Growing up, my parents described me as an old man trapped in a boy's body. I was interested in, fascinated by, and focused on things with which most people my age could not be bothered, and consequently attracted and kept older friends. Although I didn't realize it then, my friends and associates were generally fifteen years or so my elder. Now that I'm old enough, I find that I also attract followers who are fifteen years my junior. Initially my parents worried, not just for my cognitive development but also because they feared probably that these people had ulterior motives. Now, I worry because I don't really have much in common with people within a few years of my age, and it makes me feel isolated.
I used to hang out with people who were older. The first time I remember doing this with regularity was in high school. I remember stopping by in the afternoon as a freshman to visit the assistant scoutmaster at his place. We'd play board games, and he introduced me to modern video gaming. I think at first my parents worried, but they also realized that I was doing something with someone. Grant was probably 30 then, making him about twice my age. My two longest-standing friends are both about 15 years older as well. My late friend is probably the closest in age of a friend I've had since High school when I actually had a classmate from religious seminary who was my friend and who remains so today. He was also an old soul.
I attract friends among a class of those who are older. Just within the past few weeks, I've had two much older women decide we are friends. My kayak partner who is also a member of Physical Sciences just lost her usual companion due to some serious medical issues, and we're not sure he will ever recover and rejoin us. So, she and I continued to hang out after summer (he was in Oregon, so it was the two of us who went out kayaking a few times together), and we've been out to eat, out shooting, out hiking, and we're going down the river again. Then there's one of the older associates in the forest service. I was up there one week when there was a poacher out shooting, and although I am cavalier and armed, this woman took the initiative to care about me. She hunted down my cell phone knowing that my radio is off unless I am calling in with it and texted me "I'm really worried about you. Please come back" We talked for hours that afternoon in the visitor center, and we laughed and cried and bonded, and when I told her I wasn't going to volunteer in the winter, she told me she was sad. I told her that she had my number so if she was lonely or bored to call me or whatever, and when I left without saying goodbye she started a conversation that went on for several hours via text. We seem to have more in common. Quite frankly I'm not very interested in the things my generation finds appealing, and I remember and am more comfortable with paper gradebooks and the pre-computer age of college.
I attract friends who are very young, barely in their 20s. Most of the students who continue to talk to me after classes end are the very young ones. I know some of these do so in order to get letters of recommendation or other advice, but even when I was in a congregation of my Faith for single adults, the ones most interested in me were the newest. Of course they weren't interested in dating me, but they would talk to me and even seek me out. It's tough because I know they will change and because some of the people who want to be my friend are minors. It's tough because we don't share as much as they share with their peers. It's tough because inevitably their peers win out because these people want to belong, and it's not cool to have friends 15 years older. It's tough because that's what I did. It's tough because eventually they all find jobs, significant others, or some other reason that tears them away from my life, and I never hear from them again. It's tough because I was thinking the other evening how much it will suck when I'm 65 and my friends are 80 and either don't remember me or can't get together anymore and because when I'm 80 if I'm still single nobody will visit or care because I haven't been able to foster loving relationships with younger people.
A former student years back told me that if I don't reproduce I need to leave behind somehow something of what I am and believe because the world needs people like me. Trouble is that the world doesn't like, support, or welcome people like me, at least not until there's some crisis for us to solve. Trouble is that I'm not charismatic or attractive enough to keep friends who are 15 years younger and that I'm not persuasive enough to overcome the influence of the persuasive and appealing voices of their peers with whom my philosophy must compete. Ultimately, all the young people I know who aspired to be like me decided to do something else after all and vanished. Some of them were people I loved; all of them are people I remember.
I wrote several weeks back about how God needs brave sons. I am trying very hard to be brave and manage expectations given this gulf that exists betwixt myself and the people with whom I spend time. I don't know if it means something larger than just age, or if it's just common and not consequential, but I'm aware of it, looking into it and enjoying it for its advantages. Having older friends has its perks. They have money, they have time, and they know how to commit. They also have kids, jobs, and other friends. Some of them have fifteen year olds, but that's another story.
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