A friend of mine posted a link to best of craigslist today about a manipulative woman caught in her own devices. In short, she tried to pin another man's baby on her regular bedfellow who unbeknownst to her was sterile and could prove it. There are two morals in this story: do the right things for the right reasons and morality pays.
On the surface, this is kind of a cool "gotcha" type story. After I gave it some thought about how cool it would be to be this guy and how cool it is to be me, I was kind of upset. The guy manipulated the woman first, because he let her believe that he was someone with whom she could reach her life goals while in reality she was just "an easy lay" to him. So, he's not quite so cool to me anymore. This man perpetuated America's Syndrome by his contribution that undermines good families. He never intended to have one with her. This was a setup. Then there was the woman. I have seen that self-righteous smirk in women who think they have you dead to rights. Since I am a relatively decent fellow, I am often targeted by hard luck cases who appeal to my greater sensibilities, and in this situation, she would have caught me and tricked me into raising another man's child.
Fortunately for me, I would never be in this situation. A few years ago, a female friend of mine called me one day and announced she was pregnant. My first words were "I console myself with the knowledge that it's not mine". That didn't help her much, but it put things in perspective; she had no claim on me for help. I had no say in the creation of that life and therefore no obligation for its future care and nurture except as I so chose.
I wrote a few days ago about dingbats and deadbeats. People know there are people with whom to have relationships and people with whom to have families. The two pools overlap but are distinct. The guy was out for a relationship. The girl chose the guy for a family but fathered the child with a fling. That really gets my goat. Children are not a tool with which to manipulate people.
Any children I ever have may console themselves in this simple fact. There are no illegitimate brothers and sisters out there anywhere. This is not because they were not born; it is because they were never conceived. Sterility, as in this story, would be the easiest way to vouchsafe that, but I have arrived at this point through abstinence. I have kept the Law of Chastity. When I have children, it will be on purpose.
Like Sheri Dew, I can confidently say this:
While it hasn't always been easy to stay morally clean it has been far easier than the alternative. I have never spent one second worrying about an unwanted pregnancy or disease. I have never had a moment's anguish because a woman used and then discarded me. And when I do marry, I will do so without regret. So you see, I believe a moral life is actually an easier and a happier life.
How glorious is he who lives the chaste life. He walks unfearful in the full glare of the noonday sun, for he is without moral infirmity. He can be reached by no shafts of base calumny, for his armor is without flaw. His virtue cannot be challenged by any just accuser, for he lives above reproach. His cheek is never blotched with shame, for he is without hidden sin. He is honored and respected by all mankind, for he is beyond their censure. He is loved by the Lord, for he stands without blemish. The exaltation of eternities await his coming.
I may not have a family right now, but at least when I have a family it will be because I chose to. The chief cause for failure and unhappiness in this life is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment. I learned the pain of that when I was very young, and I'll wait for a keeper. If she's the right one for me and our love is real, she will be willing to wait to do the right thing at the right time in the right place by the right authority and for the right reasons. If that's not her, then someday it will be someone, no matter how much people tell me not to "put it off".
Fools rush in.
On the surface, this is kind of a cool "gotcha" type story. After I gave it some thought about how cool it would be to be this guy and how cool it is to be me, I was kind of upset. The guy manipulated the woman first, because he let her believe that he was someone with whom she could reach her life goals while in reality she was just "an easy lay" to him. So, he's not quite so cool to me anymore. This man perpetuated America's Syndrome by his contribution that undermines good families. He never intended to have one with her. This was a setup. Then there was the woman. I have seen that self-righteous smirk in women who think they have you dead to rights. Since I am a relatively decent fellow, I am often targeted by hard luck cases who appeal to my greater sensibilities, and in this situation, she would have caught me and tricked me into raising another man's child.
Fortunately for me, I would never be in this situation. A few years ago, a female friend of mine called me one day and announced she was pregnant. My first words were "I console myself with the knowledge that it's not mine". That didn't help her much, but it put things in perspective; she had no claim on me for help. I had no say in the creation of that life and therefore no obligation for its future care and nurture except as I so chose.
I wrote a few days ago about dingbats and deadbeats. People know there are people with whom to have relationships and people with whom to have families. The two pools overlap but are distinct. The guy was out for a relationship. The girl chose the guy for a family but fathered the child with a fling. That really gets my goat. Children are not a tool with which to manipulate people.
Any children I ever have may console themselves in this simple fact. There are no illegitimate brothers and sisters out there anywhere. This is not because they were not born; it is because they were never conceived. Sterility, as in this story, would be the easiest way to vouchsafe that, but I have arrived at this point through abstinence. I have kept the Law of Chastity. When I have children, it will be on purpose.
Like Sheri Dew, I can confidently say this:
While it hasn't always been easy to stay morally clean it has been far easier than the alternative. I have never spent one second worrying about an unwanted pregnancy or disease. I have never had a moment's anguish because a woman used and then discarded me. And when I do marry, I will do so without regret. So you see, I believe a moral life is actually an easier and a happier life.
How glorious is he who lives the chaste life. He walks unfearful in the full glare of the noonday sun, for he is without moral infirmity. He can be reached by no shafts of base calumny, for his armor is without flaw. His virtue cannot be challenged by any just accuser, for he lives above reproach. His cheek is never blotched with shame, for he is without hidden sin. He is honored and respected by all mankind, for he is beyond their censure. He is loved by the Lord, for he stands without blemish. The exaltation of eternities await his coming.
I may not have a family right now, but at least when I have a family it will be because I chose to. The chief cause for failure and unhappiness in this life is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment. I learned the pain of that when I was very young, and I'll wait for a keeper. If she's the right one for me and our love is real, she will be willing to wait to do the right thing at the right time in the right place by the right authority and for the right reasons. If that's not her, then someday it will be someone, no matter how much people tell me not to "put it off".
Fools rush in.
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