God Remembers Them No More

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One of my close friends thinks he has figured out why some people don't like me. For many years now, I have known that I have some degree of Eidetic Memory. In college, it was a great boon because I could remember to the space on the page where I had read certain material when it came time for tests. In Europe, it was useful, because I was able to learn the language with relative ease. Now, it's kind of a shame because I remember things I would rather forget.

My friend thinks that people don't like me because I remember their representations. When they say things, do things, promise things, I hold them accountable. I do not hold people to my standard, but if you tell me yours or promise to do something, I will remember. I even remembered to prepare an example demonstration for a professor today who forgot he asked. People sometimes do not like to be held accountable for what they do and say, and somehow I can remember everything, even when I would rather move on.

As I thought about this and what to say on this blog, I thought about justice and mercy. I have frequently feared that justice will have me in the end because of the things I intend to do but in which I fall short. My memory makes it more difficult for me to forgive than others, because although the pain may fade, the memory remains. It is not that I hold it against them as such as much as it colors how I interact with them later on. Someone else once wrote, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". I would consider myself unwise to ignore lessons of the past when I see signs in the present that warn of a dim future.

So what of mercy? God requires us to forgive all men, and because of the sacrifice and atonement of Christ, for those who repent, He will remember them no more. I marvel at this prospect. They say that time heals all wounds, but I disagree. I think that at least for me, the mind scabs over them in order to move forward. Some day I hope God will teach me to deal with my memories the way He deals with His memories. Somehow, God is able to regard them as if they never were.

It is a great blessing to forgive. It is probably one of my greatest struggles. I am fairsure God granted me an amazing memory for good purpose in Him; as I learn to master it, I hope I can also learn that particular skill. Perhaps that's why I meet the people I meet- not to learn patience as much as to learn how to master my memory.

I challenge you, for the things you have done in life which could be better to change them. As CS Lewis writes, appeal to God's camp, and you will always find it ready to come to your defense. Let Him heal your heart. I can feel how mine has been and is healed. Christ's atonement isn't just about making bad men good; it also helps good men become better. I promise you that as you change things for the better, you will find peace and lasting joy in this life. Not everything that brings lasting joy makes you immediately happy, but when you too completely move beyond the things you would like to forget, you will be happier too.