My buddy and I constantly invite people to come with us. Most of them, despite sometimes giving us their numbers or taking ours, either never contact us or find some excuse every time to not come along. We gather these potential referrals wherever we are- from the mountain itself to the gym or restaurants and even while shopping at Albertsons. The most recent invitation my buddy made, after he was finished, I asked him what the odds were that the Oatman Effect would apply. He guffawed loudly and then rated it at 90%.
Oatman, Arizona, is a living ghost town not far from where I live. The Oatman Effect refers to the continually refreshed offer our common but late friend made to me that we'd go there one day. She implied this would be soon, that it would be fun, and that it would be delayed until we could all go together. I learned a few months before her death that she had in fact already made the trip with everyone else to whom the promise had been made except for me. Although I would have probably confronted her with the notion at some point, I never made mention of it, and I make mention of it here only as reference to an inside joke and not to disparage her memory. For all of Tracie's problems, she was the only woman I have ever known who stayed in my life when she promised to do so. She's only gone because God called her home.
Other people give me the Oatman Promise. I remember showing up to a woman's front door one morning and texting her when she didn't answer saying that I was leaving in 15 minutes with or without her for some road trip. She never did contact me that day. One woman I dated promised to take me to "the tunnels". Shortly after she dumped me, she posted pictures to facebook in which she had taken others there instead. Tracie promised to take me to Oatman and to clear some items from my house by April. When I asked her, "Of what year?" she just laughed. Then, another woman said, "One day I'll come along with you on one of your adventures. I promise." Just this summer two other women, knowing my history and promising to not be like the others promised that they wouldn't vanish from my life. Their silence is deafening.
So far everyone who has told me that they are "not like other people" has turned out to be exactly like them. When you are truly different, other people will say that about you. People want to think the best of themselves and paint others in charicatures. Well, I will be humble for I know my weaknesses, but I try very hard to deliver on my promises when I can. Basically what I have learned from the Oatman Effect is that people misrepresent themselves. I don't know which part is the misrepresentation, but it means that I make decisions based on bad information. That's what makes it rough on me.
As the latter days loom large over us and the love of men waxes cold, people make more and more promises that they are either unwilling or unable to keep. Please do not continually make promises and representations to people that you might not keep. I have become very cynical and untrusting of people because they continually represent things that they then retract. I never made it to Oatman, and Tracie never made it to my house to take her belongings, and now I have a closet full of things that remind me of someone dear to me that I lost. I feel very much like the Dread Pirate Roberts felt about Inigro Montoya, except that instead of mistrusting Spaniards I mistrust women. I've watched their nonverbal cues while the words came from their lips and read transcripts of their promises and still I go home alone.
The Oatman Effect affected me in powerful ways. I don't know what information is good and what information is bad. I started doubting my choices and second guessing my life. When I pray, I ask God to forgive me when I mishear Him or when I think I've heard Him but I'm following some other prompt. I don't know any more who leads me and who the people are who lead me on, and so the practical effect of Oatman is that I hold everyone at a distance and trust nobody. I just don't know anymore who really means what they say and who is talking in order to gain some advantage. Oatman is a defense mechanism.
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