Many years had gone by since the last time someone told me they couldn't be my friend because of my Faith. When it happened to me again this summer with someone for whom I deeply cared and who is old enough to be an adult, I could hardly believe my ears. Yet, for five months now, I have heard nothing from this friend. It is small solace to know that I was true to myself and did the very best I could.
For many people, 'your best effort' really is enough. For some reason in my case, I get set up as scapegoat or saint, and people wait with baited breath for me to fall from grace so they can point out that I'm not that great of a guy after all. I really try very hard to be on my best behavior, but even my sister can attest to the fact that sometimes I curse and sometimes I have a chip on my shoulder. It takes a lot of effort to do your best all the time.
So most people adopt a series of dramatis personae which they don at will to satiate the expectations of the different socio-economic groups they frequent. This past summer, my close friend told me that I 'wear my hat well', meaning that I wear, as far as possible, only one hat everywhere. I am myself wherever I go, without shame, without apology. Take me as I am, especially if you want or verily EXPECT me to return the favor.
Here's one of my favorite quotes on the topic:
For many people, 'your best effort' really is enough. For some reason in my case, I get set up as scapegoat or saint, and people wait with baited breath for me to fall from grace so they can point out that I'm not that great of a guy after all. I really try very hard to be on my best behavior, but even my sister can attest to the fact that sometimes I curse and sometimes I have a chip on my shoulder. It takes a lot of effort to do your best all the time.
So most people adopt a series of dramatis personae which they don at will to satiate the expectations of the different socio-economic groups they frequent. This past summer, my close friend told me that I 'wear my hat well', meaning that I wear, as far as possible, only one hat everywhere. I am myself wherever I go, without shame, without apology. Take me as I am, especially if you want or verily EXPECT me to return the favor.
Here's one of my favorite quotes on the topic:
If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are. --"Captain Jean-Luc Picard"
People always want to be accepted for who they really are without having to return the favor. Their conscience absolves them of any responsibility for their past while allowing them to drag up anything from yours whatsoever to justify the double standard. Sometimes, even my parents and friends tell me that I may have to change pieces of who I am in order to find friends or found a forever family. I know I'm tough to live with. I'm not like most people. I don't do what most people do. I don't like what most people like. I live differently, and I live how I like. When I take a 'family' vacation, everyone in my family gets along and has the same tastes. I know because I'm the only member thereof.
Trusted friends talk of rebranding me to make me happy. They invite me to things outside my interests. I have to sleep with myself, and if I am not true to myself, how will I be happy being a pretender? Shakespeare told us that if we are first to our own self true then we will be true to every other man. Someone told me to spend my life living happily and that such a life would attract people to me who share and enjoy the same things. Most of my close friends I have actually met on accident. People like me don't find people like me on purpose, so I pursue the things I control that make me happy. If you're interested, I welcome your company along the way. I do this knowing that it is quite possible that the only people who will be able to put up with me are those who have no other choice. I also however know that people who are my elder esteem me greatly and think and hope for me that my stars and fortunes will change.
I trust that if I am wrong, my Maker will tell me and help me correct my path. Since he remains silent, I will continue to be myself. I don't really know any other way to be. And if I'm going to be damned in the end, I might as well be damned for being what I really am.
No comments:
Post a Comment