People who know me know that I am no fan of Halloween. However, as we ponder ghosts and haunting and skeletons, I think of skeletons in the closet that may come back to haunt you.
When I started this blog over two years ago, I was very brave. I decided to go put up whatever I thought in the moment about whatever I felt. Although I was careful to leave some things elsewhere, I wonder what among the words I have written may come back to haunt me. I have not read back through old posts, but I will archive them and print them and reread them at my leisure as I work on other things I write, but I will leave them there. Besides, Google has probably permanently archived them anyway since Blogspot is a subsidiary thereof.
I imagine everyone has said or done something which they would be glad to take back. However, most folks seem convinced that their record is expunged by 'virtue' in their continued existence. Their own memory acquits their past whilst sitting in judgment of everything and everyone else while they hold you to old opinions. It is extremely convenient to be always able to live in your own present while you can simultaneously hold everyone else accountable for their past, to expect others to forgive you while you refuse to do in kind.
Everyone makes mistakes. I am not saying that we pretend their slate is clean, because some of them intend to take advantage of you, but we let them really start over. The tenant of Forgiveness and Repentance speaks of a ‘new man’; not that we treat them as the same people who do only right things but that we treat them as completely new people.
A few years ago, I knew a woman who made promises to me. In the end, I discovered that I was unable to count on her word. Last November, she contacted me and asked if we could be friends. I told her that would depend on her, since she was the one who had decided to despise my friendship, that I would believe it as she proved it. She then appealed to my good graces to borrow $2000 from me, presuming that our prior relationship could be manipulated in her time of trouble. When I explained my financial status and refused the loan, she left, and I have only heard from her once since then. She did not prove she was different, and I would have been unwise to allow the relationship to progress from where it was when she left.
If I have done anything to hurt you, I am sorry. Such was never my intent or disposition, and if you let me know, as far as lies in my power I promise to make it right. The one part of repentance that people conveniently omit is “Restitution”, in which they set things right. Without that, your repentance cannot be genuine or permanent, and you have not become a new person.
We are fortunate that sometimes we can edit things in our lives. With the dawn of the internet, that’s no longer as easy. People used to have long enough memories; now we have archives that eliminate the need for a good memory. Hence, it is easier to acquit yourself and open up old wounds when necessary to afflict and torment others.
I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. I wish I were a better man. I honestly do try. In the end, I suspect that Marc Antony’s funeral oration will prove as prophetic for my poor soul as it was for Ceasar’s, that “the evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones”. I hope that I am better now than I was when I started this blog- smarter, wiser, more patient, a better example of faith, hope and charity. Let the readers decide. I will continue to do and say what I feel is right no matter what others may say. After all, the experts are often surprised.
When I started this blog over two years ago, I was very brave. I decided to go put up whatever I thought in the moment about whatever I felt. Although I was careful to leave some things elsewhere, I wonder what among the words I have written may come back to haunt me. I have not read back through old posts, but I will archive them and print them and reread them at my leisure as I work on other things I write, but I will leave them there. Besides, Google has probably permanently archived them anyway since Blogspot is a subsidiary thereof.
I imagine everyone has said or done something which they would be glad to take back. However, most folks seem convinced that their record is expunged by 'virtue' in their continued existence. Their own memory acquits their past whilst sitting in judgment of everything and everyone else while they hold you to old opinions. It is extremely convenient to be always able to live in your own present while you can simultaneously hold everyone else accountable for their past, to expect others to forgive you while you refuse to do in kind.
Everyone makes mistakes. I am not saying that we pretend their slate is clean, because some of them intend to take advantage of you, but we let them really start over. The tenant of Forgiveness and Repentance speaks of a ‘new man’; not that we treat them as the same people who do only right things but that we treat them as completely new people.
A few years ago, I knew a woman who made promises to me. In the end, I discovered that I was unable to count on her word. Last November, she contacted me and asked if we could be friends. I told her that would depend on her, since she was the one who had decided to despise my friendship, that I would believe it as she proved it. She then appealed to my good graces to borrow $2000 from me, presuming that our prior relationship could be manipulated in her time of trouble. When I explained my financial status and refused the loan, she left, and I have only heard from her once since then. She did not prove she was different, and I would have been unwise to allow the relationship to progress from where it was when she left.
If I have done anything to hurt you, I am sorry. Such was never my intent or disposition, and if you let me know, as far as lies in my power I promise to make it right. The one part of repentance that people conveniently omit is “Restitution”, in which they set things right. Without that, your repentance cannot be genuine or permanent, and you have not become a new person.
We are fortunate that sometimes we can edit things in our lives. With the dawn of the internet, that’s no longer as easy. People used to have long enough memories; now we have archives that eliminate the need for a good memory. Hence, it is easier to acquit yourself and open up old wounds when necessary to afflict and torment others.
I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. I wish I were a better man. I honestly do try. In the end, I suspect that Marc Antony’s funeral oration will prove as prophetic for my poor soul as it was for Ceasar’s, that “the evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones”. I hope that I am better now than I was when I started this blog- smarter, wiser, more patient, a better example of faith, hope and charity. Let the readers decide. I will continue to do and say what I feel is right no matter what others may say. After all, the experts are often surprised.
No comments:
Post a Comment