score. We will provide for and protect you. He will sleep with you and then find another partner for his bed. In a perfect world, the man leaves his father and mother and becomes one flesh, one family with you. You should do the same, laying aside all other former loyalties to commit to a family relationship with him. Ideally the man looks for the virtuous advertisements of committed partnership, and you should give those guys a chance. My sister recently attended a wedding of a couple for which she played matchmaker by persuading her roommate to give a guy a chance. Don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with someone great. Looks fade, but character persists, and someone who is good company today will likely still be good company for the rest of life’s journey even as everything else changes.

Advertise for what you really desire. Offer what you want people to notice. Sure, you might have to wait a while, but everyone I know who had to wait tells me that it was worth it.

Health is in the Cells Week 1

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I mentioned earlier that the State of Nevada declared me overweight and out of shape based on my BMI back in March. This last week, I have been wearing the Fitbit they provided for me that tracks my activity, and it corroborates my conclusion that health is in the cells and not in the waistline. I know this won't get me dates or make me more attractive to people who don't have access to this information, but it is nice to have a biometric device corroborate my own feelings on the matter with actual data. As a scientist, I find it conclusive even after the first week.

Day 1: Shooting with my Cousin On the first day of the test, I opted out of my exercise regimen to spend time with my cousin. We went out into the desert to go shooting instead. According to the data, I still burned 2056 calories on the day, walked 1.6 miles total, and logged 30 minutes of moderate exercise. No sleep was logged, and I don't know if I wore it the entire day. I think I only started using it in the afternoon.

Day 2: Hiking with my buddy Although we opted to do the lower peak rather than Charleston peak, this was the coup de grac of the week. I logged 3600 calories, hiked 9.25 miles, logged 128 minutes of strenuous exercise and 142 minutes of moderate exercise, and slept nine hours. No wonder I am always hungry!

Day 3: Regular cycling run Although I rode my bicycle 12 miles, the fitbit credited me for only 6.8 miles of walking for the day. Still, it gave me 3600 calories, including an hour of strenuous exercise, two hours of moderate activity, and 5.75 hours of sleep. So far, I'm burning almost double the calories my RDA suggests.

Day 4: Back to work Since I'm teaching again, some of the time I spend in class is spent walking back and forth. I'm a somewhat insecure teacher who paces a lot and walks back and forth between students and the board and between groups in lab, so even when I'm teaching I am also technically exercising. In the morning, I lifted weights and by the end of the day I earned 59 minutes of vigorous exercise, logged 6.5 hours of sleep, and 2900 calories burned. This turned out to be my lightest day.

Day 5: the Cycling Cycle I cycled in the morning and then played racquetball in lieu of lunch, like I do each week on TU and TH. Since Friday is a holiday I won't be able to play as the gym is closed for the 4th of July. As usual, I did my 12 mile ride and then spent 42 minutes on the court. For some reason, I burned only half as many calories cycling today, which might be an aberrant reading. Here's how the fitbit calculated my efforts: I slept for 6.25 hours, walked 7.6 miles, burned 3400 calories, and by afternoon I accrued 76 minutes of vigorous exercise.

Day 6: Weightier Matter Since it's July, I added 1.5lbs of weight to each hand for my circuit training. I do 300 repetitions each with now 16.5 lbs in each hand. Then there are some crunches and stretching exercises that break up the sets and allow my arms to recover between different muscle groups, but boy are my arms tired! By the caloric numbers, the weight regimen does not reach the aerobic level of effort, which sucks, but racquetball is proving to be the best bang for my buck of all the activities I do. Since it was technically another light day, I walked 6.5 miles, earned 27 minutes of vigorous exercise, burned 3200 calories, slept 6.25 hours,

Day 7: Cycling and Racquetball Again Twelve miles on the bike and 42 minutes on the court marked my regular exercise, and then we did lab at night. This time, I got these results: I slept 6.6 hours, walked 8.7 miles, burned 3580 calories, and earned 86 minutes of vigorous exercise. I have decided to start wearing ankle weights and a backpack when I take my walks on my work breaks to burn extra calories, but we'll see how long I keep to that since it is July and has been near 110F every day this week.

In conclusion, any observer will discover by looking at this data that I weigh almost 200 pounds because I am active. If you do this much cardio, you are bound to have better muscles and ravenously hungry cells. You will notice that I burn far more calories per day on average than people are suggested to eat. In fact, I found it surprising to learn that I burn 1920 calories per day just to stay alive (breathing, heartbeat, etc.) if you protract that amount of calories I burn while asleep over the entire day. Not many people I know actually know how many calories they need. We just assume that we need about 2000 per day because that's the simple figure provided by the government. Although results vary, I accrue 300 calories for my 35 minute weight routine, 400-600 calories for the 12 mile cycling, 500 calories for 40 minutes of racquetball, and a stunning 200 calories for TEACHING CLASS every day. Between the walking and talking, I guess I'm more active than I thought.

Health stems from the activities in which the cells engage and how actively they metabolize. No matter how much that you diet or exercise, you may not be able to look like a supermodel or olympian. We can't all hire a personal trainer for $200/hour or benefit from the White House Chef, and not all of us come from genetic backgrounds that bless us with compensatory mechanisms for poor choices at the table or lunch counter. Realize that your body type is your body type. Part of it is genetic. I have two students this term who admitted that they eat like a garbage disposal but look like swimsuit models. I eat like a swimsuit model and look like a garbage disposal, a new garbage disposal, but a disposal all the same. The real point is to take care of your body so that it will take care of you. Like everything else in life, the Law of the Harvest applies, and you will reap what you sow. Someone told me once that when you are 20 you have the body that your genetics gave you but by 50 you will have the body that you earned. Even my hiking buddy, who is blessed with great genetics, is starting to see the fruits that 15 years of drinking and smoking bring, as I now look better than he does. After our hike, he apologized for whining and wimping out, and I wasn't really all that tired.

Still there will be women who will look past me anyway. Aside from the young girls at the gym or the random neighbors I encounter in the early mornings, nobody knows I work out. I accept that I'm of average attractiveness, that I'm not top shelf, and I know it. Most of the women I know are looking for top shelf if they can get it, no matter what shelf on which they may be. I'm ok with that, because I see plenty of folks out shopping and wonder if they were attractive when they were younger. Most of them are reaping I think what they have sown- drugs, malnutrition, sedentary behaviors, ad infinitum, and they look awful or look like they are in bad health. You cannot see inside the cells without a microscope. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Many of those who look fit deserve to be fat, and many of those who are less than fit deserve better. The data certainly corroborate that I have earned everything that I have. I am doing the best I can with what I have, and to the right people, that will be enough. I know it is for God.

Shh...It's Independence Day

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I first traveled to Philadelphia to accomplish two goals. I went to visit my friend Pennsylvania Thom at his house and to visit Independence Hall. Thom was gracious to accommodate my request to visit Independence Hall on July 2nd because he knew as I did that the Declaration was actually adopted by vote on the 2nd of July. I had with me in my possession McCullough's biography of John Adams in which he wrote a letter to his wife confirming the date of adoption. It was kept a secret as long as possible to protect the signers from retribution.

Then as now, we have fewer secrets than we like to think. Within a day, word was noised abroad that the declaration had passed, and so it was read aloud in the square on July 4th so that people would know what it said. I argued with the Park Ranger on site which lead to a very amazing story I like to tell about how the Secretary of the Interior called me at work to apologize for how I was treated at Independence Hall. To compensate myself for my troubles, I took pictures in rooms where they prefer you not do so. Well, nerts to them.

Now as never before we have an imperial president. Obama would be a king if he could. He has a pen, and he has a phone, and if congress wont' act, he will. How very diabolically monarchial of him. Take a moment and read the reasons for independence and then ask if the government of this nation is any different or even any better than that under King George III.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

Obama is a lawless president. He plays "catch me if you can" and manipulates language and abandons his responsibilities to do things that are the purview and responsibility of other people. Obama wanted to "fundamentally transform" or destroy America and rebuild it in his image. What right has he?

Now as never before, remember the men of Philadelphia. They are real to me. Their legacy is real to you, or at least it should be, no matter your ancestry or national duty. When America dies, the last, best hope of mankind on earth goes too, and woe be to all men everywhere. The world is kept in check because America keeps it safe. Without America, we have anarchy.

Becoming the Person You Desire

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People give me a lot of advice, and sometimes when I follow it I discover that it leads somewhere other than where they promise. However, since there is some truth in the premise, I find the advice wise, because I appreciate who I am due to the decisions made. I am the only person who must live with me 24/7, and so if the advice leads to better enjoyment of my own company it has at least that value. For years, people suggested that I needed to become the kind of person with whom I desired to associate, particularly romantically. Unfortunately I discovered when I reached that point that either those kind of people don't actually exist or that they care for the companionship of other people.

Active

I meet people in this valley constantly who claim they love the outdoors. Then summer comes and they tell me how much they hate being anywhere outside besides the poolside. I'm active, but I'm unmotivated to the level of activity necessary to have washboard abs, and so I dont' like hanging by the pool all that much. I actually go places. My buddy and I noticed that most of the women we see hiking, particularly the pretty ones, do not go much further than 2 or 3 miles from the trailhead. So, we're not holding our breath to find anyone who actually calls us up to go along or who ends up going with us regularly except by chance. They told me to work out until someone loves me, and while I assumed that meant it would attract a woman, I like who I am, and so it worked. I love me.

Intelligent

One of my proudest possessions is my library. It's full of books I have read and annotated and made part of my repertoire. I take time to read regularly, daily from the scriptures, and to learn about things that interest me. Sometimes coworkers suggest books, and some are even books students commended to me, and even when I enjoy them less than I hope, I do now own that knowledge since I have partially didactic memory. You can't tell from my credentials however what I actually know. According to my transcript I'm actually illiterate. I never took an English course, and most of the things I have learned outside my major are things I learned after I moved away from my alma mater. Monday night in class, I brought in a recent article that was barely a day old, which showed them that I keep up with things even though I'm not required to by my employer.

Responsible

I live WAY below my means. For years, it served as a bone of contention with some that I drove my 1995 Saturn everywhere when I could afford something else. I bought a modest home in a normal part of town, and I spend my money on vacations and trips rather than on things I would have to insure. Most of my savings goes into retirement. I have opportunities to earn extra which I take in the absence of alternatives like romance or recreation since I don't really have any other plans at the moment. I stick to a schedule and a budget, and people know where I'll be and what I'm doing usually.

Good Company

My buddy's dad has alzheimers, and it surprises us all that he remembers me and knows who I am while he forgets his own children. Last weekend when I was there, he told me that he enjoys my visits because I'm a great guy. We have good conversations and visits, and I am often the instigator of activities with cousins and friends, particularly some who do not have many other friends. Although I talk about myself frequently here, when I'm with them, I ask them many questions. I am interested in them. If not, I wouldn't hang out with them. People make time for the things and people that matter to them.

Man of Faith

In case you can't tell from my writings, I am a man of great faith. My best friend once told me that I'm the only actual adherent of my Faith that he's actually ever met. I don't just go through the motions, and I don't wear a lot of external signs, so you might not know which Faith I practice, but you can tell that faith means a lot to me. I don't just go through the motions, and I don't do things when I don't want to, so even if I don't have all the t's crossed and i's dotted, you know where I stand.

In short, I became what I seek. I am an attractive, fiscally secure and fit male who is good company. I seek an eternal companion with a strong center in God who is actively trying to take care of herself. Since I am athletic, solvent and a self-actuated learner, she should be too. I don't care what degree she has or what her paycheck is; I care that she is improving her lot and using what she has well. I have earned the right to lay claim on an attractive, active woman of some means to come along and be my companion as we make life happen together. I became what I desired. Sometimes I found it difficult to convert what I have into what I desire, particularly since I'm fighting genetics, and I do not claim to get someone who is a supermodel or millionaire. I desire to be more equally yoked than that, and most of my friends agree that's a fair request. Unfortunately, none of us know anyone who qualifies, at least who would welcome my affectations.

They tell you that opposites attract, but I have found the opposite to be true. Like I tell my students, you notice that things that are similar tend to aggregate. Matter gathers near other matter. Birds of a feather flock together. Your friends are usually people with common interests, common haunts, other commonalities or common virtues (Aristotle). Opposites do not attract; they detract. Perhaps my problem is that I have no peers in my equivalency class. Perhaps I'm not finished yet becoming what I ought to be. However, I became someone I like, and so at least I have my own company even if I lack as yet the company of a geautiful birl with whom to make a life. The one piece of advice I keep I read in a book my sister gave me when I moved to Vegas. Paul Brandt wrote, "Spend your life doing what you love and it will bring people into your life who belong. Become the person you want to attract and let God bring your mate to you." I keep thinking He has. I hope He acts soon. I might not yet be ready for her or she for me. After all timing does matter. Then again, I might not have met her yet.