The department secretary asked me Monday afternoon if I ever read any fiction. I have not actually been to a theater to see a film since last summer. When I did, I went to escape the heat of the day and the humdrum of reality. You see, we go to the movies because they are distinctly different from our lives; if they were like our daily lives, nobody would pay $15 to see them, even if it was in 3-D. Most of my prized books are books of nonfiction. I enjoy reading them. I learn from them much more than from concocted circumstances that are unlikely to ever actually happen to me.
Many of my acquaintances, however, seem to prefer to live in a fantasy realm. They have this misbegotten notion that Jack Sparrow will fall madly in love with them, whisk them away, and make their lives complete. Saavy? They think they will be the exception to the rule and go out and buy lottery tickets, live beyond their means, and test the limits of human practicality. They are upset because I give them a reality check, because they are less interested in what is likely to happen than they are in what might happen, no matter how slim the chances might be. I have had people cut me out of their lives because of what I believe, which means they rejected me because of who I am, who then require me to accept them for who they really are. They are looking for a character to have as a friend, and then the godless among them criticize me for believing in a Being I have never seen while they swoon over a character that exists only on the pages of a novel.
I am not a Nicholas Sparks novel. I am not going to tell you that I do not respect your thoughts, wishes, and desires. I am not going to tell you that I don’t care whom you love, that I know we’re destined to be together and try to force that eventuality to become a reality.
I am not an Emily Bronte novel. I am not going to tell you that I am hung up on someone else. I am not going to hide my past from you, up in the attic who then burns down my house and costs me my sight. I am not going to hold you back to me out of some kind of codependent selfish love.
I am not a Stephanie Myers novel. I do not think it’s love to spend every waking moment with you, to shed blood for you, or to date you even though I’m 82 years older than you are. I do not think that staring at you constitutes communication with you.
I am not a ____________ novel. I do not think it’s wise for you to opine a man who doesn’t give a flying pinwheel about whether you live or die. I am not out to cause you pain. Contrary to even the belief of my students, I do not get out of bed in the morning thinking of ways to make your life miserable.
I am not a self-help book. I am not here to affirm your worth. I do not seek or need your affirmations to know my own. I learned a long time ago that the most important opinions of my own value are my own and that of my Maker. He and I are on good terms, and I sleep well at night because I live true to my principles even if you don’t like them. Who’s opinions am I supposed to have if not my own? Even if my principles are incorrect, better to live and die by them than by someone else’s.
I am not a novel. I am nonfiction. I know that people like Rihanna think that real and good men are boring, and in part we are. I prefer the term safe. You know what you’re getting. See, the problem with Trivial Pursuits is that once a guy catches you, you’re useful for one of two things: eating, or mounting as a trophy. He will then sit there and expect you to do all the pursuing for the rest of your lives together once he catches you. Then there are the guys who are into Catch and Release. They only want you as long as you are not theirs; they do not care what swag they have; they care what swag they have not yet managed to capture from another. The novel world teaches people to regard one another as objects. I will treat you as agents, even if that means I face losing you. I love nothing so selfishly that I will not let it go for its own good.
Most people are inherently selfish. They get together into relationships that benefit them, and when it no longer meets their needs they move on rather than sticking with it. I was talking with one of our older professors the other day who agreed that most people today are immature and lack follow through. Imagine how bad of a golfer Tiger Woods would be if he never followed through! As soon as it gets tough, people bail and look for something that’s less resistance, forgetting that the grass still needs to be tended. When the going gets tough, they quit. Neal A Maxwell said that “Our whole selfish society tends to travel light, pushing away from anyone who might be an obligation—jettisoning “used” friends, relatives, and even partners. This disposability is one of the final stages of selfishness in which the individual is not willing to risk a commitment of any enduring nature, nor to be depended upon for anything. Those whom sensuality has made into such ciphers must remember in their efforts to erase their loneliness by being surrounded by sensations that in the arithmetic of appetite, anything multiplied by zero still totals zero!” Too many people do not want to be with another person; they do not love them. They love the status, the prestige, the attention, the tax advantages, etc. A friend of mine described a real loving relationship as one in which both partners do everything they can to establish an environment in which their partner can be happy.
Human beings rarely do anything for purely altruistic reasons. Even the best of men see the opportunity to do right as a win-win scenario. I am not here to hawk Covey’s book, but win-win creates a greater synergy and is multiplicative for the participants. Both benefit from it. That being said, even when great men do noble things, they do so to be true to their principles, which either satisfies their soul or supports their state of grace with their Maker. Consequently, the few associations I have are ones where the association is greater than the sum of its parts. I know I have students who don’t like me because their grades are lower than they would like or because I discuss things that are not actually going to be “on the test”. However, my efforts are aimed at an attempt to create greater things from their lives if and when they reach the vocational pursuit they declared when they came to college. You see, life is more than dreams and wishes. It also takes work.
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