Brings Me Great Joy

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The day after my paternal grandfather passed away, I paid my paternal grandmother a visit. Despite being over 400 miles from her, since I was headed up at the time anyway, I had planned on a visit before hearing of my grandfather's passing. We talked of many things, well, mostly she did the talking, and during the course of our conversation, she came up with a phrase I really liked.

For many years, I have been thinking about the concept of 'righteous pride' and wrestling with the notion. Years ago, I read this treatise on pride and decided that I wasn't comfortable with the concept that pride could be a virtue. Certain of my friends and relatives have their own opinions, which I grant them because I know they differ on how we define words. For my own part, I took to the word 'pleased' instead as a substitute.

My grandmother gave me an upgrade. In the wake of a new realization for what really matters, she turned to me then, as she has on every subsequent visit, and told me that my life, my choices, and my presence brought her great joy. I liked how she said that. It had an interesting energy about it.

I saw a post from a friend on her blog today and thought about how to respond. As I did, I thought about the commandment that exhorts us to honor our father and our mother. Over the past few evenings, I have been rereading Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics about honor and virtue, and I see how we can, by our choices, bring honor to the name of our forbearers. Aristotle's focus seems to be on doing what we ought rather than what we'd like.

There is a difference between bringing honor and being completely obedient. I know that my grandmother wishes that my father or I had made some choices differently in our lives. However, with the benefit of her experience weighed against our life thus far, she sees things in our choices that brought us to high ground that bring her joy.

Perhaps the greatest irony of my grandfather's passing is that I have somehow managed to, of my own free will and choice, lived his dream. It was only a few years before his death, as he returned to college, determined to graduate with a college degree, that he decided that if he had it to do again he would be a teacher. When I heard that, I had to laugh a bit, as one of my favorite movie exchanges is where Thomas More tells Richard Rich to become a teacher in "A Man For All Seasons". When I was in graduate school, I never thought I'd be a teacher, but I love it, and I think my paternal grandparents respect my choice the most because it's something they value. No matter how much they teased me, I know that they know what makes a good teacher and what strengths I have, and to see me in that capacity, especially if I could have been their teacher, was something that would bring them great joy.

I think the best way to bring joy is to do what you ought. Even if other people are unjust and irresponsible, the nice thing about people who are honest, earnest, and sincere, is that I know exactly how to handle them. With other people who misrepresent themselves, I react to the fake image they give, which means anything I do will be ineffective in general. It means I waste my time, my means, and my effort in catch-22 after catch-22. This way, everyone ends up doing what ought to be done given the truth, and even if things don't turn out happily after happily, at least I can rest easy knowing I did the best I could.

In the end, the best we can do is to repent. Every one of us will make mistakes; the trick is to not let our mistakes make us. As we learn and grow and become better, it will bring honor to our progenitors and bring them great joy.