This week I managed to alienate myself somehow from every woman in my phone who is single. Basically, there is no point in contacting or interacting with them because of some perceived offense I gave at which they took exception. On the one hand, this is bad, because I don’t have as many people to invite to things or with whom to share things, and it also means I have zero dating prospects, if any of them ever really were such. On the other hand, it offers me the chance for a new beginning, a fresh start, and a clean slate.
The story is told of Thomas Edison and a fire that burned down his laboratory. At around 5:30 in the evening on Dec. 10, 1914, a massive explosion erupted in West Orange, New Jersey. Most of his research facility erupted in flame, so much that first responders were unable to contain the blaze. According to a 1961 Reader’s Digest article by Edison’s son Charles, Edison said, “It’s all right. We’ve just got rid of a lot of rubbish.” In the morning, Edison immediately began rebuilding without firing any of his employees. According to sources at the scene, Edison looked at the ruins and said, "There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew." Three weeks after the fire, Edison managed to deliver his first phonograph.
At first when this weekend came to a head, it seemed like a disaster. My Malibu’s battery died. My garage door stopped working. My phone was suddenly almost void of contacts. Somehow I still went hiking with another guy I know, and the mountain is always there. However, as I jogged Saturday night, I remembered the story of Edison and said to myself, “all of my mistakes are burnt away, and now I can start anew”.
Every time someone decides to unfriend me, it hurts. Essentially, I am vilified for being me, for being human, for being true to what I feel and think and believe. Since I don’t validate their worth and support them lock, stock and barrel, I’m made out to be the villain. It feels awful, but on reflection, I didn’t really do anything wrong, or at least anything anyone else would not have done. I made decisions based on the best information I had, I found out the truth, and now I can rest at ease that some people who might have occupied a position of import in my life made it clear to me that they don’t want one even if they deserve it. As bad as being alone and lonely is, it’s always nicer when you take out the trash and make room for things and people who belong.
While doing weights this morning, my CD came to the last song, and I finally listened to the lyrics. It’s Tom Petty’s “Free Falling”, and I realized it’s a song about liberation, that he’s finally free even though he’s been vilified, and he realizes that it’s better this way. I am pretty sure that what happened this weekend was right; these people didn’t belong. Nothing good gets away. If it’s right, it happens, because the people do what it takes to make it work. Life is not a circumstance where an always handsome husband returns home to an ever vivacious wife in a home surrounded perpetually by hollyhocks. Life involves work. Life asks us to make things work that we really want to work, and when disaster strikes, we usually take stock of what really matters and refocus our efforts there.
I find it strange that seven years after coming to Vegas my life feels like it did when I first arrived. The only things that changed for the better are generally the things in which I have the chief or sole hand. I didn’t have to trade Seven of Eight to get the other piece, and that’s a bad trade anyway. I haven’t lost any Seven of Eight despite being true to me. I still have those things. All I lost was probably a bunch of rubbish- false hopes, putative prospects, and weak associations. People make time for the things and people that matter, and now I don’t have to feel obliged to spend any time and effort on people, particularly those who have “withdrawn from our relationship”. It leaves room for better things, whether they involve new opportunities or renewed hopes and dreams for second chances with a particular practically perfect person if she ever picks me. Even if I can’t renew, at least I can now start over with the new.
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