After our group meeting Tuesday, the department Leave Keeper reminded me that I need to take at least three more days off before the year ends or I will lose them. What she doesn't realize perhaps is that I work long and hard because I don't want to be off, to be at my house, to be spending time by myself, and so I go to work. I work a long day with a crappy class schedule by choice, because it keeps me busy from the time I get out of bed until it's time to hit the sack, and I don't need time off right now.
Today is supposed to be a "holiday". It's the day on which we commemorate Nevada's admission to the Union. It's also my busiest day of the week as a Friday, because there are no students around, and I can get all the things done that need to be done when students are not in labs and when professors are not running in asking me for a petri dish, a roll of tape, or any number of things from small to large in scope. Since the work must still be done before Monday morning, I am working anyway, and the Dean is fit to be tied. She knows that it must be done, but she'd just as rather not have us on campus let alone justify compensatory time.
One of my students asked me before summer term ended why I worked so many hours. I am working now to trade my time for money because I don't have anything with which I'd like to occupy my time. If I had something else, I'd be off work at 5PM with the rest of the Tom, Dick and Harry crowd to spend time doing things I enjoy with people I love. Until then, I occupy my hours with something that is potentially rewarding and fruitful for students as well as profitable for me. Unlike most of my coworkers, I think the weekends are too long; unlike most people, I look forward to Monday because it means structure and tasks and a reason to get out of the house.
On a bulletin board in my library, I keep a list of things I want to do. Some of them are things I have not yet done, and some are things I want to do again with the right young lady in my life. Most of those things remain on that wishlist for years because I don't find anyone I like who will go with me. I finally went to Alaska alone this summer after years of putting it off, and although I'm glad I went, it was good to go back to work. At work, I have purpose and projects and prospects. In Alaska, I had pictures.
I don't live to work. My highest aspiration is to be a dad. I work because it helps me live well now and means that if God decides to bless me with the opportunity to be a father I won't have to work as hard then to provide for my family. While there is no guarantee that this plan will work out, and while I may become one of those poor men whose career is the only reason he gets out of bed every day, at least I have a plan. On top of that, I received a very nice email yesterday from the Department Chair asking me to "pretty please" cover two of the very-difficult-to-staff night courses again. I am appreciated, valued, rewarded, validated, and animated by the opportunity and privilege to teach college Chemistry. I hope that my work pleases my true Master.
Next week the Holiday Season starts in earnest. There will be scary ghost stories and family gatherings and festivals and Christmas caroling and all the festivities of family, friends, and felicitations. For all of you who are blessed enough to have people you love to whom to go during these Holy Days, consider the blessed and happy state in which you live. I will be at work Christmas Eve probably, not because I must be, but because there is nowhere else that I really desire to be or must be. If I had a family, I'd probably go spend the day with them, and then nobody would ever complain that I have banked too much vacation. If you were that special someone in my life, I'd spend my vacations with you.
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