FitBit, Fit Doug

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Thursday, my second Fitbit died. To their credit, Fitbit is replacing it, but for now it means that I don't get any credit or feedback for the exercise I do. At first, I was upset to be cheated out of credit for 250 kcal Thursday morning, and then for a few hours in the afternoon when it went offline and gave me credit for nothing. Then, I decided, even if I don't get credit through the device, it wasn't going to change anything. I still "get credit" physically for the endurance and conditioning it brings into my life, and in that I learned something about myself.

For a long time now, I've sowed without reaping. While serving as a missionary in Europe, somehow I found the energy, motivation, and discipline to get up every day and go out among the people of Austria, Czeckoslovakia, Italy, and Yugoslavia(Serbia) where I served and attempt to help them draw closer to Christ. For the most part, you can't tell I was ever there, and even the people with whom I served don't say much to me these days. When it was time for me to come home, Xavier Meier wrote me and thanked me for helping him work right up to the last minute reaching out to people on our last day in country. My experiences differ widely from what I usually hear, and I came home feeling very much a failure.

When I go to church, although I feel much more at home in this congregation than my last one, you can tell a great difference between myself and the other members. If you look at them, it looks like they did everything correctly because they have all the benchmarks of a successful life from money to station to companionship. Look at me, and I look like a miscreant; I have a beard, I'm there by myself and I'm one of the poorest among them. However, I think they're intimidated by me. They know that I don't have a spouse or kids or a calling or a position of responsibility or any other reason to force me to come week after week after week. They listen to me speak, realize I know the doctrine, and have a testimony of the things we believe. I think they're intimidated because I am there anyway, without any reward or incentive whatsoever. I really believe it.

So far, the Fitbit's rewards have been paltry. Last fall, the Governor of Nevada offered us an "incentive" program to commemorate the 150th anniversary of Nevada Statehood. As I previously shared, the "prize" was something of absolutely zero worth to a person such as myself, given without regard whatsoever for the recipient. It hasn't made me lose much weight, and although I look better, I'm still not ripped, and so women still don't usually stare at me. By the state's BMI metric, I am still significantly overweight. We still have to use it (unofficially) to get credit for our insurance incentive, so I get to keep using it, have to keep using it, or else I will have to pay that extra money. That's what they're hoping.

Like my missionary service, my exercise isn't something that I do as much as it reflects who I really am. It takes a lot of energy to convince yourself to continue on in the face of constant opposition. It takes a lot of energy to motivate yourself without any feedback, without any rewards. Someone once told me that my discipline was my strength. One of the other professors told me that she marvels that I get up almost every day and go exercise even though I don't have to that often or even at that time of day. It's who I am. I do this because being begets doing.

When we do things for the reward, it often costs us the virtue of the thing itself. Many people quit something if the reward stops or refuse to participate if there is no prize or if they are not good enough to win one. People who do it anyway, who get up anyway, who push forward anyway, show us that their behavior stems from their character. On my mission, in my marriage, in my work, at exercise, and in every facet of my life, I continue to act anyway. It's who I really am. It's what I do. Although it is a principle of our Faith to reap what we sow, I am not doing it just for that. Eventually, there is a Law of Restoration, of Compensation, that must come true. Until then, I do it because it's the right thing to do. I learned this attitude from the Man of La Mancha. It doesn't matter if I win or lose, only that I follow the quest. So, I continued my exercise today as if the Fitbit was watching. I know God is, and someone else might be too. In thoroughness is satisfaction.