I recently defended a friend from the U.K. against unfounded allegations against her character. Although at the time I did not know what the facts were, the basic premise of my defense was that it was inappropriate to assume something about her without any actual evidence and without giving her the chance to speak on her own behalf. We should all by now be familiar with the Duke LaCrosse case which teaches us two lessons: just because someone says it doesn't make it true and that the media rarely contacts you to find out your side of the story prior to publication.
When she wrote me to thank me for defending her in her absentia, my friend told me that it gave her hope to know there are still well-mannored men on the planet. The sad truth is that we are not as many as we ought to be. There is not much incentive to be chivalrous, to treat people the right way. What men obtain too easily, they esteem too lightly, and many of them get whatever goal they aim relatively easy from women and then abandon all pretense at a better way of life.
I think all males arrive at this juncture. By the time I was 26, I reached my own Time to Choose, and although I had been mistreated by some women, I knew that I had to live with myself and chose to remain as I was rather than change. None of my friends followed my example. They watched other men do contrary to what I chose and get what they aimed for, while I continued to struggle and watch people who were far lesser men pass me by. They decided there was no point to being better, and so they chose to live like others and enjoy what others enjoy.
Honestly, there are a lot of pretenders. Most chivalric behavior by men I have observed seems aimed as a ruse to lull women in with a false sense of security. Once they rope in their quarry, the pretenders abandon the act and revert to true form, setting up those of us who are honestly chivalric for subsequent suspiciously surreptitious scrutiny by women once wronged. Even if every knight who ever was pretended his chivalry as a ruse, I will abide by the principles they espoused.
CS Lewis wrote that if you want to know the true measure of a man, watch how he treats those who can do absolutely nothing for him. The truly chivalric man gets the door for the woman he loves and then holds it for others who follow in her wake, age, gender, etc., regardless. He even holds the door and holds his ground for the woman who afterwards berates him, not because she needs him to do it but because it's the right thing to do.
It is extremely rare that you will find men who actually think as I do over the age of 30. By that time, most men decide there's no advantage to doing what is right, especially when you cannot tell from casual observation that they are different. We do not have an entourage of fawning females follow us around; mostly they call me at random to ask my help or advice or for just a kind word and then vanish into obscurity again. As long as women accept men who abuse and misuse them, men will never rise above that base behavior. As long as men accept women whose priorities lie outside family and faith, women will obsess about things of little eternal significance. There are no men because they don't have to be men to get from women the things they seek, and until men seek women for the right reasons, they will never find the right women.
When she wrote me to thank me for defending her in her absentia, my friend told me that it gave her hope to know there are still well-mannored men on the planet. The sad truth is that we are not as many as we ought to be. There is not much incentive to be chivalrous, to treat people the right way. What men obtain too easily, they esteem too lightly, and many of them get whatever goal they aim relatively easy from women and then abandon all pretense at a better way of life.
I think all males arrive at this juncture. By the time I was 26, I reached my own Time to Choose, and although I had been mistreated by some women, I knew that I had to live with myself and chose to remain as I was rather than change. None of my friends followed my example. They watched other men do contrary to what I chose and get what they aimed for, while I continued to struggle and watch people who were far lesser men pass me by. They decided there was no point to being better, and so they chose to live like others and enjoy what others enjoy.
Honestly, there are a lot of pretenders. Most chivalric behavior by men I have observed seems aimed as a ruse to lull women in with a false sense of security. Once they rope in their quarry, the pretenders abandon the act and revert to true form, setting up those of us who are honestly chivalric for subsequent suspiciously surreptitious scrutiny by women once wronged. Even if every knight who ever was pretended his chivalry as a ruse, I will abide by the principles they espoused.
CS Lewis wrote that if you want to know the true measure of a man, watch how he treats those who can do absolutely nothing for him. The truly chivalric man gets the door for the woman he loves and then holds it for others who follow in her wake, age, gender, etc., regardless. He even holds the door and holds his ground for the woman who afterwards berates him, not because she needs him to do it but because it's the right thing to do.
It is extremely rare that you will find men who actually think as I do over the age of 30. By that time, most men decide there's no advantage to doing what is right, especially when you cannot tell from casual observation that they are different. We do not have an entourage of fawning females follow us around; mostly they call me at random to ask my help or advice or for just a kind word and then vanish into obscurity again. As long as women accept men who abuse and misuse them, men will never rise above that base behavior. As long as men accept women whose priorities lie outside family and faith, women will obsess about things of little eternal significance. There are no men because they don't have to be men to get from women the things they seek, and until men seek women for the right reasons, they will never find the right women.
1 comment:
Well stated. I applaud you.
For so long I thought I was alone.
Honor is the word I choose. I have a code of honor that is unquestionable. I do not have to deal with the issues of scrutiny most face because my honor is intact. Some may find stories of me to be on the edge of folklore, but I see this as good and appropriate and my only right choice. My word is my bond. When I tell someone I will stand with them, they don't have to look back. They know I will be there.
I recently was embarrassed by a friend for this very thing. They pointed me out and said, "you don't know what got your back means, if you don't know him."
Stay the course!
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