Thursday morning, despite knowing better, I tried to force something to happen. You would think I'd learn, but no. The trouble is that it was a rather trivial thing, and I feel even more foolish for trying to rush something inconsequential. As I previously told myself, if you try to force something, often you are what gets cut, and the marks in my palm attest to the truth of that fact. Throughout history, people rely on force, to varying degrees of success, but in the end, I don't think that forcing things to happen ever really works out. They say that if you have to force it, it's probably crap. Then there's Steinbeck: "Don't worry about losing. The main thing is not to rush it. If it's right, it happens. Nothing good gets away." I believe that. I'm trying every day to reaffirm my belief in that and let things play out for the best in their own time.
Sometimes, forcing things works, but only when you are holding all the cards. When I tried to force this, I forgot that however amazing my dermis might be it is no match for razor sharp objects. Without the proper leverage, it cut right through the skin and told me to try something else. As a scientist, I know that we rarely think far enough ahead to consider all the possibilities, and so I should have known better than to think I had all the cards. It's even worse with people, since people play parts. Often what they tell us isn't true, and even if it is, they rarely tell us the whole truth. So, we make good decisions based on bad information and fall on our hind quarters. If you don't have all the cards, and they call your bluff, often the ultimatum blows up in your face. When I worked for Walmart, I was written up for "insubordination" when I demanded that a supervisor act like one. IN the office, my manager Jeremy who respected me told me that the manager decided not to fire me because they were feeling generous. Truth is, they needed me more than I needed them. I was their T3 certified trainer, and I did 130% of expected work for 100% of the pay, and when I eventually did leave, it took two people to replace me. Moreover, when I finally did leave, I had $10,000 in the bank, and I was working on my graduate degree, which meant I would leave anyway. I called their bluff, and they lost.
Miracle Max taught me in 1987 that "If you rush a miracle, you get rotten miracles." I have learned that you can either have it right now or you can have it when it's ready. Everyone knows that uncooked food, drafts of projects, and unfinished houses aren't interesting or good for you, but then we go out and think that when we interact with people we can rush something and force it to be what we demand when we demand it. My hiking buddy has a new female friend he met in nursing school. When I finally met her, and I have only met her once, I discovered that she married her husband after only knowing him for six weeks. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but will you marry me and have my baby? Both my friend and I stand aghast at this, and neither one of us finds it odd at all that she's now getting divorced. I used to make fun of members of my own Faith who commonly marry people they only just met first week of freshman year before Christmas. They met at Ward Prayer or out in the Foyer, and he proposed during Saturday's Warrior... (If you don't get that don't worry, it's an inside reference). I know that I often go into things thinking that it will be wonderful, assuming that because it can work that it will or must work out the way I hope. Then we find out how things really are, and we often thank God for His unanswered prayers and the times He asked us to wait. I know that I would be miserable at DHS, married to the first woman I dated in Vegas, or living in a house my realtor really wanted me to buy. Often things aren't as good for you as you think, but if you wait until it matures you can really measure. I think that's why God gave us commandments. They teach us patience, to wait for what's really good and necessary for us and our happiness.
If you force something, often you are what gets cut. I try very hard not to draw lines in the sand with people for and about whom I really care. When I was young, I am sure I assumed and presumed my parents didn't love me and swore I would resent them forever, but I learned that I was the one being manipulative when I tried to force things. Force is almost always manipulative, and it is bullies who usually resort to it. Ultimatums are rarely, if ever, given out of love. Look at the bullies you once knew. How many of them are venerable? How many of them got what they truly desired? How many of them know love? A while ago, I tried to date a woman, who, after only going out twice with me, absolutely demanded that I join her gym and go with her to motivate her. Until then, she had largely relied on genetics for her good looks, and despite my very regular exercise regimen, I don't look as good as she. However, she realized I was probably healthier. When she told me that she knew I didn't care about her because I wouldn't join her gym, I knew that she was being manipulative. If I were her age, I might fall for that, but I'm old enough that I'm no longer going to play games and dally on something where it starts so soon on an uneven keel. I don't play games, just sports. So I told her I was disinclined to acquiesce to her request and walked. She found someone else.
Forced things usually don't work, and when they do, often you are left with semblance posing as substance. When nations overrun others, there are usually partisans that spring up to resist the oppressor. Every employer I ever had who tried to hold me back in order to benefit eventually lost me and what ever other perks my work won them. Even if you think you hold all the cards, it is statistically possible to lose. Even an idiot can get lucky even if he isn't brave enough to call or raise. Most of the scars on my hands remind me of things I tried to force. Sometimes, they were because I was a fool. Sometimes they were because I thought I was being wise when with better information I know now that I was otherwise. The same can be said for the scars on my heart, in my mind, and on my soul- either I was out and out a fool or I was made to be one based on misinformation. There is really only one thing I still desire- to be a dad. I know I could be one any time I like, but not in a way of which God or I would approve. I've learned that for myself at least nothing is better than the wrong thing, because when I force it or try to rush the timing or manipulate the choices of another person, somehow eventually I am the one who gets hurt. I don't believe in force. I don't believe there is any virtue in using the adversary's methods to achieve the Father's plan. I don't know how to be someone you miss. I won't force you to do anything good against your will. I invite, entice, persuade, suffer, resolve concerns, show kindness gentleness and meekness, and then I wait because I don't want to have ulterior motives. I deserve good things. They will come when they can.
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