You spend time with people for two reasons. Either you genuinely enjoy their company or you are hoping to personally benefit from the arrangement. Good company, good relationships, and good entertainment used to revolve around simple things in the time before everyone posted everything to social media in a vain and shallow attempt to appear relevant and prove their life was exciting. I blame Hollywood for changing the mainstream view about "a good time" from good company to something vapid. Movies used to be about the conversation, about the story, about the dialogue. As the media changed from stimulating conversation to action and tantalization, it lost much of its value. Abrams' "Star Trek" isn't the same as Roddenberry's. For Roddenbery, it was about the story, about conversation, just as it has been since the time of Shakespeare if not longer. Too many people pick something else, and end up neither doing what they enjoy nor what they ought. I think this contributes to infidelity and unhappiness because people fit together literally but end up with people they don't really like because they were exciting and tantalizing, semblance without substance.
When you share things, conversation helps you revisit, remember, and enjoy an experience again. My hiking buddy and I sometimes reminisce about the interesting things we've seen while doing things together. Even on trails we hiked before, there are old memories and new experiences. This is why you have long term relationships, so that the things you do still have meaning which arises when you revisit them in conversation. Many people consider themselves good company when they offer little in the way of conversation. In the last few years, I took two young ladies to see things I've seen hiking that were very special. The first claimed she enjoyed it but fell asleep during the 2.5 hour car ride back home and shortly thereafter ceased speaking to me. The second apparently talked it up to coworkers and friends but also said very little afterwards to me. Life is richer when you share it, but it's really only enriched when you revisit it with the people who made it special. I visited many places that I enjoyed without any company. If not for the pictures, sometimes I wonder if I really went or made up the memory. I visited many places with people who no longer talk to me. I wonder if they remember those things fondly or if I'm forgettable. We no longer converse, but then many of the people I have met no longer talk to me although they could. I hope they're enjoying other conversations with other people.
Conversation differs from argumentation, dissent, and dictation. Far too many people converse only about things that are dramatic. I hear that making up is the best part of relationships, but I don't understand why people feel the need to get upset as a means to reconnect and mend fences. I spent a lot of time sleeping "on the couch" when I was married, which really meant I slept in another room, and it didn't help us get closer or make our interactions more meaningful. It was painful and unpleasant, and I eventually became very suspicious when she would do nice things for me. I am interested in good company, and I don't have time for the drama anymore. I met with a student yesterday afternoon that many people would suggest I should get to know. However, I can tell that she's a drama queen. She gets upset and agitated over things she doesn't control, over things that are of no moment, and probably because she's an adrenaline junkie. I'm ready for simple. I'm looking for intellectual stimulation. I'm attracted to intelligence. Looks may catch my attention, but only character and conversation will keep it. Far too many of my coworkers only work in "crisis mode", meaning unless there is drama they don't do or discuss anything. I don't like to be upset or agitated. I don't find that relaxing or pleasant in any way, and nothing offered to me so far as compensation for that actually took away the consequences. Most people just created drama and repaired it by disappearing from my life.
If you're not good company, good conversation, people don't keep you. Imagine the friend who is always late, always depressed, always talking about how he got shafted, and always talking about himself. I can't speak for you, but I don't really like to hang out with that kind of people. Those are my least favorite students, because they are not special, life has always been hard, and college isn't supposed to be easy like high school. As much as I detest being lonely, there are people I do not call or contact or visit because they are manipulative, depressing, or draining to visit. Many of them don't see that about themselves, but if I'm exhausted by spending time with you for some other reason than hiking or another outdoor excursion, I'd rather just stay home and be alone. People don't pick partners for conversation anymore, however, but for visual benefit or because of emotional reasons. My hiking buddy's oldest brother married a woman 15 years younger than he. She is upset because, although everything else is good and the romance persists, they don't really talk. She misses the conversation. I think this is a HUGE reason why so much infidelity arises and why people move from relationship to relationship. They aren't with someone who offers good company, good conversation. Assuming you are in flagrante delicto an hour every single day, what do you do the other 23 hours of the day? If you don't enjoy the company, the conversation, eventually you will seek it elsewhere. Almost seven years ago, the woman I "dated" came to me and told me that she missed our intellectual conversations. THe guy she picked over me had the physique that she wanted, but he wasn't capable of intellectually stimulating her and keeping her interest. Well, I wasn't going to be her fallback plan, so I told her that she must have picked the wrong guy and walked away.
It's a shame that other people don't feel that conversation matters until they are older. That might be why my friends are 10-20 years my senior. Unfortunately, I've had good conversations with people who no longer even answer my calls/texts/emails. They weren't the best people I've known, but I enjoyed their company and conversation, but apparently they seek other things. I am willing to bet money that they, like my friend's sister in law, eventually regret not nurturing our relationship. You can almost see this in the music video for Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away". She has everything people claim to desire- money, comfort, access, a nice house, a husband. What she lacks is conversation. The barely-seen husband didn't join her for the outing, so there isn't a chance for greater than, and then she opines the time spent with another guy years before who was good company and conversation. She misses the time spent, the memories made, and the conversations. She drove him away with drama. She doesn't enjoy the company of the man she picked. He doesn't offer good conversation. When I visited my grandparents, it was about the conversation. Maybe this is why most of my friends have always been older people, because they realize that they value conversation. My buddy's parents found me interesting, intriguing, and intelligent, and so I was welcome in their home for my value to conversation despite my age, socio-econimic status, and looks. I was taught that it's what's on the inside that counts, and conversation tells me what's on the inside. Conversation helps keep things alive. I'm sorry that so many people no longer talk to me. For my part, I enjoyed our time together. I hope you choose good company so that in the twilight of your life you'll enjoy the conversation with someone you really like even when your body can't enjoy the other reasons. Recreation only adds width and breadth to life if you already have a life.
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