Maytag Men

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Every time I hear the new Maytag commercial that announces "What's inside matters" I cheer. Nobody notices, but I think this kind of notion ought to be reinforced. Of course, it helps that Maytag also packages their internal superiority inside a colorful candy shell, but I understand and agree with the point. What's inside matters most. Many years ago in college, at the request of my Institute of Religion instructor, I memorized a section of scripture to recite as the opening prayer. Afterwards, for many weeks, people remembered me as the "apostate zoramite" (one person at least I remember called me exactly that) because they linked my identity to the only thing they knew about me- something I did. Some of us are covered in scars or tatoos. Some of us carry criminal records. Some of us remember our mistakes so much that we can't seem to remember anything else, and the people around us don't know anything but our shortcomings. I remember Aristotle wrote that "We are what we consistently do". Being begets doing. Several years back I remember hearing that "mistakes are always attended with mercy".

One thing I've learned in higher education is that there will always be more attractive people. I walk down the hallway past dozens of smiling and pretty girls and wonder if their character matches their countenance. I tend to doubt it. I feel sorry for the girls attracted to rich and famous people. They apparently don't know how to tell semblance from substance. Sad. All the girls standing around Hugh Hefner are there for his money and to leverage their careers, and I bet they feel awful if they can still feel at all.  They are being used.  If a woman chooses a man based on what he can buy for her, he's not courting her; he's leasing her.  Sometimes there's an option to own, but these women don't love Hugh, and it makes me sad for them.  One student said, "if your looks are a 9 and your character is a 2, you're a 2". He's right. Especially in a town where a girl who is an "8" of "10" is average, you better be offering something more than looks. Looks are ubiquitous and transitory. You better be good company, good conversation, of good character, a good homemaker, a good cheerleader, or something else or you're not really worth paying attention to. I know some people think I should count my luck that they pay attention to me and marry them because they are "there", but truth is that I already do everything for myself to my satisfaction. I don't need someone. I certainly don't need someone attractive who is a shrew, a nag, an addict, a narcissist, or a burden in some other way. I know we all have our burdens, shortcomings, and trials, but what's inside matters. I'm old and mature enough now that I'm no longer looking for someone just for myself; I'm looking for the mother of my children. Since women have the greatest influence over how children are raised, I'm after a woman who will bring them up with the character I desire to culture in them. What's inside you matters. If my top three aren't even in your top ten, it's moot, and if you don't love God, you won't understand what I want my children to know.

My biggest problem with the case is that the Maytag line is also pretty on the outside. People who know about my 1995 Saturn know that it's easy to tell when I'm there because my car is distinctively ugly. However, what they don't know is that it gets 36mpg consistently and that it's carried me now for 276,000 miles safely. I once showed up to pick up a girl for a date who refused to go with me because she refused to get in my car. I don't know what happened to her, but about a year ago a student who knew her reported that she hasn't changed, and that makes me sad. She was pretty, but eventually her inner ugliness will find its way to her countenance. As a kid, I remember the Berenstain Bears teaching about strangers, and while teaching Mother Bear finds an apple that looks perfect outside but contains worms right next to an apple that looks gnarled outside but has perfect flesh. You see, the colorful candy shell is often a facade. I'm frustrated because it seems that women I meet only care about what's on the inside if the outside also sparkles. It only took the people at Smiths three months to stop worrying about my backpack in the store when it finally dawned on them that I walk to the store because I choose to do so for exercise. Some customers still look down on me as if I'm a loser who can't afford a car. Well, I once knew a woman who loved me and my stubborn belly fat; the right person will love who you really are, and no matter what you do will still think the world of you.

Most people lie about who they really are. Some take steroids, others get plastic surgery, many embellish their resumes, and some deploy props for a short game fake to "score". I learned from Shakespeare that most of what you see is a play, and now I'm cynical or rather mature enough to recognize potempkin people and false advertising. Hardly a day goes by at work when I don't see a woman revealing too much of her "assets". I know they feel the need to do that in order to compete, but the men worth having aren't looking for that, and all too often I'm put off by it. The only men driven away by wearing a fake wedding ring or when you play the "I have a boyfriend" card are men who respect boundaries and commitments. The men primarily attracted by revealing clothing are the ones who will use you and then leave. The woman I really loved was beautiful, but I had no idea how pretty her body really was until after we started dating. I loved more than that how she listened to me and talked about scripture and science and how she made me feel important. One of the women with whom I volunteer has a boyfriend with tattoos. I learned last Saturday that Michelle has one too, but the outside does tell us truths about the inside. If you are covered in distasteful tattoos, if you look like you're not taking care of yourself, and if you always look angry, you probably aren't the kind of person I want to get to know. Maybe you are. I know I don't make a good first impression. I also don't do things to be associated with the kind of people who aren't good people. I do this, not because I am too good for them, but because I am not good enough.

One of the people I follow on twitter posted the following: Your children won't be raised by her looks but by her character, so choose wisely. It works for men too. You can pick a man of great looks or great wealth, and you can benefit from choosing a member of the Lucky Sperm Club. It's not my fault that I wasn't born more handsome, or taller, or into a rich and famous family. Rewarding men who have that, or women who have that, skews the gene pool to people who got LUCKY over those who achieved something. You can't find character in the gym or at the bank. Character is found within. I've heard several times over the last week on the radio that Sanje Gupta claims character is largely innate in us when we are born. Trouble is that it's hard to discern character by observation. When we look for friends, companions, and a mate, we try our best to find out about a person to see if they fit us in ways that really matter. However, people can put on a play. My hiking buddy often talks of the six month rule, after which you finally start to find out what a person is really like. You see, the longer it persists, the more difficult it becomes to keep up the charade. It's not perfect. I married my ex wife because she sold herself as a good partner and future mother; she was in truth just a consummate actress. They all say things we want to hear and do things we want to see, and sometimes it's just for a week, a month, or a year. What's inside matters. While I'm not top shelf in the looks department, I am in the top 25% of wages, and I offer a myriad of other benefits. Look at the car that still runs, my knowledge, my physical activity, and my garden, and it shows that I can do things besides show up and look pretty or throw money around to garner favor.

They say that you attract people who are like you. This is why it's important to be you and be true to yourself. It's the thing I admire most about Donald Trump. He knows who he is, and he's not ashamed to be himself even if sometimes he should be. If you like him, fine, and if not, no big deal. Of course, it's easy when you're rich and famous to not care about affirmations and felicitations. Thanks to my ex-wife and Jean-Luc Picard, I decided that if I was going to be damned anyway, I'd be damned for who I really am. Being me attracted a few people. Most of them are not people with whom I decide to be more than "just friends" and most are male, but I did attract people who are like me. The rest largely ignore me or avoid me, which is nice because I don't waste time or effort on weak opportunities. I guess I'm mostly just disappointed to discover that most "Maytag People" are only Maytag on the outside. Putting a Jaguar emblem on my Saturn won't make it a luxury car. It's what's inside that matters. They are what they are, and that's ok. I am what I am, and often people make it seem like it's not ok for me to be me. I get vilified for my religion. I get punished for my choices, for standing up for what is right. I tilt when I should withdraw, but that's what Crusaders do. We are men. I may not have Maytag on my chest, and I may not sparkle in the sun with my chrome, but then again knights in shining armor haven't really been tested yet. I'm looking for what CS Lewis refers to as "The New Men" in Mere Christianity. If the outside is attractive, that's ok, because I had a Geautiful Birl who was beautiful on the outside too. I'm looking for what's inside.