People are trained to avoid conflict. Unfortunately, the best way to avoid long-term conflict is sometimes asking what may be a difficult or controversial question. In today's society however access to telecommunication devices has created a new problem in conflict resolution such that we no longer feel the need to do people the service to tell them face to face.
If I do something at which you take offense, tell me. More often than not, we read things into what people do or say based on historical precedent without acknowledging that everyone is different and deserves to be judged for who they are. Also, we usually don't mean things the way you take them. Yet, how many of us think to ask? Tell me what bothers you. Don't just block me on messenger, unfriend me on Facebook, or key my car. Oh, and don't tell me we 'need to talk' and then lecture me. That's not a talk.
This spring, I had two friendships end for various reasons. The first one I discovered through a boyfriend who called to tell me that she had taken offense to what I said. She never spoke to me, and when I saw her a week ago or so, she was friendly to me, so I'm not sure she was offended at all. The second one actually met me in the park, explained why, and had the cajones to face me with it.
Other people I know are not so lucky. It is incredibly tacky to end a friendship or write someone off via text message. We don't have to face them, and so we don't.
I surprised a lot of people in April when, before I began my remarks in church, I stood up and asked people to forgive me and invited them to speak to me afterwards. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't fix it, and I assume that unless it was important for you to broach me directly with it that it isn't really that important. People make time for the things that really matter. If I no longer matter to you, at least tell me to my face.
Face time is always better than Facebook time.
If I do something at which you take offense, tell me. More often than not, we read things into what people do or say based on historical precedent without acknowledging that everyone is different and deserves to be judged for who they are. Also, we usually don't mean things the way you take them. Yet, how many of us think to ask? Tell me what bothers you. Don't just block me on messenger, unfriend me on Facebook, or key my car. Oh, and don't tell me we 'need to talk' and then lecture me. That's not a talk.
This spring, I had two friendships end for various reasons. The first one I discovered through a boyfriend who called to tell me that she had taken offense to what I said. She never spoke to me, and when I saw her a week ago or so, she was friendly to me, so I'm not sure she was offended at all. The second one actually met me in the park, explained why, and had the cajones to face me with it.
Other people I know are not so lucky. It is incredibly tacky to end a friendship or write someone off via text message. We don't have to face them, and so we don't.
I surprised a lot of people in April when, before I began my remarks in church, I stood up and asked people to forgive me and invited them to speak to me afterwards. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't fix it, and I assume that unless it was important for you to broach me directly with it that it isn't really that important. People make time for the things that really matter. If I no longer matter to you, at least tell me to my face.
Face time is always better than Facebook time.
1 comment:
LOVE this. I really really despise people who will not address things face-to-face. That's always better than pretending the issue doesn't exist. Loved the way you put it.
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