When I tell stories about the women I dated, people ask me “where do you find these women?” Truth is that for the most part I don’t; usually they find me. I have only pursued one woman who consented to date me without being interested in me first. This is one major reason why I don’t go out and why I don’t ask for numbers and why I am not sure I’ll go bowling tonight. You see, even women know that people make time for things and people that matter, and eventually I get the message when they ignore my messages and avoid me.
Perhaps some of them do this to see just how interested I am. Well, I don’t have an infinite amount of time, and even if I’m not doing something more important, I prefer to do other things than continually fish in an empty pond. Women who want you to woo them make efforts to encounter you, so if they ignore me, I write them off. I’m not a pawn. I’m a King, and if they want to be treated by their mate like a Queen, then they need to treat me like a King. I don’t want to be someone for whom anyone settles, and so if I’m not your primary interest, I’m not interested in playing the game. I am certainly not going to stick around as your last resort.
Most of the women I attempted to date made it clear to me that they were interested in me before I ever asked them out. Although they might not have acted consciously to get my attention, their actions evinced an interest and a willingness to welcome my affectations. The problem I had with this was that since they decided when and if a relationship started, apparently they felt like it lay within their power to decide unilaterally when it ended. They told me what I wanted to hear, and then they took it back when they decided to change their mind. However, this proved true in the case of the woman I pursued as well. She was persuaded to date me after her sister and mother laid out the case for me, and when different siblings and her mother sang a different song, she was convinced to part ways with me too. Although men may pursue, ultimately the woman chooses.
Dating is like a game of chess. The Queen is the most powerful and diverse piece, able to do more than any other piece in the game, but the King is the piece on which the game ultimately revolves. Although the Queen may seem to have all the power, when the man vanishes, the game ends. Far too often, women want to play games and see if we’ll chase them or test our love or see if we’ll sacrifice things, not because they want those things but because they want to test us. Usually, they don’t even tell us that it is a test until it’s over, and most of those are tests I apparently failed.
More often than not in my observation, flirtation is less about you than it is about the person flirting. I constantly hear women say “I still have it” when they don’t want the guy, they just want to be desirable to the guy. Maybe this is why so many men become jerks, because they get tired of being led on, shat upon, and left behind and lash out to get even. Maybe this is why so many people have affairs and NSA situations, because they don’t care about anyone’s value except their own. Well, I’m not going to do that, but I’m certainly not going to be a pawn just because you’re a queen.
The comparison to chess has to do with the reaction of the man involved. If you are devalued from your actual worth in the game, many men withdraw from playing. Most women are not pretty enough to be as mean as they are, particularly since I have nothing to do with the menstrual cycle. Most women are not sufficiently worthy of wow for me to subjugate myself to them all the time for any reason they imagine. The king may not be the most important piece, but he is critical to the game, and so if you’re not going to treat me as important, don’t be surprised when I don’t want to play. Whatever game you play, no matter what you bring to the table, and no matter who you are, if the man leaves, the games end.
We are important too. We are no more meant to be pawns than women are to be less than men. I tell women that I date, not that it matters, that I follow the following guildeline:
Woman was not taken from the head of man to be above him or from beneath his foot to be trampled on by him. She was taken from his side to be equal to him, from under his arm to be protected by him, from near his heart to be loved by him.
In my forthcoming book “Men Without Chests”, I explain why there are “no good men left”. Some of them got lucky and found a good woman, so single women can’t find them. The rest remove themselves from the pool of good men. Most of them become jerks because they watch women pick men that use and abuse them, and the rest give up trying and do their own thing because they can’t find a real life partner. Treat others how you want to be treated. If you want to matter, treat me like I do too. If you want the royal treatment, you must also give it.
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