I don't believe in soulmates per se. I believe that any two people can make things work if they choose to focus on their relationship with each other and with their Maker. That being said is precisely the problem. As long as we date people for the wrong reasons, we cannot possibly expect couples to choose to make things work out.
My grandparents are concerned. I'm that enigmatic "menace to society" in Mormondom, that 30+ single male who isn't in a relationship or at least isn't in one of which his parents and peers approve. My grandparents also make the case for me. Young men these days continually choose dingbats, and these deadbeat men encourage the perpetuity of this trend by picking dingbats over women of substance and character. If you bring nothing more than looks to the table, I'm not likely to be interested. Granted, attraction matters to me, but if that's all you have, we're through. In turn, women choose men who are fun and entertaining, and they seek nonstop thrills and wining and dining and as such show little interest in men like me who have jobs to which they must go and bills they must pay and who cannot drop everything anytime to grant their whims. Dingbats choose deadbeats, and it shows in society.
What matters most is responsibility. Women today have been trained to look for unending entertainment. They would rather socialize than exercise, play games than pray, and put off until tomorrow the duties of today. Maturity asks that a person do what needs to be done when it needs to be done whether they want to or not.
There are a few signs that help me that I feel inclined to share. You may think this makes me picky, but I would rather be alone than in a codependent relationship. I know it's tough; we're brought up to value companionship sometimes at the expense of character. You all know someone who says there are no good men/women anymore. I beg to differ.
Men and women of value may be hard to find, but they are easy to find when you know how to recognize them. It's kind of like belonging to a secret club, and it's actually kind of fun. Again, there are probably any of several people with whom you could have a happy and healthy relationship. CS Lewis warns of the trend that encourages us to breed with the most prodigious of women and steer us away from those with whom such positive associations as in the former are possible. Beware the temptation to seek perfection. It's a choice, and the choice is up to you.
Here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. When you're together you feel like you're home, that you are safe, and that you can trust them. (See Sleepless in Seattle)
2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, and perhaps it comes to pass by a very low margin of propensity. (See An Affair to Remember)
3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid "knowing" of what each of you means. You recognize quickly what they think or feel.
4. You have a shared direction and purpose in life that goes beyond a recited creed or basic to-do list.
5. When you're together the world seems like a better place, like your problems loom less large.
6. Your mood is elevated when you're together. It's not necessarily passion or excitement, although that's there too at times. You just feel better.
7. When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that's been missing. Perhaps they encourage a part of you that you were recalcitrant to share or unaware existed.
8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating and about the prospects of reaching that future.
9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner. It's ok to be you.
10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people. He/she inspires you to be a better person; you are disinclined to bad habits more than at any other time of your day/week/month/etc.
You may not feel all of these with this person or not all the time, but odds are that they will all be there and that some of them will always be there. Every relationship takes work. Every relationship takes committment. A good relationship will improve over time. There may be bumps and bruises, but there will be a general upward trend.
It takes time to make a good relationship, time and patience and practice. It takes forgiveness, tenderness, meekness, and love unfeigned. Real love cannot be so tenuous a thing that it takes many months to build but mere moments to destroy. True love must include the idea of permanence. True love is forever.
My grandparents are concerned. I'm that enigmatic "menace to society" in Mormondom, that 30+ single male who isn't in a relationship or at least isn't in one of which his parents and peers approve. My grandparents also make the case for me. Young men these days continually choose dingbats, and these deadbeat men encourage the perpetuity of this trend by picking dingbats over women of substance and character. If you bring nothing more than looks to the table, I'm not likely to be interested. Granted, attraction matters to me, but if that's all you have, we're through. In turn, women choose men who are fun and entertaining, and they seek nonstop thrills and wining and dining and as such show little interest in men like me who have jobs to which they must go and bills they must pay and who cannot drop everything anytime to grant their whims. Dingbats choose deadbeats, and it shows in society.
What matters most is responsibility. Women today have been trained to look for unending entertainment. They would rather socialize than exercise, play games than pray, and put off until tomorrow the duties of today. Maturity asks that a person do what needs to be done when it needs to be done whether they want to or not.
There are a few signs that help me that I feel inclined to share. You may think this makes me picky, but I would rather be alone than in a codependent relationship. I know it's tough; we're brought up to value companionship sometimes at the expense of character. You all know someone who says there are no good men/women anymore. I beg to differ.
Men and women of value may be hard to find, but they are easy to find when you know how to recognize them. It's kind of like belonging to a secret club, and it's actually kind of fun. Again, there are probably any of several people with whom you could have a happy and healthy relationship. CS Lewis warns of the trend that encourages us to breed with the most prodigious of women and steer us away from those with whom such positive associations as in the former are possible. Beware the temptation to seek perfection. It's a choice, and the choice is up to you.
Here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. When you're together you feel like you're home, that you are safe, and that you can trust them. (See Sleepless in Seattle)
2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, and perhaps it comes to pass by a very low margin of propensity. (See An Affair to Remember)
3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid "knowing" of what each of you means. You recognize quickly what they think or feel.
4. You have a shared direction and purpose in life that goes beyond a recited creed or basic to-do list.
5. When you're together the world seems like a better place, like your problems loom less large.
6. Your mood is elevated when you're together. It's not necessarily passion or excitement, although that's there too at times. You just feel better.
7. When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that's been missing. Perhaps they encourage a part of you that you were recalcitrant to share or unaware existed.
8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating and about the prospects of reaching that future.
9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner. It's ok to be you.
10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people. He/she inspires you to be a better person; you are disinclined to bad habits more than at any other time of your day/week/month/etc.
You may not feel all of these with this person or not all the time, but odds are that they will all be there and that some of them will always be there. Every relationship takes work. Every relationship takes committment. A good relationship will improve over time. There may be bumps and bruises, but there will be a general upward trend.
It takes time to make a good relationship, time and patience and practice. It takes forgiveness, tenderness, meekness, and love unfeigned. Real love cannot be so tenuous a thing that it takes many months to build but mere moments to destroy. True love must include the idea of permanence. True love is forever.
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