This past week, I sat down several times intending to write only to have nothing to say when I started. I even had some “great ideas” that vanished completely from my mind as soon as I sat down to type them out to you. Previously when I felt this, I recognized that sometimes now is not the time to mention things even when you think them. Sometimes, in order to protect me and/or other people, God gives me a stupor of thought, and I forget what I intended to say. I know that if it’s important, I will remember it later.
Shortly after moving to Vegas, I tried to date a woman whom most would consider out of my league. Although persuaded initially to welcome my affectations, later on she decided to look for someone else, someone better, because I didn’t earn enough and wasn’t skinny enough for her. Even after she dumped me, she wanted me to continue to pay to take her out without any expectations, and every time she insisted that doing so was “charitable” and “noble”, I hung up the phone. Several times, I remember being upset, wishing I’d said something that only came to mind after we hung up. One night, she asked me if I had anything else to say, and the phrase popped into my head. “Yes I do,” I announced. “I know I will make a good husband and father. If you think you can do better, good luck and goodbye”. I waited until she hung up and then I hung up, knowing that this was finally the opportune moment.
I attended several events from a particular nincompoop congressman on campus. Before each affair, I prepared my thoughts and wrote down notes only to attend the event without any kind of scripted remarks. Each time I went, the congressman recognized me and opened the door for me to speak, and the things that I remembered were things I decided that needed to be said. Sure, after the fact we all think of things we could have said or ways we could have articulated ourselves better, but I felt pleased because only the things relevant to the moment and subject to inspiration came to mind.
By telling these stories, I’m not implying I have anything in particular to say to anyone, just that you will know when it’s time to say something. In fact, even as I write this, I cannot command the things to return to mind that I forgot! They are still things I should not share apparently. I sometimes ignore promptings to open my mouth, and sometimes I try to force things before their time. However, when the time is right, you will know because it will come to mind and because you will be calm. Far too often, we plan our lives and our conversations so much that we do not leave much room for inspiration and direction. We want to stick to a script, but the other person doesn’t have it, and so we end up deviating anyway, usually to ad lib on our own.
While serving as a missionary in Austria, I remember how Elder Gene R Cook challenged us to allow God to lead our conversations. He asked us to prepare and then leave our notes behind so that our plans didn’t get in the way of what God wants for us. You see, in our arrogance to stick to the crutch of prepared comments, we hush the whisperings of the Holy Spirit when He tries to inspire us to open our mouths. God promised to give us words, to tell us what to say and when, to guide us to our Land of Promise, and when we are about to do something stupid or at a stupid time, sometimes He gives us a Stupor of Thought to protect us. We forget the thing that is not right and cannot recollect it frequently even when we try.
I know it’s hard to trust in something we cannot see, and I also know that it’s much more common than we think. We have never seen our own brains or hearts, but we trust that they are there because we are alive. We have never actually seen the sun because it would burn our eyes if we looked directly at it. We have never seen China, but we buy things made there and worry about military threats from there constantly. Most of us have ever really seen a plague or famine, but we sent money and other aid to people suffering from them. We take many things on faith. We say that "everything happens for a reason" only to discount and dismiss those who declare some divine design. It’s time to trust when God stops up our mouths as well that the things that vanish probably ought to remain forgotten. Like CS Lewis, “I believe in God as I believe in the noon-day sun, not that I can see it, but that by it I can see everything.” I do not have to see the sun to know that it is there, and I do not have to see the Son to know that He is too.
One of the most important words in all of scripture is the word “remember”. If you remember it, it is important. I tell people all the time that people remember things and people that matter. This is why we take pictures, buy souvenirs, post to Facebutt, reminisce, and thank people. We all know that it is nice to be remembered. The early Christians were urged to keep a record of the membership to keep in remembrance all those who declared themselves disciples. Things we forget are things that do not matter. Some things that do not matter ought also to be forgotten. The rest, well, those things really matter, and those are the things we share and the things we ought to cherish. God left them in your mind for a reason.
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