What Marriage Means

Share

As the rest of the country gets their dander up about election results this week, I think there’s a bigger issue here that we’re missing. Before we talk about rights granted or rights denied and who’s being treated unfairly by whom, we need to ask another question. To what end do the people seeking marriage ‘rights’ desire them? Let’s not pretend they’re living chaste lives right now and want to suddenly be able to copulate because they can finally wed. Most of them are seeking legitimacy for their illicit activities, because if it’s legal, it must be acceptable.

When we ask people what marriage means, I bet we’d get different answers. I am not talking about what a marriage looks like, or what pairings constitute a marriage or to what authority marriage belongs. I ask to what circle of civilization that marriage actually belongs. Is it an ordinance of the church or a ceremony of the magistrate? Is it a commitment or a contract? Why do you even want to get married? What does it mean to be married? Far too many people in my opinion seem to view it as a business partnership or a tax shelter or a legal sexual liaison rather than the foundation of a family.

Quality foundations make for stronger and longer lasting structures. Now that I’m a little older than the students, I know different questions to ask when I meet potential mates, and most people do not value what I value or value what I value for different reasons. Although we use the same words in many cases, we do not mean the same things. Too many confuse lust for love, entering into marriage only because they feel compelled to go through the motions as if they haven’t been using the procreative process as a recreational outlet rather than as a means to create new life. What does it matter who marries if fornication and adultery and sodomy are acceptable and kids are omitted completely from the equation?

In order for the marriage debate to mean anything, we really need to sit down and define what marriage is, what it consists of, what it’s for, and what a successful marriage looks like. Far too many marriages nowadays are filled with hirelings who flee when the wolves threaten the flock, made for convenience’s or appearance’s sake or out of desperation for company rather than a real desire to commit to someone. Yes, people change. That does not entitle you to be selfish. To flee a person because they changed is a selfish and immature attitude. It is no mark of maturity to say, “Be what I want you to be or I will make your life miserable”. I feel bad for the rising generation because they, unlike myself, have very few examples of good marriages and good matches from which to draw reference points because their parents made love, not war, and can’t commit to anything except spontaneity, which they use all too often as an excuse to avoid having to keep their word.

If marriage is about you, you’re on the wrong premise. Love, and all the steps that are antecedent to it, is about someone else. So, if you’re marrying for rights or tax breaks or equality or anything else that’s selfish, you’re in the wrong. Period. You don’t get married for you. If you want to have intercourse, there are plethora opportunities for that without mucking up the lives of people who might like to actually be loved rather than be someone to whom you ‘make love’. Making marriage legal for people who are not interested in making a family isn’t going to legitimate their fornication or sodomy. Legalizing moral wrongs does not make them moral; it makes them legal.

Moreover, I cannot fathom the morbid fascination with activities that are private. Even as they clamour against the government for invasion of privacy, these people parade their preferences before everyone. What you do in your own home is none of my business, and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s. Plus, I’d rather not know. It’s not like you’re all saving yourself for that special someone until you can marry and then finally consummate the marriage. We have nine year old girls giving birth for crying out loud!

Family foundations must be set on good ground. Sexual activity is a poor foundation on which to found a family. Finally, because we mean different things with love and marriage, frequently we find that people who enter the marriage contract have done so assuming that the other signatory meant things the way they did only to discover that they meant something entirely different. This makes the marriage contract a fraud, but rather than fix it, the hirelings flee.

As you think about where you stand, remember that things must be done in the proper order. Marriage to the right person at the right time by the right authority for the right reason is the only way to find happiness in marriage. The rest might as well be an elaborate and elongated Halloween party with a few treats but mostly tricks. It’s not a costume; it’s a commitment, and the sooner you know what marriage means to you and why you seek it, the sooner you can decide where you really stand and what part politicians actually ought to have in this at all. Give the words meaning, and your marriage will have more meaning, if you choose someone who means it the way you do.