I may attract a barrage of criticism for my sentiments in this regard, but I feel compelled to say a few things anyway. Well meaning though their efforts may be, I wonder if the encouragement of church leaders for young people to marry quickly revolves less about setting a good foundation and more about keeping young people out of trouble. They may avoid sexual sins by this election, but they sacrifice other things in exchange, things that exert powerful influence on relationships.
One of my wife’s constant tirades focused on my apparent inability to supply her with all of her desires. I earned enough for our needs, but for many people that doesn’t suffice. In marriage, "you" and "I" dissolve in favor of "us" and "our". Many young people never learn a community of property or cooperation. In many cases, this arises because parents elect to provide for the needs of their children instead of expecting them to pay their own way as much as possible.
Young people marry when they’re immature. A friend commented on how his wife isn’t as much fun or free now that they have children. While he departs the home for work each day, she remains at home surrounded by constant responsibility, which forced her to mature quickly. My friend sees forces of less magnitude, and despite his advanced age relatively acts less mature than chronology dictates.
My sister complained recently about disparities between herself and eligible bachelors. Many of the available have several years on her and forget how they were at 19 when they judge her demeanor unfit for marriage. When I was 19, I was abroad, preaching about Christ in a foreign land, so the situation was very different. Most of the boys when I returned home placed excessive emphasis on marrying a younger, attractive woman while simultaneously expecting a level of maturity from them comparable to their own despite the disparity in age. The irony is that at 21, neither my compatriots nor myself were all that mature.
At 21, I had only one year of college under my belt, with no definite future prospects. Although I never changed my major, even upon graduation a BS in Biochemistry doesn’t necessarily lead to a job. I also leaned heavily on promises of people in positions of power, none of whom delivered on their word. Growing up, I never had a pet, and I never had a roommate at college, not since living with my kid brother during high school. Despite the things going for me, I was not fit for marriage at 23 when I tied the knot.
I think a lot of people get married too soon. While unnecessary delay leads to trouble and the onset of bad habits, early plunges often lead to unnecessary pain and anguish. An old movie title, “Fools Rush In” speaks volumes in this regard.
So what do I think? I think people should date each other for at least a year, and by dating I mean classical courtship, NOT living together in sin. If a person puts up a pretense, it becomes difficult to keep up a charade for an entire year, and over a longer duration, one sees more evidence of possible conflicts later on. Once the initial romantic attraction wears off, without rose-colored glasses, we see more clearly the person we idealize.
I believe in abstinence outside of marriage. Sexual indulgence leads to broken homes, disease, and distrust of females towards people possessive of true chivalric ideals. I think men should have a plan, a realistic plan, and be either working toward it or nearly complete with training so they can care for their families. Only then can mates accurately weigh their fiscal compatibility. I think women need an education of their own, so they can care for themselves for as long as it takes for a man to grow in love with them. I think people should know one another as a couple for a while before inviting children into their home, for at least a year, so that they can see how one another respond to input without the emotional unsteadiness of pregnancy to confuse them.
Even after one elects to delay marriage to a later age, one must not overcorrect by withholding the requisite habits and lifestyle changes necessary to a healthy relationship. Delay does not necessitate or warrant a cessation of dating, dallying in education, or indulgence of personal goals. Happy is the man who prepares without knowing so that when the opportunity arises he is prepared to take advantage of it.
People in my religion are probably the worst for encouraging wanton marriage. No sooner had I returned from missionary service than my grandparents began hounding me to produce grandchildren. They pestered me about dating, offered to introduce me to some "very fine young ladies", and hinted at my solemn duty. How do I reconcile my words with my religious beliefs? God is a God of order. He wants us to do good things in the right place at the right time for the right reasons. Blind obedience isn’t healthy. Being blind in anything isn’t good.
One of my wife’s constant tirades focused on my apparent inability to supply her with all of her desires. I earned enough for our needs, but for many people that doesn’t suffice. In marriage, "you" and "I" dissolve in favor of "us" and "our". Many young people never learn a community of property or cooperation. In many cases, this arises because parents elect to provide for the needs of their children instead of expecting them to pay their own way as much as possible.
Young people marry when they’re immature. A friend commented on how his wife isn’t as much fun or free now that they have children. While he departs the home for work each day, she remains at home surrounded by constant responsibility, which forced her to mature quickly. My friend sees forces of less magnitude, and despite his advanced age relatively acts less mature than chronology dictates.
My sister complained recently about disparities between herself and eligible bachelors. Many of the available have several years on her and forget how they were at 19 when they judge her demeanor unfit for marriage. When I was 19, I was abroad, preaching about Christ in a foreign land, so the situation was very different. Most of the boys when I returned home placed excessive emphasis on marrying a younger, attractive woman while simultaneously expecting a level of maturity from them comparable to their own despite the disparity in age. The irony is that at 21, neither my compatriots nor myself were all that mature.
At 21, I had only one year of college under my belt, with no definite future prospects. Although I never changed my major, even upon graduation a BS in Biochemistry doesn’t necessarily lead to a job. I also leaned heavily on promises of people in positions of power, none of whom delivered on their word. Growing up, I never had a pet, and I never had a roommate at college, not since living with my kid brother during high school. Despite the things going for me, I was not fit for marriage at 23 when I tied the knot.
I think a lot of people get married too soon. While unnecessary delay leads to trouble and the onset of bad habits, early plunges often lead to unnecessary pain and anguish. An old movie title, “Fools Rush In” speaks volumes in this regard.
So what do I think? I think people should date each other for at least a year, and by dating I mean classical courtship, NOT living together in sin. If a person puts up a pretense, it becomes difficult to keep up a charade for an entire year, and over a longer duration, one sees more evidence of possible conflicts later on. Once the initial romantic attraction wears off, without rose-colored glasses, we see more clearly the person we idealize.
I believe in abstinence outside of marriage. Sexual indulgence leads to broken homes, disease, and distrust of females towards people possessive of true chivalric ideals. I think men should have a plan, a realistic plan, and be either working toward it or nearly complete with training so they can care for their families. Only then can mates accurately weigh their fiscal compatibility. I think women need an education of their own, so they can care for themselves for as long as it takes for a man to grow in love with them. I think people should know one another as a couple for a while before inviting children into their home, for at least a year, so that they can see how one another respond to input without the emotional unsteadiness of pregnancy to confuse them.
Even after one elects to delay marriage to a later age, one must not overcorrect by withholding the requisite habits and lifestyle changes necessary to a healthy relationship. Delay does not necessitate or warrant a cessation of dating, dallying in education, or indulgence of personal goals. Happy is the man who prepares without knowing so that when the opportunity arises he is prepared to take advantage of it.
People in my religion are probably the worst for encouraging wanton marriage. No sooner had I returned from missionary service than my grandparents began hounding me to produce grandchildren. They pestered me about dating, offered to introduce me to some "very fine young ladies", and hinted at my solemn duty. How do I reconcile my words with my religious beliefs? God is a God of order. He wants us to do good things in the right place at the right time for the right reasons. Blind obedience isn’t healthy. Being blind in anything isn’t good.
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