Last weekend, I stayed on the mountain until late to guide a group at twilight to the abandoned lead mine. On the way back, very near the parking area, we unexpectedly ran across a small group of young male deer who were attracted to us because one of our number was currently "in heat". You see, the young male deer often move together during mating season because they do not really know what to do and because they are out competed by the elder of their species. Humans seem to be the only species where it is the young among us who are most likely, most frequently, and most encouraged to engage in mating behavior as often as possible with as many partners as they can woo. Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom, young humans are actually poor mates, chosen for how well they look without clothing rather than on how well they can actually provide for and protect young. Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom, we mate for reasons other than to reproduce. Love and its bastardized meanings is wasted on the young, at least in humans.
Young humans have the least to offer. Tuesday night, a second cousin of mine twice removed married a young lady here in town. He is himself a college drop out who parks cars as a valet, and although he probably earns close to what I do, it's hardly a laudatory resume. His bride is 19 and so obsessed with appearances that she banned my cousin's brother and his own best friend from the wedding party to avoid having bad pictures because they are overweight. She doesn't want to have kids because she doesn't want to lose her figure. She is why I ignore girls under the age of 25 carte blanc because she is superficial, shallow, and selfish. Most of these young people don't have any idea what they are doing, what they will be when they grow up or how to be parents, but because humans are sexually mature by the age of 15, they are the ones with the most time and access to potential mating partners. My own Faith exacerbates this phenomenon by allowing a stigma to persist that it's shameful to be single and over 30; in my Faith it's more likely to be killed by a terrorist than get married over 30 (for the rest of the population the age is 40). Meanwhile, I repair my own cars, tend my own household, grow my own garden, have a real job, own a house and two cars, look good in a suit, play multiple sports and instruments, speak several languages, and attend events of cultural and historical significance with regularity. I'm a renaissance man in a selfie world.
Young humans have far too much free time and far too many opportunities to mate. After last spring, when I caught the same couple in flagrante delicto thrice in the staircase, the security guards now patrol quiet areas looking for students getting into trouble. However, I see young people from the nearby high school who are skipping school and hanging out with their significant others during school hours. With the economy still flat on its back, too few of them are at work. As young people begin puberty even sooner, the urges become ever stronger, and I see posts on the internet periodically about how young people are the only ones they know who are still virgins, and some of these are as young as 13! They hang out at all hours, send risque images, and "hook up" with whomever is interested not out of love but either due to boredom or to get "likes". Adults aren't much help, turning to Tinder and Ashley Madison to slake their lusts while giving flowers, chocolates, and promises they don't intend to keep to those with whom they sire children. What other lesson are their children to learn than what their parents teach them by way of example? Tragic.
Young humans look good, but shiny armor and six-pack abs have never really been tested. Look at the lion, where the leader of the pride is usually not the most attractive but the most achieved. We joke as humans that chicks dig scars, but for the lion the scars testify of successful hunts and unsuccessful coup attempts against him. He has fought to feed his brood and to protect his place. Time and time again in the human population I watch women wonder at my many laudatory facets. They talk about how they respect who I am and what I do and how they agree that life is richer when you share it and then go share it with someone else who either spends more money on them than I or spends more time at the gym than I. All too often, these guys have physiques about which I could only dream and very...little...else. Well, they reap what they sow I guess, and they get what matters most to them. I read recently about the relationship between plastic surgery and the selfie in which people go under the knife to look better. It's all about the show, about perception, about the outside rather than the character, and most don't give me a chance. Sexy beats handsome; edgy beats cultured; adventurous beats reliable; and women seem to live by the ABCD Theory: Anything But Choose Doug.
Meanwhile, there are plenty of amazing people who, if they had but waited a while, would make fantastic mates. In too many cases, humans settle in order to couple and know people biblically that they don't really know socially only to have their relationships and marriages fall apart, leaving parentless children in the wake. With rare exception, the only women interested in me are at least 50 years old and have multiple children, often by multiple fathers, only interested in me now because they wised up to what really matters. It's sad because I have known quite a few women who would be wonderful if not for the baggage they bring from a vindictive and vile ex husband. It's sad because quite a few women get to know me and see the real me and then cut me off like Gotye in favor of the exact opposite of what they told me with their tongues they sought. If only humans, like most other animals, recognized that the elders of a species outcompete the younger because they actually ARE better. Adults have the ability to provide, the wisdom to take care of a family, and the resume to be leaders while young have only potential. Yeah, undirected energy? Lovely. If only humans chose their mates for reasons other than how well they look shirtless. Maybe that's part of the trial God wanted- leaving us without hair so that we wouldn't all look the same; imagine if every man had back hair and a bald head! So, the youth "fall in love" constantly, indiscriminately, and the effect is the same as if they never fell in love at all, and they "make love" not for their partner but for themselves, and it leaves heartbreak and broken families in the wake.
The two ladies with me wondered why I am still single. They found me passing fair, passing grace, and good company. They enjoyed my conversation, appreciated my sense of direction getting them to their destination, and were glad I was there protecting them from the dastardly deer. One of them texted me: "when your (sic) not guarded your (sic) so amazing and interesting and diverse. that's so hard to find these days". Well, I made the same invitation to three other women this summer: one was 30, one was 28, and the other 25. All of them seemed interested in joining me for something, but when the time came they found an excuse and brushed me off. They will never know what they missed. They will go find someone else, and probably soon, because he is sexy, because he looks good shirtless, and perhaps more importantly because he is ok fornicating with them. In the twilight of their lives, and perhaps as soon as when they are 45, they will look out and wonder why there are no great guys. Well, they drove them away in order to chase love- the love of themselves. Love really is wasted on the young. They do not know how to recognize it. They do not know how to love others. They do not know themselves, and so they can't love themselves let alone love others. They are not ready really, but they are ready physiologically, and so it's a huge waste as they pick partners poorly. I hope my cousin chose wisely. I wish I had.
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