Over the thus far short duration of my life, I have seen many of my tastes change. Foods I once enjoyed I cannot stand and vice versa. Things I once considered fun are things for which I no longer make time. I understand that this is natural, as what we value changes with times, fads, and information we convert into wisdom.
One taste that has not changed is my interest in Star Trek. Growing up, it was something we had in common with our dad, who was a fan albeit not a Trekkie. We watched the movies and the reruns as a family, partially to spend time together, partially because it was extra television beyond our normal quota that we were allowed, but also partially because it was something our dad enjoyed. I am probably the most Trekkie of all the children; when I moved to Vegas and started an earnest and dedicated regimen to get back into shape, my parents gave me the three seasons of the original series as birthday and Christmas gifts. While running on the treadmill, I would watch a rerun, because they were 43 minutes or so, which was my target time goal for running. Trek has become part of my life and my free time.
Several things about that world have surprised me. I dated briefly several years ago a young lady who despite her young age liked Trek. As a youth, her family took her to the Star Trek Experience (which is no longer there) down on the Strip. A few years ago, in repayment for some work I did for the fan community, they offered me a ship's commission. I have a plaque hanging on the wall and an artist 3D rendering of my very own Starfleet Vessel, the USS Resolute, of which I "took command" in 2008. A few months ago, I found someone who was willing to make me my own custom uniform, which I received about 10 days ago, and this is the result:
While researching the pose in this picture, I went through old stills from the original series. I discovered something else that surprised me.
When the series started, William Shatner was approximately my age. Back then, he was considered very attractive by many women, and his allure still makes some women who remember those days swoon. However, when I looked at the pictures, I realized that I'm in better shape than Shatner was back then, and yet women today don't think I'm in good enough shape. I guess that reflects a change in their taste.
I know things change. Just because they can doesn't mean that they should. You know, I found it very interesting to discover that I look better than Shatner, which might explain why older women think I'm handsome. I fit their definition even if I don't fit that of my peers. After all, how do you really account for taste?
People like different things, and that's ok. There's nothing necessarily wrong with them. They're just different. The trouble I see is that many young people tack an immature course and ground their relationships (romantic or not) on similar tastes in things that are subject to frequent and sometimes drastic change. When a young lady announced in church that music was an integral part of her life, I rolled my eyes. Her tastes in music will change. When that day comes, I hope that won't make her completely reevaluate her relationship with her eventual husband.
There are several reasons why people forge relationships. According to Aristotle in Nicomachean Ethics, there are three reasons why people engage in relationships with one another. The first and lowest level is friendship for benefit, where one selects to forge friendships with people who are advantageous to him. He surrounds himself with people whose talents, values, or status elevate him, and frequently he will leech off of them at least until they cut off the flow of freebies. The second level is friendship for shared interests, activities, events. Many people call "Friends" the people who fall into these two categories, but if they do not hang out with you at your house ever, they're probably not really your friends. Most of the friends, including many of those suggested by Facebook, that I know share common favorite bands, favorite movies, favorite activities, or belong to the same group, club, church, or other organization. Outside those, frequently they don't discuss or do anything else together. Finally, the deepest and most enduring relationships are friendships forged for shared values. Friendships for the sake of virtue are the ones that really stand the tests of time, changes of taste, and the differences of opinion that inevitably arise. You see, you value similar virtues, and that keeps you together when other things might tear you apart.
Yesterday, I counseled a friend of mine whose boyfriend decided he "just didn't have feelings for her anymore" that it was for the best. Even she recognizes and admitted herself that he lusted after her but did not love her. They had a shallow relationship, based on doing the same things together and liking the same things, rather than really liking each other. He viewed her as a means to an end, and so when his end was no longer satisfied, he opted to look for greener pastures. The best relationships are grounded in shared values, shared principles, because those are things that anchor on your character and not on changing preferences. My true friends are still there because we entered our friendship not based on tastes but rather based upon truths.
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