Other People's Fault

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About a mile away from home last night, I saw a police car pull in behind me. I figured they were interested in me, as I had pressed through a light to make it and hit the intersection when the light was red. The pavement was slick, I slid into two previous intersections, and this was the last stoplight. I decided to push forward, didn't see the cop, and ended up having an unexpected chat.

Much to my satisfaction, she opted against giving me a ticket. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to let me go with just a warning. I am the only person I know who would be silly enough to ask a question like that. I was ready to get a ticket, because I had made a choice and this was the opportunity cost of miscalculating my ability to clear the intersection. If she had given me one, I would have taken it, paid it, and then been more careful, because I expect people to obey the laws required of them by civil society.

However, the older I get, the more I realize that very few people feel that way. Like a friend of mine told me, when people find themselves confronted by problems they do not desire to face, their most frequent strategy is avoidance. Rather than face it and face up to it, they project it onto someone else. It's never their fault. It's their parents, their teachers, their government, society, drugs, anything but their responsibility when it has nothing to do with anyone but them.

You see, it's easier to deal with if it isn't about you. As long as it's not personal about someone or about someone to whom they have an emotional attachment, people will agree with me, even if they are guilty of the same thing. As soon as I point out that they also stand among the number who need the lesson, they either ignore me or villify me. They look deep down inside, take some time in introspection, and then blame other people. That doesn't take a lot of courage.

Change takes courage. Perhaps for this reason, it takes a great deal more courage to stand up to your friends than your enemies. With those in whom you have little invested, you have little to lose, but even when you act as a true friend and tell people what they ought to know and do and be, you run the risk of losing a friend. It's easier to lash out at others than to admit our weaknesses, because once we confess them, we face the choice to embrace them or to change, both of which take work and honesty, and so it's easier to blame others.

Last night, I made a choice, and even as I lay down to sleep, I knew that if the LVMPD officer had given me a ticket I would have taken it. I wasn't happy, but I was ready. Nobody else was at fault, and when I saw her pull in behind me, I pulled over to face the music.

Continuing on from yesterday's topic about superiority, this attitude that nothing is our fault comes from the notion that we are better than other people. It's how we justify speeding, because our jobs are more important, cutting in line, because our purchase is much more important, infidelity, because our physical wants are more important, and stealing, because we know far better how to spend other people's money. This attitude reflects leadership. We have leaders in business, religion, and politics who act as if they are better. They take credit for our work and unjustly ascribe blame to other people, particularly those they do not know or do not like.

In the end, we really are all dust. Death is the great equalizer, which lands every man in the same state as every other, no matter what he does during life. It reminds us all that we are not the most powerful force on the planet or in the universe, and that no matter how smart, how rich, or how saavy we are, nobody has escaped its grasp. Nobody except one Man whose birth we celebrate in a few weeks.

I have a new theory on what will actually happen at judgement. I think that at judgment people will finally be faced with truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. When they finally have to acknowledge their real motives, their real feelings, and the truth of their actions, I think that will be hellish for many people. I know many people who have spent years building a life around lies, and when they cannot escape them any more, I think that will be hellish. Our lives are nobody's fault but our own. While we may not be responsible for the actions of others, we do own how we respond.

Like I told my students, I do not really care too much what you believe or do as long as you own it and the consequences. You see, if you are honest about what you believe and do, then I know where to go from here. As long as we lie, any help offered us proves useless or less effective because it's not calculated against the truth of our travails. As long as we lie, Christ cannot help us, lift us, or change us into something better. If you own it, you take responsibility for the consequences rather than making me shoulder them. If you own it, then if it turns out to be an awesome choice, you can honestly find joy in the consequences. Consequences aren't always bleak; they can be wonderful. Until we accept truth, not only will we think other people are at fault but we also empower other people to be beneficiaries of what we do that is good.

Improve when you can. Hold your ground when you get there. Involve Christ from the getgo and let Him seal your faults.