Courting and Courtesy

Share

Several years ago, I took advantage of a spur-of-the-moment opportunity to ask a coworker out for a no-pressure outing for ice cream. My employer had put on a barbecue activity after work and released us from our responsibilities early to attend. In the course of the event, I spent some time speaking to a young woman, a few years my elder, but to whom I was admittedly attracted and asked her if she'd like to join me for ice cream at a local establishment. Accepting, she spent time chatting with me until after dark, and given our 04:00 start time at work, I parted ways with her.

What happened next surprised me immensely. She ignored me at work, didn't answer my phone calls, and told other people that I refused to call her. I now have a new theory as to why that happened.

I abide by a high and apparently abnormal code of morality and ethics. I made it clear to my date that night in no uncertain terms that my intentions preclude the types of intimacies common to superfluous relationships as a part of my mantra: chastity before marriage; fidelity in marriage. However, the problem is that so few people actually mean this and the majority of those who claim it to be true use it as a ruse to take physical advantage of the women they date. Take for instance the friend in the movie "Hitch" who dates a man Hitch refused to help because he only cared about scoring, and played the ploy to get her to sleep with him.

Chances are, after the date, her friends and crew-mates asked her to give an accounting of the events. Chances are that, based on her prior dating experience, she assumed that I was not interested in her because I refrained from physical intimacy with her of any kind (including the minute act of hand-holding). Chances are she assumed I said I believed in chastity as a ruse. In order to save face with her friends, not feel dejected, and not have to report a relationship "failure", she concocted a story telling how I didn't like her, and that's why I didn't sleep with her.

The really unfortunate truth: I liked her. A lot.

When I asked a friend who knows about this girl and my experience with her to comment on this post before I posted it, she said:

I think you should post it. People need to know good men still exist and women are in a steady decline of their not really morals but what we need physically to feel a connection with the opposiite sex and it's sad. What happened to being reserved and courting?????

As the last vestige of a bygone era, I fear I'll never successfully navigate this world.