I have become aware of a trend among parents that disturbs me. My awareness of this problem has been many years in the making, but it finally came to a 'T' in the last 24 hours as I heard some stories that disturbed me. When you bring a child into this world, there is a contractual obligation to that child to care for its physical and emotional needs as a bare minimum. Whatever their reasons, it seems parents bring children into this world not to care for them but to use them as a tool for their own advancement.
It is not a new concept that having children is a status symbol. There are plenty of people who have children to comply with societal norms. Just last Sunday, a man just a few years my junior told me to get with it, get married and have a family. Others sometimes omit me from activities oriented around families because their children don't know mine, and so my name doesn't cross their mind when they plan and organize. Even in times of yore, children were taken as a symbol of a man's virility, and in more recent times, especially in China, there is a push to have an heir. So much for "children are an heritage of the Lord...
Some "parents" manipulate their children for welfare. In particular, certain communities out west and in poverty areas use children to get access to social services like food stamps, welfare, and health care. I have seen parents parade the "misfortune" of their children before regular folks as a simpathy ploy. I have myself fallen prey to their schemes.
Then there are other schemes that particularly worry me about parents with grown children. Last night on Judge Judy, some parents sued their daughter for reimbursement of wedding expenses. Judy, rightly so, reminded them that it's the bride's family's responsibility to pay for the wedding. Not that the bride gets whatever she wants but that her family carry that burden according to their ability to pay. When I got married to my now ex wife, her parents protracted a scheme on me. During the immediately precedent period of her life, her parents had bought her a car and paid for her schooling. They refused to let us get married until I settled her debt to her parents. Then, they didn't pay for the wedding. Nice. Now, I hear a friend of mine is being charged for the cost of a dorm room at college for which her parents paid and in which she didn't want to live. They insisted that she live there, ostensibly to control her, and now she's on the hook for it.
When you bring a child into this world, you accept the burden of responsibility for it. I didn't have any say in the frequency of your "relations", in your wedding, or in the birth of the child. Why am I then obligated to pay for it?
Unless we turn the hearts of parents to their children, the earth really will be cursed. What we have is a generation of children in adult bodies raising their own children. These people adopted a Toys R Us attitude and never grew up, and they never intend to. If you want a great primer on the subject, I recommend The Teenager and the West (available for purchase from the author). Time used to be that children helped people grow up, but I think it should be different. You don't have a child to meet your needs; you have a child when you are willing and able to meet its needs. Every one of us comes into the world the same way- naked, crying, and completely helpless. Choices have consequences, and this is one to which I look forward in the right place at the right time in the right way with the right woman when God finally decides that this privilege of parenthood finally be mine.
Happy will be that day.
It is not a new concept that having children is a status symbol. There are plenty of people who have children to comply with societal norms. Just last Sunday, a man just a few years my junior told me to get with it, get married and have a family. Others sometimes omit me from activities oriented around families because their children don't know mine, and so my name doesn't cross their mind when they plan and organize. Even in times of yore, children were taken as a symbol of a man's virility, and in more recent times, especially in China, there is a push to have an heir. So much for "children are an heritage of the Lord...
Some "parents" manipulate their children for welfare. In particular, certain communities out west and in poverty areas use children to get access to social services like food stamps, welfare, and health care. I have seen parents parade the "misfortune" of their children before regular folks as a simpathy ploy. I have myself fallen prey to their schemes.
Then there are other schemes that particularly worry me about parents with grown children. Last night on Judge Judy, some parents sued their daughter for reimbursement of wedding expenses. Judy, rightly so, reminded them that it's the bride's family's responsibility to pay for the wedding. Not that the bride gets whatever she wants but that her family carry that burden according to their ability to pay. When I got married to my now ex wife, her parents protracted a scheme on me. During the immediately precedent period of her life, her parents had bought her a car and paid for her schooling. They refused to let us get married until I settled her debt to her parents. Then, they didn't pay for the wedding. Nice. Now, I hear a friend of mine is being charged for the cost of a dorm room at college for which her parents paid and in which she didn't want to live. They insisted that she live there, ostensibly to control her, and now she's on the hook for it.
When you bring a child into this world, you accept the burden of responsibility for it. I didn't have any say in the frequency of your "relations", in your wedding, or in the birth of the child. Why am I then obligated to pay for it?
Unless we turn the hearts of parents to their children, the earth really will be cursed. What we have is a generation of children in adult bodies raising their own children. These people adopted a Toys R Us attitude and never grew up, and they never intend to. If you want a great primer on the subject, I recommend The Teenager and the West (available for purchase from the author). Time used to be that children helped people grow up, but I think it should be different. You don't have a child to meet your needs; you have a child when you are willing and able to meet its needs. Every one of us comes into the world the same way- naked, crying, and completely helpless. Choices have consequences, and this is one to which I look forward in the right place at the right time in the right way with the right woman when God finally decides that this privilege of parenthood finally be mine.
Happy will be that day.
1 comment:
You'll be a wonderful dad. I know that because I know you. Loved your thoughts today.
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