One of the greatest things for me growing up was that every few years because my father would be transferred by the military, we got to start over fresh. New people, new strategy, and new environment were all possible without anyone there to poison the well against us. It was both bane and boon, as I will attempt to describe, because wherever you go, there are 'natives' and 'transplants', and the natives, who form the Good-Old-Boy-Network (GOBNet) are responsible for damage wherever you go.
All growing up, I wished I could have lived in one place. I don't have old friends, but I also don't have old enemies. As I've lived in this town for three years now, I see that it can be very clannish and snobish, that those who have been here all their lives or for generations (Vegas is less than 100 years old, so they aren't THAT native) snub those who came here new. They naturally and rightly so prefer the company of people with whom they share a common bond built of experience and circumstance. When I have a problem is when they exclude you because you're not one of them and include others because they read the 'right' books, date the 'right' people, attend the 'right' venues, and live in the 'right' parts of town.
Even more egregious is when they actively undermine you. When you come into a new place, they don't have any dirt on you (except via Facebook now which is a veritable mine of data people can garner about you without having to actually speak to you), so they can't poison the well against those who are already here. They can however poison the well against you with any other transplants who come in your wake. After all, the GOBNet knows because they've been here for a long time and they've known you longer, allbeit a week longer in some cases.
Most of the relationships in which I've ever been (romantic and benign) were undermined because stupid people poisoned the well. Friends or family have told girls towards whom I had affection that it was a waste of time or that I wasn't what they wanted. They either told half truths or whole lies, both of which are typical GOBNet tactics to assault character when they cannot argue substantively. Others have undermined vocational, educational, intellectual, and social relationships because I was 'too patriotic', 'too frugal', 'too smart', 'too awkward', 'too dour', 'too bearded', 'too Mormon', etc., in order for any interaction to bear fruit.
Why do they do this? You and I ask this question a lot. First off, I find that people who are uncomfortable with me are uncomfortable at the core with themselves. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they really are without having to return the favor, and most people don't know who they are or maintain multiple true but seperate personas in order to ingratiate themselves in different social circles. I am myself all the time, and people can't handle that. Secondly, the GOBNet poisons the well because they are jealous. Most of them want friends or dates who won't expect much from them. They can't stand that you accomplished something more than they did and without their help or permission! They don't like themselves, and so they don't like that you are better than they are. Maybe you're not better in every way, but if you are better in the ones that throw stark contrast on what they have not yet accomplished, well, the GOBNet can't have that.
Almost all of societal ills come from selfishness. The GOBNet wants to accomplish but does not want others to accomplish anything more than they do or without their help. They know what they want, and they want it now. Unfortunately, when innocent people drink from the poisoned well, it also colors their perception of us. The other day, a friend of mine lamented this trend:
All growing up, I wished I could have lived in one place. I don't have old friends, but I also don't have old enemies. As I've lived in this town for three years now, I see that it can be very clannish and snobish, that those who have been here all their lives or for generations (Vegas is less than 100 years old, so they aren't THAT native) snub those who came here new. They naturally and rightly so prefer the company of people with whom they share a common bond built of experience and circumstance. When I have a problem is when they exclude you because you're not one of them and include others because they read the 'right' books, date the 'right' people, attend the 'right' venues, and live in the 'right' parts of town.
Even more egregious is when they actively undermine you. When you come into a new place, they don't have any dirt on you (except via Facebook now which is a veritable mine of data people can garner about you without having to actually speak to you), so they can't poison the well against those who are already here. They can however poison the well against you with any other transplants who come in your wake. After all, the GOBNet knows because they've been here for a long time and they've known you longer, allbeit a week longer in some cases.
Most of the relationships in which I've ever been (romantic and benign) were undermined because stupid people poisoned the well. Friends or family have told girls towards whom I had affection that it was a waste of time or that I wasn't what they wanted. They either told half truths or whole lies, both of which are typical GOBNet tactics to assault character when they cannot argue substantively. Others have undermined vocational, educational, intellectual, and social relationships because I was 'too patriotic', 'too frugal', 'too smart', 'too awkward', 'too dour', 'too bearded', 'too Mormon', etc., in order for any interaction to bear fruit.
Why do they do this? You and I ask this question a lot. First off, I find that people who are uncomfortable with me are uncomfortable at the core with themselves. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they really are without having to return the favor, and most people don't know who they are or maintain multiple true but seperate personas in order to ingratiate themselves in different social circles. I am myself all the time, and people can't handle that. Secondly, the GOBNet poisons the well because they are jealous. Most of them want friends or dates who won't expect much from them. They can't stand that you accomplished something more than they did and without their help or permission! They don't like themselves, and so they don't like that you are better than they are. Maybe you're not better in every way, but if you are better in the ones that throw stark contrast on what they have not yet accomplished, well, the GOBNet can't have that.
Almost all of societal ills come from selfishness. The GOBNet wants to accomplish but does not want others to accomplish anything more than they do or without their help. They know what they want, and they want it now. Unfortunately, when innocent people drink from the poisoned well, it also colors their perception of us. The other day, a friend of mine lamented this trend:
It is very disappointing that the mistakes of others and the baggage they leave us with shapes other peoples opinions for years to come. --Wil Dixon 28 Jul 10
If you want to know about me, ask me. Then when you are convinced of what I am, hold onto it through all the gales and mighty winds that come upon you to break that opinion apart. If you doubt my faith in Christ, my patriotism, or my moral fortitude, then you do not know me very well. Come watch me worship, read what I write, look at what I hang on my wall and watch how I treat women, and if you still believe what you believed when they fed you kool-aid, then nothing can convince you. I am an ordinary man, but I am a man, and I really am what I purport myself to be.
And when you find a poisoned well, cure it.
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