I'm a Mac

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Men of power and influence have very strange reactions to me. Within the past two weeks, I've walked down the hallway with two powerful local politicians- J.S., former head of the RTC and former Henderson City Manager, and Harry Reid, alleged US Senator. Over the past two years, I've attended soirees for two US Congressmen- Stephen Horsford and Dina Titus. Each of these people is someone I called to carpet for lies, deception, and corruption. On the other hand, for some reason, a handful of people I know in positions of power wish they could get their daughters to marry me. For other reasons, I don't think any of those women will give me a second look. I'm not flashy. I am not rich or ripped, and I won't resort to chloroform to get a date. Several weeks ago after church, this fellow Joe who really seems to be interested in and supportive of me tried to buoy me up with hope for my prospects. I told him that I didn't share his optimistic outlook. Nobody wants to marry a Crusader.

As a Crusader, I am oath and honor bound to abide by, adhere to, advocate for, and exemplify a specific moral code. As a man, I am not perfect in doing this, but I do a pretty good job of sticking to my guns. I was influenced by people of literary and cinematic performance to find a principled position and then defend it against all opposition. Here are a few of them:

• We are men of action. Lies do not become us. -Dread Pirate Roberts to Count Rougen
• “If we lived in a State where virtue was profitable, common sense would make us good, and greed would make us saintly. And we'd live like animals or angels in the happy land that /needs/ no heroes. But since in fact we see that avarice, anger, envy, pride, sloth, lust and stupidity commonly profit far beyond humility, chastity, fortitude, justice and thought, and have to choose, to be human at all... why then perhaps we /must/ stand fast a little --even at the risk of being heroes.” -Sir Thomas More
• Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Live pure and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always even when it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless.  -Bailien of Ibelin
• On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, to help other people at all times, to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight. -Boy Scout Oath
• “It is the mission of each true knight...His duty... nay, his privilege! To dream the impossible dream, To fight the unbeatable foe, To bear with unbearable sorrow To run where the brave dare not go; To right the unrightable wrong. To love, pure and chaste, from afar, To try, when your arms are too weary, To reach the unreachable star! This is my Quest to follow that star, No matter how hopeless, no matter how far, To fight for the right Without question or pause, To be willing to march into hell For a heavenly cause! And I know, if I'll only be true To this glorious Quest, That my heart will lie peaceful and calm When I'm laid to my rest. And the world will be better for this, That one man, scorned and covered with scars, Still strove, with his last ounce of courage, To reach the unreachable stars!” -Don Quixote de la Mancha

It takes courage to stand fast while all around you people go with the flow and try to blend in. It takes courage to stand by old and tried and true things when others fear the same old thing It takes courage to refuse to be blown about by every wind of doctrine, swayed by the waves of fad and fashion, and lured by the syren call. It takes courage to keep doing the right thing no matter what, especially when you don't reap.

I Don't Do P.C. I'm a Mac. During the heady days of the computer format wars, Apple refused to "get with the program" and go along with DOS. IN fact, until Steve Jobs died, Apple/Mac was an innovative company that allowed people to create rather than operate computer programs. Going P.C. killed the computer industry just like it's killing our society today. People are afraid to be who they are and say what they think because they fear reprisal, ostracism, and other risks. The surest way to hell is the gradually descending slope without signposts. That's what Windows has done.

I've seen too many people buckle under pressure in order to protect what they have or to gain advantage. I'm not saying I'd do differently or that they're not doing something worthy. I'm saying that there are people positioned better than I to speak up and speak out who do not do so to protect their job, their title, or their family. Some do it to earn a wage. Why am I doing it? Because you are not. You are doing something else worthy, leaving me to do the things that are difficult and that might upset your life. The other group goes with the flow in order to prosper, but once you start paying tribute, how do you stop? You become dependent on and beholden to those benefactors no matter how benign. I may not have much, but what I gained I earned, and I belong to no man.

Living this way takes guts. It's the same kind of tenacity that sent Daniel to the lion's den, that asked Moses to walk across the Sinai twice, and that led Abraham to march up the mountain with his sacrificial son in tow. Since I'm single, i'm in a power position to do this. I can testify against someone regardless of what he might do to hurt me or my loved ones. I can resist malversation and wickedness in high places, whether at work, in government, or even in my own Faith. During the summer, an upper muckety muck told me in the campus weight room that in order to move up I would either need to become a toady or dig dirt.  I told him that I don't dance.  My father thinks it's possible that standing up to these men has hurt me vocationally and professionally, and when I saw these men on campus this month I wondered anew if that was the case. I rise slowly, but I do rise. I don't dance. I don't play politics. I will do what is right, meaning I probably won't get promoted or get a raise or get special treatment. I swore an oath, and what is an oath but words we say to God? My first boss in NSHE wrote me this when the dean took over my supervision: "Your courage to speak the truth even when you face possible ramifications has earned my respect."

Maybe this is why I haven't been able to keep a woman. It stands to reason that a loving Father God wouldn't want to send any of His daughters into a situation where she would take second chair to a cause however noble. He would want them to go somewhere where they would be cared for, cared about, and caring, meaning He would want her to go to a good man in a good place. Maybe He needs me to be this way so I can be free to act without worrying about others. You see, the villains come at you sideways, sidle up and smile, hit you where you are weak- the people about and for whom you care. If I'm right, God does this to protect His daughters, which is what I would do if I had any- protect them. They didn't sign up for this. I did. I made this choice, and even if I'm just tilting at windmills it's my life to throw away how I will.

Like Don Quixote, I don't expect to get anything from this except for a clean conscience. I know that people are watching. So that anyone watching knows that I cannot and will not be bought, I continue to stand fast. Knowing that my future self will look back, I try to live so that I will have the affirmation and approbation of my own soul in the future. If I have any children, I want them to have the benefit of a father who actively fought for the things in which he believed, not just when it was convenient or didn't cost much, but that I was willing to give whatever it took, even my life, my fortune and my sacred honour. My favorite part of Mulan is when her father announces he intends to go fight to save China even though he's an invalid. They don't want him to go because they fear losing him; he wants to go because he fears losing China. His words have become mine: "I will die doing what is right. I know my place. It's time you learned yours." I know my place. I know who I am. I know what I believe. Meanwhile, although it doesn't mean the same thing it meant in the computer world, I will continue to resist the drive to render everything P.C. I'm a Mac. They may not be anymore, but this is where I am and it's where I will stay. I'm a crusader. This is what we do.