In the Disney adaptation of Pinocchio, Pinocchio finds himself in the company of a puppeteer troupe. He participates in a memorable dance number, "There Are No Strings On Me", in which the point of the song is that he is free. He is emancipated, and he dances and sings opposite another marionette from Russia who claims she would cut her strings for him. Ultimately, however, as the song goes on, she doesn't end up cutting anything but rather Pinocchio ends up encumbering himself in HER strings. He was led on and in the whirlwind of activity finds himself tied up by her rather than being freed by her. That's the ultimate goal of every encounter Pinocchio has while away from his maker, Jappeto. People try to encumber him and tie him up in things that will make him a slave to his puppet nature. In essence, people are trying to Pinocchio him.
This past week, I was Pinocchioed by a woman. Last Friday I went out with a nice young lady from Ukraine. We seemed to hit it off rather well, surprisingly so in my mind since we've known each other for months but not really spoken much. I even planned to use my two days off next week to show her some cool things in Nevada that I have never shared with anyone, which says quite a bit. Thursday I called to talk about it with her, to find out how her mother is since Ukraine is at war, and then I was blindsided by a demand she had that I failed to fulfill. She wanted me to join her gym which is as far from where I live in town as possible almost and then drive over there and work out with her. When I told her I wasn't sure how I felt about that, the relationship died. Apparently this was a test, and I failed because I was unwilling to do "something small" that she wanted to do. In essence, there were strings attached to this relationship of which I was unaware. I didn't know I was supposed to bend over backwards to impress her, and it doesn't make much sense given that she pursued me. Shouldn't she be trying to convince me why I should pick her? To me it wasn't a small thing. I pay for a gym already, and she knows that. I would have to drive an hour round trip to do this each time, and I wasn't sure that's how I wanted to spend my time since there are other alternatives. However, I told her that if that was the only way we could spend time together I would, but it was too late, and she "knew" that because I didn't want to do this that meant I didn't want to be with her at all.
By choosing to pick a fight over something this small at this early stage in dating, she showed me that she suffers from the perfect trifecta of problems. She exhibits behavior that comes across as controlling, manipulative, and unwilling to compromise, even though she projects that last one onto me. Although she claimed that she cared about me and wanted me to be the man and leader and promised to sustain me, when the time came to prove it, she showed only a willingness to ensnare me in her strings like that Russian marionette did to Pinocchio. Rather than choosing an independent man and emancipating herself to match him like in the song, she followed the actions of the cartoon character and attempted to wrap her strings around me.
The comparison could not have been more apt to the story of Pinocchio. I was the one who was emancipated and free. I have my own house, two cars, a full time career, and money in the bank. She has a car, rents, is going to school, and has a penchant for shoe purchasing which is apparently her idea of an investment portfolio. I am the one in our relationship who acknowledges the role of his Maker more, and she is from a former soviet republic. Although she promised to cut her strings for me, rather than cut anything, she tried to spin me around and turn me about until I was wrapped up in her strings and became absorbed into her story.
People like to manipulate other people with ultimatums. What I understand when they do that is that their love or concern for us is conditional, dependent on whether we acquiesce to their every request. Ultimatums are rarely, if ever, given out of love. They are used normally to manipulate emotions and get people to voluntarily string themselves up so that they can be played like marionettes to the tune of the puppeteer. Unfortunately, I have seen many people successfully ply this art and steal people out of my life. One person for whom I cared deeply was told that if she followed me, her mother would kill herself. What do you expect someone to do under that kind of duress? I try very hard not to use these ultimatums, not to reduce myself to the reducto ad absurdium argument that claims that if you aren't a doormat to my will then you don't love me at all. Whenever I can, I absolutely love absolutely.
Far too often, people will Pinocchio each other in relationships. Either they are so desperate for companionship that they will settle for abuse, containment, and some sort of submission in order to be with someone or they are trying to exercise hegemony over someone else. I suppose they both really stem from insecurities and selfishness. We have this asinine desire as humans to feel like we're in control. Ultimately however you can't make anyone do anything. Ultimately even if you enslave them to your will what you find is a cursed life, a half life, full of semblance without substance, one that cannot satisfy. If this woman really likes me, I want her to decide she does and come with me of her own free will and choice. I do not desire a stockholm syndrome love story. If I am choice, then choose me.
Pinocchio taught us about what Samuel Adams referred to as the "animating contest of freedom". He shows us that sometimes we make mistakes. He showed us that ultimately the only way to return to our Maker and become real men is to keep ourselves free from the strings of false love, false friends, and false satisfactions. He resisted efforts by people and powers around him to put him back into the strings of sin that hold men down and hold men back, and when he found himself partly ensnared he allowed a Greater Power to free him. It was very hard for me to resist the ovations and the temptation because I have been lonely for so long. I liked being told that I was hot, that I was perfect, that I was worthy of love, but I will not trade the freedom my Maker gave me just to have someone tell me things I want to hear. Do not let yourself be Pinocchioed. I will not ask you to string yourself up in order to be with you. Do not let others do that to you. There are no strings on me.
No comments:
Post a Comment