Each of us has a finite and fixed amount of time to live, and that is probably for the best. When the movie “In Time” came out, I eagerly went to see it, to see how they handled the fact that we trade our life to do things. Perhaps that’s what annoys me about so many disappointing episodes of my life, because they appear to be nothing more than wasted time when I look back. It’s not usually my fault, and so in essence someone else wasted my life. That is my right and responsibility to live my life as I decide, not theirs.
Since coming to work in academia, I have seen two hiring committees waste everyone’s time and money. The first was the search for a new president for my institution. I recall hearing one of the candidates irately ask that if they never intended to hire someone besides the temporary person in that position, why did they list the job? He and another fellow wasted time and money flying out for tours and interviews, when ultimately they were never really going to be considered. Even I received a rejection letter two years ago that I now understand essentially says “We’re sorry you applied, because you’re the best candidate, but we always intended to keep the temporary incumbent”. They got my hopes up, wasted days off I took to go for interviews, and ultimately chose someone who was not necessarily the best for the position. This will waste the time and money of the community and the students whenever we do not provide people who do the best job they can for the pay we offer.
Friday night, I actually got stood up for a date. As I put away things that I put together in preparation of this event, it annoyed me even more. I took time to ask, I took time to prepare, and I got emotionally invested in hope only to reverse my preparations and render twice the amount of time as useless work. When I sit down to waste time, that’s one thing. When you make a decision that renders my work useless when all things being equal it should have been productive, you essentially stole my time. For this reason, I continue to nurture relationships I already have in favor of fishing expeditions for new friends or lovers, because I know that it will bear fruit rather than speculate in “what might be”.
Unfortunately, much time and money is wasted because of fear and inadequacy. I think the GOBNet in academia is afraid to hire someone who makes them look stupid, who doesn’t play by the rules, and who shakes up the fiefdom they built for themselves. I think that many relationships fail because people fear and decide to abandon what they built. I just told another professor today something I told the last woman I dated: “Do not let fear of what might happen prevent you from discovering what will”. It might not be good, but if you quit then you have accomplished nothing at all.
I try to carefully use my time investing it in things that I think will make my life richer. I try to share things because enjoying them with someone is greater than doing it because I can. I cannot go back, and I cannot do things over, and I cannot change what has been. Time marches onward, and it became what I made of it. Some of you are special to me, and some of you still are. The fact that things change is what made spending time with you special, memorable, because it brought joy to living and meaning to time. Each time I felt it was well spent, it enriched my life. I thought I was investing more time in my future than appears to be the case.
For this reason, I rededicated my life and my time and my blog to the philosophical. There are things that are quite frankly not worth our time and effort. Matters of faith always have been for me. They buoy us up when we feel weak, and they give us courage when our hope grows dim, and they comfort us when we hurt. I lay in the other room just a while ago and felt the presence of my God reassure me that things will be ok, that I will reap what I sowed, even if it doesn’t happen until after I die. “Also it is an imperative duty that we owe to all the rising generation and to all the pure in heart, for there are many yet on the earth among all parties, sects and denominations who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of man, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it. Wherefore that we should waste and wear out our lives bringing to light the hidden things of darkness wherein we know them, that they are truly manifest from heaven…”
I returned from a mission to Austria in June 2000 feeling very much a failure, that those two years had been a complete waste of time. In speaking with my cousin this Saturday, I realized that if nothing else it showed me that I mean what I say and live what I believe. I went forth with faith, served with valour, and returned with honour. Everyone at the airport, although they could tell I was worn out, when I walked off the plane knew that a valiant warrior had returned home having done everything in his power to do what he ought. I hope, despite my mistakes and weaknesses and laziness, that when I return home to the presence of God He will consider the time I spent a valuable investment. I hope that in continuing to do this and be me I will end up magnifying what few talents He gave me when He asks for a final accounting.
When you come before your Maker, each of you will have to account for the use of time, talents, and gifts given you by God. At that time, you cannot say that virtue was inconvenient at the time, that someone else made you do it, or that someone else is at fault. Even when the people who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. Fads and whims change, and so they do not give virtue to choice. Virtue comes when we do what we ought. Until you move yourself, you are playing another man’s game, living another man’s life, using your time to serve another man’s plan. Unless you are living your own life and living it well, you are wasting the greatest privilege given to you- to exist. Remember that many unborn children never have this privilege and that many more never become cognizant of their existence before disease or hunger claim them. You have a gift of time. Use it well.
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