Outside Enterprise, UT there is a plot of land into which I poured my blood, sweat, and money, and I did all of this because I promised that I would. You see, I agreed with some folks to help them plant an orchard so that they could keep their homestead or else lose the land. Even though their daughter had dumped me, I remember telling the parents that I would fulfill my promise because if it was the right thing to do then that it was still the right thing to do. I don't know if they lost the land. I don't know what they have or what they're doing. What I do know is that my integrity is all I really have.
When I make a promise, I believe myself capable of keeping it and hold myself to doing whatever I can to make it so. For the construction of this orchard, I spent several weekends and several thousands of dollars digging holes, filling them with the right dirt, surveying the site to align them, and preparing for planting. I even broke my wrist digging holes, and when the whole thing was said and done, I walked away from the place and never returned. If you look at it on Mapquest, you can see even today the holes I dug and the trees that survived. I keep my word. More recently, I spent a great deal of money making something right. I told someone that I cared and that if they told me what to do, I would make it right. I have no objective in mind besides to let them know that I really mean it.
Most people I discovered do not actually mean it. They mean it if and only if things meet certain albeit unspoken conditions. Sometimes I discover that something I promise cannot actually be done. The path may be illegal, unethical, or immoral. Sometimes the terms are not kept by the other party. I don't think I'm obligated, but sometimes, like I did last month and like I mentioned in the story from five years ago, I go ahead and live up to my word anyway. It really doesn't matter if they mean it or if they remember it well or if they think well of me afterwards. I meant it. I kept it. That's all there is to it.
Although I have my faults, I really do desire to do good and keep my word. I have no real gifts to bring. I live comfortably but not handsomely. I am not really all that smart. I do not have any connections, and the ones I have proved either unable or unwilling to help me when push came to shove. Since I know that intentions mean a lot less than actions, even when it doesn't seem to make a difference anymore, I will often still go and keep my word. I don't do this for those people. I do it to be true to myself. Most of the people who left my life probably villainize me. That's ok. I know the rest of the story.
At the end of the day, no matter what people think of us, the truth of who we really are remains. Some people will love us, and some will detest us, but we are part of our own jury. I do not think that we will be comfortable after judgment living in a world that we know in our hearts doesn't really fit us. We will be comfortable if and only if what we receive truly fits who we are. People are comfortable with people like them. As time passes, our conscience eats at us for the things we left undone, for all the things we know we should have left undone, and for all the good parts of us that are done. Our actual disposition is not a popularity contest. Marc Antony was right when he said that the evil that men do lives after them. Eventually what goes around comes around.
When all the money, fame, titles, accomplishments, and metrics measured by men vanish, our integrity remains. Our word is our bond. It determines how, when, about what, and to what degree people interface with us. When they discover we can be trusted, they transact more with us. When they discover we are untrustworthy, they rightly withdraw. Even when others prove untrustworthy, we can still keep our word and prove to ourselves that we have value. I don't know what else really matters. I have made so many decisions that look stupid, not because the choice was bad but because the information was bad. I act on the information I have. I want others to be able to rest easy in the choices they make based on what representations I give. I know I'm not perfect. I desire to be better.
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