This past weekend, we took down the squatter's cabin, and in so doing, I inadvertently and unknowingly violated two federal laws. Consequently, this caused some apoplexy on the part of my supervisor who felt affronted by my actions and threatened vocationally by the consequences thereof. Initially I found the office's reaction very reactionary and ungrateful given the degree of work to which I went to eradicate the target and alleviate a concern. You see, back in July, they set a precedence and gave me latitude because of my experience, age, maturity, etc., and so I took initiative that precipitated in this reprimand. I don't think I deserved it, but it was the aftermath I found most interesting.
Much to her credit, my supervisor on the mountain handled the reprimand surprisingly well. She took me to as private a location as possible for my roasting, which makes this the first time that's ever happened to me. Also, she let me explain my side and actually listened. Sure, she spat fire at first but I understand now that she felt personally slighted by my insubordination. What I did was right, it was how I did it that put her in a bad place and a bad way, and as soon as we cleared the air, it was evident to me that something or someone else already put her on edge before I showed up for work.
I stayed in the visitor center for a while after the reprimand and was not the only one to notice a change in my supervisor's countenance. When the maintenance guy asked me what I did to "Tame the Beast", I really didn't know what to say. That's not how I would describe the situation, but there was clearly a change in demeanor to positive from before our conversation. Upon further reflection, I attribute it to a change of heart and perspective occasioned by something said in our General Conference. I remember sitting there thinking about a story that they did not mention but which applied and decided to find out what I could do to make it right rather than resigning or overreacting to serve myself. My first reactions were very selfish and self-righteous. So, instead I went up, treated her with respect and remained calm as I explained myself and offered a course of action to correct the situation. Whatever I said, because I honestly cannot remember, despite my amazing memory, she clearly warmed up and seemed almost like a different person.
Everyone makes mistakes, but we do not need to let them make us. Since we are human, it is natural that we will err, and then people will attempt to correct and direct us. Since they are also human, we can expect them to err sometimes in the way they handle it. I try to keep in mind that this young woman is very young and in her first real leadership position. I try to help her with advice. I will try to help her by acting in concert with her direction. I'm not really sure what I did other than face it, own it, and explain it. I think the biggest boon in this was that my supervisor really wants things to work even if she doesn't know how to actualize it and that she realizes that it's wiser to guide an asset than lose one.
One of the conference speakers gave me hope and confidence in myself. He reiterated something he said years ago- I don't know everything but I know enough. I know enough to be obedient. I know enough to take initiative. I know enough to communicate. I know enough to do better next time. I know enough to listen to wiser men. I know enough about myself to realize that I am in no place to judge because I'm not sure what I would do. Sometimes people ask me what I would do in their situation, and as much as I would like to hope I'd do the best thing, I know enough to know I might do something else. I know enough to know that I need a Savior.
Fortunately for me, my life abounds with people who show additional love even when they betimes reprove me with sharpness. I also realize that this time, once the reprimand was over, my supervisor resumed friendliness and cooperation. It really astonished me how much she seemed to change after our tete-a-tete, and the others could not believe how much it helped the general feeling of the building to clear the air. I even heard from her via text and email today. I don't know why, but I think she looks up to me or respects me or at least views me as a valuable resource as she handles a difficult situation in this segment of the forest. That's right, I can be taught. Plus, the mission was accomplished without incident, and it alleviates the primary impetus to the forest service. Now on to the poacher...
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