A friend of mine missed church yesterday due to a rather severe cold, and so I called him up to chat. We ended up talking about a book, James Farrell's The Holy Secret, which deals very simply but very profoundly with the problem in our perception. You see, my friend and I both think that the problems in our world come from the misbegotten notion that we are better than other people.
The simple fact of the matter is that we're all lost sheep who have need of a Savior. Many of my friends are surprised when, after they confess their faults to me, I am uncritical and equally penitent. I tell them that even though my transgressions may seem small to them, they are still marks of open rebellion against the Lord and keep me from Him without the intervention of the Messiah.
That's not how most people think. Each thinks he has "run up a very favorable credit-balance in the Enemy's ledger by allowing himself to be converted, and thinks that he is showing great humility and condescension in going to church (CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters)". Conversion, however is much more than that. It is true and full submission to the will of God.
I sat in my meetings listening to the leadership draw near to the Savior with their lips while their hearts are far from him. Granted, the Bishop was absent in the meeting when the light-mindedness reached its peak, but I am continually dismayed by the fact that some of those who appear to be furthest advanced in the service of the Master and in positions of authority act with light-minded condescension, not only to people who are earnest seekers of truth, but to the principles and precepts taught by Christ during His conversations with men. We do not know what He said, because we do not listen; we cannot hear because we do not look to Him. Why should we read what others wrote about Him when we already know everything?
As I consider their pride, I wonder about my own. I know that Paul wrote to the Hebrews about priesthood authority that "no man taketh this honor unto himself". I spoke with an old friend who is himself a bishop this weekend about what I should do. You see, I have maintained the attitude for a year now that if it mattered to the Lord, He would yell at my bishop who seems to have no interest whatsoever in whether or not I even show up at church. See, nobody talked to me the entire time I was there except with that superfluous inquiry into my well-being Americans use as an inarticulate greeting. Maybe they're so wound up in their own problems that they don't have time to notice anyone else. Then again, maybe I'm dead and don't know it.
It bothers me, especially at Christmas, that they can take things that matter most to me so lightly. While they inflate things of transitory ephemeral value, they speak with thinly veiled disdain for things of eternity. They mock wives, procedures, families, etc., while they excuse sloth, tardiness, and villainy. They call good evil and evil good, and I wonder why they are where they are. I trust God knows what He's doing; I just don't see how He gets us to where He wants us to be from where we are, and I'm frustrated all along the way.
Contrary to popular belief, truth is not relative or subject to change. Contrary to popular belief, it does not make you a better person that you have a lofty title, a bank account awash with cash, or a metabolism that keeps you lithe and fit. As a matter of fact, where much is given much is required. Too many people I meet however act as if they believe they must save themselves. They consider salvation to be a scale in which their good deeds are weighed against their sins, as if you can earn your way in. They only turn to Christ when all other lights go out, after they have done all they can do, when all we really can do is repent. Like the innkeeper, there is no room in their hearts for the Savior of Men. They intend to save themselves. They are better than we are; they have no need of a Savior.
My friend and I talked about what's really required. What's required is repentance. Jesus taught that the only thing that matters is that the sheep returns. He is not interested in how shiny or thick its coat is or any of the outward measurements. Riches and intelligence are relative, and compared to the Christ, none of us are worth anything at all. I have begun to hear Hamlet's solliloquoy differently this weekend as he says "Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing." We live and move and have our being at the express will and beneficience of our Creator. It is not for any prowess we possess that we awake in the morning. For all I know, I die every night and am brought back to life, because there's nobody there to prove otherwise.
You may have noticed that I'm often unsure of my value, but it's mostly because I know my weaknesses rather than an attack on my strengths. Only I among mortals am intimately familiar with my weaknesses and my need for a Savior. I was reading the end of the Epistle of James and found this in chapter 5:16
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Other people are surprised sometimes to hear me talk about how much I need the Savior. They think because they know what I do that I'm perfect somehow. I am a man, subject to the same passions and fits as every other man. Sometimes, I pay them no heed. Sometimes, I pay attention far longer than I should to the whisperings of the adversary. I will be humble, for I know my weakness, and I ask for your prayers, that I may be healed, that I may be a more effective instrument in the hand of my Maker. Your effectual fervent prayers may avail much for me.
At the end of that same epistle, James concludes with these words:
Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.
Like I said, I've done some thinking about conversion, which seems to be a submissiveness to the will of God, and willingness to strive His works to do and trust in His redeeming love. I am not better than you. I need the redemtive power of the atonement just as much as any man on the earth. Every day, I really do die, spiritually speaking, and those of you who encourage me and pray for me help hide a multitude of sins and rescue me from spiritual death. In the end, it is not a tally of good deeds compared to our rebellions; it will depend on Christ. Will you try to save yourself still at that day or invite Him to help you?
1 comment:
You are always in my prayers. Well said, as always!
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