We have all heard the cliché tripe “happy wife, happy life” because women like to use that as a standard for what makes a man good. However, women don’t understand that good men do not look for marriage in order to spoil their wife. They are looking for a partner, a help meet, and not just someone who hopes to mete his help. Most men are looking to start a family and not just to find someone to help them spend their money. Most men who are interested in marriage are looking to build a legacy that is not a business or a brand, because they know that 100 years from now almost nobody will remember who they were and what they were doing. What they’re really leaving behind is their family.
Modern women talk incessantly about princess treatment and about what men have to do before they will marry them. Those same women talk very little about why a man would want to marry them. Some of those same women don’t want kids or already have them with other men, and they seem shocked when men do not want anything with them long term. They have only to look at real princesses for their examples.
Real princesses are spoiled only by their fathers. Modern women demand a man who will spoil them and treat them like a princess. However, they have no idea how princesses were treated in antiquity. Historically, princesses were put into arranged marriages in order to advance a political or commercial alliance that advanced her family, her father in particular. Contrary to popular belief, men do not marry in order to spend lavishly on their wife. Some men will do this in order to woo a woman and lure her in, but that’s never been the actual plan.
Princes desire real princesses, not as means to burn through their wealth but as a way to extend the lineage. A prince doesn’t search for a woman, particularly a peasant, so that they can disburse their wealth to the lowly villagers. A prince may choose a peasant because he wants to have children with her. Compare Prince William versus Prince Harry. William wisely chose a woman who would one day make a potentially good queen and mother (and got several children from her) while Harry chose a woman who looked good in photos and has lost his title, his income, his position in the family and didn’t even get any children (yet). Say what you like about Henry Tudor, but his obsession with wives was not because he was a whoremonger. What did he want? He wanted a son to carry on his line, and the wife he spoiled the most and beside whom he was buried was Jane Seymour, the only wife he had who gave him a son who outlived him (although not by long).
There is only one man who is going to spoil a woman, and that is her father, because he is spoiling his DAUGHTER, which is the intent of nearly all men who reproduce. They work and slave so that their CHILDREN can have a better life and inherit what they build. In antiquity, a son was particularly desirable for purposes of inheritance, since male heirs carried the rights to land, titles, and responsibilities under the Carolignian system established under Charlemagne and propagated into the 1800s. If you didn’t have children, your estate was taken by the crown and divided, often amongst your enemies, and if you had a daughter, you strove to make a smart match so that, if you couldn’t keep all that lovely money in the family, you could at least keep it in a family of whom you approved. However, all too often liberated modern women eschew a suitable male companion of whom their parents approve and pursue the rapscallion furthest therefrom.
This does not mean that men do not care about the mother. Men care about a family, so if a woman gives him children, helps him raise them up well, and takes care of the estate, she will benefit from his efforts to elevate the lives of his children because she shares the household. She will benefit by association because she shares a household with her husband and the children that she gave him. Contrast that to the expectations of women in divorce who demand alimony. The court has to FORCE men to pay her money because she no longer shares the household, and men who pay do pay because they care about the children over whom she probably has custody.
Men are not looking for a wife or a partner or a woman to spoil. Men desire a family. A wife and mother is part of that, but that’s not the ultimate goal to provide her with a lifestyle after he dies. The ultimate goal is to pass on what a man has, what a man is, and what a man acquires to elevate the lives of his children when he is gone. Even a poor man tries to leave some “legacy” to his children, even if it’s just a compass (Albert Einstein) or some other token. In the movie “Hook” Robin Williams’ version of Peter Pan reveals that his happy thought was when he became a daddy. It was not when he became a husband. Scripture also reminds us that “I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk in truth” and that “children are an heritage of the lord and happy is he who hath a quiver full of them”.
Even biologically speaking, the entire purpose of life is the perpetuation of life. From single celled organisms up to and including man, everything that happens in cells occurs so that, when the time is right and situations favor it, you can make a copy of yourself and preserve life. When organisms come into opposition, the preventive measures most develop was to preserve them against their greatest predator. However, in humans, the greatest predator seems to be the unrealistic and skew expectations of what makes a man worth marrying and all the women who bear children with men who don’t stick around and who make poor fathers. In fact the greatest bane on modern society may be the absolute deluge of fatherless children, not to war or disease that made them orphans, but to abandonment because the men who sired them didn’t want children and because the women didn’t want men who wanted to have and raise offspring.
If you want a good man, you have to understand what a good man really wants. He does not want to become a husband. He wants to become a good father. A good man will sire children within the bonds of marriage for moral and practical reasons, because a family is best served when two parents love each other and are committed to the success of the family. Good men will eschew most modern women for this reason, because too many modern women seek only their own success. Go read the dating profiles and watch their tiktok videos, and you’ll just hear laundry lists of what women demand and almost nothing if anything at all about what they bring to the man. It’s just assumed that a man’s life is made better because a woman is in it, as if Delilah never made Samson low, as if Jezebel never led Ahab into an ignominious death. Most modern women are not even interested in finding out what a man wants let alone providing it. They are strong independent women who don’t need no man.
Ironically as the world becomes more radical, some men are becoming more traditional. The men avoid dating and marriage, not because they don’t want it, but because they can’t find women who would make suitable MOTHERS. Ultimately, a man who marries is looking for someone who will be a good mother to his children, because only rarely when physically coupled do man and women not create new life. A man who decides to keep a woman has decided he wants to have children and raise them with the woman. A good man will sacrifice whatever it takes for his family. However, modern women will sacrifice their family for whatever it takes to get attention and validation in the era of likes, comments and subscriptions. And men are done.
A spoiled woman is not a good thing. Most things that are spoiled are avoided. Spoiled bananas are discarded. A girl spoiled by her father all too often expects to move from her parent’s house to her husband’s with no diminution in her standard of living, and if a man cannot do that, he is considered unworthy and undesirable. A woman who has been spoiled by previous relationships or by a codependent relationship with government largess typically punches far above her weight class and finds ways to disqualify all men. The modern world is a pandemic of spoiled brats, and the women in almost every living generation have been rendered poor wives by years of unbroken success for women.
So what’s the solution? First off, women need to understand what men really want out of them. Secondly, women need to become what men would want so that men will commit to them. Finally, women need to behave in a way that women will believe that they will stay. No fault divorce, inequities in custodianship, and unbalanced alimony/child support have made even men who would like to have a family cautious of taking the risk. “Just have faith” rings hollow to those divided by zero in a divorce proceeding, and with the assumption being that divorced men deserve it, men walk around with black eyes earned by other men. Until and unless women behave like women that men would want to keep, the birth rate will continue to drop, marriage industries will collapse and women will find themselves over 40 and unwanted.
The worst thing is the notion of “recreational use” for women. Too many men, unwilling to risk any commitment, will lie to women, use them for fun, and then discard them, thus committing the crime for which all men now serve the sentence. Most men are not players; but most women seem to assume that most men only want one thing. We do. We want something that outlives us; we want children. Because at the end of the day, while there’s no guarantee that your children will mourn your passing, tend you when you’re old, miss you when you’re gone or pass on what you were to their children, there is a 100% guarantee that nobody will if you don’t have any children. We remember Henry VIII because he did have children. We remember him because he was obsessed with having them. We may not agree with his methods or mania, but we can understand the desire he had and the excitement he had for Edward VI. As Christians, we can all understand a Father’s love for His Beloved Son. That’s the title that most good men truly desire: Daddy.
